He is not replying anymore

[forgetmenot75]

Hi, I'd never guessed he could do this to me. This is a guy who I've been having a relationship for the last 6 months.

We texted Saturday night, we agreed to meet today, yet he told me he had to see if he was available, and never confirmed. I went to sleep.

Yesterday I texted him that I was assuming we weren't meeting today, and that I saw him online in a dating site, that I was very sad and angry.

 

No reply.

 

This morning I texted him again: "This is the first time ever you don't text me back. Your actions, more than your words, represent what you really are. I don't know how you can be happy being like this. Good luck with your life"

 

That was 6 hours ago. no reply

 

I proceed to block him (I can't block him on my iphone though). I'm very sad, I always knew he was a player, and a liar, but be always was there for me, and he never cancelled our meetings. I'm feeling awful, I don't know how to feel better now...

[KatZee]

I feel like you kind of went off on the "crazy" side a little bit and that's why he's not responding.

 

I'm gathering you two are not in a real relationship, correct? Secondly, he said maybe you guys could get together today, but he had to see if he was available. To me, those are NOT concrete plans, and since he never followed up, yes, you are correct. You guys are not getting together.

 

At that point you should have just left it alone. You shouldn't have sent a passive aggressive text, "I'm assuming we're not meeting."

 

And you most certainly should not have followed up with: "This is the first time ever you don't text me back. Your actions, more than your words, represent what you really are. I don't know how you can be happy being like this. Good luck with your life"

 

So he didn't write back. You should have shrugged and gone on with your day. Not flat out attack him, his character, and who he "really" is. And then you toss in the guilt trip about him being happy about not responding to you after 6 hours? And then to just be like "Good luck in life" ??

 

Drama, drama, drama. You have no clue what this guy was doing and why he didn't write back.

 

And on the other side of that, if you KNEW he was a player, and a liar, why did you even involve yourself with him to begin with? That says more about you than it does about him.

[forgetmenot75]

Ugh, I'm feeling really bad right now

 

Truth is, I was tired of him evading me. Last week we had a dinner date. He never confirmed, so I texted him the same day that I was happy to see him in a couple hours.

His reply: "Did you said 7 pm? I'm gonna be at work for a while longer". Totally uninterested in meeting me.

And he was like "Oh, you came..." when I picked him up.

 

I am tired of his games. You think I was all over the place with the texts I sent him?

[inaya42]

i get that you are frustrated and becoming a little desperate here. i really think that the solution is to STOP initiating any and all contact -- zilch, none, nada, ever. do not invite him anywhere. do not ask how he is doing. do not follow up if he offers a get-together. do not express your hurt feelings to him. do not initiate ANYMORE contact with this man. and many of your bad feelings (rejected, ignored, ashamed, disregarded, hurt, etc.) will eventually fade.

 

good luck -- and, again, don't contact that man.

[forgetmenot75]

I've done the NC in the past. Last time, was one month and I contacted him again, because I couldn't stop thinking on him. On the other hand, I was feeling better without him, gained 4 pounds, I was able to laugh and plan my vacations...

 

Could it be that I over reacted this time because he was making me feel undesirable, neglected, etc? I can say that, as the hours passed by yesterday, my anger was increasing that he did not confirm me for today. So I texted him that. He knows I hate uncertainty, yet he leaves me with the doubt of not knowing. Is that caring??

[Sunshine87]

Truth is, while you were a bit feisty, it's pretty obvious that this guy isn't that interested. So I don't think you've blown anything really.

 

I understand how annoying it is when you are waiting on someone to either confirm or cancel plans instead of keeping you hanging. It's sometimes difficult to keep your cool. Sure, you couldve handled better...definitely. This is one of the things I've learnt from loveshack........how to play it cool/ not lose my cool/ be patient under all circmstances. It's something I'm still working on because women are generally temperamental. Some women are better able to control their emotions but women generally can be quite dramatic lol.

 

Ultimately however, this guy doesnt appear too keen. So it's bet you move on before wasting any more time. If he cared as much as he should, he wouldn't necessarily be put off by your messages. Alternatively, he would try assuage your feelings. The reverse would apply if he didn't care that much.......( and I appears like he doesn't )

 

Where/are you in a proper relationship?

