Asking a bartender out

June 10, 2013

I still don't get how I came off as desperate. If I were so desperate as to give off the "omg call me I am dying to hang out", I would've been stalkerish and called him MYSELF. As far as I am concerned, I just gave him my number, let him know I was interested, and that he should CALL me, rather than do the whole text back and forth bullsh*t. I do not like doing texting. I had that problem with my ex, and it was annoying because I kept sitting there interpreting his words, and they were usually very vague. It opens the way for a lot of misunderstandings. And anyway, if a guy isn't willing to man up and CALL me, and just wants to text me when he's bored, I am not going to entertain him.

As for him trying to keep me on my toes, I don't know about that. I was just taking it very easy last night, when I met him -- we just talked about a lot of random stuff, debated a bit, etc. And I didn't give out the air that I was even looking for a relationship or a one night stand. I was just there drinking, and just being friendly with people at the bar, including an old man sitting on my other side. I also did not ask for his number, nor was I the one who initiated the conversation with him in the first place..... I am sure we may have exchanged numbers if that other guy hadn't been talking to us all the time. I think he was just forced to do the paper thing, because he didn't want to come off as rude to the guy, or appear to be trying to pick me up..

It doesn't really bother me if he is no longer interested. I have been going to this bar for the past few days on a daily basis, and I have men roaming all around me and trying to pick me up. If I want a ONS, and I do -- probably more than I want another failed relationship -- I can easily get it, so I am not worried at all.

At the end of the day, if he doesn't want to call me for one reason or another, including the "fact" that I may have come off as "desperate" -- his loss.

June 10, 2013

It's not necessarily a "rule" it's just basic biology. Men from the beginning have been the hunters, the pursuers. They enjoy this.

It's also as Ninja said, a really great way to gauge the interest on his end. Is HE the one initiating texts and asking you out? GREAT!

You don't want to wind up in something where you're the aggressor, you're the chaser, you're pulling all the weight and carrying the relationship. A great thing to do in the early stages of dating is to "mirror" the other person. It's not BS or a rule, it's just to keep the early stages neutral, and it prevents you from becoming too dominant in the relationship.

If he waits a certain amount of time to text you, then you wait to that certain amount to text back. If he comes off flirty, be flirty back. Essentially mirror exactly what he's doing but don't go past that. At least not in the very beginning.

I agree. I would not have been the one initiating the texting, if he had taken my number. But we didn't have that opportunity, and he just scribbled his number on a piece of paper and gave it to me when leaving... That's the only reason I texted him. I won't be texting him back. I realize it was not the ideal text message, but because I did not give him MY number at the bar, I may have come off as a bit too aloof, and he was a bit nervous when giving me the paper with his digits on it, so I thought I would be a bit less subtle / dry than usual. If I had just sent "here's my number", it may have come off as too aloof or given the impression that "you're just one in a list of men who can potentially call me." I am very good looking (not to sound too arrogant), so people get easily intimidated by that, and if I sound too dry, I may come off as a bitch who thinks she's too good for the guy.

June 10, 2013

"NoMoreJerks",

Why are you hanging out in a bar alone debating about whether or not to pick up the bartender, and then texting men who don't have the balls to ask you for your number first?

June 10, 2013

Because I can?

I enjoy one night stands. What's the problem? I wouldn't do a one night stand with a guy I was interested in having a relationship with, though. Yes, I sort my men into two categories, based on my instincts about what they want, after talking to them for some time.

June 10, 2013

Well, I texted him a few hours ago, and said, "thanks for the drinks and the great company. Glad you gave me your number. It would be great to see you again. So... call me. " (he works all day long, and i have a more flexible schedule, so he'd have to be the one to call me, as I don't want to bother him when he is at work).

I didn't want to take the step and ask him out, especially so soon after he gave me his number, but I also made it clear that I was really interested, and that I was leaving the ball in his court..

He got back to me a few hours later, saying. "My pleasure. Will definitely give you a call this week. :)"

I am not liking the sound of this... not sure why. Can't really put my finger on it... but "this week" sounds too vague to me, and it makes it seem like he has a bunch of other numbers lined up... I can understand that he wouldn't ask me for a date tonight or even tomorrow, but I am hoping he realizes that if he wants to set up a date, he'd have to give me at least 2 days' notice?? Anyway... I may be overanalyzing yet again.. but i can't help but be hypervigilant given my experience with my ex. I am NOT going to chase after him. And at this point, I am not even sure if I should answer the phone when he does call. Again, maybe I am overreacting, but that was a bit of a let-down compared to the way he gave me his number last night..

