Leigh 87 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 You're thinking too much about it. It is no big deal. Really. If you don't want to sleep with him, don't. You are smart enough to realise if he is only interested in sex. Which I don't think he is only after. I understand not wanting to clean your apartment. Just clean it next time and be more spontaneous, I say! If you really like a guy, there should be no silly threads about "should he come to my flat/is it a bad idea to go to his place so soon?" Basically: if he is respectful and shows a keen interest in you, DON'T ruin it by reading too far into everything! Just go with it if you really do like him. You will know when something is truly off.
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I did think it was a little fast, I mean the way everything's been going his vibe is that he's into me and doesn't come off like a player but I didn't want to put off the impression that something could happen since he'd be at my place. I also didn't know how to navigate the convo to encourage him to ask me out for dinner or something. I'm with you... I think that having him over is too soon. About how to navigate... You might suggest something else that doesn't require $$ and doesn't require going to his place or yours. Lots of fun, free stuff to do while you are getting to know each other.
Jon Tenzo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Just clean it next time and be more spontaneous, I say! If you really like a guy, there should be no silly threads about "should he come to my flat/is it a bad idea to go to his place so soon?" If every woman thought like this there would be a lot more love making and less loveshack forum inquiries. I will say this - Women accuse men of being slobs but every single woman I have dated has used that excuse, and it's usually fact. Women leave their place an absolute mess. Hair in the bathtub from washing their hair, tampons in the garbage, piles of clothes in the corner and it's usually worse when they have a cat or dog. OK men have their fair share of it as well, beer cans neatly stacked near the wall, faint smell of piss emanating from the toilet, fine hairs all over the sink from shaving, dishes piled to the max in the kitchen sink. The difference is when a dude is actively dating and clearly single he cleans his place, at least the bedroom - Before every date (at least in my family this was taught) just in case the girl comes back to your place. Now in 2013 why isn't the reverse true? One girl I was courting was a complete tease and rather childish. She wasn't willing to come back to my place yet didn't want to clean her room. Yet she was grabbing my junk in the movie theater like it was her property. Clearly the next step was someone's bedroom right? Wrong. Long story short ladies please clean your room before dates and determine ahead of time if you are going to be having private time with a date. Let him know ahead of time and do not engage in foreplay if the intention is not to head to the boom boom room at the end of the date. 3
TheFinalWord Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OK so today new guy and I had tentative plans to hang after he got out of work. So he messages me when he gets home and he asks if I still want to get together, I say yeah I'm down if he is and I'm expecting like dinner or something, so we can continue getting to know each other. I did tell him right off the bat that I didn't have my car available right now and that he'd have to come to my neighborhood. He said he had no problem coming to me, and then brought up a show that's on tonight and wondered if I'd want to watch it. He said if I wasn't into it that we could plan something for next week. I actually wound up canceling tonight and said we'll do something next week. Did he just like invite himself over to my place? Kind of put off by this. I'm also not a dater so I'm not sure if this is like a thing? Or if he'd try something with me? I don't want to search for things that are wrong but what do you people think? How do I even broach that subject that I don't think it's OK for him to just hang in my apartment, especially this early on? I like what tbf said and the recommended statement. I'm oldschool though, and at only two weeks I think the guy should plan something and pick you up. Unless its very long distance and he doesn't know the area. He may not necessarily be after sex, but rather looking to not spend much money or he may not want to miss his TV show (odd unless he does not have DVR). So I agree, picking up the tab would be a nice gesture. If you are not comfortable with him coming over that quick (and I don't blame you, it's not just about sex, it's also the safety aspect) i think it is good just to be upfront about it. Tbf suggested a direct approach, which I like. It may be time to have a talk about boundaries if you feel it is progressing that way. I think you can tell his intentions if you listen to your gut instincts 1
