Casablanca Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 OLD is not natural. It is as fake as you can get. True chemistry is real life. Meeting a person than you are really into and they are into it too is awesome and worth waiting for. Even then, there will be bumps in the road but I will never, ever do OLD again. Which is why you meet them in person and date from there and to see if there is chemistry...just a lot more failed attempts than if you met in real life, but it is what it is
Estate Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 This belief is PUA premised, that you can manufacture sexual chemistry where if it works, kudos is given to the PUA methodology and when it doesn't work, it's how the user applied the techniques. Notice how PUA methodology is never at fault or is flawed, since not all women have identical triggers or attraction elements? It is NOT PUA methodology. You can't manufacture something that's not there but the girl went on 4 dates with the guy! So there WAS some attraction there but it disippated. It's ridiculous to put this all on the girl and blame her. Nobody goes on 4 dates with someone they are NOT interested in but it's very easy to make that attractive fade away if you act lame and don't make yourself stand out in any way. It's got nothing to do with PUA but a lot to do with ACTUAL social interactions. People just want to dismiss all this and pretend they should just keep doing the same things which they have been doing and that somehow the "universe" will make it all magically work out... it WON'T! This guy HAD the girl... she KEPT going out with him...! But he didn't stand out, they barely met, they hadn't even kissed and he's kissing her ass with presents and taking her on lame dates like movies where they can't get to know each other. Attraction fades VERY quickly that way. He could well have used those 4 dates to do something fun and get to know her and make ehr laugh and smile, not side silently in a dark theatre. Also, to the last posters comments... yes, the kiss definitely confirmed the attraction was gone. But it's because of using the LOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait to BUILD the anticipation, he just made himself too easy and no challenge, then went for some limp kiss instead of giving her the most magical kiss of her life.... ... I mean, If I was that girl... I waited and waited and waited for this guy to make a move, I gave him more than enough chances... So I'm thinking... is he kinda lame? Or is he just building this anticipation to the most awesome kiss of my life... then she gets some limp little peck kiss... way to blow it! I really don't care what people are saying here, it's awful advice. If you are going to build anticipation then it has to culminate in something worth waiting for. The OP is just doing what every other guy she's ever encountered is doing... why would she continue to date him? She wants more than that, and good for her! I'll give you an example... I met a girl out at a party last night. We met, we clicked, there was instant attraction. We kissed after about 5 minutes. The oppertunity just arose and I put my hand on the back of her neck, pulled her close and made out with her... she absolutely loved it. We had an awesome rest of the night hanging out together and went from there. I don't do this all the time but the moment was right. I wanted to kiss her, I knew she wanted to kiss me so I gave her the best kiss I possibly could. I could have been a "gentleman" and tipped toed around it all night, made poor conversation boring her while her friends were dancing it up on the dancefloor then awkwardly yet politely begged for her phone number at the end of the night but the whole thing would have bored her to death and by the time I asked she'd be wondering "Why?"... People saying the world is made up of these magical moments where the universe aligns and all things just "work out" and talking out of their ass. The OP blew the attraction which was already there by going too slow and finally leaving her disappointed with what she waited for. It's very obvious what went wrong. 1
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Well I had my mouth a bit open, when I kissed her she was surprised and did not follow the kiss so I just stepped back. Thats why it lasted a few seconds Whatever you did she didn't dig it. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, she just didn't like it
Lani Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Did you seriously start a second thread about this? She just didn't feel the chemistry, end of story. This happens for unexplainable reasons, but if it's not there, it's just not there. It's nothing you did. And there is nothing you can do.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Did you seriously start a second thread about this? She just didn't feel the chemistry, end of story. This happens for unexplainable reasons, but if it's not there, it's just not there. It's nothing you did. And there is nothing you can do. Well, maybe Estate is right. Maybe I waited too much time to make a move and gave her a kiss that was below her expectations and that blew the attraction completely away. .
