Dubler Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 As this is in the 2 chances section I wannakeep this post positive. Now this does not mean I’m deluded or have my head inthe clouds but I wanna avoid all the ‘give it up’ and ‘go into nc’ etc. I knownot everyone will get back together but if I feel like someone is the one Iwanna try rather than just throw in the towel. PMA please My ex of around 1 year split up with me around 1 month agociting compatibility issues. Now not to be delusional but this just doesn’tmake sense. We were apparently compatible for a year and there was no majorchange in our relationship. She was happy. She invited me over for dinner thenight before where we looked at holidays for a few months time. Her smile, herkisses were all genuine and we lay about on the sofa kissing and cuddling andshe fell asleep in my arms. In the morning she txt me at 5 am when she woke upto say what a great night she’d had and was looking forward to seeing me againthe next day. Yet by the end of that same day she had finished it over thephone saying we weren’t right for each other. Why build me up just to knock medown. Now I’m no newbie and I’ve had relationships finish in the past. You knowwhen they’re coming to an end. The calls, the affection, the sex all taper off.In this case they didn’t. I know there is no one else involved so she isn’tplaying away. She’s not the best communicator however so I feel like there wassome underlying issue in our relationship that she didn’t really want to talkabout. She says she wants to remain friends. We were never friends however andwere lovers/going out from the off. I’ve had a long think over our relationship and while therewere certainly no real problems and definitely no major problems like cheatingand arguing I can definitely see areas where I could’ve done better/put in moreeffort; spontaneity, romanticism etc. I feel as though maybe I got lazy withher and stopped making her feel special I feel like I can see where everything went wrong and I wantto call her for a casual chat and hopefully draw these issues into theconversation if everything is going well. She wouldn’t meet me before which atfirst made me feel that she was just being a bitch but now in hindsight I feellike she knew I would talk her around Can anyone give advise/guidance as how to go about this? Pleaseno negative comments saying don’t bother. This is something I need to do for myown peace of mind so would appreciate positive encouragement….even if I’msetting myself up for a negative response.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Why start a thread if you are just going to automatically ignore or dismiss advice? This forum isn't for people to tell you what you want to hear -- it's for them to tell you what you need to hear. First of all, whether her reason makes sense to you is irrelevant. It's not her job to give you a reason you approve of. It might be a fake reason, it might be a reason that makes sense to her, it doesn't really matter. That being said, she was probably preparing this breakup in her head for a while before executing it. How she acted the night before doesn't really matter. What matters is she pulled the plug. My advice is not to make this play right now. It's way too soon. A month isn't long enough for accurate healing and reflection and it's not long enough for whatever changes that might need to be made by both parties to actually take shape. But you are going to call anyway since you are already pulling the "tell me what i want to hear or piss off" posting technique. Since you will call foolishly, whatever you do, do not bring up the relationship. Your communication will already be stressful, you bringing up the relationship will just turn badly. if you have to talk to her now (which you really shouldn't because it comes off as clingy, needy, crappy), be fun and catch up as a friend. Don't be the ex-boyfriend, be the fun guy. Be the guy she was initially attracted to. The moment you bring things into heavy relationship-discussion town is the moment you'll have nuked yourself. But i'm sure you'll ignore this.
youngnlove89 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Gosh, people are so opposed to sympathy on here, it's saddening. The poor guy had his heart broken. He is confused. He is hurt, betrayed. This is normal to be in denial. We want support, not claws down our back. Deep down inside I'm sure he knows the inevitable, but we cling to hope because right now that is our lifeline. You have every right to question your relationship and it's demise. Why would someone claim their feelings so clearly to you by their actions, and then break up with you the same day? It's confusing. It's rude. Unfortunately, you will find out later during the healing process that the answers you seek will never satisfy the immense accountability you feel to fulfill that void. The cruel and heartbreaking truth is for now it is over. And it rarely happens that breakups will prevail. I don't want to give you false hope. But I want to give you compassion and support. We can conclude all day and night that our relationship was right and there was nothing wrong. But at the end of the day it boils down to lack of feelings. Sure, you never argued or cheated, that's great. But if the feelings aren't there, that is enough reason in itself to not continue on. Right now, I would suggest NC. For yourself, not for her. To give yourself time to think and examine. Give it awhile for the storm to calm before you attempt to reach out and fix what's broken. By contacting her right now isn't giving either of you a chance to think about the situation clearly.
aisuru Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I understand your confusion, yet don't believe you'll find the answers you're seeking. My ex and I were discussing future kids names a week before we split. Sometimes, life just happens and it sucks balls. 1
totallylost5040 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 With that said. Make the call but don't expect anything just yet. Be patient. Call but keep it short and sweet. Don't make a long call out of it. By acting depressed she's not going to want to talk to you. My ex contacted me after 2 weeks! But I just waited a day or two contact her back. Gave her a short brief response and that was it. If you want to be bak in her life again. Be slow and steady. Remember who you were before. Take time to reflect on what you will say. Awkward silence is a death sentence so to speak because it'll bring back memories.
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