zanesfan Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I met this 32 y/o man that is everything that I am looking for. He takes me out 3-4 times on the weekend, we talk on the phone for hours at a time, he has never pressured me for sex, he is very open and honest with me about his feelings, and he compliments me and tells me how beautiful I am. It's sad because I almost want to end things. I've been praying for a good guy to come into my life and here he is, yet I dont want him. He is overly affectionate, I saw him with his shirt off and he is shaped like spongebob. We had sex for the first time this weekend and the condom got lost inside of me and he had problems keeping it hard (he said its been an ongoing issue). We tried to have sex again the following morning but it wouldnt stay hard long enough to get the condom on. I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to get out now while I can. But the other part wants me to stick it out but I don't want to force it. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did it turn out? Prior to him I stopped dating for a few months because I felt my picker was off, but now I've lucked up and found a great guy but not sure if I could continue to see him. Before we had sex I had doubts too so this didnt start after sex. 1
leafguy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Sounds to me like there is just simply no attraction / spark. You can't force this, it has to happen naturally and if it doesn't that is the difference between a friend and a lover. 3
MercuryMorrison1 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I agree, It sounds like there is just no real attraction. No one here will really be able to tell you why though, that's just something that will need to be figured out on your own. He sounds like a great guy though. 1
charlietheginger Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Sponge bob is a sexy beast..... Lol uugghh i know its harsh but physical attractiveness Is a huge part... When you gotta sleep and wake up to something your Not attracted to it will never work... Fortunately i only look at the eyes and smile to feel Attraction.... I was once fat so i know everyone on the inside Is all the same. Ive lost 45lbs and still like bigger more Normal women. Not into thin ones... But i dont want A women that looks like sponge bob ether....
CarrieT Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 My fiance and I stumbled (sexually) the first few times we were together. And - as I have said before - he knows that I was not physically attracted to him. However.... I knew he was a great guy. And I also know that it can take time for two people to find their sexual groove together. Sure, I have had great sex with guys from one-night stands, but these were guys who had little to say during second phone calls. I would say that if you can get comfortable enough with him to express the sexual problems - and want to work through them - it might be worth working on. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 And - as I have said before - he knows that I was not physically attracted to him. It's pretty insensitive to tell the guy that you're with that you weren't physically attracted to him. What would you say if he said that to you? Bet you wouldn't be around much longer.... 1
charlietheginger Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 It's pretty insensitive to tell the guy that you're with that you weren't physically attracted to him. What would you say if he said that to you? Bet you wouldn't be around much longer.... My advice would be as this why hurt his feelings As honeybadger said GOODGUYS ARE HARD TO FIND..... If you two date maybe you can do the gym thing 3nights a week and he can eat healthy being around you Provided you eat healthy and work out... see if you can clean up his diet and excersize him into shape Its possibe THEN YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT GUY THATS ATTRACTIVE
CarrieT Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 It's pretty insensitive to tell the guy that you're with that you weren't physically attracted to him. Why? Part of the strength of our relationship was/is that we have been completely open and honest about everything. What would you say if he said that to you? Bet you wouldn't be around much longer.... But he HAS told me things about myself that he was not attracted to and that turned him off. It did not stop us from looking beyond these minor aspects and building a relationship on larger, more important things. Maybe many people can't do that. Maybe most people are like Roweena, in this thread, who base their marriages on physical attraction and hope their marriages last. Look, you don't know me. But I can inform that I am one of the "slutty" women around here who has had in excess of 300 men of all walks of life and have been lucky enough to find a guy who didn't care about my past AND with whom I can build a future. And that future is based on a whole package. I told him I was not attracted to him at first. But that does not mean I am not attracted to him NOW.
charlietheginger Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Why? Part of the strength of our relationship was/is that we have been completely open and honest about everything. But he HAS told me things about myself that he was not attracted to and that turned him off. It did not stop us from looking beyond these minor aspects and building a relationship on larger, more important things. Maybe many people can't do that. Maybe most people are like Roweena, in this thread, who base their marriages on physical attraction and hope their marriages last. Look, you don't know me. But I can inform that I am one of the "slutty" women around here who has had in excess of 300 men of all walks of life and have been lucky enough to find a guy who didn't care about my past AND with whom I can build a future. And that future is based on a whole package. I told him I was not attracted to him at first. But that does not mean I am not attracted to him NOW. Wow 300 men id run for the hills That's 1 a month for 25yrs.... Not that i judge a women by her past but on that One i think id judge.
