AmeliePoulain Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Im writing this on my phone so please bear with me. My ex and I broke up around 1.5 years ago. The premise of the breakup was that while he was an awesome person, he had recently broken up with his ex-fiancee of 9 years, and I dated him when he wasn't healed. I thought he'd come around, but I finally walked away when I knew he couldn't commit more than he had. We dated for over a year. The day I stopped talking to him, I went full No Contact. He reached out a few times over the course of the next 6 months, but I never gave in. It was just to say hi and that he hoped I was doing well. Since then Ive been with my bf of now and we are happily dating for almost a year. A month ago, my ex emailed me and said he was moving and asked if I wanted any of my stuff back, and I told him he could throw them away. It was only a few sentences and that was it (it was the first time I responded to him in 1.5 years). Then last night my friend ran into him at a BBQ and they talked about me for 40min that he was happy to talk about me and she said he looked depressed because he said that he regrets not telling me he loved me, I was the most compatible girl he knows, he has nothing but good and warm feelings about me, asked if I was seeing anyone, said he wished he didn't have his walls up and knew it was too late when i walked away. He said it was the biggest mistake of his life and said he wished I wasn't cold towards him. ( why didn't he just email these feelings instead of just saying hi) my friend told him that she was going to tell me everything, and he said it was fine. He said if she was going to tell me anything to tell me that he wants to say hi to me. He bought a boat and is living on it now. He's going to travel the world and move to Seattle so Ill never see him again nor did I expect to prior to this knowledge. It was a lot of information to process when my friend told me. It was the first time Ive heard anything close to how he felt after our breakup. He said he hasn't dated anyone since me and has been heartbroken. It made me feel good knowing he felt all this because that breakup really bruised me inside (but every breakup does). Even if I had heard this months later, I know I wouldn't give it another chance. It took our breakup for him to realize this so it needed to happen. I told my current bf, but he is not one to pry into my past nor does he get jealous. So Im not sure if I should say hi/bye before he leaves? He said he would like to hear from me, but Im not sure what to do. I did ignore him for over a year without a word. He knows I'm dating someone, and if we said hi it wouldn't be to rekindle anything, but Im not sure how it'd make me feel again?
lop98 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 ( why didn't he just email these feelings instead of just saying hi) He said if she was going to tell me anything to tell me that he wants to say hi to me.Why do some men do this??? it's so frustrating... If I sounded emotionally stable and confident with your decision like you do, I'd email him something short and nice (letting him know you got the message) and send him best wishes for his trip. I think you've reached that point where you've found better and it's not going to happen so it's safe to drop NC and just have a healthy exchange of words.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Why do some men do this??? it's so frustrating... If I sounded emotionally stable and confident with your decision like you do, I'd email him something short and nice (letting him know you got the message) and send him best wishes for his trip. I think you've reached that point where you've found better and it's not going to happen so it's safe to drop NC and just have a healthy exchange of words. I would not touch this one. It could adversely affect your current relationship and no good can come from talking to him. You clearly still have caring feelings towards him, otherwise his presence would not affect you at all. Feelings aren't a bad thing, but dredging things up from the past can be with respect to your current relationship. My advice is to let this one go.
orchids Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm silly sentimental and you sound like you're in a good, stable place to reach out to him now, so I'm all for saying hello. But while you're at it, do remember that he just might misinterpret it.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm silly sentimental and you sound like you're in a good, stable place to reach out to him now, so I'm all for saying hello. But while you're at it, do remember that he just might misinterpret it. Exactly. And ex-boyfriends that seem to be "depressed" and haven't dated since the break-up (uh-huh), the type who talk at length with a "good mutual friend" who is sure to pass it on, are the type to cause havoc. Steer clear and let that ship sail. If OP was ok a month ago with NC, she will be fine a month from now too 1
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