Update on my situation

[frostythesnowman]

Thought I would start a new thread because I stopped getting feedback on my old one. You can read about my situation and see the history in any of my previous posts/threads. But here is an update on my situation. As you can see, I am having a lot of trouble letting go, no matter how careless she may have been for me for so long.

 

Basically, she kept texting me and stuff so I had a talk with a friend and my friend said to just go ahead and tell my ex that I need space and to move on and I can't do that when she texts me every few days. After thinking this over, I agreed. Part of what had been making it so hard was the fact that she texted me pretty frequently. This always led me to believe that she wanted more.

 

So, I took my friend's advice and contacted my ex and asked her to get ice cream so that we could talk about things. We made small talk while eating and then when I started talking about how we feel about each other, she asked that we just talk in my car. I explained to her that if she wants me in her life, it can't just be as friends and it has to be more. I said that if she is just going to continue to hang out with her other ex boyfriend this whole summer, and if she is just going to have me on the side to talk to, I won't have anything to do with her and that it needs to end.

 

She started to get really emotional and was crying at the thought of not having me in her life anymore. She even said things like "but I need you". I was really surprised and didn't think she actually cared that much. She said that she loves me and that she cares about me more than anything. She also said that she is so attracted to me and whenever she is around me she feels like she is going to give in. I questioned this and asked if this is the case, why do you continue to keep me on the side as a friend and not go after me? She basically responded to this by saying that it can't be like that because she has been with the other guy for so long and that "people would be mad if she just turned around and started hanging out with me". Honestly, that is somewhat understandable, but in the bigger picture, I feel like she should just be able to be with me if that is truly what she wants... She explained to me that she was hanging out with her other ex boyfriend this summer to "figure out how she feels" and that she wasn't completely "with" him. To me this just means that she is going to be with him all summer, even if she doesn't admit it.

 

She was almost begging me to keep her in my life even as a friend. I just kept explaining that I can't only have her as a friend, and I need to move on if we can't have anything more. Eventually, she said that what I want is more important than what she wants and she'll do anything for me to be happy. So in the end it was agreed on that we were done with talking and everything (so that we were both on the same terms). She said that she will always love me and that no one can understand how she feels about me.

 

The point of this was to get her on the same basis as me. My thoughts were if I am going to move on, I can't have her texting me every few days. I was surprised that she actually cared that much for me, even if she had told me before. I understand that she can't have anything with me because she can't do a full 180 and start hanging out with me right after her other ex boyfriend, but is this the only reason? If someone cares about someone more than anything and is extremely attracted to them, isn't that a formula for wanting to be with someone?

 

After my talk with her, I was really sad for the next few days. The thought of no longer talking to her made me sad as I haven't gone 3 weeks without talking to her for 6 years. For a couple days after that I thought about her a lot, but I was starting to feel a little better. I know that if I am really going to move on I have to do everything in my power so that I don't see her this summer.

 

However, since then, I have slowly started thinking about her more and more and at this point I feel like I am going to explode. Every time I fall asleep I dream about her, and no matter where I am I have some kind of memory with her. I can't stop thinking about how she is feeling at the moment. Is she missing me right now too? Or is she just doing whatever she wants with her other ex boyfriend? I guess one of my biggest thoughts is what if she ends things with her other ex boyfriend and I could have the possibility of hanging out with her like I want, but since we aren't talking I won't even know?

 

These are just the thoughts going on in my head. It isn't about having self respect for myself, and you could say that I don't have any, and hell you could be right, but I can't help how I feel and I can't help what I think about. I work 40+ hours a week, am taking summer classes, go to the gym 4 times a week. I am plenty busy so that is not the problem.

 

Recently, I hung out and hooked up with another girl. I was hoping that this would maybe help me a little, but it didn't. I found myself thinking about my ex, especially when I was hooking up with this girl. This worries me because it has always been like that, and the girl I was hanging out with is considered really pretty and a lot of guys go for her (just implying that I shouldn't have been thinking about my ex the whole time).

 

Anyways, thanks for reading this if you read it all the way through. I need somewhere to write out my thoughts, and any feedback/advice would be appreciated. I know I sound like a ridiculous boy who has been pushed around by this girl for far too long, but some things aren't exactly how they seem. Again, I can't help how I feel.

[Lay]

i was in your same boat with the NC thing. trust me, she will realize and start to miss you when she realizes you are gone for good. let her know that you are the one that got away. and by keeping up NC you will show her that you have self respect and that maybe it was you she is supposed to be with. good luck. but REALLY TRY to move on, it's going to be hard (been there) but when you have moved on, it will bother that person, and then you can decide if you still want to be with this girl. who knows, you might find someone while in this stage of NC and realize how much better this new girl is compared to her. let's face it, she is treating you as second best. make HER second best by NC her.

