Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I thought on what you said, when you really like someone it doesn't matter if it takes him for or 5 dates to kiss you or even if the first kiss is awkward. Maybe this wasn't my fault There is no real rule on when to and not to kiss...it is all about reading their body language, I've done a first kiss on date 1, date 2, date 3 and even date 4 before...there are no rules
happykat Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I agree - there's no rule about the first kiss. But I think you've got to go for at least hand holding on date 2 - while you're walking somewhere or whatever, reach for her hand. Sometimes a man has to act a bit "alpha" in order to make that "spark" happen.. But no you didn't do anything wrong - think of this as a learning experience.
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I agree - there's no rule about the first kiss. But I think you've got to go for at least hand holding on date 2 - while you're walking somewhere or whatever, reach for her hand. Sometimes a man has to act a bit "alpha" in order to make that "spark" happen.. But no you didn't do anything wrong - think of this as a learning experience. I figured you'd kiss before holding hands...now resting hand on knee and initiating small physical contact is always good though
happykat Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I figured you'd kiss before holding hands...now resting hand on knee and initiating small physical contact is always good though really? - for me, holding hands comes way before kissing (and resting hand on knee)..
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 really? - for me, holding hands comes way before kissing (and resting hand on knee).. Thats just me, I always equate holding hands as more special/intimate than kissing I see two people making out at a party, doesnt mean they are necessarily together, but if they're holding hands, they are together
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) With my past two exes never happened something like this. Even when I was dating my first exgirlfriend I have never kissed a girl before and she was my first in everything: kiss, holding hands, sex. She was wayyy more experienced than me and when I kissed her the first time she didn't said anything about lack of chemistry after that. With my second girlfriend she was the one who asked me to kiss her and I kissed her in a very similar way I kissed this new girl who rejected me on the fourth date but with the difference that my ex never said there was no chemistry after that kiss. God knows what happened here Edited June 9, 2013 by knopfler1
happykat Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 hmm sounds like you've only dated 3 women? and 1 didn't work out? -- that's pretty damned good! 1
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Well I have actually dated 5 women. 2 of them became my girlfriends, one of them wasn't that attractive to me but she liked me. Other one didn't wanted to date me more. and this new girl that after four dates says that there is no chemistry
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Well I have actually dated 5 women. 2 of them became my girlfriends, one of them wasn't that attractive to me but she liked me. Other one didn't wanted to date me more. and this new girl that after four dates says that there is no chemistry Those are pretty good stats. I wouldn't worry too much about this last one. You don't seem to have too many problems reading women or getting a relationship. The no chemistry thing does happen... to both men and women. Just the nature of dating. Also, I'd imagine that some women might get pickier as they get older and know what they like... just like you will when it comes to certain things. Just how it goes.
starrynightz45 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Ok, before the 4th date, what did you do as far as physical contact? If the first time you held her hand was the 4th date, that's really slow. You may have turned her off overtime. You didn't come off confident/sure of yourself. I don't mean jump down her throat on the first date. BUT hand holding on a 2nd or 3rd date is nice. Puttting your arm around her on a 1st or 2nd date is fine. Standing very close, finding excuses to put your hand on her shoulder on 1-2 date all indicate your interest. If you did absolutely nothing and then held her hand and kissed on the 4th date, she could have just lost her patience by then. OR, it's possible that something with the kiss turned her off. Bad breath? Bad kisser? It's possible. Honestly, from a woman's perspective, and as a women who really TAKES IT SLOW, I have to say that if the first time a guy held my hand was on the 4th date, I'd probably be feeling ****ty and thinking he wasn't all that into me OR that he didn't have confidence/was waiting for me to initiate - all eventual turn offs. Sorry.