[Sunshine87]

I just read one of your previous threads. You admitted that he only wants you for sex......so you are aware that he doesn't really give a toss.

 

You need to go NC forever. Stop doing this to yourself.

[forgetmenot75]

Yes, you're right. We weren't in a proper relationship.

Yet, he kept me calm because he wanted me, for the last six months. He assuaged my feelings hundreds of times before, this time is different. He just vanished.

[forgetmenot75]

Update:

 

He texted me that he was with friends, drunk blah blah blah, he forgot his phone (which I believe, he always forgets his phone).

 

I then apologize to him for being so aggressive, and I think that's all. I feel better I get to apologize him, even though I won't see or contact him anymore. I didn't like the idea of me being so feisty, I need to change that.

Edited June 10, 2013 by forgetmenot75

[flitzanu]

Update:

 

He texted me that he was with friends, drunk blah blah blah, he forgot his phone (which I believe, he always forgets his phone).

 

I then apologize to him for being so aggressive, and I think that's all. I feel better I get to apologize him, even though I won't see or contact him anymore. I didn't like the idea of me being so feisty, I need to change that.

 

someone acting fickle like that is a pretty good sign that they aren't as into it as YOU are. youv'e done the feisty girl act, and that's ok, but if you continue doing it you're going to keep pushing him further and further. my advice, find someone that actually wants to see you, not someone you have to beg.

[BC1980]

This relationship is clearly not on equal footing, by which I mean you care a lot more than him. Those relationships don't work. You are clearly in the the position of the weak party. Not a good place. Forget this guy. Don't make yourself desperate; I promise you will feel foolish later.

[swimswithjeans]

forgetmenot75....

 

I am really sorry that you are going through this and understand you must be feeling horribly. We ALL have been in situations like you, I think.

 

I myself am usually quite calm, cool and collected but my recent ex ignored me for basically a week and I lost it on him like I have on no one else in my life. I was definitely a little crazy. I did apologize, but haven't heard from him since. Something about him brings out the most dramatic side in me.. I'm not saying you or I couldn't have handled things differently...

 

But, what I am saying is, if they were going to go away for whatever reason- what we said alone would not have been enough to do it.

[heidi_k]

Update:

 

He texted me that he was with friends, drunk blah blah blah, he forgot his phone (which I believe, he always forgets his phone).

 

I then apologize to him for being so aggressive, and I think that's all. I feel better I get to apologize him, even though I won't see or contact him anymore. I didn't like the idea of me being so feisty, I need to change that.

 

 

The #1 thing that seems to turn guys away from women is when we start "chasing after" them. It's all in the damned biology. I've had the same experience and am feeling deep heartache because of it. I initiated the relationship, pursued him too much (and he's in England and we never got to be together enough, anyway), and now he just wants to be left alone. Unfortunately, it breaks a woman's heart, but that's how men are. If he doesn't act like he cares, there's no way on earth to make him. Best wishes for you. Love just hurts so bad when the other doesn't feel the same.

[BC1980]

I think chasing after someone is bad for both sexes. No one wants to be with a clingy person. I know I don't.

 

It also makes you look weak, like you need that person or else you just can't go on. Who would want to be with someone like that? I want to be with someone who doesn't see me as a crutch. That is a hard burden to bear actually.

 

Hey, we've all made this mistake. I did something similar to what you did in college years ago, and I felt so foolish afterwards. I was 19 and didn't have a clue about relationships. Just learn from it and move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, this guy just wants you when it's convenient for him. That's not going to change no matter how much you do or don't contact him. As for the chasing, yeah, it's generally bad to chase. But if you are the one initiating (though you shouldn't with this guy), treat him like you are his friend. Do you fly off the handle when one of your friends doesn't text you back? Or do you realize that they are busy and let it slide? I bet it's the second. Don't treat a guy or girl you are interested in any different. It's completely unattractive and counterproductive to hound them.

[xpaperxcutx]

You went off on him because you want and expect him to care; however, you cannot control how someone feels about you, which in his case, he really doesn't care. Furthermore, your outbursts places you in a bad light, because now he's going to think you're a emotional psychopath, making him all the reason why he shouldn't pursue you.