I don't see anything wrong with his response. He just met you last night, so it is entirely feasible that he has plans tonight and/or early this week. His message just positively indicates that he will be in touch with you later this week. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. If he doesn't realize you need two days' notice for a date, he'll learn pretty quickly if he calls you up to ask you out last minute because you will have to decline. He ultimately may not call, but don't sweat it. He either will or he won't, and there is nothing you can do about it now.

June 10, 2013

Because I can?

I enjoy one night stands. What's the problem? I wouldn't do a one night stand with a guy I was interested in having a relationship with, though. Yes, I sort my men into two categories, based on my instincts about what they want, after talking to them for some time.

I don't believe you. If you "enjoyed one night stands," you would have already banged this bartender and moved on to the next one without even posting a thread asking all about how to accomplish that. Either he wants to have sex with you, or he doesn't. You're available. That's all.

But … just a few months ago you had your first sexual experience and the guy was just in it for the booty. You HATED it. And wrote about how horrible it was for you a lot. When the big change? Have you become a different woman altogether?

Also, I know this is kind of off topic - or maybe it isn't. I really think that going to a bar by yourself on consecutive nights and drinking like this:

about 6 rums, a bunch of shots, and beers,

And looking for one night stands?

might be indicative of some issues you might want to take a look at. Really not healthy behavior.

June 10, 2013

I don't believe you. If you "enjoyed one night stands," you would have already banged this bartender and moved on to the next one without even posting a thread asking all about how to accomplish that. Either he wants to have sex with you, or he doesn't. You're available. That's all.

Just because I enjoy ONS does not mean I will not assess my chances of getting it, and not want to embarrass myself in front of everyone at the bar I frequently go to.... I would not mind giving the bartender my number, on a piece of paper, and see where it goes. I might do that some time next week, when I go out next.

But … just a few months ago you had your first sexual experience and the guy was just in it for the booty. You HATED it. And wrote about how horrible it was for you a lot. When the big change? Have you become a different woman altogether?

I hated it because I got attached to him and we wanted different things from it. I now realize that I don't need to go through the headache and heartache of a relationship in order to get the same stuff I got from my ex. In fact, if I can get the same stuff I got from my ex, without the bullsh*t, I will be happy. ONS give me even more than that, because there's no bullsh*t involved, and I get more satisfaction sexually than I ever did with my ex. So yes, I have changed. I never imagined I would do a ONS, but I did. Finding hard evidence that my ex had cheated on me, and had taken pictures of the act, then confronting him about it and breaking up with him, changed me a lot.

Also, I know this is kind of off topic - or maybe it isn't. I really think that going to a bar by yourself on consecutive nights and drinking like this:

And looking for one night stands?

might be indicative of some issues you might want to take a look at. Really not healthy behavior.

Issues? What issues? I don't usually go out on consecutive nights, and this was the exception since it was Formula 1 weekend here, and everyone was out and about and there was a good atmosphere at the pub.. Also, social life sucks on evenings during most of the week, but picks up on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, so that is usually when I go out. There is nothing wrong with drinking, or drinking on one's own, or having one night stands..... I am used to going to bars on my own, because I have few friends who want to hang out with me, because they have different schedules, etc. I am not going to stay at home and be miserable because of that.

A lot of people have rebound relationships, I like to have ONSs. I can't do rebound relationships, because, well, I am just not emotionally equipped to deal with a relationship right now. Even with this guy-- if he calls back, I'll most probably be too hypervigilant and scared about where this might go.. Maybe it's not such a good idea to go out with him after all.

June 10, 2013

I understand the difference between your username and the whole one-night-stand thing: you don't want a relationship with a jerk, but if you're only looking for sex for one night, then it shouldn't matter- and you expect them to be jerks, anyhow. I think I get it, anyway.

But you sound like you want to impress the bartender, and be seen as different from the drunk girls who were trying to get his attention. And haven't you only had one one-night-stand?

June 10, 2013

There is nothing wrong with drinking, or drinking on one's own, or having one night stands

I agree that there's nothing wrong with drinking or one night stands. What you said you drank, though, is a major bender. Which you minimized. Which indicates an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Take it from me, really, you should. I'm highly qualified in more ways than one to know.

