Its_MEE Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Me and MM bumped into each other last night. We started talking about all of this. Recap: 1yr A 4/27 DDAY 5/28 I texted BW in blackout ragefilled moment. 5/29: she demanded we meet, he told me in front of Her that it was over. 6/3: he told me how much of a mistake that was.. That he can't live without me and that he is asking Her for a D. He's been apologizing for doing that to me ever since. Yesterday morning he asked me to meet for breakfast to talk.. We did. Last night... We didn't know we would see each other. Basically, he says that he knows that telling me he wanted to separate from her was something he probably shouldn't have told me, but that he he felt the need to because he don't want me to 'count him out'. That he doesn't regret it because i now know how he truly feels. His decision is made and he will proceed with asking her to separate. He wants to do all of this with a clear mind and me in the picture is not helping this. He says that I keep putting a time stamp on every move we make. (And I do. I can't help it. I guess it's how I'm coping). But that something like this can not be timed. He says he doesn't even know how to put the words together in a sentence to her. He doesn't want to en this marriage with hostility. And if he makes this decision with only me in mind she will unleash the wrath in other words. He says he loves me, he wants I be with me, but that I am basically being impatient. He looked at me in the eyes and said..." After today, we can't talk about this anymore...... And if at any moment you feel as though you can't do this anymore, then I'll have to respect you.. I just hope that when this all happens, you'll still have enough love for me in your heart because you is who I want to be with, I just HAVE TO do this my way. I can't do it how she wants or how you want. I have to think about my happiness and how I get there." At that point, what can I say? I did speak and I did tell him exactly how I felt. I told him that I also hope that when this is done I still feel te same about him. But that I really have to decide if this is something I can wait for. That he's already broken my heart and that I'm still rebuilding so I can't have him do this to me again. That ok... I won't press on this subject anymore.. I'll try to be a little understanding and patient. But while that is happening, we can't have this affair continue. We can't have secret meetings, or ANY physical contact because it isn't helping anything. Some of you will think I'm a complete idiot... Others will think that this is going "according to schedule", but those of you who truly understand... How can I be more patient? He's not asking me to continue an A. He's just asking that I bear with him. And that he will come to me when time is right? He said "timing is everything". I don't know guys...... I think I will take this time to seriously de-stress and work on me. I think I now need to really remove this situation from my mind. We both know how we feel. And if at any moment it happens an I'm still in love, then great. But I need to not expect anything. I'm not upset today. Maybe a little frustrated. I mean.... He seems truthful. He does. His decision is made. But now. I have I wait. Have any of you been in this situation? If so, what was the outcome? Did it work out? Did you move on? Did he follow through? Did he buckle? Do you believe him? Did you wait?
Goodbye Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Me and MM bumped into each other last night. We started talking about all of this. Recap: 1yr A 4/27 DDAY 5/28 I texted BW in blackout ragefilled moment. 5/29: she demanded we meet, he told me in front of Her that it was over. 6/3: he told me how much of a mistake that was.. That he can't live without me and that he is asking Her for a D. He's been apologizing for doing that to me ever since. Yesterday morning he asked me to meet for breakfast to talk.. We did. Last night... We didn't know we would see each other. Basically, he says that he knows that telling me he wanted to separate from her was something he probably shouldn't have told me, but that he he felt the need to because he don't want me to 'count him out'. That he doesn't regret it because i now know how he truly feels. His decision is made and he will proceed with asking her to separate. He wants to do all of this with a clear mind and me in the picture is not helping this. He says that I keep putting a time stamp on every move we make. (And I do. I can't help it. I guess it's how I'm coping). But that something like this can not be timed. He says he doesn't even know how to put the words together in a sentence to her. He doesn't want to en this marriage with hostility. And if he makes this decision with only me in mind she will unleash the wrath in other words. He says he loves me, he wants I be with me, but that I am basically being impatient. He looked at me in the eyes and said..." After today, we can't talk about this anymore...... And if at any moment you feel as though you can't do this anymore, then I'll have to respect you.. I just hope that when this all happens, you'll still have enough love for me in your heart because you is who I want to be with, I just HAVE TO do this my way. I can't do it how she wants or how you want. I have to think about my happiness and how I get there." At that point, what can I say? I did speak and I did tell him exactly how I felt. I told him