 

Which brings us back to the main point of this- HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NEITHER IS HE INTERESTED IN YOU.

 

Do you not see the conundrum? You're trying force an uncaring man into caring for you, that's like trying to take away someone's free will and even God does not do that.

 

You need to stop putting him on a pedestal and just move on. The only reason you don't want to do those is because you are afraid of being alone and here is a man you " think" you're madly in love with, when in fact, you probably just think you can't do better. If you had actually thought that, the first sign of him being a douchebag would've been enough for you to walk.

 

You haven't done that. Instead, you keep running back to him and keep showing him how clingy you are.

 

No man wants a clingy woman, and they certainly do not want a woman they are not interested in to begin with.

 

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you stop this cycle of letting yourself get hurt.

[Leigh 87]

Forget in love versus just liking you a lot. Forget how he "feels" of "felt" for you in the past and present.

 

If a guy really wants to see you and have you around him, he will make it happen.

 

It is that simple.

 

I am guessing that if he really had strong feelings for you, he would want to be around you really, really badly.

 

He is not showing any signs he wants to see you badly. He is showing every sign that he DOES NOT care to see you.

 

Look, I am sure you're a decent women. Why not go back into No Contact and get over him, and then find a guy who is into you and WANTS to be around you?

 

You could be happy. There are men who will want to be around you badly.

 

Please stop making yourself look back. You are losing a lot of dignity by contacting him; he is feeling indifferent to you and does not care whether or not he sees you. He may be seeing someone else and could feel uncomfortable around you, yet too scared to tell you he has met someone new.

 

He is indifferent to the whole thing, where as you are over eager. You're losing dignity this way.

 

It sucks. I have been in the exact same position and I am only JUST climbing out of that black hole, where you want them so badly when they are trying to move on/have moved on.

[Leigh 87]

You went off on him because you want and expect him to care; however, you cannot control how someone feels about you, which in his case, he really doesn't care. Furthermore, your outbursts places you in a bad light, because now he's going to think you're a emotional psychopath, making him all the reason why he shouldn't pursue you.

 

Which brings us back to the main point of this- HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NEITHER IS HE INTERESTED IN YOU.

 

Do you not see the conundrum? You're trying force an uncaring man into caring for you, that's like trying to take away someone's free will and even God does not do that.

 

You need to stop putting him on a pedestal and just move on. The only reason you don't want to do those is because you are afraid of being alone and here is a man you " think" you're madly in love with, when in fact, you probably just think you can't do better. If you had actually thought that, the first sign of him being a douchebag would've been enough for you to walk.

 

You haven't done that. Instead, you keep running back to him and keep showing him how clingy you are.

 

No man wants a clingy woman, and they certainly do not want a woman they are not interested in to begin with.

 

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you stop this cycle of letting yourself get hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

this ^^^^

 

You cannot force someone to care about you by incessantly contacting them. And you will make them like you less by doing it.

 

Even men who ARE still in love with you and are NOT sure that they want to live without you, will be turned off.

 

Even in the best case scenario, when the dude DOES genuinely want to see you. You will lose all chances with him if you, well, contact him.

 

I made a real dick of myself to my ex. By contacting him and not walking away sooner, showing him and myself that I could live alone, without them.

 

And he WANTED to see me. He still believed he is in love with me.

 

A guy who DOES truly want you, will NOT want you when you are clinging to the hope of him.

 

Even men who DO want you, will only, well, continue to be interested IF you believe you're worth enough to walk away and be happy. ALONE.

 

Which means probably losing them and them never coming back; it means No Contact so that YOU can move on.

 

If they did come back, you would be healing and not living off of that hope anyway.

 

You sound like you are still hopeful that he will fall in love with you and change his mind.

 

Look, he knows you well enough to know what you have to offer him. Everything you do now will only serve to put him off you.

 

For your own sanity, please cut him off. If he really wants to be with you, he will.

[Leigh 87]

Lastly - DO NOT keep talking to him, because you will find out he is hooking up and seeing other women.

 

Personally, I would flip out and feel the worst pain imaginable, if I found out that about my ex.

 

PLEASE save yourself a world of pain.

 

You DO NOT want to hear that he HAS hooked up with new women, or that he is even seeing someone special.