Anyway, it's your life and your business, but I just wanted to point out to you that sitting by oneself in a bar coming on to the bartender, while drinking copious amounts, is NOT in the realm of "normal drinking behavior." The bartender has you categorized, I assure you. You're a "type" in a bar. Not necessarily in a negative way for a ONS though, depending.

June 10, 2013

I should have read the rest of the thread before commenting. If you actually want to date him, then I wouldn't be going to the bar every night, and hanging out with other men.

I've only ever been into a bar to use the bathroom, so I have no idea how this goes.

Also, the other guy from the bar might be thinking one-night-stand. So he wouldn't feel the need to contact you right away, and set up a date, if he's only looking for sex. I'm confused as to why you're talking about one-night-stands when you've brought up dating two different men in one thread.

Edited June 10, 2013 by Anela

June 10, 2013

I agree that there's nothing wrong with drinking or one night stands. What you said you drank, though, is a major bender. Which you minimized. Which indicates an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Take it from me, really, you should. I'm highly qualified in more ways than one to know.

Anyway, it's your life and your business, but I just wanted to point out to you that sitting by oneself in a bar coming on to the bartender, while drinking copious amounts, is NOT in the realm of "normal drinking behavior." The bartender has you categorized, I assure you. You're a "type" in a bar. Not necessarily in a negative way for a ONS though, depending.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having different kinds of drinks. It doesn't mean one has a problem with alcohol. My tolerance level has always been very high for alcohol. I also start off with beer because I can pace myself with beer, and get to stay in the bar, but I don't drink beer all night because, well, I get bloated and need to go to the bathroom every 2 seconds. That's why I switch to rum usually. As for the shots, I don't usually do them -- they are a good way of breaking the ice with someone, though, if you do shots with them, instead of asking them what drink they are drinking and if you could get them one.

I have not "come on to" the bartender. I have been very friendly and respectful so far, and have not appeared in any way desperate unlike a few other women who were acting like they were at a strip club for female audiences... I have class. I am not desperate. Sure, I'd like to screw him, but so what -- we all have urges: it's only human.

Actually, if the bartender has categorized me, he knows that I am a highly educated, smart person who always has debates in the bar, and is there for good conversation and company and not necessarily anything else. In fact, yesterday, while I was talking to that other guy, the bartender was listening in on our conversation and also shared some funny experiences he had had....

June 10, 2013

I have class. I am not desperate.

Then you have a different definition of "class" and "desperate" than the majority of people. Really.

Sure, I'd like to screw him, but so what -- we all have urges: it's only human.

I'm not disputing that.

Actually, if the bartender has categorized me, he knows that I am a highly educated, smart person who always has debates in the bar, and is there for good conversation and company and not necessarily anything else.

Good conversation and company? Weren't you just bragging about leaving for a quickie with that other guy? The one with the wedding ring?

Frankly, it all sounds pathetic.

June 10, 2013

I should have read the rest of the thread before commenting. If you actually want to date him, then I wouldn't be going to the bar every night, and hanging out with other men.

Well, I am not going out every night to the bar -- I only went there 3 times in the past 2 months.. though they happened to be a day apart each. I go by myself, and talk with both men and women. In fact ,the other night, I was talking with a very friendly and nice couple. Also, what is wrong with talking to other men? Most of the time, of course, it's very sexualized -- men who are talking to a woman in a bar, usually are trying to win her over, either for a ONS or for a relationship (I know a few people who have met their current bfs in bars, it's not always a ONS thing). But it only goes as far as the woman wants it to. If I want to, I can just spend the whole night debating politics and sound very aloof and rebuff any flirting.

Also, the other guy from the bar might be thinking one-night-stand. So he wouldn't feel the need to contact you right away, and set up a date, if he's only looking for sex.

We'll see about that. I am definitely not having a ONS with that guy. If that is what he wants, his loss. Why? Because he was a very smart guy, very well-educated, etc., and I cannot bring myself to lower myself to the level of doing a ONS with someone I can debate with as an equal.

I'm confused as to why you're talking about one-night-stands when you've brought up dating two different men in one thread.