Author knopfler1 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 It is NOT PUA methodology. You can't manufacture something that's not there but the girl went on 4 dates with the guy! So there WAS some attraction there but it disippated. It's ridiculous to put this all on the girl and blame her. Nobody goes on 4 dates with someone they are NOT interested in but it's very easy to make that attractive fade away if you act lame and don't make yourself stand out in any way. It's got nothing to do with PUA but a lot to do with ACTUAL social interactions. People just want to dismiss all this and pretend they should just keep doing the same things which they have been doing and that somehow the "universe" will make it all magically work out... it WON'T! This guy HAD the girl... she KEPT going out with him...! But he didn't stand out, they barely met, they hadn't even kissed and he's kissing her ass with presents and taking her on lame dates like movies where they can't get to know each other. Attraction fades VERY quickly that way. He could well have used those 4 dates to do something fun and get to know her and make ehr laugh and smile, not side silently in a dark theatre. Also, to the last posters comments... yes, the kiss definitely confirmed the attraction was gone. But it's because of using the LOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait to BUILD the anticipation, he just made himself too easy and no challenge, then went for some limp kiss instead of giving her the most magical kiss of her life.... ... I mean, If I was that girl... I waited and waited and waited for this guy to make a move, I gave him more than enough chances... So I'm thinking... is he kinda lame? Or is he just building this anticipation to the most awesome kiss of my life... then she gets some limp little peck kiss... way to blow it! I really don't care what people are saying here, it's awful advice. If you are going to build anticipation then it has to culminate in something worth waiting for. The OP is just doing what every other guy she's ever encountered is doing... why would she continue to date him? She wants more than that, and good for her! I'll give you an example... I met a girl out at a party last night. We met, we clicked, there was instant attraction. We kissed after about 5 minutes. The oppertunity just arose and I put my hand on the back of her neck, pulled her close and made out with her... she absolutely loved it. We had an awesome rest of the night hanging out together and went from there. I don't do this all the time but the moment was right. I wanted to kiss her, I knew she wanted to kiss me so I gave her the best kiss I possibly could. I could have been a "gentleman" and tipped toed around it all night, made poor conversation boring her while her friends were dancing it up on the dancefloor then awkwardly yet politely begged for her phone number at the end of the night but the whole thing would have bored her to death and by the time I asked she'd be wondering "Why?"... People saying the world is made up of these magical moments where the universe aligns and all things just "work out" and talking out of their ass. The OP blew the attraction which was already there by going too slow and finally leaving her disappointed with what she waited for. It's very obvious what went wrong. Maybe you are right, I took a lot of time to make a move and when I made my moves maybe they were below her expectations.
Lani Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Well, maybe Estate is right. Maybe I waited too much time to make a move and gave her a kiss that was below her expectations and that blew the attraction completely away. . Maybe... Or maybe everyone else is? You can't just hold onto the one piece of advice you want to. Take it all into account, otherwise your coming here is worthless. 1
crude Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What if you never stood a chance, and were just another guy on a long list of men she collected online? When the man seems to be getting serious and wants to go a little farther , she simply says no chemistry and moves on to the next dope on the list. More and more women are collecting huge numbers of online men and these guys are left befuddled when the woman fades or says have a good life. The women are just piling up suckers with wallets. This is why men need to follow the advice always given to women and tell the woman that you want HER to plan some dates to show the guy that she's into him and not just using him for that $100 concert ticket and meal afterwards. If she's not into you and just using you, it's better to find out quickly rather than get your heart pounded on again and again.
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What if you never stood a chance, and were just another guy on a long list of men she collected online? When the man seems to be getting serious and wants to go a little farther , she simply says no chemistry and moves on to the next dope on the list. More and more women are collecting huge numbers of online men and these guys are left befuddled when the woman fades or says have a good life. The women are just piling up suckers with wallets. This is why men need to follow the advice always given to women and tell the woman that you want HER to plan some dates to show the guy that she's into him and not just using him for that $100 concert ticket and meal afterwards. If she's not into you and just using you, it's better to find out quickly rather than get your heart pounded on again and again. I've met and dated plenty of women online and IRL and never met one that meets this description. This sounds to me like bitter male LS talk... 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 It is NOT PUA methodology. You can't manufacture something that's not there but the girl went on 4 dates with the guy! So there WAS some attraction there but it disippated. It's ridiculous to put this all on the girl and blame her. Nobody goes on 4 dates with someone they are NOT interested in but it's very easy to make that attractive fade away if you act lame and don't make yourself stand out in any way. I hate to break it to you but I did. And multiple times. And on more than 4 dates. Do you know why? Because I was lonely and I had low self esteem. I wasn't meeting anyone I was attracted to so I convinced myself that that's all there is to life. Some guys are easy company ESPECIALLY if they are not physically aggressive. If he was physically agressive and made moves on the 2nd date, chances are she would have dropped him then. With me, as soon as guys escalated things sexually, it became painfully obvious how much I lacked attraction. So I broke it off. Thank god I don't do that anymore. I know many other women like me. He never had a chance.
