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Stupid things that a WS will say to a BS

drifter777

By drifter777
in Infidelity

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waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

Posted
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"I wanted to tell you..." WTF???

"You two get on really well"...and?

 

I am sure he was hoping we could get some sort of sister wives set up :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
Sadwife37 Established Member

Sadwife37

Posted
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"I don't know who that is or how that email got there" - My very quick husband's response when I came across an email in his deleted items folder from a woman I didn't know. The subject line was "miss you XOXO" Good cover up indeed!

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CantgetoveritNY Established Member

CantgetoveritNY

Posted
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My WW said, "His penis was so small that I (she) thought, this can't be such a big deal to you (me)." She said it would not be that great for her so it would be unlikely I'd find out. She could keep a secret that was so inconsequential to her. But a small penis can still get you pregnant. That's how I found out.

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
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You should all read up on how the brain works, as it would explain a lot of things in this thread. The WS is actually being quite truthful in most cases when they say they don't know why they've cheated. Most people don't know why they do most things. They assume and rationalize, but can't really trace the origination of a thought.

 

All things start out in the subconcsious mind, which does all the thinking, and then feeds the ideas to your conscious. Then your conscious makes decisions on what to do with these impulses, ideas, emotions, etc... The kicker is that the subconscious part of your brain can override your conscious.

 

I know this because I have lower latent inhibition, so stimuli floods my brain like a river, and most people have a babbling brook. To keep from going insane, I had to limit that information so I can concentrate. Uses a tremendous amount of will power. As a side affect, I'm hyper aware of every emotion, impulse, and thought. For most people, they are damming up a river, so these things flow in a corrupt your conscious constantly.

 

Back to my origninal point. The differenence between a cheater and non-cheater comes down to the negative association with actions. The non-cheater feels bad right away, even for flirting. To them, they can't understand how others do it. However, the subconscious will start to alter perceptions of things like cheating, when hormones and brain chemistry alter. When this happens, the subconscious snuffs out the anti-cheating philosophy, and starts feeding your conscious nothing but impulses to act on. Basically, the little angel on your shoulder ceases to exist in that moment. They actually have no clue why they cheat, because it's not rational thoughts driving their actions, just impulse pushed by instinct.

 

Then there are the cheaters that want to. These people just simply didn't have monogamy become a determining part of sexuality in their subconscious.

 

People with strong wills as we call it, don't actually have strong wills necessarily. Instead, they keep feeding their subconscious constantly with fears and negative thoughts about cheating, which makes it tremendously harder to override them. A natural consequence to this though, is often sexual dysfunction.

  • Like 3
Confused48 Established Member

Confused48

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Oh, yes, the emails and text. WS said, Don't worry it is not what you think. AP is just over the top that way. It doesn't mean I'm doing anything improper with the AP. Its just talk. We are really just close platonic friends.

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Spotme Established Member

Spotme

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"Well, maybe it's hard to be the person being taken care of."

- said during the affair in response to a comment I made about it being hard to be the one who always has to take care of everything and everyone after he had made a passive-aggressive criticism of some failure of mine to do something or other. I was getting fed up with his disconnection and complete abandonment of any and all responsibilities and a growing attitude on his part that I somehow owed it it him to do everything.

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Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

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"I never meant to hurt you," which in hindsight, is almost ludicrous because NOTHING has hurt me more.

 

So, I have concluded that "I never meant to hurt you" is affairspeak for, 'we thought we were too clever to get caught.':cool:

  • Like 12
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
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"I never meant to hurt you," which in hindsight, is almost ludicrous because NOTHING has hurt me more.

 

So, I have concluded that "I never meant to hurt you" is affairspeak for, 'we thought we were too clever to get caught.':cool:

 

Can you explain this logic?

waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

Posted
Posted
Can you explain this logic?

 

Please, let me try. As anyone with an emotional intelligence would realise that being unfaithful to their spouse will hurt them a huge amount, the fact that they persisted in doing so inspite of 'not meaning to hurt' them, suggests they they never thought the spouse would find out. There can be no other explanation.

 

H said that too. He found it hard to beleive it hurt me so much :rolleyes: His whole argument appeared to be that it wasn't ABOUT me, it wasn't because I wasn't good enough, or that he didn't love me, but that he also happened to love her too. So how COULD I be hurt.....

