KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 OK so today new guy and I had tentative plans to hang after he got out of work. So he messages me when he gets home and he asks if I still want to get together, I say yeah I'm down if he is and I'm expecting like dinner or something, so we can continue getting to know each other. I did tell him right off the bat that I didn't have my car available right now and that he'd have to come to my neighborhood. He said he had no problem coming to me, and then brought up a show that's on tonight and wondered if I'd want to watch it. He said if I wasn't into it that we could plan something for next week. I actually wound up canceling tonight and said we'll do something next week. Did he just like invite himself over to my place? Kind of put off by this. I'm also not a dater so I'm not sure if this is like a thing? Or if he'd try something with me? I don't want to search for things that are wrong but what do you people think? How do I even broach that subject that I don't think it's OK for him to just hang in my apartment, especially this early on?
GB25 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 What are we interpreting here?? He said he wanted to come over and hang and watch tv together? How many dates has it been? how long have you known him? I kinda think you're making it a bigger deal than it is..maybe he just wanted to have a chill night and sit on the couch and watch tv..seems normal to me.. but i guess i can see why you wouldnt..im really laid back i guess
sillyanswer Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Did he just like invite himself over to my place? Or did he think that you just invited him over to yours... and then you cancelled? I'm not sure either way, but it does sound confusing. As with many dating conundrums, improved communication may clarify things. (ie, talk to him)
Author KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Oh sorry, yeah its very early stages. We met like two weeks ago, and we've been out three times together. I just kind of was like errrrrr... I mean my apartment isn't even clean and visitor friendly and he kind of invited himself over. I don't know maybe I'm looking far too much into this.
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 looks to me like you got cold feet I just kind of thought having him over my house after 2 weeks of knowing him was just a little too soon.
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Are you saying "he brought up a show that on TV tonight"? If so, yes, he did just invite himself over and if his pace is too fast, then it's good that you declined, although you could have suggested a different venue without missing a beat since it's your neighborhood and you'd know all the places to hang out. 2
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Are you saying "he brought up a show that on TV tonight"? If so, yes, he did just invite himself over and if his pace is too fast, then it's good that you declined, although you could have suggested a different venue without missing a beat since it's your neighborhood and you'd know all the places to hang out. I did think it was a little fast, I mean the way everything's been going his vibe is that he's into me and doesn't come off like a player but I didn't want to put off the impression that something could happen since he'd be at my place. I also didn't know how to navigate the convo to encourage him to ask me out for dinner or something.
youngnlove89 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 When I am crushing on a guy...I think "to heck with it" Sure, come on over!! There are no rules. If you don't want to go further than watching a TV show, just tell him where you are at. He should respect that. I know some guys think that coming over is the golden ticket to sex, but if you are up front with them in the beginning, then there is no pressure.
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 You told him he had to come to your neighborhood cause you have no car. So he said OK. And he wanted to just hang out and watch TV. Then you cancelled? He's probably confused now. 4
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I also didn't know how to navigate the convo to encourage him to ask me out for dinner or something.It's easy. "It's a bit soon for my place but what do you think about this fantastic venue (whichever place you wish to go, whether restaurant or other fun place) that's in my neighborhood?" If you make the suggestion, be prepared to pay, even for him. Now if you're looking for him to pay, then I have no advice for you since I'm only traditional about the first date. 3
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 You told him he had to come to your neighborhood cause you have no car. So he said OK. And he wanted to just hang out and watch TV. Then you cancelled? He's probably confused now. I said I was down to hang out for a little bit if he was, and then he came back and said there was a show on at 9 and would I be interested in watching it and that if not no biggie we could meet up sometime next week... I said "aww i would definitely be into checking that out another time, but your show conflicts with game of thrones finale that's on at 9 and that we'll def plan something for this upcoming week."
