knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) I met a girl through Facebook a month and a half ago, I started to talk her on the chat and then we started to talk daily on whatsapp, after 2 days she told me that she wanted to meet me. The first date we dinnered and it went great, then the second date we went to the movies and also went great. On the third date we went to dinner again and i brought her some flowers and a book, she got excited and happy with this. But on the fourth date she waas the one who told me to take her to the drive in theater, after an hour on the place I decided to hold hands with her, she was apparently comfortable with that, we stay like an hour holding hands, then i had to pick up a call on my cellphone and I released my hand from her hand to pick up my phone and then she made me a sign with her hand to hold hands with her again. After some minutes I went for the kiss, I got close to her and kiss her slowly in the mouth, it was a short kiss and she said: Oh that was cute!, since that moment I knew it was all doomed. I took her home and she kissed me in the cheek and said goodbye. The next days she stopped sending me messages so I asked what happened and I apologize if holding hands with her and kissing her made her feel uncomfortable and she just answered this: It not made me feel uncomfortable but there is no chemistry. I was schocked to see that messes, I didn't answered back- I don't know what the hell happened and Im obviously sad. I don't know if the fact that she broke with her 3 year old boyfriend 2 months ago had an influence on this. We haven't talked since that day, it was last wednesday. I just hope that maybe some day she will text me again Edited June 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 You'll never know...perhaps the flowers and small gift were a little too much for a 3rd date, though I doubt that that was the deal breaker. Perhaps in the "heat" of the moment she wanted to keep holding hands as it was nice to have human touch, but when she stepped back and looked at it all it just wouldn't have worked out. I've been in a semi similar situation, last date we had, we made out, cuddled, she playfully smacked my butt...I didn't hear from her again other than once or twice, very short closed ended questions which was not her MO the weeks before that...and then silence... For your gal, her ex may have come back into the picture...the girl in question for me, I think that is what might have happened as she was really worried about being a rebound and asked if I was ever engaged...so there are two things that probably happened with your gal...either the ex is back or how I explained it in the first paragraph...be happy you got an explanation and she just didn't flake. 1
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I don't know what happened and Im still surprised from her reaction . Why would she hold hands with me if there was no chemistry?
sillyanswer Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Maybe she liked you a bit but, on reflection, not enough to want to take things further? Maybe some other guy caught her attention? Maybe she's still hung up on an ex? Maybe one of 27 other reasons? It was only 4 dates, so if you're upset about for any longer than today then you're way over-invested in the situation. 2
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I think Casablanca is right on point - she likely is not ready to consider "real" dating with the desire for a meaningful relationship yet. Perhaps she enjoys your company but is just not ready to go that extra step and let someone else in again. Imo, holding hands is a sign of true intimacy, and in fact find it more intimate than sex usually. I'm sorry that you are feeling low about yourself, but it's not your fault and there is no one to blame. Chalk this one up to "bad timing"... unfortunately it happens quite frequently 1
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Maybe she liked you a bit but, on reflection, not enough to want to take things further? Maybe some other guy caught her attention? Maybe she's still hung up on an ex? Maybe one of 27 other reasons? It was only 4 dates, so if you're upset about for any longer than today then you're way over-invested in the situation. You are right, maybe she just wanted my company and she is not ready for true dating. but what makes my wonder is: why would she hold hands with me?
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 How did you meet a girl on facebook? Did you just randomly message some one who was a friend of a friend, or a complete stranger? I think you took things very slow. Waiting for a 4th date to kiss and hold hands. Than apologizing for holding her hand. You come off as a doormat for the apology. Some times things just don't work out though. May be if I kissed her earlier the result would be the same. In spite that that i didnt kissed her dates before she still wanted to hang out with me.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I think Casablanca is right on point - she likely is not ready to consider "real" dating with the desire for a meaningful relationship yet. Perhaps she enjoys your company but is just not ready to go that extra step and let someone else in again. Imo, holding hands is a sign of true intimacy, and in fact find it more intimate than sex usually. I'm sorry that you are feeling low about yourself, but it's not your fault and there is no one to blame. Chalk this one up to "bad timing"... unfortunately it happens quite frequently Like you say maybe she just enjoyed my company and wasn't ready for anything serious yet. She just broke up with a guy whom she lasted more than 3 years. Im sure that influenced all of this
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 well my cousin knew her. I just added her on Facebook
Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I think she was into it until you kissed her. Something about the kiss turned her off. 1
neveragain34 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I think you took things very slow. Waiting for a 4th date to kiss and hold hands. Than apologizing for holding her hand. You come off as a doormat. I agree. If a guy takes too long to make a move, I see it as a lack in confidence due to nerves. Most women want alpha males that take control and aren't afraid to grab a woman's hand or kiss her (usually on date 2). Once men miss this window of opportunity and the woman senses his timidness, the physical attraction is gone. When she says there is no chemistry, she simply means she is not physically attracted to you no matter how good looking you are. Sorry. 1
shexy Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm sure the hand holding was fine. Maybe she didn't dig the kiss.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 But why would she still date me even though I didn't kissed her on the previous dates?.
neveragain34 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 May be if I kissed her earlier the result would be the same. In spite that that i didnt kissed her dates before she still wanted to hang out with me. Maybe she knew during the earlier dates, but was giving it more time because she enjoyed your company and didn't want to lose that. I'm in the same boat...been on two dates with a guy and enjoy his company, but I'm just not attracted to him. I'd like to see him again, but I don't know how to tell him I don't see it going anywhere else but friendship. 1
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I agree. If a guy takes too long to make a move, I see it as a lack in confidence due to nerves. Most women want alpha males that take control and aren't afraid to grab a woman's hand or kiss her (usually on date 2). Once men miss this window of opportunity and the woman senses his timidness, the physical attraction is gone. When she says there is no chemistry, she simply means she is not physically attracted to you no matter how good looking you are. Sorry. The hand holding was fine, she seemed to be comfortable with this. When I kissed her I just got close to her and kissed her slowly, the kiss lasted 2-3 seconds. She seemed surprised and she just said: That is cute
Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 The hand holding was fine, she seemed to be comfortable with this. When I kissed her I just got close to her and kissed her slowly, the kiss lasted 2-3 seconds. She seemed surprised and she just said: That is cute A slow kiss that lasts 2-3 seconds? I can't even imagine that. Was it with a closed mouth?
