sunshine001 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) Hi, I am 29 my ex is 36. I was dumped by him in Jan 2013. Have always been a happy person but with the way things unfolded, the shock of it is just unbearable. Some of the reasons he left me are deeply saddening to me as I cannot change them. I was attacked by a man about 10 months back, was going to be raped but the situation got saved as someone arrived. I was glad to have been saved but was vulnerable at times as I wished to leave that dodgy neighbourhood of Tenderloin in San Francisco where we lived and the only argument we had was that we move to a safer neighbourhood. I am from a good family with loving parents. Originally from England my ex-bf is French. Have been living here in san francisco for 5 years. I am the only one living in the US my entire family is outside US so is his. I have lived through strong situations in this country and came out winner but just cannot survive this one. I am deeply hurt that my ex found me to be weak and told me that he doesn't want to be with someone who went through crap like that and want someone who is clean. It cuts like a knife and hurts to know that that is what he thinks. I am clean and I know it. Being a victim of an attack is not unclean.. I was not raped and even if I was raped I am not unclean. His words have made me feel miserable for the past 5 months. I wish to take my life as I cannot deal with those hurtful words. I have moved on from the attack incident but cannot move on from his words because its coming from a man that I deeply loved. Who dumped me for a situation that was out of my control? How is it my fault? I am a very quiet person who creates no drama and all throughout did things to come out of the incident - went to a counsellor, reached out to friends and family and just like them reached out to my ex as well (which I shouldn't have as its something he didn't want) and while breaking up he says he was not comfortable with that, didn't want to deal with all of that and is deeply hurt that he has to be with a girl who went through that and that he deserves better. My self worth is not defined by an accident? How could someone say they deserve better because of this? And leave me for that? I have moved on from everything but cannot move on from his words. I have planned to kill myself in August. Beyond that I am still coping and surviving his words. It is very difficult to deal with this and have tried moving on for 5 months but no closure within myself. Don't see any other way out. I would like to know if there was anyone who survived such harshness or is death the best route? The reason I ask is because death seems to be the best route to me. The only man I ever loved the most left me for a reason that was beyond my control. I feel even more horrible and keep thinking how I could have taken a different road that day and avoided the attack. How I would have been different to have avoided the man from attacking me. If that would not have happened my ex would have still be with me. That is a stupid reason and a reason beyond my control for him to leave me. I thought my ex will offer some emotional support but none, he never even acknowledged it and treated it like it is none of his business. I don't need it anymore but at least never thought that would be the reason will throw on my face. Edited June 9, 2013 by sunshine001 spelling mistakes
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm hoping by August you will come to your senses and understand that Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This man is borderline psychotic. I can understand how much it must hurt to think on his words, but please, stop. Think. Consider. Of all the people you know, he is the only one to come up with such trash, such rubbish and such shameless stupidity. The man is a jerk. He's a total out-and-out bastard and doesn't deserve the consideration or credit you are giving him. His words are despicable and beneath contempt. Why, of all times, August? Please, distance yourself from this man completely. Come home to the UK. Be with your family. # Furthermore, please know one thing: Suicide is the most dreadful burden you could place upon your family. It leaves so much emptiness in the lives of people who love you, and in the hearts of those who gave you life. I know from having met, seen and witnessed the interminable heartache of people, how wretched the suicide of a loved one leaves them. From their point of view, it is a selfish, hurtful and completely unnecessary action, and to know someone they loved very deeply could go to such lengths, baffles and saddens them inconsolably. Please, do not do this. 2
John Hammond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Hi, I am 29 my ex is 36. I was dumped by him in Jan 2013. Have always been a happy person but with the way things unfolded, the shock of it is just unbearable. Some of the reasons he left me are deeply saddening to me as I cannot change them. I was attacked by a man about 10 months back, was going to be raped but the situation got saved as someone arrived. I was glad to have been saved but was vulnerable at times as I wished to leave that dodgy neighbourhood of Tenderloin in San Francisco where we lived and the only argument we had was that we move to a safer neighbourhood. I am from a good family with loving parents. Originally from England my ex-bf is French. Have been living here in san francisco for 5 years. I am the only one living in the US my entire family is outside US so is his. I have lived through strong situations in this country and came out winner but just cannot survive this one. I am deeply hurt that my ex found me to be weak and told me that he doesn't want to be with someone who went through crap like that and want someone who is clean. It cuts like a knife and hurts to know that that is what he thinks. I am clean and I know it. Being a victim of an attack is not unclean.. I was not raped and even if I was raped I am not unclean. His words have made me feel miserable for the past 5 months. I wish to take my life as I cannot deal with those hurtful words. I have moved on from the attack incident but cannot move on from his words because its coming from a man that I deeply loved. Who dumped me for a situation that was out of my control? How is it my fault? I am a very quiet person who creates no drama and all throughout did things to come out of the incident - went to a counsellor, reached out to friends and family and just like them reached out to my ex as well (which I shouldn't have as its something he didn't want) and while breaking up he says he was not comfortable with that, didn't want to deal with all of that and is deeply hurt that he has to be with a girl who went through that and that he deserves better. My self worth is not defined by an accident? How could someone say they deserve better because of this? And leave me for that? I have moved on from everything but cannot move on from his words. I have planned to kill myself in August. Beyond that I am still coping and surviving his words. It is very difficult to deal with this and have tried moving on for 5 months but no closure within myself. Don't see any other way out. I would like to know if there was anyone who survived such harshness or is death the best route? The reason I ask is because death seems to be the best route to me. The only man I ever loved the most left me for a reason that was beyond my control. I feel even more horrible and keep thinking how I could have taken a different road that day and avoided the attack. How I would have been different to have avoided the man from attacking me. If that would not have happened my ex would have still be with me. That is a stupid reason and a reason beyond my control for him to leave me. I thought my ex will offer some emotional support but none, he never even acknowledged it and treated it like it is none of his business. I don't need it anymore but at least never thought that would be the reason will throw on my face. I am very sorry for what's happened to you. He is a horrible person for doing that to you. But on the bright side - isn't it actually good that you broke up, so you don't have to live with such a horrible person for the rest of your life? He doesn't deserve you, and there are much better people around. Look at this as just an obstacle you have to overcome in order to find the right person - the one who'll truly make you happy and not judge you. Suicide is never the option. So you kill yourself, and then what? It won't solve anything, it won't make you happy - while on the other side you can pursue happiness in other places and look at everything that happened now as just a dark period of your life. The period you managed to beat because you were stronger than that. Don't give up, you'll be amazed by how strong you can be in situations like these!
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 sunshine001, here is reference to a website you may find helpful. This confirms what I was saying. 12. How does suicide affect friends and family members? Suicide is extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated. Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has completed suicide. From here. Keep yourself well. And please - keep posting - !
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