thembones Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I am 30 w/ no kids. I dated a girl from work, 23 w/ twins. We dated for about 4 months, then she told me she didn't think we should see each other anymore, because we were looking for different things. I am looking for something more serious and she is not. She broke up with me about a month ago and we have had some contact, some not to good, but others great. Anyways, we finally hung out, as friends. She came over and we basically did the same things we always did, minus the cuddling... Well, she got tired and asked to stay and I said okay. She got really close to me in bed, like she wanted me to kiss her, so I did. We kissed (a lot) and messed around for awhile, but no sex (she was on that time of the month). We then slept like we used to and I even kissed her goodbye in the morning. I asked her what she wanted out of me and she said she did not know. She is coming over again tomorrow and she said she wants to have sex and stay the night. I know this is a bad idea and she probably does not want to get back together. I don't know if I can really have the sexual relationship without the attachment to an ex. We can't hang out like we used to, have sex, sleep, but not be in a relationship - right? That is not fair to anyone. I guess I am looking for maybe some advice and experiences that may help. Thanks.
lavenderlove Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 It's a tough one. You don't know if she wants more and that is why she came back or she wants to be FWB. She probably doesn't either. You have only bean together for a few months, so for some people it is hard to make commitment so soon. If you really like her, give it some time, see how things progress, you might naturally end up in a relationship with each other. But as soon as it becomes obvious that she doesn't want that....don't give a third chance.
totallylost5040 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Easy. If you want to find out. Ask her out on a date and don't have sex with her. If she says yes to the date, don't sleep with her right away. Take it slow, work things up and just bliss bomb the crap out of her. Make her emotions come to life again for you. If you guys keep going out on dates. Then you'll have a better idea of what you should do. Rather than just booty calls.
Author thembones Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for the advice. We hung out last night and had the best sex we had ever had. She was very passionate and told me she missed having sex with me, among other nice things. So, that went well I guess. She stayed the night, as planned. After we finished, I asked her if she wanted me to kiss her a couple nights back, when she got real close to me in bed. She said, "I didn't NOT want you to." That is kind of her personality way of saying yes. As for the FWB, I proposed that and eventually she wanted it too. But, we are basically acting the same as we were when we were together... She SEEMS like she wants more, but she already told me she was not looking for a relationship. We are not together, but we are more than friends w/ benefits I'd say. I want it again, but don't know if I can act the same as we did, but not be in a relationship.
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 I would stop. Unless she's willing to work on it. It's obvious u want to be a in a relationship and she doesn't. What happens when she meets someone else ya know? Your feelings are gunna get hurt again. It's just not cool. I'd say ask her out in a date and take it slow from there. As cool a it sounds for a guy. You are getting used for sex.
Pisces13 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for the advice. We hung out last night and had the best sex we had ever had. She was very passionate and told me she missed having sex with me, among other nice things. So, that went well I guess. She stayed the night, as planned. After we finished, I asked her if she wanted me to kiss her a couple nights back, when she got real close to me in bed. She said, "I didn't NOT want you to." That is kind of her personality way of saying yes. As for the FWB, I proposed that and eventually she wanted it too. But, we are basically acting the same as we were when we were together... She SEEMS like she wants more, but she already told me she was not looking for a relationship. We are not together, but we are more than friends w/ benefits I'd say. I want it again, but don't know if I can act the same as we did, but not be in a relationship. You need to ask yourself the question, are you really happy to just be FWB? If you can keep your emotions in check, play it cool and just have genuine fun with her, you never know what might eventuate down the track, but she has stated she isn't looking for a relationship right now, so don't pressure her. At the same time, don't let her walk all over you.
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