adb22 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 What if the guy you're dating had a girl best friend? Would you find it odd or threatening or would you be 100% okay with it? This guy I've started talking to has a female best friend. I mean they are all ooey gooey in their pictures and it kind of freaks me out. Of course that is probably just my insecurity talking and I'd NEVER tell someone that they had to choose between me or a best friend, but it all has me wondering about stuff... I mean we're not dating, but their relationship has me thinking super hard about even beginning to pursue anything further. Has this situation ever worried you or do you just go with the flow.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I decided long ago that I won't date men who are best friends with a female, or best friends with an ex. It always ended badly for me when I did. That's just me though! 3
Eggplant Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I would be bothered if they were extremely close and she wasn't gay or 30 years older than he. Extremely close friends share emotional intimacy.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'd say you'd need to get to know them well enough to know if they have appropriate boundaries, in any case. Being currently 'ooey-gooey' in pictures would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not 'ooey gooey' with my male friends. I'm friends with their wives and girlfriends too. That is kind of how you can tell the real friends from the fake friends. I briefly dated a guy who was 'ooey-gooey' with a female friend in pictures after we started dating and he agreed he'd stop. He was a first-class orbiter, IMHO. Out he went. This I wont tolerate. 4
Author adb22 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I'd say you'd need to get to know them well enough to know if they have appropriate boundaries, in any case. Being currently 'ooey-gooey' in pictures would be a deal breaker for me. I'm not 'ooey gooey' with my male friends. I'm friends with their wives and girlfriends too. That is kind of how you can tell the real friends from the fake friends. I briefly dated a guy who was 'ooey-gooey' with a female friend in pictures after we started dating and he agreed he'd stop. He was a first-class orbiter, IMHO. Out he went. This I wont tolerate. I'm definitely not that far into the getting to know you phase with him to even care that much, but considering that I do a lot of day dreaming about the future, I have thought about the possible struggles that a relationship with someone who has this type of relationship with another woman could entail...and I'll admit that I don't really care for being the jealous girlfriend type, which I know would probably end up happening.
FitChick Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 My friend dated a guy who was living in a two bedroom apartment with another woman with whom he was close. More like brother and sister. The guy eventually moved in with my friend and she became good friends with that other woman. 1
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Shoudn't be a problem if they seem to have a normal platonic friendship...if you don't trust a guy enough to have a close female friend, then there is problems there already. Like someone else said, you do need to see how they interact to get an idea if it is platonic...it is hard to describe, but it can be easy to see when someone is interested in someone else. One of my best friends is a girl, we've been close for 4 or 5 years now. We've be there for each other numerous times during the highs and lows and nothing remotely sexual has happened...we hug and that is it. I would have no problem with a gf having a close/best guy friend (assuming as one or the other isn't into each other, namely my gf)
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm definitely not that far into the getting to know you phase with him to even care that much, but considering that I do a lot of day dreaming about the future, I have thought about the possible struggles that a relationship with someone who has this type of relationship with another woman could entail...and I'll admit that I don't really care for being the jealous girlfriend type, which I know would probably end up happening. I hear you... Seems to me that people who make a habit of doing this have to be aware of the impression it leaves. In the case of the guy I mentioned, he desperately wanted to leave the impression he was a ladies man and was dating this woman... which he wasn't. Shear fantasy on his part... Still, I wasn't happy about the impression it left after the fact... that I would allow that while he was dating me. I wasn't even jealous. I just thought it was tacky and showed little consideration. So, yea. Probably best to leave this one alone. 1
Author adb22 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I hear you... Seems to me that people who make a habit of doing this have to be aware of the impression it leaves. In the case of the guy I mentioned, he desperately wanted to leave the impression he was a ladies man and was dating this woman... which he wasn't. Shear fantasy on his part... Still, I wasn't happy about the impression it left after the fact... that I would allow that while he was dating me. I wasn't even jealous. I just thought it was tacky and showed little consideration. So, yea. Probably best to leave this one alone. Just to be clear...do you mean that the people who have a super close relationship with a person of the opposite gender have to realize that having that relationship could come be a bit off putting to potential mates?