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I think she was into it until you kissed her. Something about the kiss turned her off. I was wondering if I kissed her wrong. I mean the kiss was soft and lasted 3 about 3 seconds, she seemed surprised when I kissed her and just said: Thats cute
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 A slow kiss that lasts 2-3 seconds? I can't even imagine that. Was it with a closed mouth? Well I had my mouth a bit open, when I kissed her she was surprised and did not follow the kiss so I just stepped back. Thats why it lasted a few seconds
neveragain34 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Well I had my mouth a bit open, when I kissed her she was surprised and did not follow the kiss so I just stepped back. Thats why it lasted a few seconds Did not follow? Yup; she's not attracted to you. Sorry.
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 How did you meet a girl on facebook? Did you just randomly message some one who was a friend of a friend, or a complete stranger? I think you took things very slow. Waiting for a 4th date to kiss and hold hands. Than apologizing for holding her hand. You come off as a doormat for the apology. Some times things just don't work out though. I'd say those things probably werent deal breakers if she really really liked him, BUT if she is on the fence that might have swung it the other way, especially the apologizing. I doubt though that it was the reason, I'd say it was more upon reflection there isnt anything there long term or ex is in the picture. I've gone out with someone 5 or 6 times because she looked great on paper, but I just didn't find myself emotionally attracted to her, I kept hoping something would spark for me, but it never happened 3
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I've heard of girls going out on dates with guys they don't have any feelings for. She might have had no chemistry for you on dates 1-4 and just kept hoping something would happen. You can't be so apologetic about kissing and hand holding. I bet you seemed so disappointed after you kissed her and she said cute. You have to play it cool. Some times things just end whether you've had 4 dates or 4 years together. Obviously if it had been 4 years you'd want a little more explanation than "no chemistry." I would just move on and not question this stuff too much. Don't take it personally. If you want to give it one last try just tell her that you do feel chemistry and want to see her again. Than just be yourself. Be ready to walk away. Knowing in more detail why she doesn't want to date you anymore wouldn't really help you. You are very right, she might felt there was no chemistry between us in dates 1-4 and she wanted to use me so she didn't feel lonely but the rare thing is that she told me at the end of dates 1-3 that she gad a good time with me. Maybe she is is not emotionally available for a relationship right now after breaking up with her boyfriend of 3 years 2 months ago. Or maybe she just didn't felt chemistry when I kissed her, there can be a hundred reasons. I might never know what happened here
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 But why would she still date me even though I didn't kissed her on the previous dates?. I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like you were reading her cues and timing was just fine. There probably was something about kissing you that didn't appeal to her though... I've had that happen before. When I really liked the guy, it was never a barrier. A couple of tries after that, and I ended up with a guy I felt off the charts chemistry with... We ultimately broke up for other reasons (after a nice LTR)... but the point being... an awkward first kiss won't end things for me. Regarding your situation, not sure what you can do at this point... It might be just the kiss or might be more... Don't let people here tell you that you have to speed things up. If a guy tries to kiss me on the first date, he's done. Doesn't matter how much I like him. You need to read a girl's cues... and you were doing that just fine, sounds like. 2
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'd say those things probably werent deal breakers if she really really liked him, BUT if she is on the fence that might have swung it the other way, especially the apologizing. I doubt though that it was the reason, I'd say it was more upon reflection there isnt anything there long term or ex is in the picture. I've gone out with someone 5 or 6 times because she looked great on paper, but I just didn't find myself emotionally attracted to her, I kept hoping something would spark for me, but it never happened Yes, I agree. I prefer to call it "bad timing". It's very hard for some women/men that are still attached to another (or to their memory) to let go if it's too soon. We never really know when that is, unfortunately - until we meet another that strikes us as especially special for whatever reason and we open up again. We can try to date in the meantime, and move on so to speak, but if it isn't there we have to move on. She saved OP from having a seriously broke heart. It is no slight to OP, it's just a part of dating and building relationships.
Imajerk17 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 This sort of thing--things aborting after only one to a few dates--is inevitable in the world of dating. That said I'm wondering why it took you 4 dates to make a move. Take heart though she probably wasn't the love of your life regardless. If you had enough game to meet a girl over Facebook you can meet someone else.
Author knopfler1 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like you were reading her cues and timing was just fine. There probably was something about kissing you that didn't appeal to her though... I've had that happen before. When I really liked the guy, it was never a barrier. A couple of tries after that, and I ended up with a guy I felt off the charts chemistry with... We ultimately broke up for other reasons (after a nice LTR)... but the point being... an awkward first kiss won't end things for me. Regarding your situation, not sure what you can do at this point... It might be just the kiss or might be more... Don't let people here tell you that you have to speed things up. If a guy tries to kiss me on the first date, he's done. Doesn't matter how much I like him. You need to read a girl's cues... and you were doing that just fine, sounds like. I thought on what you said, when you really like someone it doesn't matter if it takes him for or 5 dates to kiss you or even if the first kiss is awkward. Maybe this wasn't my fault
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