irc333 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I was wondering, I've noticed in some conversations with women that I approach at events or parties, that they will talk in generalities that really are directed at you? (it's a question). For instance, there was this woman that I met on a camping trip out near where I live. She was a member of Meetup, but hardly attended events, but she did go out on a camping trip with us over the weekend. I got to know her there, but she had to leave early. Later, I saw her on a dating site, and gave her a "long time no see" email, she said she hadn't been attending events lately due to budget concerns. We get to talking about comparing online dating to these public venues. She says it doesn't matter where she meets people, as long as it's a good fit and quite frankly, that she's met some people at the Meetups that she wouldn't care if she ever saw them again. Not sure if that "generality" was directed at me, but it may not be a good example. Also, some tend to use being busy with work, kids, and being a middle aged person going to school again because they're on their way to being something else....whilst in conversation, because I THINK they're trying to get that person, who ever is conversing with them to think, " Oh, she's busy , works a lot, etc....should I even ask her out?" They try to make statements in hopes of even getting you to not even ask for their number. Some men don't pick up on "the hint" , and ask them for their digits anyhow, JUST in case that might not be the case.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 The answer to your question... "Do women reject men before the guy bother's asking them out?" Yes. When I don't want a guy asking me out, I don't give him any indication I want to be asked out. 1
Author irc333 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I don't give him any indication I want to be asked out. Can you give examples, please? Also, were you asked out regardless of lack of indication?
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 If she is responding to your emails, that is not a rejection. That is allowing you to get to know her better... Remember though, this isn't like online dating. If you treat it like that (ie, with the same pace and approach as online dating) it likely won't go far. Examples... yes. Last summer I decided to get more involved in a local running group. My first time there, a guy came over to talk to me and would not leave me alone. After we chatted for a bit, I told him "It was nice talking to you. I'm going to get some food now." Then walked away. He followed going "oh, I'm hungry too." I didn't acknowledge him. I just kept walking. Of course, I was 'trapped' when I got to the line and had to wait. I started talking to other people in the line... He still wouldn't take a hint. I got my food and found a spot at a table near some other people. He shoves in. I move to the other side of the table. I start talking to the other people around me. When I get up to leave, he asks when I'll be back. I say "I don't know". He asked for my number, and I told him I don't give it to strangers.
Author irc333 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) Okay, good example....of a guy who wouldn't leave you alone. Had he left you alone, would've been interested in him at a later time? Sometimes guys will back off and give you air and give it several events over the course of a period of time to see if you would even date him or not. Male friend of mine prefers that....before asking a woman out...at the events....he'll chat with them, but since he frequents those events, he's sure to bump into you again...and decide EVEN for himself, getting to know you at the events alone whether or not he'll decide to ask you out. Anyhow, kind of a sidebar there...but...I often wonder if a man's lack of success with women is that women dismiss them before it's even started? Now, I know a guy that was pretty good about giving women their space at these events, and it won him pretty good rapport with the ladies, though he wasn't dating them, and he was fine with that....they'd invite him out to more private, group friend events. So, he's probably doing something right...it usually means opening doors (building bridges) to other dating prospects outside the already circle of friends he's been in. If she is responding to your emails, that is not a rejection. That is allowing you to get to know her better... Remember though, this isn't like online dating. If you treat it like that (ie, with the same pace and approach as online dating) it likely won't go far. Examples... yes. Last summer I decided to get more involved in a local running group. My first time there, a guy came over to talk to me and would not leave me alone. After we chatted for a bit, I told him "It was nice talking to you. I'm going to get some food now." Then walked away. He followed going "oh, I'm hungry too." I didn't acknowledge him. I just kept walking. Of course, I was 'trapped' when I got to the line and had to wait. I started talking to other people in the line... He still wouldn't take a hint. I got my food and found a spot at a table near some other people. He shoves in. I move to the other side of the table. I start talking to the other people around me. When I get up to leave, he asks when I'll be back. I say "I don't know". He asked for my number, and I told him I don't give it to strangers. Edited June 9, 2013 by irc333
