Saying I Love You While At Work??

[iris219]

I wouldn't take a personal phone call at work with my colleagues around. I would use my cell phone and walk away from them. That's just courteous, imo.

[spiderowl]

I work in an open-plan office and I wouldn't be saying such personal things on the phone to my partner (not that I've got one). There is a time and place. Offices are for work, home is for personal life.

[QforLove]

No problem with love at all. But showing consideration for the professional work environment is also good. You are at work to work.

 

Consideration, sure. But the idea that ILUs interfere with anything or anyone in the workplace seems to fall into the realm of unreasonably and overly considerate.

 

And BTW, I'm not sure what kind of environment you work in, but where I am, people get breaks and lunches. The idea of "being at work to work" seems like you're being unfair to yourself.

 

It's not about worrying what others may be thinking of you. Who said it was (apart from those who do not agree that it is unprofessional)

 

You said: "It is also professional not to embarrass colleagues who may not want to hear someone next to them doing lots of ILYs on the phone." This seems to speak to that. Embarrassing? I can't figure out how there would be a connection between what someone else is doing in their personal life and someone else feeling ebarassed. Again, unreasonably and overly considerate.

 

Or it could be said that someone who needs to hear the ILYs is the one lacking in love and is in need of validation by others.

 

This could be true. But let me ask you this. If it's between an issue the person you love is having, needing some validation, or the coworker feeling embarrassed, who is the person that would choose the coworker 's issue over the love??

 

Are you suggesting that my husband doesn't love me? Or that tbf's husband does not love her?

 

Heck no. Just throwing things out there for discussion

 

Saying ILY is a big nothing to you? Oh dear, that's not so good. I know when I say "I love you" to my husband and when he says it to me it means a great deal more than nothing.

 

Fair enough. Next time you say a huge "I love you" to him and he doesn't say it back... hopefully you don't suddenly feel an inbalance in the scales. Eeek.

[HokeyReligions]

We always say I love you when we end a convo. I don't care who hears. Family first. People always talk about wishing they had said ILY more often or "the last things we said were...." and I wish I had said I love you... so we took that advice. We always kiss goodnight and we always say I love you when we talk.

 

If I worked someplace that told me I couldn't I would be out the door.

[veggirl]

I don't like saying ily in front of coworkers. I'm a private person and I like to keep some things to myself. I don't know, it makes me feel uncomfortable and unprofessional. My bf knows I love him, we don't need to say it in every conversation. He hears it plenty of other times, work just doesn't seem the best time for me

[veggirl]

Now, if only my cat could work a phone. She would get an "I LOOOOOOVE YOU kitten cat baby". Idk.

[AMusing]

I guess I'm just a little bit different. I firmly believe that the only thing that matters in life is love. And we all owe it to each other to love as much as we can. Worrying about what someone else in your business environment thinks isn't living your life. It's you living your life for other people who really don't matter in the grander scheme of things. And and I think anyone who feels weird hearing someone say I love you to another person has much bigger issues... dare I say stemming from a lack of love in their own life, perhaps? Ouch, but let's put it out there.

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say. And if you can't say it, it ain't really so!

 

We've been dating six months. We may have spoken a few times during office hours and usually for good reason. Saying a quick ILU at the end of a call seems like a big nothing. I guess it's not for some!

 

 

OP, are you aware how condescending you sound when you respond to anyone whose opinion differs from yours? Some of us prefer to stay professional at work; for many of us, that means keeping our love lives out of the office, and saving declarations of love for after hours. I don't say "I love you" as a way of saying "goodbye." When I say it, I say it with passion & meaning, and I don't feel comfortable being that passionate in front of my officemate.

 

There is nothing "wrong" with people who choose not to say such intimate words in a work environment. It certainly doesn't mean we love our significant others any less than you love your boyfriend (of 6 months ). To even imply otherwise is rude & inflammatory.

 

I am guessing your boyfriend didn't want to say "I love you" at work? If so, perhaps he would feel more loved and accepted if you let him choose when he wanted to say he loved you, rather than insisting he say it when you want to hear it.

[QforLove]

If I worked someplace that told me I couldn't I would be out the door.