that I also hope that when this is done I still feel te same about him. But that I really have to decide if this is something I can wait for. That he's already broken my heart and that I'm still rebuilding so I can't have him do this to me again. That ok... I won't press on this subject anymore.. I'll try to be a little understanding and patient. But while that is happening, we can't have this affair continue. We can't have secret meetings, or ANY physical contact because it isn't helping anything. Some of you will think I'm a complete idiot... Others will think that this is going "according to schedule", but those of you who truly understand... How can I be more patient? He's not asking me to continue an A. He's just asking that I bear with him. And that he will come to me when time is right? He said "timing is everything". I don't know guys...... I think I will take this time to seriously de-stress and work on me. I think I now need to really remove this situation from my mind. We both know how we feel. And if at any moment it happens an I'm still in love, then great. But I need to not expect anything. I'm not upset today. Maybe a little frustrated. I mean.... He seems truthful. He does. His decision is made. But now. I have I wait. Have any of you been in this situation? If so, what was the outcome? Did it work out? Did you move on? Did he follow through? Did he buckle? Do you believe him? Did you wait? My exMM said a very similar thing to me. I interpreted it as he is being selfish and wants to keep me on the hook while figuring out what he wants, all the while not risking my telling his wife anything. I wouldn't hold your breath. 2
Goodbye Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 For him to think that he can separate without hostility involved is crazy thinking. I think he has a plan and it's mean and passive aggressive and it's cruel to both you and the wife. He is going to go back to the marriage, pretend that everything is hunky dory, so he can bombard her a couple of years down the line and say this isn't working out. He thinks if he plays it nice for a year or two that his wife will accept it more easily and she won't be as mad if she believes the affair is not the reason for him leaving. He wants her to believe it's her fault. In the meantime, he intends to keep you waiting on him while he puts his plan in action. Itsmeee.........do you really want a man who could be so cruel and so manipulative and passive aggressive to the mother of his children, and don't kid yourself, he is planning on doing exactly that. Do you want a man who expects you to put your life on hold for him while he enacts his cruelty on another woman? If you allow this and go along with this, you two do deserve each other. It's my hope that you realize you deserve better than this pos. I even say a little prayer that his wife will dump his ass like yesterday. Exactly. I really think this is what my ExMM is up to. Going back to play married for a bit, and then ease out and let the W think it is her fault. Seriously...very, very wimpy.
findingnemo Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Me and MM bumped into each other last night. We started talking about all of this. Recap: 1yr A 4/27 DDAY 5/28 I texted BW in blackout ragefilled moment. 5/29: she demanded we meet, he told me in front of Her that it was over. 6/3: he told me how much of a mistake that was.. That he can't live without me and that he is asking Her for a D. He's been apologizing for doing that to me ever since. Yesterday morning he asked me to meet for breakfast to talk.. We did. Last night... We didn't know we would see each other. Basically, he says that he knows that telling me he wanted to separate from her was something he probably shouldn't have told me, but that he he felt the need to because he don't want me to 'count him out'. That he doesn't regret it because i now know how he truly feels. His decision is made and he will proceed with asking her to separate. He wants to do all of this with a clear mind and me in the picture is not helping this. He says that I keep putting a time stamp on every move we make. (And I do. I can't help it. I guess it's how I'm coping). But that something like this can not be timed. He says he doesn't even know how to put the words together in a sentence to her. He doesn't want to en this marriage with hostility. And if he makes this decision with only me in mind she will unleash the wrath in other words. He says he loves me, he wants I be with me, but that I am basically being impatient. He looked at me in the eyes and said..." After today, we can't talk about this anymore...... And if at any moment you feel as though you can't do this anymore, then I'll have to respect you.. I just hope that when this all happens, you'll still have enough love for me in your heart because you is who I want to be with, I just HAVE TO do this my way. I can't do it how she wants or how you want. I have to think about my happiness and how I get there." At that point, what can I say? I did speak and I did tell him exactly how I felt. I told him that I also hope that when this is done I still feel te same about him. But that I really have to decide if this is something I can wait for. That he's already broken my heart and that I'm still rebuilding so I can't have him do this to me again. That ok... I won't press on this subject anymore.. I'll try to be a little understanding and patient. But while that is happening, we