starrynightz45 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I thought on what you said, when you really like someone it doesn't matter if it takes him for or 5 dates to kiss you or even if the first kiss is awkward. Maybe this wasn't my fault True. If I liked a guy I wouldn't care if he waited for the 4th date to kiss me, and I wouldn't care if it was awkward. I think I'd be a little confused about whether he was interested in me or not though. First kisses usually are awkward. BUT it's the "alpha male" thing first. You should have taken more physical initiative on the 2nd-3rd dates (I mean respectable physical contact). AND maybe started with a cheek kiss rather than shooting straight for the mouth. The ex thing is certainly something to consider though - this might just be totally from her end. She's having a hard time feeling anything with you because she's still caught up on him. I don't think you did anything DRASTICALLY wrong here.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 True. If I liked a guy I wouldn't care if he waited for the 4th date to kiss me, and I wouldn't care if it was awkward. I think I'd be a little confused about whether he was interested in me or not though. First kisses usually are awkward. BUT it's the "alpha male" thing first. You should have taken more physical initiative on the 2nd-3rd dates (I mean respectable physical contact). AND maybe started with a cheek kiss rather than shooting straight for the mouth. The ex thing is certainly something to consider though - this might just be totally from her end. She's having a hard time feeling anything with you because she's still caught up on him. I don't think you did anything DRASTICALLY wrong here. I didn't started physical contact until the 4th date because i wanted to take things slowly considering she broke with her ex 2 months ago, maybe she just didn't like me very much. If she really liked me it wouldn't matter if the first kiss was awkward or if I made physical contact until the 4th date. 1
tbf Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I didn't started physical contact until the 4th date because i wanted to take things slowly considering she broke with her ex 2 months ago, maybe she just didn't like me very much. If she really liked me it wouldn't matter if the first kiss was awkward or if I made physical contact until the 4th date.If she went on a fourth date with you, she liked you. Unfortunately, liking someone doesn't always translate to sexual chemistry which is what happened after the test kiss. I wouldn't take this as a reflection of your sexiness. Sometimes chemistry doesn't happen and can't be forced through action or inaction. I'm a firm believer in pheromones and the ability of human beings to sense DNA similarities or differences through the subconscious mind's sifting of pheromones.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) If she went on a fourth date with you, she liked you. Unfortunately, liking someone doesn't always translate to sexual chemistry which is what happened after the test kiss. I wouldn't take this as a reflection of your sexiness. Sometimes chemistry doesn't happen and can't be forced through action or inaction. I'm a firm believer in pheromones and the ability of human beings to sense DNA similarities or differences through the subconscious mind's sifting of pheromones. Maybe it wasnt my fault, this was an issue of her. I acted the way I am. I always like to be authentic. I took my risks with this girl and I failed. Do you think she will ever text me again?. Of course I plan to never initiate contact with her again unless she does it. Edited June 9, 2013 by knopfler1
tbf Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Maybe it wasnt my fault, this was an issue of her. I acted the way I am. I always like to be authentic. I took my risks with this girl and I failed. Do you think she will ever text me again?. Of course I plan to never initiate contact with her again unless she does it.I honestly wouldn't look at this from a fault or failure perspective. Chemistry can't be predicted or created. I have no idea. Only time will tell where it's probably best to continue dating others without waiting for her. 1
KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 She just didn't feel a spark with you. It doesn't have to do with the timing of your kiss, or how long it took, or anything else. She didn't feel any romantic chemistry after kissing you. You guys aren't in a relationship and she's fully entitled to back out if she's not feeling it. I don't know why you're making multiple threads about this girl that you barely know. It just wasn't a match, that's life. Nothing was infested or really lost here. You tried, it didn't work, on to the next.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 That happens to me a lot with OLD where I get along well with guys but there us no sexual chemistry some of the guys are even quite attractive objectively speaking so don't take it personally. 1
sillyanswer Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 That happens to me a lot with OLD where I get along well with guys but there us no sexual chemistry some of the guys are even quite attractive objectively speaking so don't take it personally. Yup, same here. (well, with girls rather than guys) Nice new avatar, btw. 1
Estate Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I met a girl through Facebook a month and a half ago, I started to talk her on the chat and then we started to talk daily on whatsapp, after 2 days she told me that she wanted to meet me. The first date we dinnered and it went great, then the second date we went to the movies and also went great. On the third date we went to dinner again and i brought her some flowers and a book, she got excited and happy with this. But on the fourth date she waas the one who told me to take her to the drive in theater, after an hour on the place I decided to hold hands with her, she was apparently comfortable with that, we stay like an hour holding hands, then i had to pick up a call on my cellphone and I released my hand from her hand to pick up my phone and then she made me a sign with her hand to hold hands with her again. After some minutes I went for the kiss, I got close to her and kiss her slowly