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 but the girl went on 4 dates with the guy! So there WAS some attraction there but it disippated.I don't disagree that there was some attraction but four dates isn't a telling number for sufficient chemistry to want to proceed forwards. I've gone on 8 - 10 dates without getting to the point of sufficient sexual chemistry to want to proceed any further. What is telling is that the date where he kissed her, was the date she shut down. This is indicative of insufficient sexual chemistry but doesn't preclude her liking him or even being moderately attracted. I do agree that being lame can reduce attraction. But pushing for earlier physicality can also be extremely detrimental to dating if you're dating a woman who isn't the type to be sexually accommodating if she's uncertain.
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 This belief is PUA premised, that you can manufacture sexual chemistry where if it works, kudos is given to the PUA methodology and when it doesn't work, it's how the user applied the techniques. Notice how PUA methodology is never at fault or is flawed, since not all women have identical triggers or attraction elements? Estate is spot on. You cannot manufacture chemistry, but guys can certainly kill it by being passive or over analyzing things. He had chemistry as evidenced by 4 dates. He killed it by moving too slowly and overthinking when to make his move. All the evidence I need is the thread he created after the third date. Sorry but anytime I read a thread "Three dates... when should I make a move..." I can tell you the guy is pretty much f**ked. I mean c'mon, 9 out of 10 girls are thinking by that point "does he just want to be friends." "is he too shy." "is he gay?" The time to be wondering when to make a move is during the first date or second date at absolute latest - not on Internet forums before the fourth date. I think about the times I didnt initiate contact or hand holding on the first couple dates and they NEVER led to anything. Frankly they get really awkward when your both walking somewhere. Him wondering "Should i make a move?" Her wondering "Is there something wrong." That's why the kiss went so badly. It may be true that he did "anything wrong" but that attitude is why most dates don't work out. He certainly didn't do "something right". It's the man's job to initiate and "do something right". It's the women's job to not do "anything wrong". In that regard dating is still quite traditional...
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I hate to break it to you but I did. And multiple times. And on more than 4 dates. Do you know why? Because I was lonely and I had low self esteem. I wasn't meeting anyone I was attracted to so I convinced myself that that's all there is to life. Some guys are easy company ESPECIALLY if they are not physically aggressive. If he was physically agressive and made moves on the 2nd date, chances are she would have dropped him then. With me, as soon as guys escalated things sexually, it became painfully obvious how much I lacked attraction. So I broke it off. Thank god I don't do that anymore. I know many other women like me. He never had a chance. All the reason for him to make the move on the first or second date. So he doesn't waste his time and money or get more emotionally invested... 1
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 He killed it by moving too slowlyStraight up, a man can't kill chemistry by moving too slowly. But he can kill chemistry if he moves too fast since he then becomes unsafe. 1
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I don't disagree that there was some attraction but four dates isn't a telling number for sufficient chemistry to want to proceed forwards. I've gone on 8 - 10 dates without getting to the point of sufficient sexual chemistry to want to proceed any further. What is telling is that the date where he kissed her, was the date she shut down. This is indicative of insufficient sexual chemistry but doesn't preclude her liking him or even being moderately attracted. I do agree that being lame can reduce attraction. But pushing for earlier physicality can also be extremely detrimental to dating if you're dating a woman who isn't the type to be sexually accommodating if she's uncertain. 8-10 dates seriously??? That could mean 2-3 months!!! Sorry but unless a guy has no options I know hardly anyone who would wait that long. I mean I usually can tell if I like someone an hour into the first date and my instincts are rarely wrong. Its ended after a second or third date several times but usually I sensed it after one date but one of us gave it a second chance. How can it possibly take 8-10 dates to know???