can't have this affair continue. We can't have secret meetings, or ANY physical contact because it isn't helping anything. Some of you will think I'm a complete idiot... Others will think that this is going "according to schedule", but those of you who truly understand... How can I be more patient? He's not asking me to continue an A. He's just asking that I bear with him. And that he will come to me when time is right? He said "timing is everything". I don't know guys...... I think I will take this time to seriously de-stress and work on me. I think I now need to really remove this situation from my mind. We both know how we feel. And if at any moment it happens an I'm still in love, then great. But I need to not expect anything. I'm not upset today. Maybe a little frustrated. I mean.... He seems truthful. He does. His decision is made. But now. I have I wait. Have any of you been in this situation? If so, what was the outcome? Did it work out? Did you move on? Did he follow through? Did he buckle? Do you believe him? Did you wait? My opinion? At this point it could mean anything. You need to take yourself out of the picture completely and concentrate on you. I really hope this is the last interaction pre-moving-mountains on his part. And I mean moving the Everest. Whatever he says now, he may mean....for all of two seconds. He doesn't know what he's doing right now, let alone what he'll do in a few months or years. Enough talk. It's time for you to let go and heal. It's time for him to figure himself out. If you still love him when he is free, then you start a real R from scratch and see how you like him then. If not, then you'll have moved on into your future. Don't let him make you a sounding board for his plans. 2
Mount Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I did not see any single tiny bit effort that your MM was trying to make in order to be with you. Even yourself outted the affair to his wife...... Listen to me, man will not go with weak woman, they might take advantage with weak women, but in their mind they really don't respect or will choose weak women as their partners - because men are weak themselves too. Thus they need strong women be their lead, in their lives. So you need to take control....leave MM alone, and if he truly wants you, he will take action and stick with it. Telling you that it cant be talked about anymore and saying he hopes you have enough love in your heart to do it his way is highly manipulative. He is playing on your feelings for him to regain control of the situation and go back to status quo and not have to worry about you harping on him. He has had a year to get this in order. If he had enough love in his heart for you, he would see what he has already asked of you. He doesnt see it, and he is asking for more. My advice....leave him to his business and if after the divorce is final and tine has passed you and him still want to build a relationship, go for it. But at this point, if you continue, you are showing him youll accept this relationship as it is and he has all the power. 8
Author Its_MEE Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Maybe I missed it, but are you and your husband still together? If so, where does he fit in? I'm not married
beyond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Me and MM bumped into each other last night. We started talking about all of this. Recap: 1yr A 4/27 DDAY 5/28 I texted BW in blackout ragefilled moment. 5/29: she demanded we meet, he told me in front of Her that it was over. 6/3: he told me how much of a mistake that was.. That he can't live without me and that he is asking Her for a D. He's been apologizing for doing that to me ever since. Yesterday morning he asked me to meet for breakfast to talk.. We did. Last night... We didn't know we would see each other. Basically, he says that he knows that telling me he wanted to separate from her was something he probably shouldn't have told me, but that he he felt the need to because he don't want me to 'count him out'. That he doesn't regret it because i now know how he truly feels. His decision is made and he will proceed with asking her to separate. He wants to do all of this with a clear mind and me in the picture is not helping this. He says that I keep putting a time stamp on every move we make. (And I do. I can't help it. I guess it's how I'm coping). But that something like this can not be timed. He says he doesn't even know how to put the words together in a sentence to her. He doesn't want to en this marriage with hostility. And if he makes this decision with only me in mind she will unleash the wrath in other words. He says he loves me, he wants I be with me, but that I am basically being impatient. He looked at me in the eyes and said..." After today, we can't talk about this anymore...... And if at any moment you feel as though you can't do this anymore, then I'll have to respect you.. I just hope that when this all happens, you'll still have enough love for me in your heart because you is who I want to be with, I just HAVE TO do this my way. I can't do it how she wants or how you want. I have to think about my happiness and how I get there." At that point, what can I say? I did speak and I did tell him exactly how I felt. I told him that I also hope that when this is done I still feel te same about him. But that I really have to decide if this is something I can wait for. That he's already broken my heart and that I'm still rebuilding