in the mouth, it was a short kiss and she said: Oh that was cute!, since that moment I knew it was all doomed. I took her home and she kissed me in the cheek and said goodbye. The next days she stopped sending me messages so I asked what happened and I apologize if holding hands with her and kissing her made her feel uncomfortable and she just answered this: It not made me feel uncomfortable but there is no chemistry. I was schocked to see that messes, I didn't answered back- I don't know what the hell happened and Im obviously sad. I don't know if the fact that she broke with her 3 year old boyfriend 2 months ago had an influence on this. We haven't talked since that day, it was last wednesday. I just hope that maybe some day she will text me again You moved too slow. So when you made a move it was just clumsy and awkward. You set yourself up as a cetain "type" of guy (i.e. friendzoned) and then went for something else and didn't really follow through. The dates were not good ideas either. You just met, movies are very bad ideas, can't get to know someone, also don't bring flowers and gifts, it way too needy, you are no challenge to her, just boring and dry and no different to any other guy. You have to be different... show her why she should date you over some other guy who'll buy her a dinner. It was only 4 dates though, it's not like it was serious, you hardly even kissed, it shouldn't be the big deal you're making it into. 1
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 That happens to me a lot with OLD where I get along well with guys but there us no sexual chemistry some of the guys are even quite attractive objectively speaking so don't take it personally. It only happens with OLD so much because you've sped up the get to know this type of person. Most women I've met have been through school/work/friends...even at parties, other than once or twice, when I'd get a number it is someone I've met at another party or something. Hell, even at a bar, you're interacting in person with them and can pick up a vibe With OLD, you don't get to know much about how they act (in general and with you) until you actually go on a date compared to meeting someone more naturally. I've had a few dates through OLD where everything looked great on paper, but it just wasnt there for me, and I've had it happen to where it was just there for them in me 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 You moved too slow. So when you made a move it was just clumsy and awkward. You set yourself up as a cetain "type" of guy (i.e. friendzoned) and then went for something else and didn't really follow through. The dates were not good ideas either. You just met, movies are very bad ideas, can't get to know someone, also don't bring flowers and gifts, it way too needy, you are no challenge to her, just boring and dry and no different to any other guy. You have to be different... show her why she should date you over some other guy who'll buy her a dinner. It was only 4 dates though, it's not like it was serious, you hardly even kissed, it shouldn't be the big deal you're making it into. I disagree, it has nothing to do with strategy and moving too slow. If anything, waiting and anticipation can increase the attraction. It just wasn't there and the kiss confirmed it for her. 2
tbf Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 You moved too slow. So when you made a move it was just clumsy and awkward. You set yourself up as a cetain "type" of guy (i.e. friendzoned) and then went for something else and didn't really follow through. The dates were not good ideas either. You just met, movies are very bad ideas, can't get to know someone, also don't bring flowers and gifts, it way too needy, you are no challenge to her, just boring and dry and no different to any other guy. You have to be different... show her why she should date you over some other guy who'll buy her a dinner. It was only 4 dates though, it's not like it was serious, you hardly even kissed, it shouldn't be the big deal you're making it into.This belief is PUA premised, that you can manufacture sexual chemistry where if it works, kudos is given to the PUA methodology and when it doesn't work, it's how the user applied the techniques. Notice how PUA methodology is never at fault or is flawed, since not all women have identical triggers or attraction elements? 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 It only happens with OLD so much because you've sped up the get to know this type of person. Most women I've met have been through school/work/friends...even at parties, other than once or twice, when I'd get a number it is someone I've met at another party or something. Hell, even at a bar, you're interacting in person with them and can pick up a vibe With OLD, you don't get to know much about how they act (in general and with you) until you actually go on a date compared to meeting someone more naturally. I've had a few dates through OLD where everything looked great on paper, but it just wasnt there for me, and I've had it happen to where it was just there for them in me OLD is not natural. It is as fake as you can get. True chemistry is real life. Meeting a person than you are really into and they are into it too is awesome and worth waiting for. Even then, there will be bumps in the road but I will never, ever do OLD again.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 This belief is PUA premised, that you can manufacture sexual chemistry where if it works, kudos is given to the PUA methodology and when it doesn't work, it's how the user applied the techniques. Notice how PUA methodology is never at fault or is flawed, since not all women have identical triggers or attraction elements? What does PUA mean?
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 What does PUA mean?PickUpArtist or Artistry. That's where the terms alpha male, friendzone and pushing for physicality too quickly, originated from. The intent is to score by being more physically aggressive with women, with the hopes that because women are socialized to be more accommodating to men, guys will get more sex. The above doesn't manufacture sexual chemistry. It just a way to hard press weaker women into bending over.
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