 

Any contact you have will only cause you to lose more dignity, to make him dislike you and think poorly of you and you WILL hurt yourself very much when you hear about his new hook ups.

 

I speak from experience. I am living what you're going through. I want to AVOID a meltdown and becoming a psycho if I were to find things out about him I did not want to.

[forgetmenot75]

I think chasing after someone is bad for both sexes. No one wants to be with a clingy person. I know I don't.

 

It also makes you look weak, like you need that person or else you just can't go on. Who would want to be with someone like that? I want to be with someone who doesn't see me as a crutch. That is a hard burden to bear actually.

 

Hey, we've all made this mistake. I did something similar to what you did in college years ago, and I felt so foolish afterwards. I was 19 and didn't have a clue about relationships. Just learn from it and move on.

 

He was always like this. He never initiates a conversation, because he fears I'd be busy etc. He never tells me what are his desires, we always do what I say, what I want. It's like he has no motivation. He is like this.

[forgetmenot75]

You went off on him because you want and expect him to care; however, you cannot control how someone feels about you, which in his case, he really doesn't care. Furthermore, your outbursts places you in a bad light, because now he's going to think you're a emotional psychopath, making him all the reason why he shouldn't pursue you.

 

Which brings us back to the main point of this- HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NEITHER IS HE INTERESTED IN YOU.

 

Do you not see the conundrum? You're trying force an uncaring man into caring for you, that's like trying to take away someone's free will and even God does not do that.

 

You need to stop putting him on a pedestal and just move on. The only reason you don't want to do those is because you are afraid of being alone and here is a man you " think" you're madly in love with, when in fact, you probably just think you can't do better. If you had actually thought that, the first sign of him being a douchebag would've been enough for you to walk.

 

You haven't done that. Instead, you keep running back to him and keep showing him how clingy you are.

 

No man wants a clingy woman, and they certainly do not want a woman they are not interested in to begin with.

 

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you stop this cycle of letting yourself get hurt.

 

He is a nice guy, as I said before, he always reply to my outbursts, and tries to compensate what he did wrong.

One thing I've discovered, though, is that he lies to me. One time I wanted to see him on Sunday. He told me Sundays were the day he does laundry, etc. That he cannot possibly meet me. Now, he said he was at a bar with friends, he got drunk, lost his phone, blah blah...On a Sunday! WTF?

 

You're right. I can't see any flaws on him, why is that? I think I'd never find someone like him, he's so caring when we are together...

[Bozena]

Well look from what I read this guy wants you for sex and you want more than this, Unfortunately the sad reality is that you will never get more. First of all he is taking you as a given so he knows that you will be there whenever. Secondly, if it was leaning towards something serious you would have been together. I haven't heard about a lot of successful cases like that. So you now have two solutions, either you accept this fact and keep on your sexual relationships and only that or you let it go and try to find someone that he will really care about you

[inaya42]

whether he cares about you or not is really not the issue at this point. the dynamic here is dysfunctional. he is not treating you well, and you are not treating him well. there is no way to have a romance with someone you have to browbeat into contact...

[forgetmenot75]

Update from today:

 

After my text yesterday afternoon apologizing for being so crazy, I haven't checked whether he has replied or not. I moved the message icon to a place I cannot see it, so I have no idea if he has replied.

I can't handle this anymore. I think he wants us to be friends with benefits, but I just can't deal with the fact he may be seeing another women. Even though he denies that, I know there are others (he's active on 4 different dating sites, he's told me he's curious about what's out there) plus he is attracted to another friend of his. I wish he could be different. I don't need anyone else, I just want him.

 

This guy is very nice, I just can't be mad at him. It's me, who cannot accept his terms. I don't want him to think I am mad at him, but I really can't check the messages.

 

I don't know what to do, I need some input here, please.

[Zahara]

Is this the guy you were seeing while you were married? Are you divorced now and readily available to him? I have a feeling the terms of being with a married woman didn't require him much effort or commitment. Now that you're available to him, it's not his cup of tea anymore. You note he is a player, you've caught him lying, you've caught him on dating sites and now on 4 sites, evades you, and in some of your other threads felt that all he has only wanted sex...so I do not understand why you're still confused. This is not going to work out. It has no makings of a relationship and likely will never be.