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) Okay, good example....of a guy who wouldn't leave you alone. Had he left you alone, would've been interested in him at a later time? Sometimes guys will back off and give you air and give it several events over the course of a period of time to see if you would even date him or not. Male friend of mine prefers that....before asking a woman out...at the events....he'll chat with them, but since he frequents those events, he's sure to bump into you again...and decide EVEN for himself, getting to know you at the events alone whether or not he'll decide to ask you out. Anyhow, kind of a sidebar there...but...I often wonder if a man's lack of success with women is that women dismiss them before it's even started? Now, I know a guy that was pretty good about giving women their space at these events, and it won him pretty good rapport with the ladies, though he wasn't dating them, and he was fine with that....they'd invite him out to more private, group friend events. So, he's probably doing something right...it usually means opening doors (building bridges) to other dating prospects outside the already circle of friends he's been in. Exactly... your friend is expanding his social network and learning how to read people. These are important skills for establishing and maintaining a relationship of any kind. You say that he had pretty good rapport with the ladies, even though he wasn't dating them... what you (and lots of other guys don't understand)... is that, in a way, he IS dating them. Anytime people decide to share personal information with you and open up their lives (like they would in a dating sense), intimacy IS developing. It's just not happening overnight like so many people here seem to expect... So, he gets to learn a bit about their lives and vice versa... and see if there is genuine compatibility before asking them out. About the guy I mentioned above.... had he backed off would he be potential later on? Possibly. Edited June 9, 2013 by RedRobin
Imajerk17 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) I don't think there is to read there actually. I'm not seeing how her telling you about not liking some of the people she met through whatever is any sort of indication of her opinion of you, except that she found you pleasant enough to talk to you. Hopefully you didn't needle her about how she conducts her dating life. Edited June 9, 2013 by Imajerk17
Author irc333 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Exactly... your friend is expanding his social network and learning how to read people. These are important skills for establishing and maintaining a relationship of any kind. You say that he had pretty good rapport with the ladies, even though he wasn't dating them... what you (and lots of other guys don't understand)... is that, in a way, he IS dating them. Anytime people decide to share personal information with you and open up their lives (like they would in a dating sense), intimacy IS developing. It's just not happening overnight like so many people here seem to expect... So, he gets to learn a bit about their lives and vice versa... and see if there is genuine compatibility before asking them out. About the guy I mentioned above.... had he backed off would he be potential later on? Possibly. Ah, okay. Gotcha...I do get what you're talking about, and I can read people, but I think some guys choose to ignore the "cues" and just take a shot at it "Just in case" I was out with my same male friend, I think he sometimes takes it to the extreme though. He invited me to a dance social event, the host/organizer is a very high, bubbly energetic woman. There was a dance floor and everything, but he seemed to have been purposely avoiding dancing altogether, I sat with him for a bit...the organizer knew him...and waved him over...I came over, but he chose to sit back, "Being cool". The entire crowd decided to then go out on the dance floor, but he decided to "play it cool" and be the only one that would sit it out. He did basically nothing, some people that did know him from previous events did approach him to talk, but that's about it. And I didn't want to sit with him all night. Of course, I was only assuming he was "playing it cool", I even asked him what his deal was, why come to a social event and not be social? He blew it off or came up with some weird excuse. There were a couple of women that showed up that we both knew pretty well, from previous events....I danced with him...and people were then starting to leave...by then we all decided to leave at the same time. The ladies hugged me, as they did him...and they went off in front of us....and..well, we decided toleave too , but we didn't walk them to their cars or anything. (Apparently, this is something you don't do if a woman says goodbye to you already AT the venue). So me and him kind of walked behind them (not deliberately).....he then stops....takes me off to the side and points out the decor on the side of some buildings back when he used to go there when he was younger...I was like "Um, okay." Took him about 5 mins to talk about it, then we continue to move forward, the ladies were quite further off into the distance. Then he said, "I justed wanted to kind of hang back, didn't want it to make it look like I was following them" I was like 'Umm...okay? And why is that a concern to you?" Apparently, he made a great effort to make it LOOK like he was not "stalking them" lol Go figure, right? I think he goes to the extremes sometimes.