  • Like 4
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
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Can you explain this logic?

 

There is no logic. There is no sense-making of it. In my sitch, it resembled 17, addicted to cocaine, and it some way, I had fallen through the rabbit hole to be casted as the Evil Queen of Hearts during his affair.

 

The brain chemistry is very similiar.

  • Like 1
Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
Posted
"I never meant to hurt you," which in hindsight, is almost ludicrous because NOTHING has hurt me more.

 

So, I have concluded that "I never meant to hurt you" is affairspeak for, 'we thought we were too clever to get caught.':cool:

 

 

"I never meant to hurt you"

 

Translation- I never meant for you to find out.

  • Like 7
Confused48 Established Member

Confused48

Posted
Posted
"I never meant to hurt you," which in hindsight, is almost ludicrous because NOTHING has hurt me more.

 

How about the opposite... from my WS: I did it in part b/c I wanted to hurt you. You were so mean to me I wanted to punish you.

 

Really?! Then why did you lie about it and cover it up when I started to figure it out?! Why did you continue lie about it when I presented irrefutable evidence?!

  • Like 2
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
Please, let me try. As anyone with an emotional intelligence would realise that being unfaithful to their spouse will hurt them a huge amount, the fact that they persisted in doing so inspite of 'not meaning to hurt' them, suggests they they never thought the spouse would find out. There can be no other explanation.

 

H said that too. He found it hard to beleive it hurt me so much :rolleyes: His whole argument appeared to be that it wasn't ABOUT me, it wasn't because I wasn't good enough, or that he didn't love me, but that he also happened to love her too. So how COULD I be hurt.....

 

It doesn't suggest the spouse wouldn't find out, it suggests they didn't do it to hurt their spouse. It means it was collateral damage. Wanting to prevent collateral damages by concealing their action supports what they're saying.

 

I would say, " I didn't mean to hurt you," would equate to," I knowingly risked hurting you, but did it anyways thinking I wouldn't get caught", is more accurate. The other way implies malicious intent rather than carelessness.

  • Like 2
Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
Posted
It doesn't suggest the spouse wouldn't find out, it suggests they didn't do it to hurt their spouse. It means it was collateral damage. Wanting to prevent collateral damages by concealing their action supports what they're saying.

 

I would say, " I didn't mean to hurt you," would equate to," I knowingly risked hurting you, but did it anyways thinking I wouldn't get caught", is more accurate. The other way implies malicious intent rather than carelessness.

 

 

This made me laugh.:D

  • Like 2
waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

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Yeah, collateral damage. F@cking brilliant!:mad:

  • Like 3
Jonah Established Member

Jonah

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After a few years went by... After we could finally talk about it freely, I finally got this: "I was just out whoring around"

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drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

Posted
  • Author
Posted
After a few years went by... After we could finally talk about it freely, I finally got this: "I was just out whoring around"

 

So you finally got the honest truth. Congratulations!

2sure Established Member

2sure

Posted
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"The text messaging with her was about hockey"

 

100s a week for a month. I printed out his cell phone record and mailed it to her bf.

 

"why would you do that?" my husband asked.

 

" I couldnt think of any reason not to. "

  • Like 8
Ninja'sHusband Established Member

Ninja'sHusband

Posted
Posted (edited)

"You'll never know how much it hurt me to sleep with a man I didn't love"

REALLY?? Then....why did you do it? I'm really sorry for the pain that must have caused you Ninja...must have been terrible :rolleyes:

"I don't just sleep with anyone"

Our first MC session after D-Day start with her explaining how they developed feelings for each other(but they weren't in love btw..according to them). She wanted me to know she wasn't a slut that would sleep with just anyone. Man that was a relief, made me feel so much better. :rolleyes:

 

"I'm literally being the strongest woman in the world right now."

I laughed in her face at this one. Just thinking of what happens to unfaithful women in some other parts of the world... It would have been even funnier if I had known how many lies she was still clinging onto..I found proof later. Yeah you were real strong...smirk....while running from the truth.

"I can't even shave my legs!"

She thought I would be suspicious she was trying to attract other men by shaving her legs. My mind was blown when I finally drug that explanation out of her. She woke up super pissed that morning and I had NO idea why. I still have no idea where she got that idea.

 

"KILL ME, KILL ME, KILL MEEEEeeee!"

