5 Months Ago I Met This Beautiful Woman Who Happened To Be Married.

[C00kie]

You are in love with her and that's why you're in denial right now. I know it's very painful to think that you may not end up with the woman you love.

 

However, she was very clear: she's not supposed to see you because she wants to work on her marriage. That being said, there's not much you can do. She knows you love her, right? Make sure she does and then get yourself out of the picture. If she's meant to be with you, she will. And if she's not, nothing you can do will change that, no matter how hard you try.

 

Just try to focus on yourself. Get out, find a new hobbie, read a nice book, meet with your friends and try to enjoy life as much as you can.

 

Best of luck.

[gross1016]

Thanks C00kie for your opinion its always welcome. I know MW loves and I know I will see MW again I am certain of that. Its just going to take time. Someone asked if I am going to wait And why. At my age you don't get to meet to many women round where I live. If I can be the same to MW like before then why why not.. that's why I am going to wait.

[C00kie]

Thanks C00kie for your opinion its always welcome. I know MW loves and I know I will see MW again I am certain of that. Its just going to take time. Someone asked if I am going to wait And why. At my age you don't get to meet to many women round where I live. If I can be the same to MW like before then why why not.. that's why I am going to wait.

 

Nothing we say can change your mind. And that's the way things usually work - it doesn't matter what other people are telling us, we must do what we feel is right at the moment. Even if we hurt.

 

So while it may seem nonsense to everyone reading this post, I understand it's the only thing you can do right now. So be it. And be prepared for whatever may happen.

 

Keep us posted.

[zevahc]

Aussie Lady thank you very much, finally some one understands what I going through. I have not did anything yet. The hardest thing to do is not go to MW work, she works right down the street from me. Even though she is married and believe I know married been there for a long time my self. But when you find a person that you fall so deeply in love with and it touches all they to your soul it Hurst not to see or talked to them. I have several ladies friends I talk to who go to church all the time. They tell me to hang in there, MW will contact you she just need the dust to settle and clear her mind to see what she wants.

 

Many of us understand what you feel. But it doesn't change the facts. If she ultimately chooses you it has to be on her time. You may be soulmates or whatever (I can say I found mine), but if she wants to fix her marriage and choose her H then I respect it...it simply means I don't get my soulmate. But if I love her i will let her be happy at least with her decisions.

[gross1016]

I understand where you both are coming from. I am at an age where Iove doesn't come a long a lot or if at all. I love this MW so much I feel MW presence all the time. I know MW loves me I could tell MW was telling the truth you could see it in MW face when said to me. It has only been a week, if were a month or two then OM would have been done over way before the two months. But the support you give is important cause everyone here are the only ones I have to talk to right now. So thank you all very much.

[landshark]

yes, as others have said, don't hold your breath for this girl. Do your thing, use your support system. I've been through this with a married girl and it was really rough because I failed to see it for what it was, a fling. The other thing is that even if she gets divorced, trust me on this one, divorce changes you, drastically. She may not be the same person and would need some time to greive, or risk have it happen all over again. Yes, Gross, a movie starring YOU...keep going man, you'll be OK in a little bit...

[Pierre]

Gross1016:

 

Yes, the MW loves you. There is no doubt in my mind she loves you. You provided an enormous amount of gratification so she loves you.

 

The problem is that she loves you within the context of the affair. In the affair bubble you are KING, you are her number 1. The problem is that most MOWs and MOMs live in two different compartments (the affair and the marriage). Each compartment has its own reality and rules.

 

Once you have a d-day the wall that divides the compartments falls apart and the purity of your affair bubble is contaminated with the harsh reality of her marriage.

 

Nine out of ten times they decide to stay married. You are doomed! Walk away!

[gross1016]

zevahc, landshark I understand that I have a small chance, but what ever the chance I have I going stick around and see what happens. Yes I am going to take care myself, but I not going to give up on MW, MW is to important to me to that. So I will be coming back to chat with you all and get your opinions, suggestions, take them as there are from all the people who have so supportive to me. I thank you all for that.

[gross1016]

2long, I have been a short time, but I am going to disregard anything you have to say.

[gross1016]

Pierre I understand that very well indeed, but like I said before if its small chance, it's better the no chance at . I know I have a better the average chance, because i know MW better then anyone here. So I will take your opinion and put aside, and if your right I will come back on here at that time and tell you that you were, but until then I will not quit, nor will i give up on my MW.

