drifter777 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I read a few of these on another website and it was surprisingly cathartic to see what some WS's actually said to their BS. The crap they can come up with is amazing. Here's one my wife says all the time: “Oh, I honestly don’t remember that, you have a much better memory about my affair than I do.” Her refusal to clarify facts from back then drives me nuts. I mean, how can you forget details about having sex with another man? She doesn't understand that this is the lie that hurts the most. The thought that she thinks she's "protecting" me is such an insult. She won't believe that coming clean with all the details is the only way to show me she is completely sorry and really is willing to do anything to make it up to me. 10
2sunny Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Women don't forget - heck, men don't forget either. Selective remembering is designed to hurt you and protect HER. Without her honesty - there's no foundation for the M - she's just a cheating liar, still. 4
2sure Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 " I wasn't on Craigslist looking for dates, I wanted a work out friend" 4
underwater2010 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I was just a kiss. I didn't cheat because we didn't have intercourse. It just happened. She pursued me. He pursued me. They didn't mean anything to me. My penis fell into her vagina/My vagina fell unto his penis. You didn't show me enough attention, never mind you where working extra hours to make ends meet. And my all time favorite.....We are just friends that sext/chat almost every night. Ignore the fact that we/they made plans to met up. 3
sweet_pea Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 "It was an accident." Yes, you read that right. 6
Steen719 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I was just a kiss. I didn't cheat because we didn't have intercourse. It just happened. She pursued me. You are mad at me, but she was the one who wanted this as much as I do. She got off scot free He pursued me. They didn't mean anything to me. My penis fell into her vagina/My vagina fell unto his penis. You didn't show me enough attention, never mind you where working extra hours to make ends meet. OMG....exactly! And my all time favorite.....We are just friends that sext/chat almost every night. Ignore the fact that we/they made plans to met up. "I'm just talking to her about her husband's illness (he is/or was a nurse) . When I asked why she didn't talk to his Dr., he said she wanted to ask a couple more questions. Later he told me that he was talking to her about her sister's illness - too stupid to keep it straight. "I have been unhappy for years and years" So when I asked why he let me take care of him and go into unbelievable debt when he didn't love me and was unhappy, he said it had only been a couple of years..or maybe one year. I quit listening. "I've lost the spark" Yes, I told him, it was easy for me to have that spark while I was caring for you....hmmm "You are making something out of nothing" Yeah, we see how that worked out. So much pain when the truth could have eliminated time and effort I spent trying to understand what the hell was going on. What is so freaking hard about telling the truth? 3
Confused48 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I would never do that bc s/he is not my type. S/he is just dreaming if s/he thinks I would ever consider being intimate. 3
2sure Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 " I could never do that to you again, I hate myself for what I've done." He was on his way to meet someone from craigslist, two years after our reconciliation. I had triggered and asked him if was going out of town to cheat. 3
Furious Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "She told me I was handsome and she wasn't wearing underwear." 5
2sure Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "She told me I was handsome and she wasn't wearing underwear." Well, geez, what can you do. 2
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm sorry folks....I know how devastatingly painful this all is....to see your loved one kidnapped by wood nymphs and replaced temporarily by pod people...but I can't stop laughing. Thank you for that! Actually, they ALL sound like 17 year old cocaine addicts, which is EXACTLY the biochemistry affairs and sex addiction can recreate, by the way.... I think I heard it all....from "it was a dark and stormy night and we went out of town on business, got drunk, and it just happened..." So why did you spend 40 minutes earlier in the day trying to book a room? before the storm and the drink? "WHAT? Friends can't attend my father's funeral???" Well not if you been doing them 4 times a week for over a year. Uhm, no. She called me up two weeks after the dark and stormy night and asked me to help her with her child and it just got out of hand. Oh, so if you had told me, we BOTH could have helped this child? (Yes, he and I have helped many children in town.) But it sounded so noble, I guess he thought it could work.... I want to add, if they can't remember, they really cannot remember, because see above: 17-year old on crack cocaine brain chemistry. it was hot, immediate, ego-validating.....and maybe NONE TOO SPECIAL, and after the high faded....NONE TOO MEMORABLE. He kept repeating the same four things about her personal life.....as IF it were only important as a means to an end. he could remember MOST of what she said that validated him, but what HE did not know about her was breathtakingly lacking. Love, schmove. Don't torture yourselves. 2