I don't mind doing a ONS with the bartender -- I don't know him, and haven't managed to talk to him much, so at this point, it appears to be a purely physical/sexual attraction. If that is what he's interested in, why the hell not?

June 10, 2013

Good conversation and company? Weren't you just bragging about leaving for a quickie with that other guy? The one with the wedding ring?

Frankly, it all sounds pathetic.

I spent 4 hours discussing fiscal conservatism with that ONS guy and a couple who were sitting next to me. At the end of the night, the married guy and I decided to go back together. I haven't gone, and never will go, back with someone without engaging in conversation for a few hours, to see what they're all about and if they are a creep, etc.

June 10, 2013

Well, I am not going out every night to the bar -- I only went there 3 times in the past 2 months.. though they happened to be a day apart each. I go by myself, and talk with both men and women. In fact ,the other night, I was talking with a very friendly and nice couple. Also, what is wrong with talking to other men? Most of the time, of course, it's very sexualized -- men who are talking to a woman in a bar, usually are trying to win her over, either for a ONS or for a relationship (I know a few people who have met their current bfs in bars, it's not always a ONS thing). But it only goes as far as the woman wants it to. If I want to, I can just spend the whole night debating politics and sound very aloof and rebuff any flirting.

You said that he looked disappointed when the other man settled your bill. Is it possible that he would have been interested in dating you? More than one night of sex?

Are you there because you really want to talk to the other people, or to catch his attention? I ask, because I've recognized that in myself before: a lot of people do it, unconsciously. I know that it's a social life of sort as well, though.

We'll see about that. I am definitely not having a ONS with that guy. If that is what he wants, his loss. Why? Because he was a very smart guy, very well-educated, etc., and I cannot bring myself to lower myself to the level of doing a ONS with someone I can debate with as an equal.

Okay then, his loss.

I don't mind doing a ONS with the bartender -- I don't know him, and haven't managed to talk to him much, so at this point, it appears to be a purely physical/sexual attraction. If that is what he's interested in, why the hell not?

Because you said that you would be interested in dating him - you made it sound like more than just sexual interest.

June 10, 2013

I'm getting the feeling OP is seeking validation through "picking" those of "quality" that make it through her "screen". Then when those she "picks" wants less than what she wants, she rationalizes and readjusts her expectations to maintain her self-image. I hope this isn't actually the case, because if it was.... it's really sad.

I really feel like I'm ganging up on OP here, but it's really how this disconnect is coming across. There's a thin line between faking it till you make it, and simply being delusional...

June 10, 2013

You said that he looked disappointed when the other man settled your bill. Is it possible that he would have been interested in dating you? More than one night of sex?

Who knows. If he won't make his interest known, there is nothing I can do about it. It's not like I asked the guy to settle my bill. I did not know about it, until I gave that bartender my credit card to settle my bill. He told me the guy sitting next to me, who had left, had settled my bill. I was as surprised as he was. Also, I did not , for once, flirt with the guy who settled my bill. In fact, I was talking more to the old man next to me, than I was to him, once that old man started talking to us both.

Are you there because you really want to talk to the other people, or to catch his attention? I ask, because I've recognized that in myself before: a lot of people do it, unconsciously. I know that it's a social life of sort as well, though.

I am there because I am finding it hard to cope with my life right now, and I need some time off to just relax and socialize with people and feel good. I can't unsee what I've seen (the pictures on my ex's phone). I have nightmares about it every night, even now. Anyway -- I doubt anything is going to come out of this bartender thing, probably not even a ONS.

Because you said that you would be interested in dating him - you made it sound like more than just sexual interest.

Well, I would've wanted to, except that maybe I was not being realistic. I don't even know if he's not taken. And I tried being more than friendly, but he sort of backed away (I think). Maybe it made him nervous because he was interested, or maybe he was not interested at all. There's no way of knowing, short of asking him. But I very much doubt a relationship with this man is a realistic expectation at this point.

June 10, 2013

I'm getting the feeling OP is seeking validation through "picking" those of "quality" that make it through her "screen". Then when those she "picks" wants less than what she wants, she rationalizes and readjusts her expectations to maintain her self-image. I hope this isn't actually the case, because if it was.... it's really sad.

I really feel like I'm ganging up on OP here, but it's really how this disconnect is coming across. There's a thin line between faking it till you make it, and simply being delusional...

