Magnusstil Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Hi folks, Sorry if this post runs a bit long, or if it doesn't exactly belong in this topic, as it isn't as deep-rooted a problem as some of the other posts. But anyway, My ex-girlfriend and I have been talking again recently and spending a lot of time together. I've made it clear that we aren't back in a relationship since there are many issues I still haven't gotten over, including her emotional infidelity during the relationship (which was fulfilled soon after the relationship ended). I've had a hard time getting over these things, and trusting her. But she claims to have recognized her mistakes, and nowadays I've found myself wanting to focus on being a better person, friend, American citizen, etc, as opposed to getting wrapped up in the drama of relationships. In the meantime I would see where things went with my ex. Well, it seems I've already compromised some of that sought-after integrity. The other night, after a long session of heavy drinking, I entered a friend's vehicle en route to a house party. In the backseat was a cute girl who I know is in a long term relationship (what a dangerous place to be for a young man seeking purity of the mind)... I thought nothing of it, all of us being acquaintances (she knows I'm somewhat involved with someone, in fact my ex and she are friends), but during the ride I caught her staring at me. The staring was a bit of harmless drunken flirtiness I suppose, until she grabbed my hand and hid it between us. I was really confused but did not pull away. I will admit I did reciprocate some of her intimate hand squeezes. She got close and began to nuzzle me a bit but we did not kiss. Things escalated to a bit of borderline (non-erogenous) groping but right at that point I stopped and faced the window. I felt sick with the situation and also with how drunk I was. On the verge of throwing up. At the house I pulled her aside to clear up what happened. She explained that she really liked me and enjoyed my company but she is still with her boyfriend who she very much loves and did not want to hurt her relationship. I agreed, but we stood there drunk in awkward silence, dangerously close to making a stupid mistake. Thankfully, my friend appeared and pulled me away. He explained this is nothing new with her and that I didn't do anything wrong. I was tempted to talk to her again to clear things up some more but I decided it was best to just leave, especially in my state of mind. I felt horrible and have since. When I woke up the next morning I was simultaneously horrified but relieved that nothing else happened. So my moral query: I feel bad in terms of my ex, even though we aren't official, because she IS emotionally invested in me. But worse yet, I feel I've wronged the girls boyfriend (who I don't really know) because I have been on the flip side of emotional infidelity and its the absolute worst. I've chosen not to talk to anyone about it because I don't want things to spread and possibly damage a long standing relationship. I feel like if anything more happened I would be obligated to say something. But just little enough happened, especially with the added ingredient of alcohol, that I would hope this is a case of a close-call lesson learned. I'm going to chill with the drinking and stay away from those situations and maybe the girl can stop flirting - pardon the pun - with disaster. Is this the wrong way to go about it? Any advice?
Author Magnusstil Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I'm sure this will sound like small fries compared to other posts. I'm realizing how silly and inconsequential it might seem but things like this really do bother me...
Quiet Storm Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) It's good that you feel accountable for your actions. In my experience, cheating is usually related to character issues or immaturity. (immaturity isn't reserved for the young). You are empathetic & introspective, so I think your character is fine. You made a mistake. Learn from it. Don't drink so much. You did stop yourself before it went too far. Forgive yourself but don't let it happen again. You may want to consider ending the relationship with the GF. It sounds like the trust in your relationship is broken. Trust is very important. Relationships are like houses...they need good foundations. Your GF may have changed for the better, but if you aren't over it, you will end up with more drama & pain. Edited June 10, 2013 by Quiet Storm
HopingAgain Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Thank you for posting this, and reminding me that some men can and do want to do the right thing!
Recommended Posts