Jay1 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 New to the forum so I'll say hi first and foremost This is part therapeutic and partially advice-seeking so this might be long. Not sure where to begin. I've got a few problems with a girl at my university but the main one was a recent harsh text message she sent me. Important to note: anything said on her behalf is what she's told me herself. Long story short we've been seeing each other for a few months and had a really solid mutual connection the likes of which we've never shared with anyone else. She told me about her abusive childhood and broken family, I shared things about myself I've never told anyone else. At the start she said she wasn't ready for anything serious, but we eventually grew a lot closer and by the end of it she acknowledged this by saying we were basically a couple. Very recently we spoke and she said she wasn't feeling the whole 'new person' excitement any more, that sometimes she felt obligated to talk to me and hang out with me. She wasn't comfortable with the physical aspect of our relationship any more (not full sex but everything else) and wanted to keep it platonic. Naturally I was hurt by this but I figured she'd gotten spooked by how close we'd gotten and wanted some space. Besides that we were never really 'official' and I've never had a connection like this before and didn't want to lose it so I relented. It took less than 2 days for us to break the 'platonic' rule and for a little while we were back to the way we were. The academic year ended, I went home and she text and Skyped me every day as normal. As usual she kept hinting at there being something between the two of us. Two days ago it all went south. Early afternoon we had a pleasant convo that ended on good terms. By the evening we had another text convo where, out of the blue, she criticized me as a man, saying I didn't act like it most of the time, how it annoyed her and how that was the reason we would never work out. When I rightly questioned her sudden aggression, she said she "didn't give a f*ck", that we were done, she was over it and that I should be too. I've put myself out for this girl, done things for her that I wouldn't normally do, was there for her when she was grieving over a family member. She was the first girl to tell me she loved me and I loved her too, so naturally I was very hurt and angered by this. I called her out on how heartless she was being, mentioned the things I've done for her and she backtracked, saying we couldn't be friends but she would 'always be there for me'. I told her not to bother, that if that's how she was going be then I regretted everything I've done for her, including helping her through the bereavement (something I regret). When she tried to call me and tell me what I said was cruel and how 'friends were supposed to be there for each other' I exploded. I can't remember exactly what I said but it left her in tears. I remember hanging up on her. The next day we spoke about what happened. She told me she was sorry, she didn't want to keep leading me on and the only way she thought she could do that was to 'push me away'. In the end I said I could understand but I need space (about a month on my own). The problem now is I don't know whether I should leave it at that or contact her again after I've had my period of space. She text me again the next day to tell me she missed me and just wanted me to know that but I don't know if it's true or just a way of her relieving her guilty conscience. I want to contact her again but I can't lie and say this hasn't changed the way I see her. I've put myself out for her like I've never done with anyone else and for her to treat me like that is just painful. If this is just about relieving a guilty conscience then I don't want to give her the satisfaction. At the same time I'm not angry any more, just confused and hurt by it and I don't want to leave it like this. Can anyone help?
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Yup. Your gut instinct is telling you to stay No Contact. Listen to your Gut. It's the most honest thing you have going for you. Apart from me, that is. The Elected LoveShack Empress of the No Contact Rule!!
Author Jay1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 That's the thing, my gut is telling me to do the opposite.
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Oh. OK. In that case, ignore your gut. Listen to me. Otherwise it will honestly feel like a punch to the stomach. Seriously, you're prolonging the agony of you try to revive this, or continue it. Please read the NC Guide in my signature. 1st post = Guide itself. Remainder of thread = bags of advice against trying to go against all good advice.
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