No,there are guys (like this guy I met last night) I would never have a ONS with. If I even get so much as an inkling that that is where it's going, I will hightail it out of there.

June 10, 2013

I am there because I am finding it hard to cope with my life right now, and I need some time off to just relax and socialize with people and feel good. I can't unsee what I've seen (the pictures on my ex's phone). I have nightmares about it every night, even now.

That, I understand. I used to hide and sometimes still do, when my head space is really bad, but most of the time, I need a distraction.

June 10, 2013

Bold are my responses

I am there because I am finding it hard to cope with my life right now, and I need some time off to just relax and socialize with people and feel good. I can't unsee what I've seen (the pictures on my ex's phone).

ahh, so you are an extrovert (psychological definition, not colloquial). You get relaxed in social situations, as opposed to wanting to be alone when you're exhausted.

I have nightmares about it every night, even now. Anyway -- I doubt
anything is going to come out of this bartender thing, probably not even a ONS. Well, I would've wanted to, except that maybe I was not being realistic. I don't even know if he's not taken. And I tried being more than friendly, but he sort of backed away (I think). Maybe it made him nervous because he was interested, or maybe he was not interested at all. There's no way of knowing, short of asking him. But I very much doubt a relationship with this man is a realistic expectation at this point.
...No,there are guys (like this guy I met last night) I would never have a ONS with. If I even get so much as an inkling that that is where it's going, I will hightail it out of there.

So, it's more like, you were hoping for something, but without actually expecting anything. In that case, why not just go the whole way, and send him a message going along the lines of "I enjoy your company, and I wish to get to know you better?" Although, yea, I suppose if things go south, you might not be able to go back to that bar, and it'll be like having to work with an ex, but, really giving it a shot is refreshing even when you fail, as opposed to being left with all the what-ifs. I'd try to be as direct as possible, as embarrassing as it may be to put myself out there. Then at least if it doesn't work out, you at least know that YOU gave it your all. Basically, try the guy route

June 11, 2013

The guy just texted me.

Looks like he's doing the classic booty call text.

"Hey there. I'm anxious to see you again but not sure I'll make it out tonight -- long day and long bike ride after work. I'll likely just hang out at the hotel to eat and hit the hot tub later "

It's the last bit that really makes me think it's a ONS he wants. I mean, why exactly do i need to know all that stuff? Also, why is he anxious to see me all of a sudden, when he had said he'd call me this week? Did he maybe think that I was expecting to see him tonight and is worried that because he didn't, I would lose interest? Or is he making it look like I am desperate and he's too busy and has a life? Or something along those lines? Or what? Did I miss something here? Am I completely misinterpreting this?

Edited June 11, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

June 11, 2013

The guy just texted me.

Looks like he's looking for a one night stand after all.

"Hey there. I'm anxious to see you again but not sure I'll make it out tonight -- long day and long bike ride after work. I'll likely just hang out at the hotel to eat and hit the hot tub later "

It's the last bit that really makes me think it's a ONS he wants. I mean, why exactly do i need to know all that stuff? Also, why is he anxious to see me all of a sudden, when he had said he'd call me this week? Did he maybe think that I was expecting to see him tonight and is worried that because he didn't, I would lose interest? Or is he making it look like I am desperate and he's too busy and has a life? Or something along those lines? Or what? Did I miss something here? Am I completely misinterpreting this?

You aren't misinterpreting. If he wants to see you for a proper date, he would set it up properly.

June 11, 2013

You aren't misinterpreting. If he wants to see you for a proper date, he would set it up properly.

Yeah, I thought I wasn't imagining things. Oh well. I am going to leave that one unanswered.

June 11, 2013

NoMoreJerks, I have nothing personally against you nor anyone on this forum, I have a gold fish memory and forget just about any and all debates/arguments/disagreements or whatever you want to call them in any thread with individuals because my overall focus is not personal but discussion of the topic in a general context because I believe so many people have the same issues and problems and relate. So I am clearing the air and exposing what I believe to be the truth as my wisdom and experience has taught me and have seen displayed in "real life" numerous times over and over again...and try to reveal that for the benefit of the person.

In most cases I realize that it's hard to see and accept the truth, that it's a difficult process for most people because what they want to believe is the truth is far different than the reality, and that stubbornness and essential defiant like behavior clouds their vision, as well as emotional factors from expressing that vulnerability.

