NGC1300 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) I find it impossible to write these things without coming across psycho. Here's my latest attempt, what do you think? Hi, Noticed you like the country. So do I but I live in the city right now. Would you like to meet for a drink sometime? I prefer coffee myself, but alcohol is fine too. Edited June 11, 2013 by NGC1300
CarrieT Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 No. A first message should NEVER include an invitation to meet. That happens happen there has been some established conversation first. You don't ask strangers out for a beverage. 1
Author NGC1300 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Are you a guy? why, does my message come across feminine? Sorry for all the typos; I'm stoned.
Author NGC1300 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 No. A first message should NEVER include an invitation to meet. That happens happen there has been some established conversation first. You don't ask strangers out for a beverage. First of all she wrote almost nothing in her porfile. Seriously like two sentences. How do you go off that?
shexy Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 No, it doesn't come across feminine :-) I ask because as a woman, if that's the first message I received, I would definitely want to exchange at least a few pleasantries first before committing to an actual face to face meeting. That's a little fast for me. Maybe just ask her a couple of questions about herself first? Then ask if she'd like to meet.
Estate Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I find it impossible to write these things without coming across psycho. Here's my latest attempt, what do you think? Don't ask her out right away, it's too soon.... you've not given her any reason to want to meet you yet... you need 3-4 messages to at least convey your personality. Also, can you come up with something more interesting or entertaining about her than saying "I like the country too"... it's just too boring, what can she reply with to start a good conversation? You need something that's baiting a reply, something she's likely to be interested in or hasn't been said by the last 100 guys who messaged her. When you DO ask her out... You sound like you are trying to cover all bases... do you like coffee or alcohol? Being wishy washy and trying to be like "Oh, lets do this, but maybe that... also maybe something else if that doesn't suit you, I'm willing to do anything really if you just accept my date.." It's just not attractive. Do YOU actually prefer coffee or alcohol? For me personally, I've met a lot of girls in the past here in the U.S. who don't drink at all. I'm someone who loves a night out or a bottle of wine over a nice dinner... if someone does not drink at all, we end up clashing, they tend to be the stay at home type... I use it as a filter.. I suggest a drink at a bar and if she's not into it, we might not be a god fit anyway. If I was more of a "day time guy", I'd ask her for a coffee.... If I liked juggling, I'd ask her to do that... make it yours. But lastly... is this a "general" message or is this for one specific girl? In which case, if it's just a specific girl, I'd be careful overthinking this, will she even repsond? Who knows.
Author NGC1300 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Don't ask her out right away, it's too soon.... you've not given her any reason to want to meet you yet... you need 3-4 messages to at least convey your personality. Also, can you come up with something more interesting or entertaining about her than saying "I like the country too"... it's just too boring, what can she reply with to start a good conversation? You need something that's baiting a reply, something she's likely to be interested in or hasn't been said by the last 100 guys who messaged her. When you DO ask her out... You sound like you are trying to cover all bases... do you like coffee or alcohol? Being wishy washy and trying to be like "Oh, lets do this, but maybe that... also maybe something else if that doesn't suit you, I'm willing to do anything really if you just accept my date.." It's just not attractive. Do YOU actually prefer coffee or alcohol? For me personally, I've met a lot of girls in the past here in the U.S. who don't drink at all. I'm someone who loves a night out or a bottle of wine over a nice dinner... if someone does not drink at all, we end up clashing, they tend to be the stay at home type... I use it as a filter.. I suggest a drink at a bar and if she's not into it, we might not be a god fit anyway. If I was more of a "day time guy", I'd ask her for a coffee.... If I liked juggling, I'd ask her to do that... make it yours. But lastly... is this a "general" message or is this for one specific girl? In which case, if it's just a specific girl, I'd be careful overthinking this, will she even repsond? Who knows. You know what I just want to die.
Estate Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Typical real life response receiving some useful advice: "Thanks mate, appreciate the help! I'm going to take your suggestions on board and see if I can improve on what I had before." LS response to receiving some useful advice: You know what I just want to die. 2
happykat Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 When I was doing OLD I would only respond to people that wrote to me in a more personable, human manner. I normally would ignore messages where I couldn't gauge the author's personality because the message was so bland. Just write exactly how you'd talk (but watch the misspellings, I would reject for that!).. I suggest that if their profile doesn't say much that you can use, then go for the flattery.. This has worked on me, lol - something like "Wow! you are beautiful - you have such a warm smile!" .. or "You are stunning! your eyes just sparkle" .. Something that makes them feel good, but not in a creepy way.. Hey, or maybe something like "I wish you would write more about yourself in your profile, because your smile is so lovely and warm- I am curious to know a bit more about you." hey, that's kinda good!
