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Asking a bartender out

NoMoreJerks

By NoMoreJerks
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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Of course, if I had not had sex after the first "date", he would've taken me out and paid for my dinner -- all I would've gotten out of it was some free meals. If I refused to have sex after a few times, he would've bailed, and if I had, he would've turned me into a booty call THEN. It was bound to happen anyway. With people who have made up their minds about what they want, you just can't "dine your way into a relationship". Sex or no sex on first date, he won't be any more interested in getting to know you.

 

But … you would have got to know HIM, and been in a position to make an informed decision about how to proceed.

 

There are always risks. People do take advantage of people all the time. YOU need to watch out for YOURSELF. Nobody can "turn you into a booty call."

 

If you like a guy, you should go on dates with him in order to see what he's all about and to let him do the same with you. It's not "dining your way into a relationship." It's a process of discovery.

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Well, yes, I could've taken the time to get to know him, but it likely would not have made any difference. If I had had sex with him 6 dates later, because I thought he was not making any moves towards sex so early on, it would not have made any difference. You'd be surprised at how far men like him are willing to go, to get laid. Especially with a super-smart-sounding, great-looking, gorgeous-bodied woman. It also helps that he was also looking for the female company in the evenings after work, and not necessarily ONLY sex. He could've easily waited, given that he would've still gotten something in return for paying for my meals -- the great company. I know what you're going to say, though. If I waited long enough, I would've cut down the chances that this might happen, since most men would probably not wait that long, but I don't think so, for the above-mentioned reason. Plus, it is not that easy to meet people in my city, as I stated, so he could've been short on options. If he were so great at attracting ladies, why hasn't he found anyone to f*ck / hang out with him so far, despite being on an online dating site? Well, good luck to him with that. I did enjoy the sex, so it was good while it lasted. :)

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Yes, from that account, I agree that that man in particular wasn't looking for a R. So did you enjoy the sex in itself, despite the fact that it didn't lead to a R? If you did, then it was just fun sex. Why the need to complain about those men not wanting more?

 

Given your latest explanation, I can empathize with why you wanted sex with those men. There is definitely the desire, if you haven't previously experienced a good lover, to want to experience such. It's fine to want it, even to indulge in it, but there may come a time when you may need to choose between instant gratification of desire and a LTR.

Maybe deep down, I knew this guy was not relationship material or that it wouldn't work out. Maybe sub-consciously, I didn't want to do another LDR. So I sorta knew that if I didn't have sex with him, he'd jump ship. Maybe I just took the opportunity while it was there. Of course, all this is hypothetical, since I never planned it that way, or thought of it that way. But it could've been a subconscious thing. The problem with people who travel is that they're not here for months on end.. so you have very little time, and things are more rushed. If this guy lived here on a permanent basis, I probably would not have been under so much "pressure" to bang him on the first date. And by pressure I mean, you don't want to have wasted your time going on 5-6 dates, only for him to say, oh, I have to go back home, sorry. At least if you also have sex, you can discover how much you are compatible in a very important component of relationships (sex), and see where you go from there, assuming both of you are interested in more than sex.

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Yes, from that account, I agree that that man in particular wasn't looking for a R. So did you enjoy the sex in itself, despite the fact that it didn't lead to a R? If you did, then it was just fun sex. Why the need to complain about those men not wanting more?

Yes, the sex was great. And my impression was -- judging from the stuff he said before, during, and after sex -- he's never been with a beautiful/attractive lady as me before. I am not complaining that he did not want more. I mean, there are no guarantees that any guy will like you enough after the first date to want to see you again anyway. But I do have a beef when people claim it's slutty for a woman to have sex with a man, but that doesn't change a man's dateability despite the fact that he, too, went along and played that game. That is all. I never said he was slutty BECAUSE he had sex with me on the first date. I just said that if that is what he thought, and that's why he doesn't want a relationship with me, then that's rich, coming from a guy who didn't turn down sex with a woman he was supposedly interested in having a relationship with???

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Is the issue that he is a bartender? What if he was just some guy that was at the bar when you were, or that you saw regularly somewhere else?