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 " I have no idea where that phone came from" PS: so on this weekend you spent two days at this hotel and visited this restaurant when I thought you were out of town on business? I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm talking to blank (his personal assistant). He MUST be stealing my credit card number and using it for himself! AHAHAHAHA! 3
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Arrrrrgh! In MC, I said, based on everything I read, sleuthed, and intercepted, IT SURE SOUNDED like he was in love with her so I set him free to be with her. MC: Were you in love with her? Mr. Spark: Oh no. MC: So WHY would Spark think that? Mr Spark: Oh she has known me a long time so she just thought that. MC scratches his head. WTF???????? 4
96nole Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "It was just kissing. It's not like it was breaking the sanctity of marriage. It's not like it was intercourse." "If we had a connection, you would just have known I was crying in the bedroom" (a comment she said to some of my friends) "I'm not going to apologize. I've been apologizing for 5 years." ( I really don't know what she means by that or for what she was apologizing for 5 years.) "I only want what's best for me." "Why didn't you ask me if there was anything else you could do to make my life easier?" 3
96nole Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "She told me I was handsome and she wasn't wearing underwear." That makes me laugh every time. 2
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "It was just kissing. It's not like it was breaking the sanctity of marriage. It's not like it was intercourse." "If we had a connection, you would just have known I was crying in the bedroom" (a comment she said to some of my friends) "I'm not going to apologize. I've been apologizing for 5 years." ( I really don't know what she means by that or for what she was apologizing for 5 years.) "I only want what's best for me." "Why didn't you ask me if there was anything else you could do to make my life easier?" See You were a bad DADDY. If that last line is NOT a projection of FOO issues projected onto an unsuspecting spouse, I do NOT know what is!!!!! Sorry 96, you walked into a childhood dynamic that will continue to repeat itself over and over and over again. 3
Shocked Suzie Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Mine said...its a shame cause you'd really like her 6
96nole Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 See You were a bad DADDY. If that last line is NOT a projection of FOO issues projected onto an unsuspecting spouse, I do NOT know what is!!!!! Sorry 96, you walked into a childhood dynamic that will continue to repeat itself over and over and over again. Yep, there is definitely some FOO going on. And a whole lot of narcissism as well. Darn near textbook. I hope it does repeat itself. At least once more. And if it doesn't, I don't care, I'm just glad I am gone from that beoch forever. 3
Betrayed&Stayed Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "It's not like we had an affair for a year" (like that makes me feel better) "I wasn't sleeping around with lots of men" (while discussing the definition of "slut") "It wasn't about the sex" (then why did you have sex?) "I remember that I just wanted to have fun" "He had a small penis" "The sex was not good" (1 - Why should I believe you, 2 - I don't feel any better) And my one of my favorites "I never connected with your parents" (That's a green light for adultery?) 6
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Mine said...its a shame cause you'd really like her I really tried to like her. I thought, jeez....she must be something like me, so I embraced his halo presentation ONLY because I thought she may be in my children's future IF he decided to have a future with her. I DID not want my kid's hurt more than the divorce would hurt them. Gloves off. When she broke NC more than 2 years after DDay to see if he was interested in re-initiating the affair, after all this talk about following his heart, you love HER, GO to her, blah, blah, blah....Gloves OFF....with his full approval. bat shyte, certifiable crazy when confronted gently. OF all the woman on the planet you could have left me for, as your oldest friend, I say thank God you didnotleavemefor THAT woman. Didn't you see it? Why didn't you see it? Him: I knew something was f'd up. I just thought it was ALL me because I was pretty f'd up at that time. 3
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 "It's not like we had an affair for a year" (like that makes me feel better) "I wasn't sleeping around with lots of men" (while discussing the definition of "slut") "It wasn't about the sex" (then why did you have sex?) "I remember that I just wanted to have fun" "He had a small penis" "The sex was not good" (1 - Why should I believe you, 2 - I don't feel any better) And my one of my favorites "I never connected with your parents" (That's a green light for adultery?) See? it was your parents fault! What are WE? seventeen? 3
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Mine said...its a shame cause you'd really like her I hoped so....I really did....BUT when I learned who she really was, NOT his rosé-colored affair version of her.....Uhm...no. Never happening. made me question everything about him, her, the affair, reality, etc. it was how I wound up at LS.... 1
Betrayed&Stayed Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 See? it was your parents fault! What are WE? seventeen? Of course she never met his (OM) parents. If in-laws are a major factor, then we're all cheating. These are things she said early on post D-day. Initially all of her "reasons" were external. Only later did she realize that the reasons for her affair were internal (i.e. her issues). 1
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