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 how about....." .................... "yep i am hopeless too..... pick something from the profile that you have in common besides geography.......a passion or an interest... i normally say look i am pretty rusty havent dated in ages .....wanna plait my cobwebs.....i am kidding i dont write that...i do tell them i am not good at writing first messages and then i ramble about soemthing really crazy and they reply...normally laughing....most of the time they have messaged me first....if they gush on how i look...it makes me feel uncomfortable i am less likely to reply....three words are enough...i like your eyes gets a reply.....deb
CryForNoOne Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I find it impossible to write these things without coming across psycho. Here's my latest attempt, what do you think? Bland and wishy washy at the same time. I'll reiterate what others have said. Never ask out until you've exchanged a few messages. Never straddle all options - be assertive! Say something that tells her something unique about you, thought provoking and invites her to reply. How about something like: I'm in the city now and really miss seeing stars at night. What do you like/miss most about the country? 1
SJC2008 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Bland and wishy washy at the same time. I'll reiterate what others have said. Never ask out until you've exchanged a few messages. Never straddle all options - be assertive! Say something that tells her something unique about you, thought provoking and invites her to reply. How about something like: I'm in the city now and really miss seeing stars at night. What do you like/miss most about the country? Yes! Less is more with first OLD messages. Contrary to what the female posters here may say about well thought, personalized messages; I have gotten WAY more responses with one liners. An example would be if she had a tractor in one of her pics: "Hey, that looks like my tractor that just got stolen!". And that's it, don't introduce yourself, ask any questions or say anythings else. As silly as it sounds, messages like that got me the most responses and dates. 1
CryForNoOne Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Yes! Less is more with first OLD messages. Contrary to what the female posters here may say about well thought, personalized messages; I have gotten WAY more responses with one liners. An example would be if she had a tractor in one of her pics: "Hey, that looks like my tractor that just got stolen!". And that's it, don't introduce yourself, ask any questions or say anythings else. As silly as it sounds, messages like that got me the most responses and dates. Totally agree. Not to toot my own horn but I documented in detail a few months ago how I scored a ton of online dates with witty one liners that were relevant to their profile. All I did was scan, not read their profile, to find something I could comment on. Because it was a numbers game, out of necessity I stopped really caring what they wrote until I actually got a dialog going with them. The irony is, all that BS on their profile was exactly that - BS. Within minutes of meeting in real life, I learned so much more about them than any amount of time online. How great their profile was had virtually zero corellation to how much chemistry we had IRL. Fast forward to the present and my GF that I met online had the lamest profile of all the girls I met. I told her that and she said "I know! I was intentionally generic because I kinda thought the whole OLD profile thing is lame." I couldn't agree with her more. 99% of the profiles are like infomercials or fluff marketing brochure ads. All they do is tell you how great everything is when it can't possibly all be true..
sillyanswer Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Here's my latest attempt, what do you think? Since you asked for a critique... here goes. I'm assuming you're a man writing to a woman, so sorry if I got that wrong. Hi,"Hi" is unnecessary unless you're using her name and perhaps introducing your name here. Noticed you like the country. So do I but I live in the city right now. I'm assuming that this is in response to someone who says they like the country in their profile? In that case you are demonstrating that you have read the profile which is generally good. Try to write in sentences ("I noticed that you..."). What do you like about the country? It's rather vague and almost generic. Your message will be too short without something else here to either qualify your interest in the country or ask more about her interest in the country. (especially when you read ahead concerning your final paragraph.) Would you like to meet for a drink sometime? I prefer coffee myself, but alcohol is fine too. I think a first message is too soon to ask about meeting. Perhaps it works for some people but I think it would be better left until the next message or the one after. So, take this out... but then your message is too short. Do ask something that's a question for her to respond to - it just makes it easier for her to reply. Perhaps something about her fondness for the country? It should relate to her profile in some way, at least, otherwise it might come across as being too generic or like something that you might cut-and-paste to every woman on the site.
sillyanswer Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 First of all she wrote almost nothing in her porfile. Seriously like two sentences. How do you go off that? Ahh. So you want to date her just based on her great photos, and you're happy to date someone who can't string together more than two sentences in a profile and who is clearly expecting to attract someone based on looks alone? Fair enough, but when I get to those profiles if I can't figure out what to write in the first message then I think ahead to the first date where we'll have even less to talk about because she's given no hints about any of her interests... and often that puts me off. If I was still set on writing to her, maybe I'd talk about her photos (but without gushing about how hot she is). What's in the photos? Could you ask a question about one of those?
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