Ihaven'tgivenup Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 My girlfriend and I of 3 year broke up in December. Things weren't going good for her with things at home, school etc. etc.. I've recently reconnected with her after she cut off all contact with me for 5 months. I learned she dated someone recently after we parted and that was upsetting. It didn't last long, but it still hurt knowing someone jumped right back into her life after knowing she was in a relationship for 3 years. The nerve of people..anyways here's my problem. It's now June and we've been talking off and on since May, she was going to go to prom with this kid but since she broke up with him, he no longer wanted to take her. So I made the possibly dumb mistake by asking her if she would like me to go. Hoping maybe I could rekindle the love that I have for this girl, I came out here with too many expectations. Prom went by and things haven't been the best..what should I do?
Giha Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Since going back in time is, as far as we know, impossible, then I'd suggest you cut your loses and go NC again and this time don't break it. You tried and I'm sorry it didn't work out...but now it's time to move on.
marqueemoon4 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) "The nerve of some people"... to date your single ex? What the? I don't know if you are aware but a large percentage of your posts aren't helpful and your "NC cures all" mentality isn't as irreverent as you think it is. Every situation is different. You can make your points effectively without being rude. Just my .02 Edited June 9, 2013 by marqueemoon4
Author Ihaven'tgivenup Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Knowing someone is vulnerable and getting over someone after 3 years..
marqueemoon4 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm asking a legit question - he and his gf were broken up, she dated someone else, why is that wrong? Is she supposed to wait a certain amount of time? Add for the rest of it, don't like it? Don't read it. Scroll away, my friend. I hope your thread jacking was satisfying today. Just MY $0.02. Wow that's so metal of you. I would try to avoid your obnoxious posts but they're everywhere. Time to utilize the ignore button. And it's a legit to question how anyone can jump into a new relationship immediately after being in another one for years. It's called being a coward and instead of working on yourself taking the easy way out.
totallylost5040 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 She's probably trying to move on by dating again so she doesn't think about the past one. It's normal. You should do the same. But I get where he is coming from. Sometimes there are unwritten rules and a level of respect that goes along with a relationship during and Ben after. Technically she's free to do what she wants. But out of respect she shouldn't have been so open about it. But yah I'd say to **** with her. Lol use that as motivation to get someone hotter and then just stick that middle finger up and the index finger follow. Dueces!
marqueemoon4 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 So when you break up with someone, you're supposed to be all moody and introspective, and ignore opportunity? Relationships end for lots of different reasons. Sometimes the two people involved are perfectly normal, healthy individuals, but are simply incompatible. The breakup is not a failure that always needs to be analysed to death. What good does brooding and waiting achieve when they can get out there and try again? You can't ask your ex to be miserable for you. A mature person would wish them well, and if they want to rebound, who cares? His ex wanted to date someone else, it didn't last long, and it was probably coupled with a lot of self-analysis anyway. If you're broken up, you get no say in your exes behaviour any more. You're assuming a lot here.. and no, I don't think it's healthy to dive into another relationship after just exiting another one. Just my opinion.
lovelifexx Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I think it's more how you write things metal chick. You can be straightforward forward and honest about your view on things. But I have read a number of your comments that come across as sarcastic and insensitive. This guy is still in highschool and is heartbroken. No of us think rationally in that state.
beyond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 My girlfriend and I of 3 year broke up in December. Things weren't going good for her with things at home, school etc. etc.. I've recently reconnected with her after she cut off all contact with me for 5 months. I learned she dated someone recently after we parted and that was upsetting. It didn't last long, but it still hurt knowing someone jumped right back into her life after knowing she was in a relationship for 3 years. The nerve of people..anyways here's my problem. It's now June and we've been talking off and on since May, she was going to go to prom with this kid but since she broke up with him, he no longer wanted to take her. So I made the possibly dumb mistake by asking her if she would like me to go. Hoping maybe I could rekindle the love that I have for this girl, I came out here with too many expectations. Prom went by and things haven't been the best..what should I do? What should you do? In all honesty hun, I think you should just leave it. You broke up, she dated someone else, as she has every right to do, and now you are hoping to rekindle the love. I don't see any of her actions pointing towards her wanting to get back together with you. I'm guessing you are both young (as you mention school). She probably just wants to go off and experience the world and other relationships - hard to hear I know, but perfectly natural for her to want to do that. Time for you now to get out there and meet new people, new interests etc.
