JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OK. This might be my actual first thread here where I ask for actual dating advice. I know women/men/people care a lot about looks, and for most it is an absolute dealbreaker no matter how much you click/connect/support them. OK. That's fine. I can live with that. But those people probably won't be dating me. But I have seen enough evidence that there are at least a semi-substantial amount of women here on LS that are willing to overlook looks or at least be more lenient with men in that regard. So, it would stand to reason there are a number of women like that in real life. I know I come off as a douche here sometimes, but I do think I bring a decent amount to the table on the inside. So, I have 2 questions. 1) Is there anywhere to find these women/men in your opinion? I would assume online/bars/clubs are the worst places. What are the best? Volunteering? Activity based meetups? I do volunteer sometimes (but never hit on women) and I have a fair range of activities from outdoor to listening to music, etc. Do people who care less about looks tend to have a certain persona? 2) Do people really believe that less attractive people (subjectively by society) are less likely to care about looks in general? When I say that I don't mean that I am more likely to meet a less attractive woman's standards so she'll date me. I mean that she'll be more likely to give me a chance even if I don't because she's struggled because of it, or because of whatever other reason. Thanks. Just for the record, I would prefer an attractive woman myself, but would be definitely willing to overlook physical flaws if she were cool.
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 For me personally, I find a great personality, a hilarious sense of humor, kindness, thoughfulness, and sexual chemistry WAY more important than looks. I perfer to know who the person is, at least a little bit, before I make judgements about the outer shell. YES, there has to be physical attraction, but in all the LTR I've had, NONE of the men have been what any other woman I know would call hot or super attractive at first glance. But, I kind of tend to go for geeky types - smart is sexy to me. AND I tend to go for bigger, beefier guys too. 1
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OH and let me add - I think attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. I've never thought Brad Pitt is attractive. 2
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 OH and let me add - I think attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. I've never thought Brad Pitt is attractive. OK. That's not what I mean though. Say a woman finds fat, short, bald men attractive. I'm looking for a woman who is willing to easily look past the fact that a man is not those things.
InsaneTrombone Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OK. That's not what I mean though. Say a woman finds fat, short, bald men attractive. I'm looking for a woman who is willing to easily look past the fact that a man is not those things. Goodluck to you. We all rate attraction differently in something like that, but it's one of the first things we experience. I think depending on your age range it'll differ for you. Are they out there? Sure, but don't go searching for them, wishing you'll finally find someone like that. Improve yourself and who you are in the meantime. If you're overweight, go to the gym. If you need new clothes, take some fashion advice. If you have a bland haircut / style, get something new. I detect a serious lack of confidence by the OP already, and that's half the battle.
TheFinalWord Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Just for the record, I would prefer an attractive woman myself, but would be definitely willing to overlook physical flaws if she were cool. Why is this any less true for women?
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Look for women who feel more than shop. Or if she's shopping, she's shopping at the local co-op 1
TheFinalWord Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Reason I'm asking is it seems you are seeking women that apply the same standards you do. Attractive is more the icing on the cake than a deal breaker...as long as they are cool. What does cool mean for you? I would think you could find them in the same types of settings that you prefer to socialize in? 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Look for women who feel more than shop. Or if she's shopping, she's shopping at the local co-op Hi X, I think I'm ready to take my first big step and get over the fact that a woman might not be physically attracted to me but appreciates the other things about me. I just need to find those women now. What does feel mean? There's no co-op here. I live in the suburbs. Reason I'm asking is it seems you are seeking women that apply the same standards you do. Attractive is more the icing on the cake than a deal breaker...as long as they are cool. What does cool mean for you? I would think you could find them in the same types of settings that you prefer to socialize in? I never separated men and women and who cares more about looks in my post. I just happen to be a heterosexual man.
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I do think the woman you are describing is the typical woman. Most women are not looking for looks first and foremost. There seems to be a "shopping" attitude on OLD, where many men are messaging, and the photos are right there, so there is a lot of physical comparison possible. But when people interact IRL, that is not typically how it goes. The person you connect with the most gets you the most excited, and that is not necessarily the person who is the most physically attractive.
Imajerk17 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Women care a lot less about looks than guys do. Its much more about energy how comfortable you are in your skin and so on. You have to put yourself out there and approach though. During the day too. 1
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What does feel mean? I feel. Historically, I meet a guy and have a first impression, and that first impression often has very little correlation to my impression of a guy a month or so later. The people I've had the strongest attraction to typically haven't been the people that I thought were "hot" on first impression. Men grow hot to me as I get to know them. When I think a guy is hot on first impression, that is a shallow attraction--literally shallow. It is easy for that attraction to disappear with a single unpleasant interaction. 3
Roadkill007 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) OK. That's not what I mean though. Say a woman finds fat, short, bald men attractive. I'm looking for a woman who is willing to easily look past the fact that a man is not those things. Why not just find someone who finds you attractive and vice versa? And hell, you're willing to give girls who aren't 100% your type a try, right? so why wouldn't there be girls out there willing to give it a try with someone not 100% their physical type? GO GET'EM! btw this is SO true : " It is easy for [shallow] attraction to disappear with a single unpleasant interaction." Edited June 10, 2013 by Roadkill007
ScreamingTrees Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Goodluck to you. We all rate attraction differently in something like that, but it's one of the first things we experience. I think depending on your age range it'll differ for you. Are they out there? Sure, but don't go searching for them, wishing you'll finally find someone like that. Improve yourself and who you are in the meantime. If you're overweight, go to the gym. If you need new clothes, take some fashion advice. If you have a bland haircut / style, get something new. I detect a serious lack of confidence by the OP already, and that's half the battle. I don't get how any of those things could make up for an unattractive face. None of those things will make someone with a hooked nose, or droopy eyes, or disproportionate features attractive, because they are universally unattractive features.. At least disproportion and/or asymmetry is objectively nearly universally unattractive to the majority of people.