This was just after she confessed she didn't know who the father was.

 

"If I had been single it would have been different"

Meaning she wouldn't have slept with a married man. She wanted to blame the whole thing on me. How the hell is it my fault that she chose to invade someone else's marriage? It's ridiculous enough to say I'm responsible for her cheating...but for me to be responsible for her being an OW as well as a WW? Hahaha, the logic in that completely escapes me. Poor boundaries are poor boundaries. She knew full well what his situation was.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!'

As I tried to talk to the OM to get separate stories from both of them. Like I was doing something evil. I was calm, perfectly civil, and here was my cheating wife screaming at me for trying to calmly figure out the truth.

 

"I don't remember"

when asked about direction to a hotel that I had found in her car. Later she confessed this was a place she went to with the OM.

"I only slept with him once"

She said this to me to my face after she had just agreed that we needed honesty in the relationship for things to get better. I had found proof it was a 4 month affair several hours earlier. I asked her again when the first time she slept with OM was. Smart answer Ninja.... not...

 

"Things could go all topsy turvy this year."

Said to her OM on FB during the affair. She was talking about our marriage being at risk because she was going back to school and not having as much time. Never mind the affair...of course that wouldn't cause any problems or anything like that...

 

 

Ok that's enough ^^

Edited by Ninja'sHusband
  • Like 6
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted

I still cannot understand this one in response to why he told her he loved her.

 

"They were only words, don't always believe in what you hear"

 

Okay buddy :rolleyes:

 

Now I don't believe a word he tells me in fear of it having no meaning.:mad:

  • Like 4
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted

How about this?

 

I NEVER stopped loving you.

 

If you say that again, you will have to leave for good, because ANYONE who TRULY LOVED ME would never have been able to do to me what you did.

 

Get it? say you hated me, the marriage, or yourself and your life and BLAMED me for it all...but DON'T EVER say you loved me during your affair.

 

It insults my intelligence, even if it NOW serves to make you feel better to think that.

  • Like 7
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted
It doesn't suggest the spouse wouldn't find out, it suggests they didn't do it to hurt their spouse. It means it was collateral damage. Wanting to prevent collateral damages by concealing their action supports what they're saying.

 

I would say, " I didn't mean to hurt you," would equate to," I knowingly risked hurting you, but did it anyways thinking I wouldn't get caught", is more accurate. The other way implies malicious intent rather than carelessness.

 

 

I see your point and it is a valid representation of the thought process of someone engaging in an affair.

 

But it is a lie the WS tells themselves to assuage their guilt and feel more noble as they proceed down the affair path.

 

Similar to a drug addict, no? I lied to Dad, stole grandmas' jewelry and met my dealer when I was suppose to be at my brother's graduation so I could get my fix and get that high.

 

might not be malicious in their mind, but the destruction to their relationships is the same.....

 

So does intent truly matter? I think not.

  • Like 3
sweet_pea Established Member

sweet_pea

Posted
Posted
How about this?

 

I NEVER stopped loving you.

 

If you say that again, you will have to leave for good, because ANYONE who TRULY LOVED ME would never have been able to do to me what you did.

 

Get it? say you hated me, the marriage, or yourself and your life and BLAMED me for it all...but DON'T EVER say you loved me during your affair.

 

It insults my intelligence, even if it NOW serves to make you feel better to think that.

 

This! How is it that you never stopped loving me...but....well, you did exactly the thing that showed that you didn't love me/care for me... by, ya know, having an affair :rolleyes: Lawd, these lines are something else! :p

  • Like 5
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted
This! How is it that you never stopped loving me...but....well, you did exactly the thing that showed that you didn't love me/care for me... by, ya know, having an affair :rolleyes: Lawd, these lines are something else! :p

 

With LOVERS like that, who needs enemies??????......Jeez!

 

And what kills me is he still insanely jealous of an old college Bf of mine....remembers this guy drove down on Tuesday nights (really??????) to have sex! WTH???????

 

He would never survive me doing to him what HE did to me! NEVER!

  • Like 1
Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
Posted

"I never stopped loving you"

 

Translation- I just put it on pause as I was out at the ego buffet, and you know I never liked buffets and eventually I'd want a home cooked meal.....wait....I've lost my train of thought.....why are my clothes on the lawn?

  • Like 9
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