How I really feel

[Dundas]

A.,

I still can't believe what you did to me. It's been two months and I'm doing pretty well but sometimes the pain comes back all at once, like right now. I didn't come to you, I wasn't looking to fall in love. I switched schools and on the very first day you were chasing me. You got me. I fell in love quick, I fell in love hard. You became my best friend. You are my best friend. I love you so much it hurts. 2 years in high school together, and we were everything that the other couples were not. We saw Paris together.

I trusted you with my entire soul, never once did you give me a reason to doubt you. I loved everything about you. I still do, no matter how much you hurt me. We did everything together. We were so close.

You strung me along. You knew I loved you, and you knew you'd hurt me. Everyone else saw it. So many people said you were out of my league. Nearly 2 years together in highschool. Then 1 more year after graduation... and you started seeing your younger brother's high-school friend behind my back. You introduced me to your brother's friends, including B. I started hanging out with them... I was getting out of my bubble, we were making my new friends... until the day I came over and you told me you needed a break, it's not you it's me, I don't want to lose you, I don't want to hurt you!, laying close to me nearly crying.... then nothing... you went cold.

And you left me for B. A kid, a highschooler... 3 years younger than you. I hope you're happy, I hope he gives you whatever I didn't.

But it hurts that you lied to me - you made me believe I was your first. I wasn't your first, W. was your first. But you were my first. I'll always love you. You told me you wish you'd never been with me, you told me you didn't care.

I still have to see you at work every week - for only a couple minutes. It was hard at first, but now I'm keeping my cool. I hardly look in your face when I discuss work, I only text you dealing with work - and you don't care. You bring me down. You treat me like crap. You make me feel like I never even mattered.

I wish you could see how hurt I really am. You know I am, too. It makes you feel good, doesn't it? You were my best friend. I lost my best friend. I lost my first love and I feel like I'm cheating when I flirt with other girls. I doubt you feel guilty when you're sleeping with him, though. I really do. I don't think you do care, I think you're selfish. You make me sick. You chased after me, you got me, you got bored, you strung me along and you left. For him. And you won't even give me the satisfaction of a simple 'sorry.'

Because you don't care. But I do. I will always care. You can have me back anytime you want and you know it. That's why I have to stay strong and not let you have me. I can't do this anymore, I just hope that one day you'll look back and realize what a great guy I am and how you really did screw up. I was too clingy... that has changed. I care less. But I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I can't be everything for you... but you can't accept me. I can accept you though.

I need to move on. You don't deserve my love anymore. You don't deserve anything from me. I love you.

[Dundas]

One moment I'm nearly over it, then the next, I feel like this. ^ it sucks.