Dundas Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I met my ex-girlfriend when I was only 16, I had just switched schools and she sat down with me at study hall the very first day and began talking to me. We began dating almost instantly, she was my first love. I loved everything about her - up until our breakup two months ago, we were inseparable and we were constantly spending time together, and on the phone together... even after graduation last year. I was really good to her... maybe too good, I feel like I lost my own identity because I was so caught up in her and all the good feelings of being in love with her. I still love her. We both work as home health aides for the same company... we also work in the same house - we had started talking about moving in together and she had the bright idea of having me work as a personal care assistant in the same house she works at... just a few weeks before we broke up. Over time, I see she began distancing herself from me - I guess I ignored all the sings even though they were being thrown in my face. In late February or sometime in early March, she began going to the gym with her younger brother (she started gaining weight and wanted to lose it)... well, of course he invited his friends from H.S. to join, and they began going together... she started having me go to the gym with them too... I thought we were just making new friends. I had my suspicions, I could tell one of the guys liked her, even though he was only about 16 or 17 and seemed a bit immature... there was just something about him. She'd even asked me if I was jealous that she was going to the gym with different guys, and I said "well, I can tell ***** likes you, and they're all guys so I know what they're thinking, but I know I can trust you." She had never given me a reason NOT to trust her. There were SO many signs that something was going on between them, I ignored them ALL. Everyone in that group knew what was going on, and I was hanging out with them for awhile totally clueless about what was going on! She broke up with me at her house two months ago. She acted all emotional and held me close, telling me how she didn't want to lose me... but wouldn't tell me the real reason... then, after that, she was cold. The first month was the hardest, especially the first couple weeks. I was calling her up constantly, texting her, until she finally gave me some answers. I went nuts! The person I'd spent nearly 3 years with who knew me best was treating me like garbage. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was a mess. I only see her once a week at work, only for a few minutes now... I also work with her dad. It made work HELL for awhile... but now I'm getting over it. She's still with him. Not that I care anymore. She hasn't tried to contact me one bit, and I'm bringing myself back up - I won't let her have the pleasure of seeing me fall. I've stopped ALL contact (except the occasional text dealing with work scheduling or light chitchat when she relieves my shift at work once a week). She makes it a point to show me she doesn't care about me at all... now I see that the girl I was in love with for so long, the girl I loved no matter what and would've taken a bullet for... was never truly in love with me... at least not as much as I wanted. Do you think she'll ever try to come back... do you think she'll ever want me again? I'm losing hope, I'm losing all my feelings for her, slowly. I'm slowly not even wanting her anymore. I still wonder if one day she'll realize she gave up something good... if one day her and the teenager she's so wrapped up in breakup... I don't need anyone to make me happy though... I'm 19 and she's the only girl I've ever been with, I'm too young. And all the things I love about her... now I realize the only person she's ever loved is herself. She's selfish. I don't know what I'm expecting from this... but it's nice to vent!
TaraMaiden Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 This really needs no response - you're doing fine. Who cares what she will do? By then, you will have moved on completely, and if she recommences flirting with you, then you can just laugh, and walk away....
Chi townD Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I thing you might want to consider is finding a different job. Yeah, I agree, you're handling things well. But, you don't need to be seeing her at all. You're 19, you can find a replacement job fairly quickly if your lucky. I just don't think working at the same place she does is healthy and inhibits your healing process.
Author Dundas Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Thank you, I think I'm doing very well too!... surprisingly! I did keep throwing myself at her and chasing her for about a month... but, now that I've given up and 2 months after the breakup... I'm in a much different place. I'm sure she can see it, too. I don't think I'll be looking for another job... the only contact I have with her is face-to-face for a minute or so every Saturday, and the occasional text dealing with work. That's about it. It's really hard for me to "click" with people, I'm a bit of a loner... but I have hung out with a couple girls, and am planning on putting myself out there in a much bigger way, soon. She might not see it now, but one day her new boyfriend will mess up and she'll know she let go of something good. I really do still love her, but I'm starting to question things too. She acts like I still care and haven't moved on... but I have moved on inside my own head, more than she knows. Not enough, though.
frostythesnowman Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I can relate to you very well as I fell in love at 16 with my ex too. First love, inseparable, everything you mentioned. My story since our breakup a long time ago has its ups and downs, and I wish I had tried to move on sooner (I'm 19 now). I now realize there was never any real chance for me to be with her again, she only made me think it... So my advice to you is to keep doing what you're doing. It sounds like you're doing a good job of moving on, and you shouldn't stay around to wait and see how she reacts to the way you move on. Be selfish and improve yourself and find another girl. Just my two cents from personal experience, I'm going through some of the same ****
Author Dundas Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I don't really think I have improved much, but everyone I've been hanging out with tells me how much I've changed for the better, and that they're glad we broke up. So I guess I have changed. It still hurts, I still don't want to move on. How can you move on so fast when she's all you've known since 2010-2013...? But I'm working on it. I'll find someone who can appreciate me sooner or later and I'll be much happier... until me and my future girl breakup. But that's life. The only thing that I can say by looking at her is that B. will never have the same girlfriend I had! She was a great girlfriend, but there was so much wrong in our relationship that was never talked about... I think it's best I cut my losses and move on to fill the void that she was never completely able to fill.
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