Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 ...is that you get all happy excited and giddy, but at the same time feel really uncomfortable anxiety and nerves about whether they're into you in return. I can't tell you how many times I have checked my phone since this morning's brunch date. I almost feel obsessed. Then of course, there's also the understanding that relationships take time to build, but at the same time wanting to know NOW whether it's going to go anywhere, so as to not waste any time. This, my friends, is why I hate dating. Can anyone relate? 11
Mr_Flay Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Put it like this: if you knew you're not going to be married or in a LTR in five years, would you go into it anway or would you give up before you started anything? For me, the answer is straightforward. It's not always about the destination; sometimes the ride is fun as well. 3
frustr8ed Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Don't think of it as wasting time, think of as learning something about yourself and other people. That's how you narrow your choices down to who is best suited for a relationship with you. The only trouble comes from when we don't learn from past experiences. Know what works for you and proceed. Try not to let your emotions get the best of you, impulsiveness clouds good judgement, and if all else fails just chill out, raise your arms, and enjoy the roller coaster of life. 1
LittleTiger Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 ...is that you get all happy excited and giddy, but at the same time feel really uncomfortable anxiety and nerves about whether they're into you in return. I can't tell you how many times I have checked my phone since this morning's brunch date. I almost feel obsessed. Then of course, there's also the understanding that relationships take time to build, but at the same time wanting to know NOW whether it's going to go anywhere, so as to not waste any time. This, my friends, is why I hate dating. So you'd rather miss out on the happy, excited and giddy phase and just go straight to the 'old married couple' stage would you? If you're having fun and feeling good about the possibility of it becoming special, how is that a waste of time? I could understand if you said dating was boring and tedious and you didn't know if it was going anywhere - that really would be a waste of time! Enjoy living in the moment! If this guy turns out to be your future husband, you'll look back on the early dating period as one of the best times of your life - the time when you first met and started to fall in love - a time you'll never forget. If it's just a few dates, at least you'll have had a fun time finding out he isn't 'the one'.
Emilia Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Can anyone relate? Of course. This is one of the reasons why I limit myself to internet access only in the office, no facebook stalking, etc. You need to set yourself boundaries and keep to the level of involvement you think helps to build the relationship with the person but not so much that it's anxiety inducing. Self-discipline basically.
Emilia Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I wish you women got a chance to trade places with us men for a week, for us it's more like... Forced confidence bordering on arrogance, observe and react, regimented down to the word. It's like those "first 20 scripted plays" in a football game. Boys, this is what we're doing for X amount of time whether it works or not. If it doesn't that's ok, you did your thing and didn't change yourself to appease someone else, pat yourself on the back for solidarity. If it does work hey, that's great, pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Either way you convince yourself you're the winner. It's not very different for a woman if she wants the man she is dating to respect her. 1
thatone Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 It's not very different for a woman if she wants the man she is dating to respect her. Joking aside, I completely agree, which is why "she calls me on my BS" is such a common response from men to the question of "what attracted you to her?" 1
Emilia Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Joking aside, I completely agree, which is why "she calls me on my BS" is such a common response from men to the question of "what attracted you to her?" Yes. In my experience men like women with teeth, definitely.
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Love the giddy, happy stage which is why dating wasn't a hardship. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Put it like this: if you knew you're not going to be married or in a LTR in five years, would you go into it anway or would you give up before you started anything? For me, the answer is straightforward. It's not always about the destination; sometimes the ride is fun as well. That's the thing; it was about the journey when I was still learning about men and dating. Now I feel like I learned enough, I want the damn destination 3
Mr_Flay Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I'm still in my 20s and haven't been married yet, but somehow I don't think the destination is all it's cracked up to be. I mean, what does it get you? Children? Status? Security? That and other things could be obtained without marriage, and even without a boyfriend, whereas marriage with a wrong person can only bring trouble and lots of legal hassle. I've always wondered why people are so eager to get married. Also, I'll be impertinent enough to say that you learned nothing about men. You did learn quite alot about several specific people, true, but not every man alive. So there's always the discovery factor. 2
Emilia Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Also, I'll be impertinent enough to say that you learned nothing about men. You did learn quite alot about several specific people, true, but not every man alive. So there's always the discovery factor. Agree. To me it's about the journey 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I'm still in my 20s and haven't been married yet, but somehow I don't think the destination is all it's cracked up to be. I mean, what does it get you? Children? Status? Security? That and other things could be obtained without marriage, and even without a boyfriend, whereas marriage with a wrong person can only bring trouble and lots of legal hassle. I've always wondered why people are so eager to get married. Also, I'll be impertinent enough to say that you learned nothing about men. You did learn quite alot about several specific people, true, but not every man alive. So there's always the discovery factor. Haha there is a lot of truth in what you say. Marriage seems like a drag to me. Children seem like a big source of stress and exhaustion. Married people rarely look happy. The only thing is; you get status and social acceptance. Hmmm that might be a bad reason to get married
