Cierra351 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm really struggling with this one, guys. Quick two-liner version of my story: My husband (together 12 years) left me at 20 weeks pregnant for a married OW (who is still with her unknowing husband) and bachelor lifestyle, has treated me pretty poorly ever since. Separation agreement in place that divorce decree (and custody arrangement) would be deferred until after baby was born, and he has been quite behind on paying his financial obligations to me (behind on spousal support, prenatal medical bills, house bills, mortgage, has paid nothing for the lawyer, etc.) due to squandering his money on the new girl and dating other people, too. He had not shown any interest in the baby at all since about a month before we split - during the last prenatal visit when we were still together, he claimed he couldn't come due to having to work but I later saw on our phone bill the real reason was that he was talking to the OW for 2 hours during that appt. During our 13 weeks apart, he has only even asked me about the baby 5 times. He took me off our only bank account without warning (when I hadn't been abusing it and always asked for his permission before taking out any money) after her encouragement. I've had to take out loans in order to pay for the lawyer to draft up the separation agreement, of which he was supposed to pay half and hasn't paid 1 cent. I don't know what I have done to her to motivate such malice toward me but she is quite successful in manipulating him into doing whatever he can to hurt me (and by extension--from all the stress, lack of security or money, etc.--the baby). It has been a real struggle these past 3 months. When we discussed custody before, he told me his plan was to visit the baby at my house. NOW (probably because the married OW has two young children and he wants to play house with our little one too or prove himself as a father to her) he suddenly wants to take our newborn baby away to where he is staying (renting a room at a friend's house) during his time. I have serious concerns about this, both the effects that this may have on my baby and his ability to parent. First, due to custody laws in our state, from birth to 4 months, he will only have 6 hours a week with the baby (2 hours 3 times a week) - what is the purpose of taking him away for such a short amount of time? I have read that newborns do best in a stable environment with the least disruption to their schedule. This little baby will have no idea why/where he is going, and I don't see the purpose of this other than to serve whatever his father's motivations are. If his concern is being alone with the baby (it's not) I am willing to leave them alone there or even leave the house so that they can be alone there, but I would rather he be in his own environment. My ex has no baby supplies at all (my mother and I bought everything from his crib to his car seats to his clothes) except what few items he recently got at a baby shower thrown for him by his work. As for my concerns about his character - he has proven himself time and again an irresponsible, selfish, malicious person. He does not pay his bills, bounces checks, etc. He has no sense of responsibility. He has anger issues and had a restraining order placed on him in the past from a young man he confronted in a parking lot. He has untreated depression and mental illness. He has been fired from ~7 jobs in the past 10 years. I found out recently that he has been seeking out and meeting strangers on dating websites and Craigslist for one-night stands. (He has no sense of danger, inviting these individuals to his home, and he even has shared personal identifiable information about me.) He was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder by at least one therapist, another thought he had narcissistic personality disorder. I have kept all this information to myself so far (haven't even shared it with my lawyer yet), but if need be I will make it public and/or share it with the courts if that is what it takes to protect my son. I don't know how well that will work because he has a good, altruistic-type job and is very charismatic, but those who know him well know this is just an act. I know of at least one other couple in a similar situation (divorced shortly after their baby was born), and their agreement is that the father visits the little girl at home until she is old enough to leave (at 1 year). Any advice on how to appeal to my ex--an immature, illogical person? (I know many of you must deal with similar behavior in your ex.) Or, would it be better just to leave it up to the judge? I have spent so much of what little money I have on lawyers and agreements, I was hoping that this once we could come to compromise on our own but it doesn't look that way. Thank you for reading and for any help or advice you can offer me.
Steen719 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Contact her H and give him any information you have on his wife and your H's activities. That will keep her busy! I don't think you can appeal to your H. What a jerk to do this to you and especially while you are pregnant. Go for the legal assistance. That is where you will be able to discover what yours and his rights are regarding visitation. The other thing is he needs to not share any information about you online and I would find out what you can do about that. One thing at a time. Tell her H - he should know. Get more detailed legal help. Rely on your mother and friends for support. I am so sorry you are in this situation - this must be a nightmare for you. 1
Balzac Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 He took me off our only bank account without warning If you are in the USA, this is not legally a possibility. He may have removed his name from a joint account w you, he may have ceased direct payroll deposits into a joint account but he could not close any bank account in your name absent fraud.
Author Cierra351 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 If you are in the USA, this is not legally a possibility. He may have removed his name from a joint account w you, he may have ceased direct payroll deposits into a joint account but he could not close any bank account in your name absent fraud. Yes, he removed my name from our joint account (he had opened it himself first one week prior to my name being added 12 years ago) and canceled my debit card without warning, which resulted in several of my bills being returned unpaid. When I questioned this at the bank, they said because he was the primary account holder (and I was added later), he was allowed to do so. It apparently didn't matter that this had also been my only account for 12 years. He has begun bouncing checks (using the leftover checks that have both our names on them), but I understand that I won't be liable for these since I'm no longer on the account and did not write/sign the check. I hope that's correct...
Balzac Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 joint account You are confused about banking terms, regulations and the law. You are represented by legal counsel, it's incumbent on you to report this to your lawyer and he/she is compelled to act in your best interest. U I can appreciate that you are emotionally distraught. I can understand that you may lack basic financial knowledge. Your statements are evidence that you're confused. What I hope is that you've hired an experienced, capable, lawyer.
Recommended Posts