Vervain Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What exactly is "ooey gooey," first of all? I'd consider the guy in question. I know one who hugs all his friends and is very expressive, but is dedicated to the girl he's with. It's in his nature to be what could be described as "ooey gooey."
Author adb22 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 ooey gooey= hugging cheek to cheek in every picture that they have together, one picture with her laying back on his chest, just stuff like that. They just look a lot more into each other than just being really good friends, but that's just my interpretation. If I were looking at them from afar and didn't know their situation, I would think they were either dating or banging...
sillyanswer Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 ooey gooey= hugging cheek to cheek in every picture that they have together, one picture with her laying back on his chest, just stuff like that. They just look a lot more into each other than just being really good friends, but that's just my interpretation. If I were looking at them from afar and didn't know their situation, I would think they were either dating or banging... It sounds like you could turn that into a question to ask him.
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If they're oooey gooey in pix, it's only a matter of time before they're no longer best friends, but FWB. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. But of course, the reason I'm divorced is because my ex was skrewing one of my best friends, who was also a friend of his as well. So I might be a bit cynical about the whole "but she's just my friend" b.s.
runningfar Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What if the guy you're dating had a girl best friend? Would you find it odd or threatening or would you be 100% okay with it? This guy I've started talking to has a female best friend. I mean they are all ooey gooey in their pictures and it kind of freaks me out. Of course that is probably just my insecurity talking and I'd NEVER tell someone that they had to choose between me or a best friend, but it all has me wondering about stuff... I mean we're not dating, but their relationship has me thinking super hard about even beginning to pursue anything further. Has this situation ever worried you or do you just go with the flow. I wouldn't care about a female best friend. But what do you mean by ooey gooey pictures? If it's what is in my head with that description, then I'm not okay with pictures of that with either gender best friend. But we might have different ideas of ooey gooey.
Author adb22 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I wouldn't care about a female best friend. But what do you mean by ooey gooey pictures? If it's what is in my head with that description, then I'm not okay with pictures of that with either gender best friend. But we might have different ideas of ooey gooey. Lol...I described it a few posts up
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I can speak here as a girl who was "best friends" with a guy. I used to date a guy (briefly) and then we both moved away to other cities and ended it no hard feelings because of the distance. We still talked/texted all the time. He came to visit me and vice versa. We hooked up. We considered each other best friends. He then got another gf and we continued to talk/text the same amount, even about her. I became friends via Skype/FB with her even though we never met in person. She found out we used to date and forced him to cut off ALL contact with me. I was SUPER PISSED at first because even though this guy and I had hooked up in the past I truly valued him as a friend and was dating other people, plus the distance prevented anything from happening between us. Prior to cutting off contact, they'd fight about me frequently and my "role" in his life. It made me REALLY dislike her. He would constantly defend me and say it was completely platonic, which it was ever since they started dating. I agreed that I would never try anything while they were dating. I was dating other people too! Some time went by and I started to understand where she was coming from. He and I do share a very unique bond and if I were her I'd be threatened. There is a very real possibility that if we lived in the same place we'd still be dating. That being said, I realized that what I was really feeling was anger towards HIM for choosing her over me, but how could he not? He was getting sex from her and I'm far away and she's his gf and I'm not so obviously he had to make that decision. Should you be worried? Yes. Men and women are NEVER just friends if they are "ooey gooey" and talk all the time. You can be acquaintance friends with someone of the opposite sex (like another poster said, when someone is friends with a gf/bf couple) but if you're at the point where you're talking all the time, every day or multiple times a week, sharing FEELINGS and not just being casual and friendly, there is a problem and the chances that those two carry a torch, however small for each other, is REALLY HIGH. I will be honest and say that the chances I would hook up with my friend if we were in the same place and drunk is pretty damn certain. Even if they've never hooked up, there is almost a 100% certainty that at least one if not both of them has entertained the idea, or worse, has a slight or major crush on the other. Don't risk it. Make him get rid of her or dump him. 1
hppr Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What if the guy you're dating had a girl best friend? Would you find it odd or threatening or would you be 100% okay with it? This guy I've started talking to has a female best friend. I mean they are all ooey gooey in their pictures and it kind of freaks me out. Of course that is probably just my insecurity talking and I'd NEVER tell someone that they had to choose between me or a best friend, but it all has me wondering about stuff... I mean we're not dating, but their relationship has me thinking super hard about even beginning to pursue anything further. Has this situation ever worried you or do you just go with the flow. Until you get involved with him you won't know for sure but I can tell you that I have never ever known a man who had a girl 'best friend' other than his wife or girlfriend.