 

Exactly. But in the free'ish world, if someone couldn't say those words, we'd here about it on the news. Point me to a company handbook where ILUs would be discouraged. I've never worked for one.

 

I don't like saying ily in front of coworkers. I'm a private person and I like to keep some things to myself. I don't know, it makes me feel uncomfortable and unprofessional. My bf knows I love him, we don't need to say it in every conversation. He hears it plenty of other times, work just doesn't seem the best time for me

 

To be truthful, I'm pretty private, too. I just don't consider ILUs to be covered by "privacy" concerns.

 

Now, if only my cat could work a phone. She would get an "I LOOOOOOVE YOU kitten cat baby". Idk.

 

And you would deserve hearing it every single second, methinks. Purrrrrrr!

[QforLove]

OP, are you aware how condescending you sound when you respond to anyone whose opinion differs from yours? Some of us prefer to stay professional at work; for many of us, that means keeping our love lives out of the office, and saving declarations of love for after hours. I don't say "I love you" as a way of saying "goodbye." When I say it, I say it with passion & meaning, and I don't feel comfortable being that passionate in front of my officemate.

 

There is nothing "wrong" with people who choose not to say such intimate words in a work environment. It certainly doesn't mean we love our significant others any less than you love your boyfriend (of 6 months ). To even imply otherwise is rude & inflammatory.

 

I am guessing your boyfriend didn't want to say "I love you" at work? If so, perhaps he would feel more loved and accepted if you let him choose when he wanted to say he loved you, rather than insisting he say it when you want to hear it.

 

You bring up a good point. I'm sure I sound like that, too. I have no argument there. Mostly it's just misplaced sarcasm, which never goes over well! However, you say "are you aware how condescending you sound when you respond to anyone whose opinion differs from yours?" And I think most would agree that's not true. I think if you actually read the full thread you can see that I have given most that disagree general, non-condescending questions to further the discussion.

 

I actually posted on behalf of my other who wanted to know how other people felt. And I was able to confirm that other people felt the same. There is thanks in this for everyone. There are no rights and wrongs. There is just what is right for you and right for someone else. That much I get.

 

However, in a place for serious discussion, discussions that could have repercussions, it's nice to have people say more than "I feel this way or that." And my original post didn't really ask for that. My bad. But you want to get to the root of the issue and asking people for clarification is important. Saying something is unprofessional, for example, which could mean many things, needs clarification.

 

Listen, I don't mean to suggest that anyone's opinions are any less valid than my own. If I've done that, I am sorry. I just want to try and get to the root of arguments. I want to find something that would change my opinion on the subject. I want to be changed. There's a relationship in the balance and that's worth me taking a few hits for.

[KatZee]

And I don't understand why this is such big deal to you and why you need to put a derisory "haha" in your post. But there you go. I was just answering the OP's question and basically stating that not saying ILY is not neccessarily a problem.

 

Where did I act like this was such a big deal to me? I find it funny that people think this is some huge deal, hence the "haha." Not sure what was so confusing about my response to another person.

[Star Gazer]

Or it shows tons of professionalism. It's all a matter of opinion.

 

Agreed. I have a subordinate who ends every phone call with her husband with, "I love you" in a very sweet voice. It annoys the sh*t out of me, probably because everyone in the cubicles surrounding hers can hear her... and I can even hear her from my office.

 

I think it's unprofessional because you're soooo obviously conducting a personal call on work time.

[johan]

I try to keep my personal life out of the office. Or at least out of the ears of coworkers. I would say it back in their presence if she said it first, but I prefer not to be in that situation. They will lose a bit of respect for me if I don't keep personal and business separate. She and I and they would all lose a lot more respect for me if I allowed business to cause me to disregard her feelings.

[QforLove]

I think it's unprofessional because you're soooo obviously conducting a personal call on work time.

 

Work time is the time you get paid for, though, isn't it? Isn't "break time" your own to do what you want with?

[johan]

Work time is the time you get paid for, though, isn't it? Isn't "break time" your own to do what you want with?

 

If you're in the office, you should try to keep things professional, no matter what time it is.

[QforLove]

If you're in the office, you should try to keep things professional, no matter what time it is.