Leigh 87 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 YES. I can relate. Once you are both mutually secure, only then is it the best feeling in the world. I have not dated for soo long. Yikes. I know what's coming now. Do any of you ladies find that your able to STOP yourselves from getting too invested before you're sure if they are really into you? Sorry if that is off topic, ignore it if you want:o
Leigh 87 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Haha there is a lot of truth in what you say. Marriage seems like a drag to me. Children seem like a big source of stress and exhaustion. Married people rarely look happy. The only thing is; you get status and social acceptance. Hmmm that might be a bad reason to get married Oh man. I HATED the idea of marriage or long term monogamy my entire life. Then I fell crazy in love with a person who changed all that. ET - I was VEHEMENTLY opposed to marriage. I changed with one person. It happens:lmao: (with the wrong people, sadly!) My parents are happily married. No affairs. Still in love. Did not have to settle for someone they were not crazy about. DATING, right through to the later stages which may "feel" more secure since it is clear both parties are "into" each other) is all a HUGE risk, though. It is scary in the beginning. And it is terrifying to lose someone. The worst thing imaginable:( I would do it all again though. Love is awesome and worth the risk. Don't be too worried about the early stages; think how much less painful it is to walk away in the early stages, opposed to losing a person your madly in love with. And possibly animals, a house, and a whole life together. I am hoping dating is a walk in the park compared to losing a long term partner! 1
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Breathe. Practice patience. Does the rush cause you anxiety? If so, address the anxiety directly. Yoga, meditation, punching bag, sprints....or whiskey
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Put it like this: if you knew you're not going to be married or in a LTR in five years, would you go into it anway or would you give up before you started anything? For me, the answer is straightforward. It's not always about the destination; sometimes the ride is fun as well. Seriously. I don't get super giddy or excited about people I hardly know anymore. I have fun, know that I'm good either way (as in, I'm happy being single), and then there's no anxiety. Bonus - A lot of guys like women who are laid back and not overly into them.
Emilia Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Bonus - A lot of guys like women who are laid back and not overly into them. I think your typical man expects you to be into him but he wants you to be laid back about it, ie not freak out constantly. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I think your typical man expects you to be into him but he wants you to be laid back about it, ie not freak out constantly. Yup, I agree with this. I like this one. I guess we'll see... 1
Author Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Put it like this: if you knew you're not going to be married or in a LTR in five years, would you go into it anway or would you give up before you started anything? For me, the answer is straightforward. It's not always about the destination; sometimes the ride is fun as well. Honestly? If I knew I'd never get there, I wouldn't date. I don't date "just for fun" or to "enjoy the ride." I don't see the point in that. But I don't think I'll never get there; I still have hope.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Breathe. Practice patience. Does the rush cause you anxiety? If so, address the anxiety directly. Yoga, meditation, punching bag, sprints....or whiskey Yes, it does... a lot of anxiety. All the exercise in the world doesn't work, and I find it impossible to meditate (thoughts always creep in). I need a way to calm my thoughts. It's not like... fear. It's more... uncertainty. I hate the feeling of not knowing in the very beginning stages, the whole, "Does he like me too?" feeling. Once I get passed that, I'm good. But until then, anxiety city. 2
Casablanca Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 ...is that you get all happy excited and giddy, but at the same time feel really uncomfortable anxiety and nerves about whether they're into you in return. I can't tell you how many times I have checked my phone since this morning's brunch date. I almost feel obsessed. Then of course, there's also the understanding that relationships take time to build, but at the same time wanting to know NOW whether it's going to go anywhere, so as to not waste any time. This, my friends, is why I hate dating. Can anyone relate? The scariest and most nerve wracking part of dating is without question the time around date 3 or 4 and a little bit after that because of the reasons you stated...there is so much unknown and you're starting to invest and you hope the other person is investing too
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I think your typical man expects you to be into him but he wants you to be laid back about it, ie not freak out constantly. Your typical man would be waiting for a looooong time with me, then. I get giddy over almost everything, ironically enough, but not people I'm not super close to and haven't known for a while.
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Yes, it does... a lot of anxiety. All the exercise in the world doesn't work, and I find it impossible to meditate (thoughts always creep in). I need a way to calm my thoughts. It's not like... fear. It's more... uncertainty. I hate the feeling of not knowing in the very beginning stages, the whole, "Does he like me too?" feeling. Once I get passed that, I'm good. But until then, anxiety city. Just to clarify, meditation isn't about blocking thoughts out. It's about letting them drift in and then drift on, sort of like watching leaves floating down a stream in front of you. You just don't want to become obsessed with a particular thought.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 The scariest and most nerve wracking part of dating is without question the time around date 3 or 4 and a little bit after that because of the reasons you stated...there is so much unknown and you're starting to invest and you hope the other person is investing too I just... hate it. So, so much. Almost to the point that it takes all the fun out of the giddy stuff.
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