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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I actually signed up on a paid dating site... I am having a nice, intelligent conversation with a guy on there. Maybe he'll ask me out. He sounds interesting. :o

 

Quite a lot of awkward private mssges from other people, though. It's so embarrassing to read them... I mean, do they really think they can win someone over with those sorts of embarrassing comments?

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Well, yes, I could've taken the time to get to know him, but it likely would not have made any difference. If I had had sex with him 6 dates later, because I thought he was not making any moves towards sex so early on, it would not have made any difference. You'd be surprised at how far men like him are willing to go, to get laid. Especially with a super-smart-sounding, great-looking, gorgeous-bodied woman. It also helps that he was also looking for the female company in the evenings after work, and not necessarily ONLY sex. He could've easily waited, given that he would've still gotten something in return for paying for my meals -- the great company. I know what you're going to say, though. If I waited long enough, I would've cut down the chances that this might happen, since most men would probably not wait that long, but I don't think so, for the above-mentioned reason. Plus, it is not that easy to meet people in my city, as I stated, so he could've been short on options. If he were so great at attracting ladies, why hasn't he found anyone to f*ck / hang out with him so far, despite being on an online dating site? Well, good luck to him with that. I did enjoy the sex, so it was good while it lasted. :)

 

Do you really trust yourself so little that you won't be able to see through this?

 

Look, if you don't want to wait, and need excuses for not waiting... that's fine... but like the others said, you really can't blame others for the outcome considering the odds of it not working out...

 

I think most here can testify to the fact that my standards are very high... I still get men to wait quite a long time and have never been 'played' that I know of. But yea... I do and have gotten attached to some guys who turned out not to like me back... The difference being that I'm usually a lot clearer minded about why things didn't work out... and don't have the trauma of also having to disconnect from someone physically as well as emotionally when things don't work out.

 

That's a real blessing.

jcrew11 Established Member

jcrew11

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:confused: So he is looking for...? of course, a one night stand / fwb.... and he was looking for it while he was supposedly also texting me. what a douchebag. And you want me to try online dating? lol yeah, right. And many of the people on the dating site are actually not from Montreal, and are here on long-term or short-term business trips... great, so what's the difference? If I'm going to end up going out with people like that, I'd rather do it by going to the bar and socializing with them rather than picking them out of an online catalogue.

 

Sighe, do what you want to do, you obviously know all the answers about how to meet quality men.

 

You obviously don't have the emotional strength to find a man and have risk him breaking your heart. You said you grew up in a conservative family, and I think you have a very warped sense and unrealistic expectations of single men. You expect every man to act like a 1950's monogamous gentleman. I think you are better off finding a guy at Church, because you obviously can't deal with players.

 

You are going to let one failed date with online dating prevent you from meeting men? Believe it or not, most online daters message 20-50 people, and you are under no obligation to meet any of them. Its not the cure all, but your claim that no one living in your city wants to date you is a lie and inaccurate. You just haven't or aren't willing to meet anyone who wants to date you. Just ask your parents to set you up with a husband because it sounds like you aren't willing to meet men on your own.

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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So all of a sudden this guy is so honourable despite the fact that he's looking for a booty call, and I'm so slutty because I slept with him after a dinner date? :confused: Makes a lot of sense..... :confused:

 

most online daters message 20-50 people, and you are under no obligation to meet any of them. Its not the cure all, but your claim that no one living in your city wants to date you is a lie and inaccurate.

It is not. None of those I would be interested in (i.e. anyone who isn't butt-ugly or a 60 year old looking for "love") have ever asked me out on a date. I have tried the online thing before. It's all games and a waste of time. This guy I was messaging? He seemed nice enough, and smart, and we seemed to share a lot of interests, and then he just doesn't answer my messages even though he's been online all day long. I have no time or patience to play these mind-****ing games. If no one is interested in me, I see no reason to even look for anyone. I am not about to chase after people and beg them to want to date me, am I? I'll just stick to ONS. They give me some of the intimacy I want, without all the bullsh*t.

Edited by NoMoreJerks
xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I actually signed up on a paid dating site... I am having a nice, intelligent conversation with a guy on there. Maybe he'll ask me out. He sounds interesting. :o

 

Quite a lot of awkward private mssges from other people, though. It's so embarrassing to read them... I mean, do they really think they can win someone over with those sorts of embarrassing comments?