beyond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 You are entitled to your opinion but it doesn't make it right for everyone. I have been the dumper plenty of times and I was GLAD, RELIEVED and ECSTATIC about breaking up. I had thought about it and came to conclusion I needed to break up long before I actually did. Therefore, I was totally fine to date others and enter into relationships. On the hand, I have been the dumpee several times and have taken months and sometimes years off before dating again due to feelings I still had for an Ex. I did the healthy thing when I was the dumpee and didn't use people as rebounds and I did the healthy thing when I was the dumper and dated others soon after I dumped someone. Back to the OP... When I was the dumper, dated others and later got back together with an Ex what I did in between us breaking up and to the time we dated again didn't matter, affect me or my feelings for the them. Agree with this. I've sometimes known a relationship wasn't right weeks or months before finally pulling the plug - so that when I did, I was totally over that person and felt nothing but pure relief! I was more than ready to date again straight afterwards emotionally. As a dumpee, I always take a while to get over someone, work out what went wrong and am usually completely sickened by even the thought of dating someone else for a long time, as my heart is still with the person who dumped me. Op - this is something to bear in mind - that your ex may well be a lot further 'over' the relationship than you appear to be. It's hard, but if you can't see her as a 'friend' (which it seems from your post that you can't) then you would be better off going NC rather than talking to her in the hopes she will come back. 1
Author Ihaven'tgivenup Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I've been out of high school for 3 years now and I'm 20 years old. She's been my high school sweetheart and when we met she lived almost 400 miles away. We made it work, I visited everytime I could, I've lost countless jobs, lost countless friends and disappointed every one of my family members by doing this. I appreciate those who's replies are being helpful and respectful to my request for help.
Author Ihaven'tgivenup Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Also I should also add this in. I'm currently staying at her house. We sleep in the same bed, and I see her everyday. Yes I'll admit, I'm a love sick puppy I get that. However, what should I do? Leave her and throw in the towel? She gives me the most mixed signals that could drive anyone mad. She says she's loves me every now and then, she hugs, kisses me, cuddles with me some nights but others she doesn't. I think she's taking me for granted. I've never given up on her but if this continues, I think I'm going to have to throw in the towel.
beyond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I've been out of high school for 3 years now and I'm 20 years old. She's been my high school sweetheart and when we met she lived almost 400 miles away. We made it work' date=' I visited everytime I could, I've lost countless jobs, lost countless friends and disappointed every one of my family members by doing this. I appreciate those who's replies are being helpful and respectful to my request for help.[/quote'] That's what I thought - high school sweethearts. People don't tend to stay together and marry their first loves - people grow, change a lot at that age and want to experience all that life has to offer (look at the GIGS thread at the top of this page). It sounds as if you gave up a lot of things for this relationship, which in itself is not healthy, so now is the perfect opportunity to better yourself. I would also say that everyone on this thread is trying to help you as far as I can see. People may have different styles of expressing it, but we all want the best for you, even if the advice isn't what you'd hoped you'd hear. 1
beyond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Also I should also add this in. I'm currently staying at her house. We sleep in the same bed' date=' and I see her everyday. Yes I'll admit, I'm a love sick puppy I get that. However, what should I do? Leave her and throw in the towel? She gives me the most mixed signals that could drive anyone mad. She says she's loves me every now and then, she hugs, kisses me, cuddles with me some nights but others she doesn't. I think she's taking me for granted. I've never given up on her but if this continues, I think I'm going to have to throw in the towel.[/quote'] Oh my goodness, just read this! This must be TORTURE! You seriously need to get out of this situation - there must be somewhere else to go - anywhere but at your ex's. I'm sure she does love you, but that's not the same as being 'in love' with you . 1
Author Ihaven'tgivenup Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 This is killing me you don't have no idea. I feel trapped but coming out here cost me my job and cost me the love and respect of my family so I'm afraid to go back home, then again I'm afraid of leaving her because sea do emotionally unstable right now, even though I am also. I don't know what to do.
beyond Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 This is killing me you don't have no idea. I feel trapped but coming out here cost me my job and cost me the love and respect of my family so I'm afraid to go back home' date=' then again I'm afraid of leaving her because sea do emotionally unstable right now, even though I am also. I don't know what to do.[/quote'] You have to think of yourself now. Don't be afraid to go back home, they are your family and love you unconditionally. Your ex will be fine. She is not your responsibility. Take control of your life back
Author Ihaven'tgivenup Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I've always told her I'd be here for her and I don't want her to think I gave up on her, even though I should.
orchids Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 This is killing me you don't have no idea. I feel trapped but coming out here cost me my job and cost me the love and respect of my family so I'm afraid to go back home' date=' then again I'm afraid of leaving her because sea do emotionally unstable right now, even though I am also. I don't know what to do.[/quote'] They're your family. Put yourself in their shoes, you would welcome back yourself too, no matter what. Nothing costs a family their love; they watched you grow up. She is emotionally unstable but she has been through this before. You obviously haven't even come out of it yet. Go home, if at least for a while, and reconnect with everything that brought you up. They were there for you before she was. And they will tell you what to do, in a way that befits your character. The advice will be much more personalized than anything you can get here.
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