Obviously I've said all this because I'm going to tell you something that may or may not make you feel bad...

You are acting very guarded and defensive, trying to justify your behavior and actions with little success. It's not really convincing anyone too greatly IMO because each reply seems to be full of contradiction and disillusion.

You are much more vulnerable than you are willing to admit and trying to retain this facade of empowerment and indifference, but it's toilet paper thin and you can see that there's something amiss and not adding up with everything you're saying, or portraying yourself to be. A reflection of your underlying emotional vulnerability.

I think your defensive will be typical...we don't know you, we can't judge you, your actions are your own and you don't care what people think or say (yet here you are), you're a big girl now and can do whatever you like...you don't mind ONS and would like to assess the situation first and get to know someone, and determine any potential but you'll still continue to sleep with the typical douchebags while on your journey in search of a relationship.

You even go as far to justify this behavior by using an example of how you went home with a married man after you "got to know him first", to determine that he wasn't a "creep"...which is an absolutely horrible example.

Your name "NoMoreJerks" implies that you're seeking to avoid the exact men that you are engaging and interacting with now and have been, and maybe not just the men but the atmosphere itself that you are engaging them in.

One minute you're acting like you really want to see if there's relationship potential then the next you're acting like you don't care if all you want to do is spread your legs because you enjoy that.

You're either there to establish a foundation or not, and the posture by you should be completely dedicated to upholding that, otherwise no man is going to take you seriously.

I think it's easy to see for many men reading this thread and your posts within them, what "kind of girl" you're making yourself out to be, and it's not the kind that exactly screams "relationship material". You're painting yourself as someone for many men that is exactly the kind of girl you'd have ONS or FWB with, you seem to display little boundaries/standards/expectations by the justification of your behavior.

You seem to be rebounding or reacting to a situation that has made you vulnerable and in need of validation, I don't think you even care who gives it to you right now as long as someone gives you the time of day...your actions are screaming desperation, your body language likely speaks for itself and your engagement with these men. Men just don't listen to the words coming out of your mouth to size up a woman...they size up the whole situation and they can see things you don't even think you are revealing, their perspective is not yours.

You're just going around in circles here and you're acting like a crazy person right now, just dying for some attention and overly anxious to get it, you need this control and at least to know what is going on...you don't really seem like a "no bs" kind of girl, you just seem desperate and insecure, and using that as an excuse to engage these men the way you are and think the way you do.

I think you should take a step back and really try to see how you're acting right now, because I think whatever your next choice is, is going to add to the hurt you're already harboring underneath this character or front, you clearly are acting out to either distract yourself or perpetuate the vulnerability you already feel inside.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

June 11, 2013

Are you for real, Ninjainpajamas? I don't need validation from anyone. I am an intelligent and well-educated person, good-looking, and have everything going for me. I don't do ONS because I need validation. I do it because I miss that sort of intimacy, and also have sexual urges that have gone unsatisfied during my 'relationship'/whateveryouwannacallit with my ex/whateveryouwannacallhim. As I stated, I really was not looking for a ONS when it happened. It just came to my feet, and I didn't say no because it sounded like a good idea. And I do not regret it. I felt a bit bad right after I did it, but that soon gave way to good feelings. And it made me feel more confident and appreciated, physically/sexually, something that my ex never showed me. I am not seeking validation -- I am reflecting confidence, and that is why, unlike in the past, men are coming over and wanting to sleep with me. No one wants to sleep with some weirdo non-confident woman, even if sleeping with her is all they want from her.

I am just realistic now-- no longer the naive person I used to be. I know that 99% of the men who approach me want to sleep with me. Most of the time, they don't even want to get to know me. They just see me as a pretty face and take up the challenge to "bed me". There is nothing wrong in reciprocating, if that is the sort of thing that I want -- which sometimes it is. Who's using whom? With the guy I had a ONS with, I felt like I was using him just as much as, if not more than, he was using me.

I am already made to feel like I am just good for nothing other than to be f*cked. Why shouldn't I have fun in the process? I feel like my intelligence and personality are completely glossed over, not paid attention to. All they care about is my body. Some might go as far as to pretend to be dating , until they can get the sex and then discard me. Is that better, than to choose the time and manner in which I have sex? Why get attached to someone when all they likely see in me is someone to use for their sexual satisfaction? I have sexual needs too, and I'll just use them right back.

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