 

Perfect! Professional.

 

What is that, exactly?? Professional is covered where I work by our (rather lengthy) employee handbook. I am still not sure where this would be considered unprofessional by anything there. Help!

[Star Gazer]

Work time is the time you get paid for, though, isn't it? Isn't "break time" your own to do what you want with?

 

You think anything goes in the workplace when you're on a break?

[QforLove]

You think anything goes in the workplace when you're on a break?

 

Well, just about. But I don't think "I love you" qualifies as just about "anything."

 

It's a commonplace, loving phrase. Why would this be inappropriate?

[Eggplant]

All my male coworkers say "I love you" on the phone with their wives. While I think personal matters should be left out of the office, this ILY seems completely harmless.

[johan]

Perfect! Professional.

 

What is that, exactly?? Professional is covered where I work by our (rather lengthy) employee handbook. I am still not sure where this would be considered unprofessional by anything there. Help!

 

You'll probably get a better answer than you'll get from me if you Google "unprofessional behavior" and "professional behavior." It's probably not spelled out in your handbook, because you're expected to already already know. Generally I'd say when you're at the office, spend your time working, build productive team relationships, and keep your private life private and your hobbies and other business interests at home. You'll see people breaking these rules often and they still keep their jobs. That doesn't mean it's ok, it just means they are eroding their career path and future with the company. You can do that, too, if you want to.

[QforLove]

All my male coworkers say "I love you" on the phone with their wives. While I think personal matters should be left out of the office, this ILY seems completely harmless.

 

Cheers to that.

 

You'll probably get a better answer than you'll get from me if you Google "unprofessional behavior" and "professional behavior." It's probably not spelled out in your handbook, because you're expected to already already know. Generally I'd say when you're at the office, spend your time working, build productive team relationships, and keep your private life private and your hobbies and other business interests at home. You'll see people breaking these rules often and they still keep their jobs. That doesn't mean it's ok, it just means they are eroding their career path and future with the company. You can do that, too, if you want to.

 

Thank you! Johan, this I can dicuss. I Googled it and looked at first page responses. Thankfully, none of them included stock article repositories. Of those on the first page that showed up for me, none meantioned anything about personal phone calls.

 

But it did come up with a definition for unprofessional behavious: Unprofessional behavior Synonyms, Unprofessional behavior Antonyms | Thesaurus.com

 

ILUs do not appear to be covered there. Again, I ask... help!

[Star Gazer]

ILUs do not appear to be covered there. Again, I ask... help!

 

Of course, specific words and phrases are not going to be mentioned in articles and handbooks.

 

Try Googling "talking about your love life at work" or "conducting personal business at work" or something similar.

[johan]

 

ILUs do not appear to be covered there. Again, I ask... help!

 

Well, I'd say it's a safe bet that some of your coworkers feel like some do here, and they don't like being a part of your intimate moments. Others don't care. You've gotten a good spectrum of answers here on both sides of the fence. Ultimately it's just going to have to be your judgment call.

[anne1707]

You bring up a good point. I'm sure I sound like that, too. I have no argument there. Mostly it's just misplaced sarcasm, which never goes over well! However, you say "are you aware how condescending you sound when you respond to anyone whose opinion differs from yours?" And I think most would agree that's not true. I think if you actually read the full thread you can see that I have given most that disagree general, non-condescending questions to further the discussion.

 

I guess I am not in the "most" group then. When I initially responded to your thread, it was because I thought maybe you were concerned that the person you are seeing does not say ILY back so I wanted to reassure you that it did not mean there was a problem.

 

Since then you have continued to express confusion and almost bewilderment at how it could be considered unprofessional to such a level where it implies that those who consider it as unprofessional are uptight. You have also implied that my H does not love me, that if he does not say ILY back to me then it is going to be a huge deal, that we are living our lives for others, that we must have issues, etc.

 

I came here wanting to help, not be treated like this.

 

You think you are being sarcastic. I have another very different opinion. Your behaviour in this post actually demonstrates to me how you could find it difficult to be professional in the workplace and show consideration for your colleagues. You have been rude, insulting and have consistently refused to accept any other viewpoint.