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I will say this - Women accuse men of being slobs but every single woman I have dated has used that excuse, and it's usually fact. Women leave their place an absolute mess. Hair in the bathtub from washing their hair, tampons in the garbage, piles of clothes in the corner and it's usually worse when they have a cat or dog. The difference is when a dude is actively dating and clearly single he cleans his place, at least the bedroom - Before every date (at least in my family this was taught) just in case the girl comes back to your place. Now in 2013 why isn't the reverse true? Long story short ladies please clean your room before dates and determine ahead of time if you are going to be having private time with a date. Let him know ahead of time and do not engage in foreplay if the intention is not to head to the boom boom room at the end of the date. Not sure what kind of women you're picking up but I'm not a slob at all. My "messy apartment" I mean that I have to fold laundry and I'd like to vacuum and dust. I would never have clothes all over my floor or used tampons hanging out in the trash. My trash gets taken out every single morning. 0_o Either way, at this point I wasn't even THINKING bringing him back to my place, so to straighten was the furthest thing from my mind. And I think if women just threw all caution into the wind and brought home every guy they were into, you'd have WAY MORE threads on LS... "Did he just use me for sex?!" "Why did he hit it and quit it?!" "Why wasn't he into me?!" 1
Jon Tenzo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 And I think if women just threw all caution into the wind and brought home every guy they were into, you'd have WAY MORE threads on LS... "Did he just use me for sex?!" "Why did he hit it and quit it?!" "Why wasn't he into me?!" Alternatively you could view it as if he just hit it and quit it, it means he wasn't really into it in the first place. I have had sex with a girl on the first date, ended up continuing to date her and later had to break up due to distance issues. However, I respected her and would not consider her another notch on the belt. If the guy is interested he will stick around. If not, he won't (even if you don't let him have you until the 4th or 5th date). So what's the point of holding every single guy to the same old arbitrary rule if the outcome is going to be the same regardless? Making your room presentable for a guest isn't throwing caution to the wind, it's preparing for the unexpected. And of course every woman in America would prefer to shake their head and say no that is saying "I'm a hooker". Probably a poor analogy but it's late and I'm out of ideas...This is like someone saying "You're a morbid person" if I'm taking out a life insurance policy and writing my will. It's simply acknowledging sh** happens, I'm not immortal and that's the end of it! Not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. Accidents happen everyday and conveniently, so does sex. 1
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I'm laid back, too, but someone I hardly know isn't inviting his/herself to my place. That's my place. It's clean and I'm fine with visitors, but I'll do the inviting. That being said, I think using the phrase "hang out" was the first mistake. I can see him thinking it's ok to go to your place if you're going to just "hang out." I agree with tbf on everything she's said, so no need to type it out again.
MidwestUSA Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Did I read right - you nixed his show because a game of thrones finale was on? I'm sure he's really confused. I guess I'm like GB25; three dates and I should know enough to feel comfortable having someone over. Smith and Wesson are fine chaperones
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I would choose any episode of Game of Thrones over a date with any guy. Every single time. Also, no season four until 2014!! 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I would choose any episode of Game of Thrones over a date with any guy. Every single time. Also, no season four until 2014!! Oh baby, I guess I'm out of the loop. 1
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Did I read right - you nixed his show because a game of thrones finale was on? I'm sure he's really confused. I guess I'm like GB25; three dates and I should know enough to feel comfortable having someone over. Smith and Wesson are fine chaperones You're damn right I did. Lets see, season finale of GoT oorrrr.... a discovery channel miniseries. There is no debate of this here. Whatsoever. 1
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I would choose any episode of Game of Thrones over a date with any guy. Every single time. Also, no season four until 2014!! OH MY. GOD. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!??!?! I'm going to die. Legit. Die right here. Right now. Life is over as we know it.
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 KatZee, just please remember how you felt a few weeks ago before you met this guy. You lived your life for yourself, and your wants and needs came first. That doesn't change now, ok? He's still almost a virtual stranger. 1
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OH MY. GOD. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!??!?! I'm going to die. Legit. Die right here. Right now. Life is over as we know it. I knooooooow!! And I've already read all the books.