 

i did this and my ex thought that i had completely moved on. he realized all of his mistakes and the ball is now in my court. i'm still in this process and it took me approximately 6 weeks to get over him. i wish you the best

[frostythesnowman]

i was in your same boat with the NC thing. trust me, she will realize and start to miss you when she realizes you are gone for good. let her know that you are the one that got away. and by keeping up NC you will show her that you have self respect and that maybe it was you she is supposed to be with. good luck. but REALLY TRY to move on, it's going to be hard (been there) but when you have moved on, it will bother that person, and then you can decide if you still want to be with this girl. who knows, you might find someone while in this stage of NC and realize how much better this new girl is compared to her. let's face it, she is treating you as second best. make HER second best by NC her.

 

i did this and my ex thought that i had completely moved on. he realized all of his mistakes and the ball is now in my court. i'm still in this process and it took me approximately 6 weeks to get over him. i wish you the best

 

6 weeks to get over him? That is awesome, good job. Sounds like I need to follow in your steps. I agree that going NC and truly moving on may bring back some feelings on her end- however, I need to remind myself that this is not the reason for me to go NC. Honestly, I think all I need is to find another girl who can prove me wrong and show me that there are other girls out there for me. Something as simple as this will really help me, and I hope it happens soon

[frostythesnowman]

Another update:

 

About an hour ago, she broke our "agreement" and texted me telling me one of her pets died. I contemplated not responding because doing so could only set me back, but I didn't want to ignore her when her pet just died. We texted for a really short time, and I basically just said I was sorry and that it'll be alright. She said "thanks you for being there for me still" and then that was the end of the conversation.

 

My question is, why the hell did she have to text me about this when she could have just texted her other guy. Sure she maybe wanted someone to talk to about it, but it didn't HAVE to be me. If she had truly needed to talk to me, I know the conversation would have gone on much longer. However, it was only a few texts back and forth in a short period of time. This leaves me thinking she just wanted to see if I would respond, and makes me regret being a good person and responding to someone about a dead pet which they had had for years.

 

I don't know, just my thoughts

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, she's just throwing you breadcrumbs. The whole speech she gave was to keep you as a friend. She wants you as a buddy but has no interest in you as a lover. Unless you are OK with a platonic friendship you need to stop talking to her. Basically she tugs your leash to make sure you are still there and by responding, you proved you were.

 

if you are cool with being her friend, then be her friend. If not, stop talking to her.

[frostythesnowman]

Dude, she's just throwing you breadcrumbs. The whole speech she gave was to keep you as a friend. She wants you as a buddy but has no interest in you as a lover. Unless you are OK with a platonic friendship you need to stop talking to her. Basically she tugs your leash to make sure you are still there and by responding, you proved you were.

 

if you are cool with being her friend, then be her friend. If not, stop talking to her.

 

I am not alright with just being her friend, and she even knows that. However in that case I felt like I had to respond. It truly wasn't because it was her texting me, but because someone obviously needed someone to talk to about something. Again, I wish she had just texted her other guy and just let me have my space. If now she thinks its alright to just text me again, I will prove her wrong- I owe that to myself.

[Simon Phoenix]

I am not alright with just being her friend, and she even knows that. However in that case I felt like I had to respond. It truly wasn't because it was her texting me, but because someone obviously needed someone to talk to about something. Again, I wish she had just texted her other guy and just let me have my space. If now she thinks its alright to just text me again, I will prove her wrong- I owe that to myself.

 

It's a pet dying. It's not the end of the world. She likes having you as a friend and those type of texts will continue until you stop indulging them. She doesn't text the other guy because she wants you as the emotional crutch/tampon and she wants him as the guy she can have sex with.

[frostythesnowman]

It's a pet dying. It's not the end of the world. She likes having you as a friend and those type of texts will continue until you stop indulging them. She doesn't text the other guy because she wants you as the emotional crutch/tampon and she wants him as the guy she can have sex with.

 

Yeah its not the end of the world but if someone texts me something like that I am going to respond. Maybe I shouldn't have responded to this one because its pretty obvious she just wanted to see if i would, but for the next one she is not going to get a response. Still, I believe that she is gonna leave me alone. I made it clear to her that I don't want to be friends with her.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah its not the end of the world but if someone texts me something like that I am going to respond. Maybe I shouldn't have responded to this one because its pretty obvious she just wanted to see if i would, but for the next one she is not going to get a response. Still, I believe that she is gonna leave me alone. I made it clear to her that I don't want to be friends with her.

 

I guarantee she will text you in the near future wanting to talk about something that's bothering her.

[frostythesnowman]

I guarantee she will text you in the near future wanting to talk about something that's bothering her.

 

Well, I'm not going to respond. Like I said, its something I owe to myself