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 It's easy. "It's a bit soon for my place but what do you think about this fantastic venue (whichever place you wish to go, whether restaurant or other fun place) that's in my neighborhood?" If you make the suggestion, be prepared to pay, even for him. Now if you're looking for him to pay, then I have no advice for you since I'm only traditional about the first date. Great wording, thanks. 1
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Great wording, thanks. Thanks. Thinking about the paying aspect, you could offer to pay to sweeten the pot and also, to soften the rejection a bit so you're giving him the social cue that you have high interest in him. "It's a bit soon for my place but what do you think about this fantastic venue (whichever place you wish to go, whether restaurant or other fun place) that's in my neighborhood? My treat since you're driving all this way!" 2
GB25 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 you have gone out on 3 dates and you think allowing him over you're apt to watch a tv show is moving fast?? hmmm im sorry how old are you guys? 1
starrynightz45 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 You should have said "Well what about we grab dinner/go see a movie/whatever else?" He would have gotten the hint. Also, him saying pretty much I want to come over OR I'll see you next week implies "I don't want to drive out there unless I'm coming over tonight, so let me know."
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 you have gone out on 3 dates and you think allowing him over you're apt to watch a tv show is moving fast?? hmmm im sorry how old are you guys? I've known him just under 2 weeks now. I've been out with him 3 times, two of them were "date'ish" settings. We're late 20's and early 30's. I don't think age really matters here, I think it's def a little fast for a guy to invite himself over after 11 days of knowing him. 3
GB25 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I've known him just under 2 weeks now. I've been out with him 3 times, two of them were "date'ish" settings. We're late 20's and early 30's. I don't think age really matters here, I think it's def a little fast for a guy to invite himself over after 11 days of knowing him. I hear ya and i respectfully disagree.. but like i said i am very laid back so ya
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I hear ya and i respectfully disagree.. but like i said i am very laid back so ya I just didn't want to put off the impression that anything was going to happen or that I'm down for casual sex or something like that. I'm definitely way more traditional than most and feel the beginning of the "dating period" should be dates. Going out, doing things together. Not just sitting inside watching TV. 1
Jon Tenzo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I just didn't want to put off the impression that anything was going to happen or that I'm down for casual sex or something like that. I'm definitely way more traditional than most and feel the beginning of the "dating period" should be dates. Going out, doing things together. Not just sitting inside watching TV. Make sure he's the traditional type too otherwise I see a mismatch in the making...
GB25 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 And i understand you're position but..you said you had no car and wanted to do something so he would havta come to you're neighborhood in order to make that happen.. so he suggested lets hang and watch tv..i dont even think he really invited himself over to be honest he was just suggesting an idea bc you kinda left him with no options Could it be he just wanted to relax and watch tv and talk...and not all about sex.. and...he was also saying we can watch a show or if that doesnt work for you then we can try another time sounds like a pretty good dude to me not only after sex. 1
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 And i understand you're position but..you said you had no car and wanted to do something so he would havta come to you're neighborhood in order to make that happen.. so he suggested lets hang and watch tv..i dont even think he really invited himself over to be honest he was just suggesting an idea bc you kinda left him with no options Could it be he just wanted to relax and watch tv and talk...and not all about sex.. and...he was also saying we can watch a show or if that doesnt work for you then we can try another time sounds like a pretty good dude to me not only after sex. I guess I was just hoping for something like, "do you want to grab dinner?" It doesn't have to be expensive, I can also foot the bill, or we can split. But people are not mind readers. Yeah, I guess it was also nice he said no biggie if it didn't work.
Author KatZee Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Make sure he's the traditional type too otherwise I see a mismatch in the making... He comes off traditional too. His behavior, demeanor, style of clothing. I've gotten nothing but good vibes, I think this just threw me off for a second and I didn't know how to react. I think I also just jumped to the "he just wants sex" conclusion prematurely. Totally not cut out for dating.
Jon Tenzo Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Totally not cut out for dating. It's a shame these days but I think they might actually have to come out with a dating eTutorial. I don't blame a lot of people for being confused. I personally made every single attempt to find a way to get around any potential for mixed signals by being blunt when necessary and checking the temperature every once in a while. It's a necessary thing so you don't waste each other's time. Re-evaluate where you're at and if the fireworks are in the making or not.
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