Author adb22 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I can speak here as a girl who was "best friends" with a guy. I used to date a guy (briefly) and then we both moved away to other cities and ended it no hard feelings because of the distance. We still talked/texted all the time. He came to visit me and vice versa. We hooked up. We considered each other best friends. He then got another gf and we continued to talk/text the same amount, even about her. I became friends via Skype/FB with her even though we never met in person. She found out we used to date and forced him to cut off ALL contact with me. I was SUPER PISSED at first because even though this guy and I had hooked up in the past I truly valued him as a friend and was dating other people, plus the distance prevented anything from happening between us. Prior to cutting off contact, they'd fight about me frequently and my "role" in his life. It made me REALLY dislike her. He would constantly defend me and say it was completely platonic, which it was ever since they started dating. I agreed that I would never try anything while they were dating. I was dating other people too! Some time went by and I started to understand where she was coming from. He and I do share a very unique bond and if I were her I'd be threatened. There is a very real possibility that if we lived in the same place we'd still be dating. That being said, I realized that what I was really feeling was anger towards HIM for choosing her over me, but how could he not? He was getting sex from her and I'm far away and she's his gf and I'm not so obviously he had to make that decision. Should you be worried? Yes. Men and women are NEVER just friends if they are "ooey gooey" and talk all the time. You can be acquaintance friends with someone of the opposite sex (like another poster said, when someone is friends with a gf/bf couple) but if you're at the point where you're talking all the time, every day or multiple times a week, sharing FEELINGS and not just being casual and friendly, there is a problem and the chances that those two carry a torch, however small for each other, is REALLY HIGH. I will be honest and say that the chances I would hook up with my friend if we were in the same place and drunk is pretty damn certain. Even if they've never hooked up, there is almost a 100% certainty that at least one if not both of them has entertained the idea, or worse, has a slight or major crush on the other. Don't risk it. Make him get rid of her or dump him. Well, good thing we haven't started dating or anything...just talking and flirting, etc...but that's what I believe about opposite sex best friends...most of the time at least one of them has thought about taking it to the next level if they already haven't before.
USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If she is remotely attractive, avoid at all costs. There are enough men out there that just isn't worth the trouble. 1
Casablanca Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If she is remotely attractive, avoid at all costs. There are enough men out there that just isn't worth the trouble. What trouble? Men and women CAN be just friends, if you can't trust someone to have a friend of the opposite sex, how can you trust any significant other at all?
USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What trouble? Men and women CAN be just friends, if you can't trust someone to have a friend of the opposite sex, how can you trust any significant other at all? Sure, they can be friends, but best friends...? Someone you go to for anything and everything? Shouldn't someone's best friend of the opposite gender be his significant other...?
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What trouble? Men and women CAN be just friends, if you can't trust someone to have a friend of the opposite sex, how can you trust any significant other at all? People always bring up trust, for me, it's more so about consideration of your significant other. Who is more important? Call me insecure or selfish, but I have to be number one in my mans life. I'm honest and up front about it. Before mom, beforethe best friend. I'm looking for a life partner, and I don't think it's too much to ask to put my feelings before theirs. Not to mention the fact that I am not against opposite sex friendships, I just believe in basic boundaries. For me, sharing a bed with the opposite sex is one of them.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If she is remotely attractive, avoid at all costs. There are enough men out there that just isn't worth the trouble. Yes, exactly. It's only harmless if she is 3/10 or under (oooh shoot me ). Or a lesbian. And unattractive lesbian at that. Otherwise RUN.
Author adb22 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Yes, exactly. It's only harmless if she is 3/10 or under (oooh shoot me ). Or a lesbian. And unattractive lesbian at that. Otherwise RUN. Lol...I know you're being sarcastic...but I think it's true haha
USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Lol...I know you're being sarcastic...but I think it's true haha I don't think she's being sarcastic. At all.
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