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Ah, okay. Gotcha...I do get what you're talking about, and I can read people, but I think some guys choose to ignore the "cues" and just take a shot at it "Just in case" Exactly... and if I went out with them in spite of their cluelessness just to give it a shot myself... they are the first ones to be diving in physically ASAP too. Blech. So yea... I see the pattern. I walk away now. I was out with my same male friend, I think he sometimes takes it to the extreme though. He invited me to a dance social event, the host/organizer is a very high, bubbly energetic woman. There was a dance floor and everything, but he seemed to have been purposely avoiding dancing altogether, I sat with him for a bit...the organizer knew him...and waved him over...I came over, but he chose to sit back, "Being cool". The entire crowd decided to then go out on the dance floor, but he decided to "play it cool" and be the only one that would sit it out. He did basically nothing, some people that did know him from previous events did approach him to talk, but that's about it. And I didn't want to sit with him all night. Of course, I was only assuming he was "playing it cool", I even asked him what his deal was, why come to a social event and not be social? He blew it off or came up with some weird excuse. There were a couple of women that showed up that we both knew pretty well, from previous events....I danced with him...and people were then starting to leave...by then we all decided to leave at the same time. The ladies hugged me, as they did him...and they went off in front of us....and..well, we decided toleave too , but we didn't walk them to their cars or anything. (Apparently, this is something you don't do if a woman says goodbye to you already AT the venue). So me and him kind of walked behind them (not deliberately).....he then stops....takes me off to the side and points out the decor on the side of some buildings back when he used to go there when he was younger...I was like "Um, okay." Took him about 5 mins to talk about it, then we continue to move forward, the ladies were quite further off into the distance. Then he said, "I justed wanted to kind of hang back, didn't want it to make it look like I was following them" I was like 'Umm...okay? And why is that a concern to you?" Apparently, he made a great effort to make it LOOK like he was not "stalking them" lol Go figure, right? I think he goes to the extremes sometimes. It does sound like he's trying a bit too hard in the other direction...
InsaneTrombone Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Ah, okay. Gotcha...I do get what you're talking about, and I can read people, but I think some guys choose to ignore the "cues" and just take a shot at it "Just in case" Kind of like, how women like to play 'hard to get'? It's things like this where they want to have men chase them, to put in work, to show they are indeed interested, and at the same time expect us to understand when to back off that confuses us. I'm sure the guy understood she was being distant about it, but perhaps he thought she was simply playing hard to get. Can't blame him for trying.
Author irc333 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Posted June 12, 2013 Kind of like, how women like to play 'hard to get'? It's things like this where they want to have men chase them, to put in work, to show they are indeed interested, and at the same time expect us to understand when to back off that confuses us. I'm sure the guy understood she was being distant about it, but perhaps he thought she was simply playing hard to get. Can't blame him for trying. Right, I have met women...one in particular, recently....found she was dating someone new. She told me he had asked her out probably around 4 times before she said yes. So obviously persistence did pay off. And this isn't the only time I've seen this happen. I've even heard women admit to the fact they'll blow off a guy to see how persistent he will wind up being. Of course, some men give up at the first sign of non-interest for fear of being labeled a stalker of sorts, right?
shexy Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Yes, by the time you get a chance to open your mouth they've already decided whether or not you have any dating potential. Which is why I tell men not to bother with elaborate dates or gifts, no amount of lobster medallions will change her mind. Im dead serious on both of these points. The first part of what you said is 100% NOT true of most women. The second part IS true in my case - elaborate dates and gifts won't change my mind if I have decided not to go out with you again. Not all women are shallow.
Recommended Posts