 

I actually find it hard to stomach most of your posts, not only because they're walking contradictions but you honestly like being condescending toward these men you are vaguely acquaintances with, and you like to put them down, all for what? To boost your own ego?

 

You're probably a beautiful woman from what you tell us, but honestly, your attitude reeks.

 

And I honestly feel bad for Mme. Chaucer. Her honest and helpful posts are wasted on someone who can't even acknowledge the posts without aggressive and defensive responses.

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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This whole waiting on people to message you back on online dating sites, while they go off and message the next woman who makes their c*ck erect, is the online version of being someone's convenience.

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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You're probably a beautiful woman from what you tell us, but honestly, your attitude reeks.

Well, since no man is ever looking for a relationship, only one night stands and booty calls, my attitude shouldn't be a problem, eh?

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Sighe, do what you want to do, you obviously know all the answers about how to meet quality men.

 

You obviously don't have the emotional strength to find a man and have risk him breaking your heart. You said you grew up in a conservative family, and I think you have a very warped sense and unrealistic expectations of single men. You expect every man to act like a 1950's monogamous gentleman. I think you are better off finding a guy at Church, because you obviously can't deal with players.

 

You are going to let one failed date with online dating prevent you from meeting men? Believe it or not, most online daters message 20-50 people, and you are under no obligation to meet any of them. Its not the cure all, but your claim that no one living in your city wants to date you is a lie and inaccurate. You just haven't or aren't willing to meet anyone who wants to date you. Just ask your parents to set you up with a husband because it sounds like you aren't willing to meet men on your own.

I haven't seen my parents in years. I don't need to be set up with anyone. In fact, I absolutely have no desire to get married, or have kids. I enjoy being single and f*cking whoever I want. I don't need more bullsh*t in my life. That's what I realized today, after seeing that guy online for most of the day, and never getting back to me after a few messages. My aunt called me today and she wants to set me up with some guy. She lives in another city. She claimed he is a really nice guy, family oriented, bla bla bla. No thanks. I don't need to be tied down to some conservative husband (who will likely have no qualms cheating on me) and living the same sh*tty life my mom had and the same sh*tty life I had until I moved out. I am trying to get rid of the feelings of guilt that still get to me a lot of the time, if I do something that my family might think is "wrong" in their sick, twisted mindset. One night stands set me free from that bullsh*t. I don't need a relationship, certainly not with someone who will be getting erect thinking about the girl they'd been messaging earlier, while having a dinner date with me. Expecting an ounce of decency in men, does not equate to looking for a monogamous, conservative gentleman from the 1950s.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

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Man , someone's highly bitter, make sure to get yourself tested for STD's if you've been with this poster. lol

 

 

I haven't seen my parents in years. I don't need to be set up with anyone. In fact, I absolutely have no desire to get married, or have kids. I enjoy being single and f*cking whoever I want. I don't need more bullsh*t in my life. That's what I realized today, after seeing that guy online for most of the day, and never getting back to me after a few messages. My aunt called me today and she wants to set me up with some guy. She lives in another city. She claimed he is a really nice guy, family oriented, bla bla bla. No thanks. I don't need to be tied down to some conservative husband (who will likely have no qualms cheating on me) and living the same sh*tty life my mom had and the same sh*tty life I had until I moved out. I am trying to get rid of the feelings of guilt that still get to me a lot of the time, if I do something that my family might think is "wrong" in their sick, twisted mindset. One night stands set me free from that bullsh*t. I don't need a relationship, certainly not with someone who will be getting erect thinking about the girl they'd been messaging earlier, while having a dinner date with me. Expecting an ounce of decency in men, does not equate to looking for a monogamous, conservative gentleman from the 1950s.
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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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Man , someone's highly bitter, make sure to get yourself tested for STD's if you've been with this poster. lol

No need to. I just got my test results back today actually, and I am squeaky clean. :cool: As for bitter, nah. I am not like, not taking any man's bullsh*t anymore. Sex is good. Relationships are headache, boring, predictable, and just... go nowhere. What is the point anyway, I can do just fine living on my own. I don't need anyone taking up my personal space....

Robert Established Member

Robert

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Posted

Thanks all for your participation, it had a good run.

 

Good Night Gracie.....

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