tbf Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Looks like other members have helped you which is awesome! Just one question. Who or what are you trying to live up to, that causes so much anxiety? 1
Treasa Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Did you ever read that Go Suck a Lemon book I recommended a couple of months ago? If not, please read it. You can order it and read it on Amazon, and it's less than $15. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 ...is that you get all happy excited and giddy, but at the same time feel really uncomfortable anxiety and nerves about whether they're into you in return. I can't tell you how many times I have checked my phone since this morning's brunch date. I almost feel obsessed. Then of course, there's also the understanding that relationships take time to build, but at the same time wanting to know NOW whether it's going to go anywhere, so as to not waste any time. This, my friends, is why I hate dating. Can anyone relate? I try not to get like that. I temper excitement for a person. In fact, the last time I was like that was some years ago for a female friend, and she rejected me. The problem is I will tend to go long periods without dating, so it may become dangerous and I will become infatuated with that person. I think I saw a thread of yours a little while ago where you were really into this guy and it didn't work out. You've seemed to manage to date other men in that period, so I think that high & low attitude could work pretty well for you. You just transfer the feelings to another person. I can imagine the high is a great feeling if it's reciprocated.
Xinreeki Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Bad things can happen at anytime, someone can reject or break up with you at anytime. So really we just have to take each day as it comes, and try our best to make the most of the time we do have with the people we care about / love.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) Looks like other members have helped you which is awesome! Just one question. Who or what are you trying to live up to, that causes so much anxiety? I don't know what you mean. I'm not trying to live up to anything... I've felt this way since I started dating at 16. And yes, Treasa. I read the book. Edited June 11, 2013 by Star Gazer
Ruby Slippers Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I've felt this way since I started dating at 16. Can you identify your basic fears - worst case scenarios that you're afraid of? "I'm scared that X will happen."
Author Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Can you identify your basic fears - worst case scenarios that you're afraid of? "I'm scared that X will happen." I basically have two fears. Romantically: I'm scared that I will never find true LASTING love. I'm scared that I will die having never found it. Professionally: I'm scared of losing everything I worked so hard for. The former feels very possible; the latter not so much.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Romantically: I'm scared that I will never find true LASTING love. I'm scared that I will die having never found it. What will happen if you don't find lasting love? Worst case scenario, what is the worst that will happen to you? I used to be pretty afraid, deep down, of losing my guy. I felt like he meets so many of my needs and even many of my wants I wasn't even sure I had that it would be unbearable to lose him, especially if I'm with him for years and come to rely on him more. But then I told a friend that even if we get married, start a family, and everything falls apart, I'd still want to take that leap with him, even if it lasts just 5 or 10 years. There are no guarantees in life. Professionally: I'm scared of losing everything I worked so hard for. How would that happen? I'm presuming that even if you botched your career to hell somehow, you're smart and would move on to something else, yes?
Author Star Gazer Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 What will happen if you don't find lasting love? Worst case scenario, what is the worst that will happen to you? I'm not sure. How would that happen? I'm presuming that even if you botched your career to hell somehow, you're smart and would move on to something else, yes? It wouldn't happen. That's why I'm not afraid of it. But if it did, I know I could handle it... because I can control it.
tbf Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Consider this amended version (God has been stripped off) of the Serenity Prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. In other words, know that you can't control everything and for things you can't control, learn to relax and see what happens. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm not sure. Think about it. I did, and it really helped. My thoughts went something like: Even if I never meet that one special guy, I'll still get to have fun short-term relationships with cool guys. Without kids, I'll be able to take fun trips around the world with my friends or short-term boyfriends as long as I like. I can totally reinvent myself, do any wild, free-spirited thing I want, volunteer, start more cool businesses in the future. And on and on, focusing on the positives of that doomsday scenario of not finding true love. As soon as I got comfortable with the idea of being single and without true love forever, I thought to myself, "Naaah, I can do better than that." And I feel like I'm well on my way. Overall, I'm doing better now than ever before. Removing the pressure of "alone forever" was key. 3
zebracolors Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 agreed with Ruby. Life is really too short to worry about whether you'll be lonely or not 10, 20 or more years down the road. Have fun making memories now. Good or bad, they all might teach us something.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 agreed with Ruby. Life is really too short to worry about whether you'll be lonely or not 10, 20 or more years down the road. Have fun making memories now. Good or bad, they all might teach us something. Think about it. I did, and it really helped. My thoughts went something like: Even if I never meet that one special guy, I'll still get to have fun short-term relationships with cool guys. Without kids, I'll be able to take fun trips around the world with my friends or short-term boyfriends as long as I like. I can totally reinvent myself, do any wild, free-spirited thing I want, volunteer, start more cool businesses in the future. And on and on, focusing on the positives of that doomsday scenario of not finding true love. As soon as I got comfortable with the idea of being single and without true love forever, I thought to myself, "Naaah, I can do better than that." And I feel like I'm well on my way. Overall, I'm doing better now than ever before. Removing the pressure of "alone forever" was key. This is exactly how I live. The world is so huge and the possibilities so endless for growth, "true love" isnt the be-all-end-all of life really.
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