CarrieT Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Wow 300 men id run for the hills That's 1 a month for 25yrs.... You are making mathematical assumptions. I might have done them all in a weekend or two. The fact-of-the-matter is, YOU DON'T KNOW. Geeee..... you say this: Not that i judge a women by her past but And then this: One i think id judge. Which is it? Judgmental or not? You don't know me. Without reading my 5,000+ posts, you don't know what I have gone through or why. You are making a simple assumption on a number I through out there. The point of this thread is the OP's conundrum with not being attracted to a Great Guy and all I have done is point out that sometimes, the BEST GUYS are the ones that one might not be immediately drawn to for some reason -- and to look beyond the immediate, superficial can be extremely rewarding. I am going to reiterate this: Sometimes, the BEST GUYS (OR GIRLS) are the ones that one might not be immediately drawn to for some reason -- and to look beyond the immediate, superficial can be extremely rewarding. 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 But I can inform that I am one of the "slutty" women around here who has had in excess of 300 men. Sweet jesus. :sick: I told him I was not attracted to him at first. Very disrespectful. There's no reason to ever tell anybody this. Hold on to this guy. There's very few guys out there that would be both accepting of your past and open to such disrespect.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If he's not performing during sex, that's a problem that has to be addressed. Either he has a bad porn addiction, is lacking testosterone etc., or you are bad in bed. Better get to the bottom of it. Since you say he's fat (?) I'm guessing it might be #2.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 You're in that classic conundrum where you're always really into the guys that don't want anything serious to do with you, but never into the guy(s) who want to give it all to you on a silver platter because they like you and want to treat you well. You've got to realize, women chase the "bad" guys for a reason, there's something instinctive about it and there's a lot of problems and issues you can relate to with a guy who's emotionally unavailable, it triggers all your insecurities of vulnerability, lack of control, insecurity and all that jazz that women tend to have issues with...and maybe you're even a commitment phone on top of it. So at the end of the day this is really about you and your problems. For your sake I'd say stick around and try to figure things out, even communicate and tell him what you're feeling if you've got some issues, give him a chance to try and work through things with you and see if he can step up to the plate in some way you didn't expect it...or just know that you're done with him and maybe this guy was a rebound, a pick-me-up and an ego boost because you got burned by so many other men you just needed someone to treat you right for a while. You might head down the road you were on after this, but at least try to take some time and be on your own, try to figure yourself out and work on yourself and your problems...because you're not going to get anywhere going around in circles and just praying for the "perfect guy"...that's not how reality works...reality is if you got your shet together or more together you'll be more competent in picking someone that'll last long term and that you'll be satisfied with being with...right now it just sounds like you're a ping pong ball without any direction...you need to step out of the game for a while it seems after this.
thatone Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 The erectile dysfunction may or may not be a bigger issue, depending on age. What are your ages?
Ordinaryday Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Because he is 'such a nice guy' and what woman wants a nice guy?
Revolver Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Because like most women you think the perfect man is on his way. But many times that never happens
Ordinaryday Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Because like most women you think the perfect man is on his way. But many times that never happens Guys can be the same. Hate to admit it, but everyone knows it anyway. I grew up watching those trashy american high school comedies in which the gorgeous 10/10 girl rejects the jocks at the end of the movie and instead hooked up with the nerd. I WAS THE NERD in high school, and I kept waiting for it to happen to me - I saw it in the movies so I figured it must be real. funny thing, movies are not real though. the gorgeous 10/10 girls never wanted anything to do with me in high school. forget that, not even the 'average' girls were interested - the only girls who were remotely interested were the 'ugly' girls. I know 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' and all that but just ONCE I wanted to be with the gorgeous girl - it has never happened - the only girls I can get to go out with me are the social misfits that no one else wants.