so I can't have him do this to me again. That ok... I won't press on this subject anymore.. I'll try to be a little understanding and patient. But while that is happening, we can't have this affair continue. We can't have secret meetings, or ANY physical contact because it isn't helping anything. Some of you will think I'm a complete idiot... Others will think that this is going "according to schedule", but those of you who truly understand... How can I be more patient? He's not asking me to continue an A. He's just asking that I bear with him. And that he will come to me when time is right? He said "timing is everything". I don't know guys...... I think I will take this time to seriously de-stress and work on me. I think I now need to really remove this situation from my mind. We both know how we feel. And if at any moment it happens an I'm still in love, then great. But I need to not expect anything. I'm not upset today. Maybe a little frustrated. I mean.... He seems truthful. He does. His decision is made. But now. I have I wait. Have any of you been in this situation? If so, what was the outcome? Did it work out? Did you move on? Did he follow through? Did he buckle? Do you believe him? Did you wait? I don't like the sound of this Mee. Of course you want to know some kind of timeline - you have a life too, but it's like he is trying to make you feel bad for daring to ask when he sees you being together (and it seems to be working!) His actions are that he didn't come clean to his wife about you until you outed him. Then he sat there and said it was over with you in front of his wife. After saying that, he then says it was all a 'mistake' and he wants to be with you and asks to meet you (after no doubt telling his wife he wouldn't contact you again). Whatever way you look at it, he has continued to lie to both you and your wife. Why would you believe him when he says he is leaving? 1
HopingAgain Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 He is a bonafide player, I'll give him that. He will continue this game with you for as long as you agree to it. He's saying don't pressure me or ask me to leave my marriage. I will someday, but until then, will you continue to sleep with me while I secretly try to fool my wife into thinking we're rebuilding? He has shown his true colors, if you continue to accept this than be prepared for the continued anguish this man will cause in your life. 3
Mount Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Millon of cases have proved - when you gut is telling you something, the thing will come to be true (even how hard you/us try to stop it not happening - it will happen anyway). :bunny: I don't like the sound of this Mee. Of course you want to know some kind of timeline - you have a life too, but it's like he is trying to make you feel bad for daring to ask when he sees you being together (and it seems to be working!) His actions are that he didn't come clean to his wife about you until you outed him. Then he sat there and said it was over with you in front of his wife. After saying that, he then says it was all a 'mistake' and he wants to be with you and asks to meet you (after no doubt telling his wife he wouldn't contact you again). Whatever way you look at it, he has continued to lie to both you and your wife. Why would you believe him when he says he is leaving?[/QUOTE]
HopingAgain Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I also think you should continue your job search, because DDay #2 will probably arrive shortly, and I have a feeling BS will NOT be so nice or understanding this time around. If that does happen, and she doesn't kick him out, that's when he'll most likely disappear completely from your life, as she won't believe a word he says. And nor should she or you!
Mount Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 What job search, did I miss some content from OP? I also think you should continue your job search, because DDay #2 will probably arrive shortly, and I have a feeling BS will NOT be so nice or understanding this time around. If that does happen, and she doesn't kick him out, that's when he'll most likely disappear completely from your life, as she won't believe a word he says. And nor should she or you!
ComingInHot Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 MEE, I think you have helped set the stage for MM to think he can walk all over you, bend you to his will then blow you up for a nice cushy place to land IF His Wife decides She doesn't want him. Have you ever seen why happens to the soft landing blow up thingies after people land on them from a dangerous place (ledge, burning building...). They buckle and deflate, sometimes broken beyond repair. I say, STOP doing this to yourself!! He broke your heart He lied and manipulated you (and His Wife) He humiliated you He degraded you He minimized you He is STILL trying to use you (most likely) Otherwise he would be w/you Right NOW!!!!! Nobody should be w/this sorry excuse. Both you & his Wife & family deserve better* 6
HopingAgain Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 What job search, did I miss some content from OP? In a different thread, MMs wife had threatened to come up to Mees and MMs mutual workplace before they all agreed to meet elsewhere. Mee was considering quitting but the boss asked her to stay. But I don't think a piping hot BS will look good for business if she finds out she's still being lied to by both of them and comes to the job.
