SimonSerenade Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Hey guys, sorry for the corny title lol so as maybe some of you know, I've been in a no win situation with my ex, she split from me last month and we had a brief reconciliation until it fell flat on its face, so lately it's been really hard and at times quite debilitating, I've felt emotionally and physically drained. I feel now I'm passed the petty crap phase, I rang her out of desperation, I made a Facebook which I've since deleted, I sent her a message asking for my money back that I spent on a gift shortly before we split, all to get a reaction out of her, thankfully that was all I did before I stopped myself and realised I was doing it out of my feelings being all butt hurt and up in the air. I started thinking back to my break up before her and I started reading my past posts on here and it made me realise some home truths, I spent months trying to accept how it ended with her, I lived in hope that she would come back one day, we had a lot tied to each other, we had a child, we had a house together, we had years of memories, i was losing much than just a girl, i was losing a family, i was losing waking up to my sons face every morning, I had lost the best potential future I could ever have, she strung me along for as long as she could, used me as a piggy bank and a personal favour client, all the while feeding me bread crumbs, saying maybe one day if we're good friends, saying we'll talk about the break up when I'm ready, i hung around for months grasping at short straws knowing in my broken heart a that point that the reality was in front of me, she was gone and it was for good, I was a fool to live in hope. Then I came here, I learned coping methods and I learned how to find myself and I saw what she had done to me and what had become of me, I was a wreck, the first thing I did was cut contact with her, my step dad got on board and said he would take my son from and back to her house over the weekends now, finally I caught a break, after a while I finally accepted that chapter of my life was done, it hurt like hell but the feelings of wanting to contact her faded and I started a new life for myself, I went out more, I treated myself to some luxury, I enjoyed the company of others, she was still on my mind but she was no longer the driving force for my life, I finally saw reality, she was just a person, just like 6 billion others in the world, I had made her what she was in my mind. For the longest time she held my confidence, belief, pride, hopes, dreams and above all of that, she held my heart, my recent ex wasn't much different, she left me in a state of disbelief, so much was unfinished, so many questions unanswered, she ended things over a text, nothing explained, no parting words of emotion, just that, right now she has all of them things in her hands just like fatso did long a go, what held me back for so long wasn't the hope that she would come back, it was the hope that she would finally give me those meaningful parting words to ease my once broken soul, unfortunately that never happened and it's not going to now in this situation either, she's the only one who can give me that peace and because of that, she has the power. Just like I did back then, I have to find that peace within myself and take this at face value for what it is, a crappy situation to be in with no hope of resolution from her side, she did a lot of things that reminded me of my ex, she talked to me crap when I didn't do anything wrong, she flat footed me and left without a care of what she was leaving behind, it feels like she used me for money just before leaving me, everything she did resembled everything ugly and selfish about the world we live in, only now I have no ties to this girl, only the love i have for her in my heart, had I not been here before, this might be a hard hill to climb again but I have, it just took me a while to see it. Being with someone should compliment your life and it shouldn't be the be all and end all of the world around you, these people took something far more than the loss of something good in our lives, they took everything you need to function as a person and if your like, a genuine person who's in tune with emotions and a little on the sensitive side then your right where I am right now, any doubts, any hopes, anything you have for them right now, cast them aside and focus your love on you, put yourself on the pedestal because your a champion through and through for dealing with this. I sent my last message to my ex tonight as that's that, it was short brief and somewhat respectful, basically saying I loved her and I'll miss her but I'm not stupid enough to ever think she would come back and basically apologising for ringing her that night, that's the last she'll ever hear from me, I was going to ask for one last kindness and ask her to delete this horrible guy from her friend list and never give him the time of the day again, through out our relationship he always lied about her and called her horrible names, he caused a ton of havoc, we never bothered with him after that but it seems she's talking to him again and I'm thinking he's probably spreading lies about me to her even now, probably one of the reasons she split with me but I opted out and figured she would take it the wrong way, that's her problem to have now. So yeah, I have no way of contacting her and I don't intend to ever again, that chapter of my life is over, my only sadness is that she couldn't give it a nicer ending than what it got, I'm changing my phone number and I've got the ball rolling on a new house so I'm starting fresh, I had some bad news last week from some tests I had done in hospital but being in and out of hospital for a while at least gives me something to focus on. Anyway thanks for reading guys, I really do appreciate everything the people of ls have done for me these past few years 2
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