Inexperienced85 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Sweet jesus. :sick: Wow 300 men id run for the hills That's 1 a month for 25yrs.... Not that i judge a women by her past but on that One i think id judge. But if it was a guy who slept with 300 women, you'd probably think he's the God and take every word of his as a gospel, right? 3
Aerrie Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I usually have trouble keeping it hard with a new girl because of nervousness, even if I am mega horny. A few attempts later there is no problem. I d give him a few more shots before making decisions. 2
Maleficent Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I met this 32 y/o man that is everything that I am looking for. He takes me out 3-4 times on the weekend, we talk on the phone for hours at a time, he has never pressured me for sex, he is very open and honest with me about his feelings, and he compliments me and tells me how beautiful I am. It's sad because I almost want to end things. I've been praying for a good guy to come into my life and here he is, yet I dont want him. He is overly affectionate, I saw him with his shirt off and he is shaped like spongebob. We had sex for the first time this weekend and the condom got lost inside of me and he had problems keeping it hard (he said its been an ongoing issue). We tried to have sex again the following morning but it wouldnt stay hard long enough to get the condom on. I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to get out now while I can. But the other part wants me to stick it out but I don't want to force it. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did it turn out? Prior to him I stopped dating for a few months because I felt my picker was off, but now I've lucked up and found a great guy but not sure if I could continue to see him. Before we had sex I had doubts too so this didnt start after sex. By the time I finished reading the first paragraph, I though 'eh sounds like a great friend!' I'm sorry for the awkward sex. It's never a fun thing. If part of you already wants to get out now, I doubt this will end up working in the end. It looks to me like you are simply not attracted to the guy. And it happens and you are perfectly entitled to not be attracted to the guy, no matter how perfect he looks for you.
MidwestUSA Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I usually have trouble keeping it hard with a new girl because of nervousness, even if I am mega horny. A few attempts later there is no problem. I d give him a few more shots before making decisions. This is so true; happened to me and my bf, now husband. Matters not how good a guy's usual "performance" is. Sounds like the bigger issue, however, is "spongebob" and the fact that you weren't "feeling it" before the clothing came off. Love Ninja's advice, as always, take it to heart and good luck.
MercuryMorrison1 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 and maybe you're even a commitment phone on top of it. I just wanted to let you know that I laughed fairly uncontrollably at this.
charlietheginger Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 But if it was a guy who slept with 300 women, you'd probably think he's the God and take every word of his as a gospel, right? I would think you were a creep.... As for the female thats banged over 300 guys even if the women was a porn star she didnt have To be a porn star other jobs exist. Eazy money is often sleezy money
Author zanesfan Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 I just want everyone to know that I really like this guy now. all of a sudden I am really attracted to him. After i left his place, I started to miss him. And his penis flopping hasn't been as bad. I went to his apt on Thursday and here I am on Sunday and I hate to leave. This really could be the start of something beautiful. I think I was scared of what he had to offer. I am open to explore those possibilities now. 3
shexy Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I met this 32 y/o man that is everything that I am looking for. He takes me out 3-4 times on the weekend, we talk on the phone for hours at a time, he has never pressured me for sex, he is very open and honest with me about his feelings, and he compliments me and tells me how beautiful I am. It's sad because I almost want to end things. I've been praying for a good guy to come into my life and here he is, yet I dont want him. He is overly affectionate, I saw him with his shirt off and he is shaped like spongebob. We had sex for the first time this weekend and the condom got lost inside of me and he had problems keeping it hard (he said its been an ongoing issue). We tried to have sex again the following morning but it wouldnt stay hard long enough to get the condom on. I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to get out now while I can. But the other part wants me to stick it out but I don't want to force it. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did it turn out? Prior to him I stopped dating for a few months because I felt my picker was off, but now I've lucked up and found a great guy but not sure if I could continue to see him. Before we had sex I had doubts too so this didnt start after sex. I just ended a 3 year relationship with a nice, funny, thoughtful man - because he has ED and would NOT go to the doctor to try and get it resolved. That's how we started out, he had trouble staying hard sometimes, but it got worse and worse. I felt like total b!tch, but sex is important to me. I like it and I want it in the relationship. There were other issues besides just the ED, but that was the main one for me. I stuck it out for 3 years hoping he'd change his and try to find a solution, but he refused. If sex is an important part of a relationship, I would talk to him about it now before you're in it for 3 years....... if you like him enough and he's willing to see a dr. about it, GREAT! If not, it might be best to move on.
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