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Do I need to form a support group for y'all? ......................maybe.
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 KatZee, just please remember how you felt a few weeks ago before you met this guy. You lived your life for yourself, and your wants and needs came first. That doesn't change now, ok? He's still almost a virtual stranger. I know, I've calmed down a lot. I'm just being cool and going with the flow. I'm still getting to know him so I shouldn't worry if he's confused or offended (he doesn't sound like he's either) but regardless, I need to do what's right for me, and I felt it was a bit too soon to have him chilling on my couch. We're supposed to meet up this week, he mentioned me coming to him and BBQ'ing because he just had his new deck installed. I'd feel more comfortable hanging there, than him coming to me. So we'll just take it a day at a time. I don't have bad vibes from him at all, and this is a really welcome change actually having a guy be like "No worries!" When I say we'll push back plans until later in the week. Makes me sad that my ex did such a number on me that I'm anxious and paranoid and walking on eggshells with everything I say and do. Ugh. I hate emotionally abusive people. I just want to be able to enjoy the dating stages and not freak out about every. single. little. thing. 2
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Do I need to form a support group for y'all? Watch it and then get back to us. You'll be needing the support group just as much. 3
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Makes me sad that my ex did such a number on me that I'm anxious and paranoid and walking on eggshells with everything I say and do. Ugh. I hate emotionally abusive people. I just want to be able to enjoy the dating stages and not freak out about every. single. little. thing. Agreed. It took me almost two and a half years to fully get over it to the point where I don't worry about these things anymore. You'll get there, love.
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Agreed. It took me almost two and a half years to fully get over it to the point where I don't worry about these things anymore. You'll get there, love. I hope so. I think if we keep hanging out I'll just keep being reinforced of the idea that there are decent people out there who really don't have any secret agenda, and that he's just a genuinely nice guy. I really didn't even realize how bad my ex got to me until I started seeing this guy. Serious agita. I need to go meditate or something lmao.
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I hope so. I think if we keep hanging out I'll just keep being reinforced of the idea that there are decent people out there who really don't have any secret agenda, and that he's just a genuinely nice guy. I really didn't even realize how bad my ex got to me until I started seeing this guy. Serious agita. I need to go meditate or something lmao. I know what you mean, but it's important to get yourself to know that your life won't lose anything if things don't work out. You were already really strong and happy before meeting him, and you can continue to be, no matter what.
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I know what you mean, but it's important to get yourself to know that your life won't lose anything if things don't work out. You were already really strong and happy before meeting him, and you can continue to be, no matter what. This is true, but I finally feel like I'm ready to experience a relationship again. I'm a hopeless romantic Libra. Finally over my ex, been single over a year, fixed my whole life up, created things for myself, can stand on my own two feet, and then this guy shows up out of no where! The timing was almost too perfect. But I guess the world won't end if it doesn't wind up working out. Just would be nice if it did.
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 This is true, but I finally feel like I'm ready to experience a relationship again. I'm a hopeless romantic Libra. Finally over my ex, been single over a year, fixed my whole life up, created things for myself, can stand on my own two feet, and then this guy shows up out of no where! The timing was almost too perfect. But I guess the world won't end if it doesn't wind up working out. Just would be nice if it did. I am definitely wishing you all the best. This guy better treat you well, or I'm kicking his ass. 1
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I am definitely wishing you all the best. This guy better treat you well, or I'm kicking his ass. You'd have to get in line b/c I don't take no s.hit off no one!!! :lmao: 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Yea, sad what a number the exes have done on us. I pulled out of it. Agree, just take it slow, enjoy yourself and life. The biggest thing I had to overcome was not immediately assigning an ulterior motive or alternate agenda to everyone I met. Of course, 85% of them had one, and it all traced back to numbers THEIR exes had done on THEM. Vicious, vicious cycle.
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