so i got dumped. that sucks. should i contact or not?

[icanthinkofausername]

So, my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago, ill call him jack- we had been together for just under a year and i know he had had feelings for me for a lot longer than that but i was with someone else and then needed time to sort my head out post breakup. Jack was also friends with my previous ex, who ended up leaving me for someone else, which was ok because we both had kind of outgrown the relationship, we where friends who sometimes slept in the same bed- so by waiting it meant that the social fallout didn't happen. plus, he was living up north at that point.

 

we got together, it was wonderful for a good while but then i went to university about three hours away. that worked fine until he moved to brighton a few months later which is a little further away but not by much. I got really depressed a couple of months ago, found it really really hard to aclimatise to a new place because im super shy and quite tee-total, so i leaned on him a lot. probably more than i should and sometimes i'd pick stupid rows just to prove that he still liked me. i was a bit of a jerk but i always thought we would have summer, i wouldnt be so stressed out and we could work things out again. but then, when i came back home he came over and ended things. I think it is because i've been pretty intense, pretty over the top the last few months and frankly pretty hard to be around, let alone have a relationship with. i really, really don't think there is anyone else.

 

what i would like to know is there a non desperate way of saying, Hey, i've worked things out a bit in my head. a sorry for being a crazypants, i'm working on my issues am in therepy now, wanna give it another shot?

 

or even a better way of saying that or anything? should i say anything? ive drafted like a lot of letters laying out what went wrong and why and how i'm working through things (i had a fairly bad childhood). and really, a lot of things are a lot clearer now and god, i did make a lot of mistakes.

 

or would a hey! i miss you text work better?

 

or perhaps a hey, can we talk things through when we are in the same city because i hate leaving things with all the screaming and the crying and me maybe have thrown some things?

 

we have broken up a month now and i really, really do miss him. we have spoken once, breifly. he is an amazing human being, the smartest man i know and was very loving in his way and i just really want him back. ARGH, pathetic.

[Leigh 87]

OH dear, I also tested my ex and basically became the worst version of myself imaginable ALL THE TIME, to see if he truly loved me.

 

Guess what? He left in the end. After me testing him for 2.5 years. I didn't get a job, focus on my studies much, or go out and get my own friends, either.

 

It would be good for you to try to get yourself together FIRST, before considering him in this picture.

 

I too, am fighting against the urge to text my ex eventually, telling him that I am living my life alone, happy without him, and that I am finally working on my issues.

 

The thing is, though; they would know through being around us, is they have the level of love required for them to want to try for a new relationship with us.

 

Even at our worst, a man knows whether or not he has enough love to want to try again for another relationship. Just check out all the dudes on this website who forgive terribly ex girlfriends; they are in love with them and overlook the very worst behaviour.

 

My method right now, and the method the smartest and most experienced people will recommend is: No Contact.

 

By eliminating him from your life, he will know if he loves you enough to want to come back. It is extremely rare that a guy will come back wanting another chance, so we both have to assume that we are NOT the exception.

 

Remember that most men that leave never come back. They often contact us again, but rarely because they truly want another try at a relationship.

 

I know two people who's exes have returned because these men were genuinely In love enough to want another chance. These two girls are the rare exception to the norm.

 

Please try to listen to posts by Tara Maiden and Metal Chick. They 100% know what path to take if you want to keep your dignity and self respect.

[icanthinkofausername]

I think I just needed someone to tell me how bad an idea it was to do so. Kinda got lost in my own head a bit here. I know, I really know all these things, it's just forcing yourself to acknowledge them is really, really hard sometimes.

 

you always think that if you say the magic words everything will be okay and i suppose i kinda survived on that delusion so far. But now, I don't think it really would be that easy- or that they are waiting for you to figure these things out and let them know. but it isnt like that really, i suppose it's probably time for me to try and work my way out of my comfy safe fantasy-s of everything will be ok.