Clemenza Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 One thing I agree with him about is that I think he does need to look at his marriage, and overall situation, without you in the picture. I think that's something most MM and MW should do in these situations. Especially if the MM/OW or MW/OM have any hopes of eventually being together. You being a major reason why he left won't bode well for a relationship, IMO. It's difficult, but likely necessary. 2
HonestNeurotic Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I THINK - based on what you've shared - that the man is confused. He really isn't sure what he wants. He THINKS he wants you, but at the same time, he's a COWARD. Probably afraid of "failure". Because to get divorced, to some people, is failure. It's saying that you made a mistake in getting married - especially if there is nothing at all really wrong with the person that you got married to. Maybe it'll work out for you two. However, if it really is truly to be that? He needs to live by himself and get honest with himself about what HE really wants in life. I must say also - based only by what you've written - that I have some kind of feeling that he feels bad and guilty for what he did to you - by acting a coward - hoping to assuage his bad behaviour and remorse for having hurt you. I would move forward with your own life - and not live it waiting for him. I think he is trying to make up for hurting you and letting you go with love. I could be wrong. But I also believe that if two people are REALLY meant to be together - then the marriages need to end, and they need to live alone and discover whether or not they truly want a different relationship, or if they are just not happy in the one that they have. Some people's affairs are really just diversions for their own personal unhappiness. A bandaid. Not all, but it's very common. 2
sybo24 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I think all of us look for any piece of hope that the MM will leavally e his wife and life will be perfect for us. Don't wait around for this to happen, do whatever you need to do to survive this and move on. If he does eventually leave his wife if you are meant to be together then you will. Think of yourself for once xx 2
spiderowl Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 As someone who hasn't been in this situation, I read what you said and felt you would be better off telling him you are going to be an independent free agent. If he gets a divorce, he could come and talk to you but you will not wait for him until then. I would make it clear to him that until he has sorted everything out, I am not in a relationship with him. Why should he have the benefits of two relationships? Why should you have to wait for him to do things at his pace? I can understand his need to do that, and he has a wife to consider, certainly he should do that, but why would you want to hang around waiting for all this? There are no guarantees. He's trying to keep you around as a security blanket for when he tells her he wants a divorce (if). I bet if you weren't in the picture, he wouldn't divorce his wife, no matter how unsatisfied he was in the relationship.
Praying4Peace Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I THINK - based on what you've shared - that the man is confused. He really isn't sure what he wants. He THINKS he wants you, but at the same time, he's a COWARD. Probably afraid of "failure". Because to get divorced, to some people, is failure. It's saying that you made a mistake in getting married - especially if there is nothing at all really wrong with the person that you got married to. Maybe it'll work out for you two. However, if it really is truly to be that? He needs to live by himself and get honest with himself about what HE really wants in life. I must say also - based only by what you've written - that I have some kind of feeling that he feels bad and guilty for what he did to you - by acting a coward - hoping to assuage his bad behaviour and remorse for having hurt you. I would move forward with your own life - and not live it waiting for him. I think he is trying to make up for hurting you and letting you go with love. I could be wrong. But I also believe that if two people are REALLY meant to be together - then the marriages need to end, and they need to live alone and discover whether or not they truly want a different relationship, or if they are just not happy in the one that they have. Some people's affairs are really just diversions for their own personal unhappiness. A bandaid. Not all, but it's very common. Why are people saying he's trying to restart the A? He specifically said he wants her out of the picture. That way if the M ends because of the after effects of the A, she won't be involved. I think it's the only way they can be together in the future. It'll give BW time to detach too and go through the range of emotions. The only thing is that human emotion can't be planned so his feelings might change. If I were you- I'd go NC and work on yourself. That way if he doesn't come back you'll be strong. You shouldn't be dating for a while anyways. If Mr Single Perfect comes along then it's meant to be. If you're dating and MM becomes single you can always break up with a new BF (though you might not want to). Take care and do what will bring you no regrets.
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 All he has to do is tell her he wants a divorce. She knows about the affair and you texted her as well. Their marriage could be over NOW if he truly wants it to be. I'm telling you, he isn't sure what he wants which is why he's giving you the 'have to do it my way.' People who want out of their marriages, especially when someone else is involved, do it quickly and as painlessly as possible. He's a complete idiot, sorry but he doesn't want to be the bad guy and deal with the fallout and reaction of others, he's doing damage control. Instead of truly apologizing, make it as easy as possible for his wife to divorce (be fair to her for alimony and/or spousal support) he is taking his time so he won't be judged by others or have his (ex) wife hate him. OR, he is lying to you and they are working it out and he wants you as his back up plan in case their marriage doesn't work out after a certain amount of time. Don't get your hopes up. Live your life - Forget him! Grieve him and move on. IF he does divorce, he can 'date' you in a proper way when the timing is right. 5