[SidLyon]

I echo what most are telling you here.

 

Given that just before d-day (discovery day) you and she both promised that you would stand by each other, why do you think she has now thrown you under the bus and not kept her promise to you? Could it be that she is a person who doesn't keep her promises to people she is in relationships with? After all, by having an A with you she's failed to keep her promises to her BH, so you now have 2 examples of her apparently voluntarily making significant promises but failing to keep them. To me this looks like a pattern of behaviour and you may not even be her first affair. Why do you want a cheater anyway, when you have a choice? (This is a question I often ask myself BTW, but my situation is different to yours.)

 

Even if she leaves her BH for you (not all that likely), your relationship would be built on the destruction of someone else's marriage and misery to others so your relationship is unlikely to succeed long-term anyway. What she can do to him she can just as easily do to you when some other bloke comes along to fill the gaps in her. Have you thought about why you were willing to insert yourself into someone else's marriage?

 

The reason she has told you she is "not supposed" to see you rather than she "refuses" to see you is that she is hoping you will see the distinction and therefore hang about just in case it doesn't work out with BH. You are definitely second choice though, otherwise she would have seized d-day as the ideal opportunity to be with her true love.

 

I realise you are now on the post d-day roller-coaster (as are she and her BH), so you are probably focusing on the small chance you and she will "make it", and are determined to wait, so nothing anyone says will make much difference, but at least be aware that we are most likely right.

 

You have mixed up some of the acronyms, understandably as you are new:

 

MW = Married Woman having an affair (ie her).

WW/WS = Wayward Wife/Spouse in relation to her husband (ie her).

OM = Other Man having an affair with a married woman (ie you).

OW = Other woman having an affair with a married man (not in your situation)

BH/BS = Betrayed Husband/Spouse (ie her husband)

MM = Married Man having an affair (ie nobody in your situation).

Edited June 11, 2013 by SidLyon

[gross1016]

I do get what your trying to get across to me. Let it go, don't wait for MW but I sorry I love MW to.much right to let it go and move on. It has only been a week. So I am going to hang around a while and wait to see what and what MW would to do

[whichwayisup]

I do get what your trying to get across to me. Let it go, don't wait for MW but I sorry I love MW to.much right to let it go and move on. It has only been a week. So I am going to hang around a while and wait to see what and what MW would to do

 

How long do you intend on waiting? A month? End of summer? October? Christmas? Next year?

 

Give yourself a final date and hold yourself TO that 'give up and walk away' date. Otherwise you'll be here, a year from now saying the exact same things that you're saying now.

[SidLyon]

I do get what your trying to get across to me. Let it go, don't wait for MW but I sorry I love MW to.much right to let it go and move on. It has only been a week. So I am going to hang around a while and wait to see what and what MW would to do

 

This is only one aspect of what I'm trying to get across.

 

The other is to ask some searching questions of yourself. And to answer them of course, although you don't have to answer here on LS. Other people have suggested you ask yourself and answer similar questions so it may even help to articulate them (ie write them down here given we can't talk in person) and post them but that is up to you.

 

You are probably feeling a bit broken and confused at the moment so some counseling may help. Also it's normal for new posters here to get defensive, as people post things to you that they wouldn't say to a friend in a similar situation.

 

For example I had a friend in a similar situation to you and she was so fragile that I couldn't say to her the things I have written to you. It was obvious she was going to wait and see and felt her situation was unique and I couldn't tell her otherwise without risking our friendship.

[Lillyfree]

i agree with the posters who advised you to walk away and that the odds are against you. matter of fact, she already made her choice - isn't that enough? you've already been rejected, yet you decide to stick around for another turn.

 

however, you will dig your heels in and 'wait'. ok.

 

the advice i can give you in that situation is - have a cut-off date. don't put your life on hold for her until then. don't be available whenever she tugs on the string. and guard your heart.

[gross1016]

I understand that I am new to this site, but not stupid either. I know my chances are low, but its my chance to take and see it through till the end, when ever that is I have no clue. But I am going to hang there. I am going use my friends where I live and use their experiences just like my situation, and come here and vent also.