MomsSpaghetti Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Say a woman finds fat, short, bald men attractive. That rarely, if ever, happens. Which was part of the humor behind the George Costanza character on the show Seinfeld.
Roadkill007 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I don't get how any of those things could make up for an unattractive face. None of those things will make someone with a hooked nose, or droopy eyes, or disproportionate features attractive, because they are universally unattractive features.. At least disproportion and/or asymmetry is objectively nearly universally unattractive to the majority of people. point is not to worry yourself with things you can't or aren't willing to change, and change all that you're willing and able to improve on. If "universally unattractive faces" were that bad, there wouldn't be so many ugly parents, now would there? lol, sorry, I'm terrible
HokeyReligions Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Just for the record, I would prefer an attractive woman myself, but would be definitely willing to overlook physical flaws if she were cool. IMO this says it all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you like someone and they like you there is nothing to "overlook". Cool or not it would feel like a pity date. Or desperation. I wouldn't want to be with someone who maybe cared for me but also felt they had to "overlook" something about me and I certainly would not want to lead on someone I cared about but felt I had to "overlook" something about them. That would be a really crappy thing to do to someone. I don't care if others consider me ugly or beautiful. Fortunately I found a man who thinks I'm beautiful and I think him drop-dead gorgeous. I'm quite sure neither of us would pass a 'generally accepted standard' of attractiveness or beauty. 2
InsaneTrombone Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I don't get how any of those things could make up for an unattractive face. None of those things will make someone with a hooked nose, or droopy eyes, or disproportionate features attractive, because they are universally unattractive features.. At least disproportion and/or asymmetry is objectively nearly universally unattractive to the majority of people. He hasn't stated anything like that. He could just have really low self confidence and or doesn't take care of themselves. Even if so, confidence is a huge booster.
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I think it is can good to get out and go to someplace like a flea market that draws all sorts of couples and families out during the day. Look around. Look at ALL the couples, holding hands, pushing babies. You'll see very few gorgeous people, but you'll see lots of happy couples. 2
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Why not just find someone who finds you attractive and vice versa? If it hasn't happened in the first 34 years, it stands to reason that it won't from here on out. Which I'm trying to be OK with. IMO this says it all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you like someone and they like you there is nothing to "overlook". Cool or not it would feel like a pity date. Or desperation. I wouldn't want to be with someone who maybe cared for me but also felt they had to "overlook" something about me and I certainly would not want to lead on someone I cared about but felt I had to "overlook" something about them. That would be a really crappy thing to do to someone. I don't care if others consider me ugly or beautiful. Fortunately I found a man who thinks I'm beautiful and I think him drop-dead gorgeous. I'm quite sure neither of us would pass a 'generally accepted standard' of attractiveness or beauty. I mean, really and honestly, this is source of all of my bitterness. That others can find people that are physically attracted to them relatively easily. But I haven't. Ever. So, I'm trying to finally put it behind me. So, please people. Stop with the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's off topic. 1
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OK. That's not what I mean though. Say a woman finds fat, short, bald men attractive. I'm looking for a woman who is willing to easily look past the fact that a man is not those things. Did you read my whole entire post previous to this one? Personality means 100% more to me than looks any day. Looks fade, personality doesn't.
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I find it hard to believe that none of your girlfriends were physically attracted to you while they had romantic feelings for you. The romantic feelings can create the physical attraction--rose-colored glasses and all that.
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If it hasn't happened in the first 34 years, it stands to reason that it won't from here on out. Which I'm trying to be OK with. I mean, really and honestly, this is source of all of my bitterness. That others can find people that are physically attracted to them relatively easily. But I haven't. Ever. So, I'm trying to finally put it behind me. So, please people. Stop with the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's off topic. Maybe YOURE the one putting too much emphasis on looks? Maybe if you looked deeper inside the person, you could find mutual attraction? Maybe you're just going for super gorgeous Heidi Klum look alikes? 2
Imajerk17 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Its not your looks that are holding you back. It is probably your body language and voice tonality. And even that....you can still do the best w what you got. Do you work out? 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I find it hard to believe that none of your girlfriends were physically attracted to you while they had romantic feelings for you. The romantic feelings can create the physical attraction--rose-colored glasses and all that. Two of them said that they weren't physically attracted at first. But I don't want to get into details. I'll be branded as a whiner. Maybe YOURE the one putting too much emphasis on looks? Maybe if you looked deeper inside the person, you could find mutual attraction? Maybe you're just going for super gorgeous Heidi Klum look alikes? Are you trying to turn this into a typical mud-slinging thread?
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