C00kie Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) Noone here can tell you for sure whether he's being truthful or not. We can't make such a judgement without fully knowing this person. Right now I think you have two options: you'll wait for him and bear with it or you don't wait for him in case you feel he's leading you on. Be aware that if you do wait for him you have to be patient and things will have to happen in his own time and terms - it's not easy going through a divorce and getting your emotions together. If you love him and feel like waiting, be there for him, but be prepared for the possibility that he may not go through after all. If he's serious, then he'll take his own time but will try not to leave you in the dark. He may need his space though. It's up to you to decide whether you're patient enough to wait a little more - of course, if you see months go by and nothing changes, then you have every right to question him in a mature way, with a conversation that may help you both see sense and a way out of it. Also - meanwhile, it's important to focus on yourself, your well being. Do things that make you feel good. A hobbie, something like that. You will only benefit from it. Who knows what great things may be ahead of you? You deserve to be happy. Best of luck! Edited June 10, 2013 by C00kie
Summer Breeze Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Me and MM bumped into each other last night. We started talking about all of this. Recap: 1yr A 4/27 DDAY 5/28 I texted BW in blackout ragefilled moment. 5/29: she demanded we meet, he told me in front of Her that it was over. 6/3: he told me how much of a mistake that was.. That he can't live without me and that he is asking Her for a D. He's been apologizing for doing that to me ever since. Yesterday morning he asked me to meet for breakfast to talk.. We did. Last night... We didn't know we would see each other. Basically, he says that he knows that telling me he wanted to separate from her was something he probably shouldn't have told me, but that he he felt the need to because he don't want me to 'count him out'. That he doesn't regret it because i now know how he truly feels. His decision is made and he will proceed with asking her to separate. He wants to do all of this with a clear mind and me in the picture is not helping this. He says that I keep putting a time stamp on every move we make. (And I do. I can't help it. I guess it's how I'm coping). But that something like this can not be timed. He says he doesn't even know how to put the words together in a sentence to her. He doesn't want to en this marriage with hostility. And if he makes this decision with only me in mind she will unleash the wrath in other words. He says he loves me, he wants I be with me, but that I am basically being impatient. He looked at me in the eyes and said..." After today, we can't talk about this anymore...... And if at any moment you feel as though you can't do this anymore, then I'll have to respect you.. I just hope that when this all happens, you'll still have enough love for me in your heart because you is who I want to be with, I just HAVE TO do this my way. I can't do it how she wants or how you want. I have to think about my happiness and how I get there." At that point, what can I say? I did speak and I did tell him exactly how I felt. I told him that I also hope that when this is done I still feel te same about him. But that I really have to decide if this is something I can wait for. That he's already broken my heart and that I'm still rebuilding so I can't have him do this to me again. That ok... I won't press on this subject anymore.. I'll try to be a little understanding and patient. But while that is happening, we can't have this affair continue. We can't have secret meetings, or ANY physical contact because it isn't helping anything. Some of you will think I'm a complete idiot... Others will think that this is going "according to schedule", but those of you who truly understand... How can I be more patient? He's not asking me to continue an A. He's just asking that I bear with him. And that he will come to me when time is right? He said "timing is everything". I don't know guys...... I think I will take this time to seriously de-stress and work on me. I think I now need to really remove this situation from my mind. We both know how we feel. And if at any moment it happens an I'm still in love, then great. But I need to not expect anything. I'm not upset today. Maybe a little frustrated. I mean.... He seems truthful. He does. His decision is made. But now. I have I wait. Have any of you been in this situation? If so, what was the outcome? Did it work out? Did you move on? Did he follow through? Did he buckle? Do you believe him? Did you wait? Hi Mee. Wow so much has happened. My situation is different but there are some similarities. The thing I'd tell you to keep in mind is that it's a good thing he said for you to go do your own thing while he gets himself straightened out. He's telling you exactly what he should. He has to work through it in his own time and you need to go and live your life in the meantime. The hard part for you is that you need to move forward and claim your life back. If he comes back you may have moved on and you may not have. You need to anticipate the worst and expect nothing from him. DMM left home even after saying he never would. It amazes me he did leave and shocks me it took 4 years for him to do it. I look back and wish I'd known but also am happy I wasn't there as part of why he left. He did what he needed to do and it didn't include me. I sincerely think your xMM is doing the same. Will he carry through with it? I have no idea and in all honesty he probably doesn't know any more than I do. Is he trying to keep you hanging on? Maybe but him saying you need to put it behind you speaks volumes. I hope he keeps true to that. He's told you he needs to do this in his own time. That's a good thing. Now you need to assess your situation and live your life. What he does is up to him and what you do is up to you. I know that's probably easier said than done but you need to find a way. In a way you have some closure you never had before. He loves you. He is trying to sort himself out. He isn't asking you to resume the A. Good luck to you Mee 3
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