[gross1016]

I am going to be careful and I know its going to be hard, but I have great support around me in good friends. I will wait for how ever long it take, I am not stopping my life I am just putting it in to perspective as I go. MW is doing what MW needs to do I get it, but being with MW I know her very we'll and know from MW about her MM and he is not a supportive MM at all, so I am in wait and see mode but not stopping my life for it.

[Pierre]

I do get what your trying to get across to me. Let it go, don't wait for MW but I sorry I love MW to.much right to let it go and move on. It has only been a week. So I am going to hang around a while and wait to see what and what MW would to do

 

You are a textbook case and right now you are in the stage where you cannot believe your MOW will fail you.

 

Give it a bit of time.

 

Stay NC.

 

If the two of you have sporadic contact you will be in withdrawal for a very long time.

[zevahc]

I understand that I am new to this site, but not stupid either. I know my chances are low, but its my chance to take and see it through till the end, when ever that is I have no clue. But I am going to hang there. I am going use my friends where I live and use their experiences just like my situation, and come here and vent also.

 

Gross, that's what this site is for...venting. But you will also find many that have experiences and history to share. If we can't learn from the past, we never improve. I'm not telling you what to do. Just saying you are choosing a particularly hard road. I'm there now. I wish u the best. And just know this isn't about judgement. That is not our place. But..honest opinions and truths are here. Take them as people who care enough (even without knowing u) to not see you feel the hurts they/we have...if it can be helped.

[SidLyon]

I am going to be careful and I know its going to be hard, but I have great support around me in good friends. I will wait for how ever long it take, I am not stopping my life I am just putting it in to perspective as I go. MW is doing what MW needs to do I get it, but being with MW I know her very we'll and know from MW about her MM and he is not a supportive MM at all, so I am in wait and see mode but not stopping my life for it.

 

Now I'm confused. She doesn't have a MM (unless you are married or she's having an A with another MM), and her husband is her BH. He is likely needing a lot of support now and from what she's told you it seems she is endeavoring to provide it to him, while keeping you on the back burner.

 

Didn't you bother to read the abbreviations I posted before?

Edited June 11, 2013 by SidLyon

[gross1016]

Sorry I am typing from phone and sometimes it just come out right. I will try to use my computer more on this site. My apologies to everyone here for bad typing.

[Pierre]

She's your soulmate huh? Cool. So when's her divorce final?

 

Good point! Soulmate is a common term in affairs and those that use it are generally newbies.

[zevahc]

Good point! Soulmate is a common term in affairs and those that use it are generally newbies.

 

Newbies? Please...you make it sound like most people go out looking to gain experience in extramarital affairs. That's ridiculous. There are men and women who obviously make it a hobby to go around cheating on their spouses and that may apply. But for those on here seeking help, that is insulting. There are many people on here who for one reason or the other got married early, or perhaps prematurely to someone who may not be the person they should be with...i did it with my first spouse, and was a "cheater". Not once, but multiple times. I knew from day one that our marriage was doomed. But I chose to marry her as we were having a child. I chose then to love her...i didn't FEEL at the time that it was going to be bliss, but I chose to give it 100%. I didn't end the marriage, she did....she left in the middle of an A. While I can agree that gross may be naive in many statements, it's unfair to use a label that implies you become an experienced veteran of this type of thing. These things are all a mess, and if anyone claims to have all the real answers they are kidding themselves. I've been on both sides of the fence.

 

ThatJustHappened makes use of sarcasm to prove a point...and it does just that...let's leave it there.

[gross1016]

I didn't plan this, and certainly was not looking for an affair with a MW at all. It just happened and I am sure that some of you didn't either. I maybe new here but just because I feel they way I do right now doesn't mean I feel this way next week. For now I love MW and I am not giving up or giving in peer pressure here to do that. I am not putting my life on hold, but I a not going stop thinking that i could have a chance to seeing my MW again.

Edited June 11, 2013 by gross1016

[whichwayisup]

It didn't "just happen". That's a cop out for not owning your part in all this. It took effort to see her, talk to her, to have an affair. Planning and spending time together. You let your feelings grow more and more - That isn't 'it just happened'. You both chose to have an affair.

 

Anyway, I noticed you didn't reply to my earlier post to you. Re: Setting a deadline for yourself, so you're not waiting like this for another year. It would really suck if things were exactly the same as they are now. her not anywhere near divorcing and you two still having an A. Or is that what you want? To 'see' her once in a while, feed your feelings and just continue on as her OM on the side?