Author trin250 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 He's a chef so I texted him "hey chef :)" yesterday to see if he was really ignoring me. He replied today with "Hey chef". Is he playing games? I don't know if I should reply, because if he does go back to normal, I don't want him to think that this weird behaviour is acceptable. I also don't want to go through this anxiety again.
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I just can't fathom worrying over this guy. His interest is minimal. If you don't want the anxiety, let him fade away and move on. There is no doubting a guy who is interested.
Sunshine87 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 So you texted him again? He didn't reach out? His response to your text was vapid. Please don't bother with this dude. Im wary of guys who shower women with sweet words only after having just met them. Plus he doesn't sound interested at all! Don't bother with him. He isn't worth the anxiety.
Gottabestrong Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Don't reply! You have initiated contact twice and when he finally replies, he doesn't ask any questions, not even 'How are you'? His level of interest is definitely low if at all existing. Save your pride by not replying and therefore having him be the last to text, even if he was only replying to your message. Either way, it is definitely his turn to initiate contact, so don't let insecurity, hope, etc. lead you into contacting him again. Try to find someone else to date. Someone who will clearly show you he is interested. Do you know the book 'The Tao of Dating'? The thing that stuck with me the most from this book is that we should not chase after a particular guy, but a particular feeling. Meaning, you should be dating someone who makes you feel secure, happy, wanted, appreciated, etc. If a guy does not make you feel that way, find someone who does. Good luck, I am sure a great guy is out there for you!
Author trin250 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not going to reply to his text! I just started a new job and have lots of stuff lined up to fill up my free time, so I can concentrate on other things and hopefully meet new people. He told me before that he gets *too* into someone when he first starts seeing them. I guess he fizzles out quickly aswell.
KatZee Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not going to reply to his text! I just started a new job and have lots of stuff lined up to fill up my free time, so I can concentrate on other things and hopefully meet new people. He told me before that he gets *too* into someone when he first starts seeing them. I guess he fizzles out quickly aswell. Yeah that's definitely a red flag. Calling you "wife" ? And being so smitten after a month is kind of rushing things. The flame that burns brightest are usually the ones to extinguish first. My ex was like this. He raced right out of the gate always saying the right things and because I was into him I ignored all of it. Just as easy as it was for him to turn on that interest, it was just as easy to turn it off.
AverageCat Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 He told me before that he gets *too* into someone when he first starts seeing them. I guess he fizzles out quickly aswell. Honestly I can't see how you can't read this situation... It's pretty easy. He's very into you. You WERE NOT into him. He was showering you with affection. (I am not sure if you are returning it or initiating it). He therefore is not feeling sure about this. He is investing a lot and I am not sure what he's getting in return.... Therefore he's going into self-preservation mode to preserve himself... How would he know that you're into him? When a person starts preserving their EGO you need to help them get through it. Otherwise when both people go into self-preservation (which is whats happening), both lose / miss out. 1
Author trin250 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Honestly I can't see how you can't read this situation... It's pretty easy. He's very into you. You WERE NOT into him. He was showering you with affection. (I am not sure if you are returning it or initiating it). He therefore is not feeling sure about this. He is investing a lot and I am not sure what he's getting in return.... Therefore he's going into self-preservation mode to preserve himself... How would he know that you're into him? When a person starts preserving their EGO you need to help them get through it. Otherwise when both people go into self-preservation (which is whats happening), both lose / miss out. I didn't really initiate it because to be honest I thought it was a bit much (I mean it's only been a month.) I did tell him though that I was starting to really like him (after he told me about his "deep feelings".) It's interesting that you bring this up because I'm not affectionate.. like at all. It takes a while for me to be touchy feely (I don't even like hugging my mom/family members.) I honestly didn't show him that much physical affection when we were together.. do you think he read that as disinterest? I ignored his text and he just texted again with "??".
AverageCat Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I think it's just weird that you don't show affection but you expect it from the other person. Either show it and expect it or don't and do not expect it. It has to be a 2 way street. Honestly by reading all of your back and forths I feel like I'm reading some 13 y old love story. Just don't think too much about your EGO / pride. However be conscious that the more you invest into a person (time, etc), the more you're going to be interested in them. But when that moment comes when either of you gets a bit insecure about what's going on and how much they're investing and if there is an equality of investment, then you must have each-other's back... I think that's what happened with your guy. He just wanted you to reassure him that you like him. YES GUYS NEED REASSURANCE TOO. They're not emotionless steel beings that eat bullets. That's the way I see it. 1
Author trin250 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 I think it's just weird that you don't show affection but you expect it from the other person. Either show it and expect it or don't and do not expect it. It has to be a 2 way street. Honestly by reading all of your back and forths I feel like I'm reading some 13 y old love story. Just don't think too much about your EGO / pride. However be conscious that the more you invest into a person (time, etc), the more you're going to be interested in them. But when that moment comes when either of you gets a bit insecure about what's going on and how much they're investing and if there is an equality of investment, then you must have each-other's back... I think that's what happened with your guy. He just wanted you to reassure him that you like him. YES GUYS NEED REASSURANCE TOO. They're not emotionless steel beings that eat bullets. That's the way I see it. I think it's weird too, trust me! I'm working on why I'm not affectionate.. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that my family isn't affectionate, so I'm used to not showing affection. I said I feel like I'm back in highschool.. I'm usually on point when it comes to dating but this time just feels off. Thanks for your input, I've given it a great deal of thought.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Interesting how quickly people dump someone over a missed text or two! Anything is possible, but there its nothing about your description of the date or timeline that would lead me to jump to the conclusion that he has dumped you. I misplaced my phone at about a month into dating my boyfriend. Normally he calls and texts me a couple of times a day. I wasn't able to respond. I'm glad he chose not to dump me over that. There are many reasons why someone might not be able to respond. You said his family was around and he was going to be busy with them. Why not hear what he has to say, then decide. And please don't try to solve misunderstandings by text. Call...or speak in person. 1
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