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Straight up, a man can't kill chemistry by moving too slowly. But he can kill chemistry if he moves too fast since he then becomes unsafe. Not just 'unsafe'... but boring and obnoxious. Any common schlub can make a move early on. Means nothing... as we've proven many times here on LS and elsewhere.
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Not just 'unsafe'... but boring and obnoxious. Any common schlub can make a move early on. Means nothing... as we've proven many times here on LS and elsewhere. There is a big difference between automatically making a move on the first date and reading the other person acting appropriately. Sorry but anytime a guy creates a thread asking when he should make a move on the next date I know you can stick a fork in the relationship... That's the opposite extreme of the boring and obnoxious common schlub...
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Straight up, a man can't kill chemistry by moving too slowly. But he can kill chemistry if he moves too fast since he then becomes unsafe. We're talking about holding hands here after 4 dates, not trying to have sex. How is that unsafe???
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 There is a big difference between automatically making a move on the first date and reading the other person acting appropriately. Sorry but anytime a guy creates a thread asking when he should make a move on the next date I know you can stick a fork in the relationship... That's the opposite extreme of the boring and obnoxious common schlub... I think it depends on what kind of move. If he holds hands/goes for a kiss, I am happy to do that on the first/second date if I am attracted. If he attempts to have sex on first/second date, that's wayyy too much But I never have and never will next a guy for moving too slow.
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 8-10 dates seriously??? That could mean 2-3 months!!! Sorry but unless a guy has no options I know hardly anyone who would wait that long. I mean I usually can tell if I like someone an hour into the first date and my instincts are rarely wrong. Its ended after a second or third date several times but usually I sensed it after one date but one of us gave it a second chance. How can it possibly take 8-10 dates to know???I was multidating at the time and only ended it when one guy presumed we were in a relationship already and so, after the drama, I asked the second guy if he thought we were in a relationship, where he too thought we were, so I stopped dating both guys. As far as these guys having no options, that's kind of funny considering the two men involved and their demographics. Not just 'unsafe'... but boring and obnoxious. Any common schlub can make a move early on. Means nothing... as we've proven many times here on LS and elsewhere.That too. These "common knowledge" dating tips have low efficacy unless they've targeted women who are more sexually accommodating, even if the timing's not right.
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 There is a big difference between automatically making a move on the first date and reading the other person acting appropriately. Sorry but anytime a guy creates a thread asking when he should make a move on the next date I know you can stick a fork in the relationship... That's the opposite extreme of the boring and obnoxious common schlub... I dunno. I'm much more willing to give a guy a chance who is a little awkward and shy than I would a guy who is aggressive and pushy. E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 We're talking about holding hands here after 4 dates, not trying to have sex. How is that unsafe???As long as that's the situation, then I agree it's not a safety issue. But moving too slow won't kill real sexual chemistry, as long as he's flirting and being charming. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I dunno. I'm much more willing to give a guy a chance who is a little awkward and shy than I would a guy who is aggressive and pushy. E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E I remember a guy where we went to the movies on the second date and he basically attempted to have sex with me in the back row I nexted him immediately even though I was attracted to him. He had no restraint and no class. 1
RedRobin Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I remember a guy where we went to the movies on the second date and he basically attempted to have sex with me in the back row I nexted him immediately even though I was attracted to him. He had no restraint and no class. Too funny. His friends probably told him he should go for it or else you wouldn't know he was really interested in you... or would question his 'manhood'... ha ha 1
Author knopfler1 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I remember a guy where we went to the movies on the second date and he basically attempted to have sex with me in the back row I nexted him immediately even though I was attracted to him. He had no restraint and no class. When the girl really likes the guy she will wait even he makes the first move on the fourth date. Well thats what I think. There are girls that don't like a first kiss on the second date, they need to know more the guy 1
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