todreaminblue Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Well I have a lot of respect for you, not only because you come across as a very nice women, but the fact you took that risk and told him of your true feelings, is amazing. Not all people would do that, which I totally understand. I am the type of woman who needs..... a guy to SHOW he is just as interested with actual signs. Such as calling or texting me often; and alluding to being interested in me. I would need them to blatantly show that they were just as into me as I was them. Once they show me enough affection and attention, only then would I feel comfortable enough to throw things out there.....In a joking way I would be like, well, lets just date then haha. I may or may not directly ask them. I suppose that I feel if, a guy who I really had feelings for was not showing me anything BACK, as in your case, am I right? I would just either not hang around him often, or at all if I could not contain my romantic feelings. I know myself well enough to know that; if I am really falling for a guy, he better show signs he is into me too, and if he does not ask me out when I give him a clear signal that I am into him, then it is done. I am not sure what I would do after that; if I had feelings for a dude that did not like me back and did not ask me out to confirm it. I am not even sure I am the type of person who could get upset though, if they were not into me and showing me clear signs they liked me back, I find it hard to believe I would stick around and let myself fall for them. If I like someone... and they do not like me back and show SIGNS. I would not continue to be into them, it needs to feel like it goes both ways. Otherwise it is just a silly crush as far as I am concerned, from my end. to tell the truth i actually enjoy jumping out of helicoptor without a parachute more..... normally it is the guy who tells me.......i have not felt strong feelings for many guys....i am not the type to develop feelings for guys......romantic wise....my heart is actually pretty guarded.........as my mum says i am actually really ...really reserved...until someone knows me then i open up...if i kamikaze it is rare.......thank god above...i dont do it often...makes my heart hurt.....i dont consider what i feel is a silly crush........if it was a crush it would have faded....in many ways i wish it was a crush.......i know it isnt..... .like today......i was waiting at my friends car, and my heart told me to turn round.......and yep he had just walked out the door...pretty sure he was looking straight at me......so i looked like a stalker...but i sense when he is around this little voice tells me so.......the first thing i do is think crap thanks heart......make me look like a stalker now....smilin.......stupid sixth sense... he has opened up a little bit more to me lately and we are doing a course together on aquaponics soon......he has passion for things that i do ...or i have passion for things he does.....we have the same values on faith.....family...lots of things......the more i know him the more i like him that is what is happening with me.......he is sweet and kind, so giving to others...he has values that i respect and admire......but...he isnt perfect and i see that...he is stubborn .....for sure...lol....and like me a bit ocd....he also has shizophrenia......maybe.....not quite sure...he doesnt exhibit what i know .....and i think he can hold a grudge......to his detriment.....he gets hurt and it affects him where he will retreat..i dont hold grudges but i do understand retreating........so its not a blind infatuation or lust...i see the guy for who he is.... .....i listen and i observe....i always have with people i care about...thats how i know it isnt a crush.....because i want to know him guys are normally blatant with me and when they are it hasnt always been that nice what they say...most of the time its sexually motivated..... i always prefer to be a guys friend.....before i date them....i like to know them and have them know me...its nothing new for me to be friends for years before i date them.....i date when i have feelings develop....normally.....they have already asked to date me this guy is special...special enough i can just be his friend in spite of my feelings.....i let few people into my life and close to me...because i do invest big time...getting to know them have them know me.....is an investment...and i am a careful investor...so not really into silly crushin....forming bonds with special people....yes......and people who are in my life...have been for years....even my exes...still there...and they sucked big time as partners....smilin..... but they are still people i allowed to get close to me ...they were friends before and are friends again.....life is strange and unusual there is no manual that fits everyone.....everyone is different leigh...and what you feel in your heart as far as guys go..isnt wrong...it is always right for you....same goes for me...i hope you find love again leigh...the love that is right for you.......deb
Mrlonelyone Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Yes. Like Tara said no couple ever feels exactly the same all the time. My parents have been a couple for 40 years, married for 33. They have both broken up, made up, had affairs and forgiven, separated to near divorce for two years, and reconciled.... Seeing them makes me think most people who doubt make it work in the long haul simply give up way too easy. They want perfect mythical love which only exists on TV.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 That is strange that you could "feel" him looking at you. I too, felt bizarre about a certain idiot of my past. I literally felt something very strange that told me to go online onto the dating website at he exact time he was on. I felt a strange feeling the second we spoke online. Just a really strange feeling. He felt it too. You are so right in how you said: we cannot control who we fall for. Honestly, this particular idiot admitted that he would much rather have felt "it" for one of the hotter girls he spent his life hanging out with, as a popular dude at school. The thing is, with "hotter" and more "normal" girls with no issues, he just did not "feel it" with them. Not even close. I had been socially isolated for years due to my eating disorder. Literally shut off from the world. He thought I was very strange. Idiot did not WANT to fall for me. I also thought the only person in my life that I felt "it" with, was, frankly, a bit of a loser. Turns out I was right all along:lmao::lmao: Seriously though. I have been in the classic scenario where both people did not WANT to fall for each other, and neither person WANTED a relationship, and we were perpetually single by choice (settling down felt like a death sentence) Perhaps, sometimes, we have to sacrifice a little; go for people we lack the "it" factor with, because they are better choices for us. Or, make a go of it with a person you DO have that special "feeling" for, yet who does not exhibit as many good qualities? I will read the rest of your post later Deb. Thanks a lot for your post over the years you have been one of the only people who has supported me. Back later to read the rest of your post, gotta go for now!
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Yes. Like Tara said no couple ever feels exactly the same all the time. My parents have been a couple for 40 years, married for 33. They have both broken up, made up, had affairs and forgiven, separated to near divorce for two years, and reconciled.... Seeing them makes me think most people who doubt make it work in the long haul simply give up way too easy. They want perfect mythical love which only exists on TV. My mum said that she still felt that "excitement" where her heart lifts up when she sees him sometimes. For example: mum and her friend were eating lunch in a café. Dad walked in. Mum was not expecting to see him. Mums friend commented after that " it is obvious you are so in love still. You lit up when he walked in" My dad is dying and looks older than his age. Mum has dealt with that. Several months after his horrible bi passes, when he had to sleep in separate rooms due to germs.... No sex life obviously but that I want to acknowledge they have one:sick::sick: Mum has also lived overseas without him before. I have felt what she felt, regarding still lighting up when that person comes home from work for the day. We never lost that thing and it actually, grew stronger. I at least want that "still lighting up" when we see each other feeing. Although not every time we see each other. That would be a bit unrealistic!
Queenie42 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm young and naive. I think about it like this: Love is the best you've ever felt. I have never felt happier than I do with Boyfriend. So I feel like I'm in love with him, because as far as I know right now this is as good as it gets. Others might say it's just puppy love of the old fashioned Donny Osmond kind, but it doesn't matter how others interpret your feelings because that is always biased by their own experiences. Therefore, I'm in love according to me. Who knows, it could transpire that we break up (knock wood!), and I get a better boyfriend (not likely!). Then what happens is just a reassessment of what "the best" equates to, ie better than before, therefore better love. Also that's why you hear of primary school kids who reckon they're in love. I used to love a boy in my class, since all the time I spent with him felt so special. And then when I discovered something/someone better I'd look back and think "Nah, that ain't love... this is love!" And this happens over and over again until you find the best feeling (best love) you'll ever find. Just keep moving forward. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I'm young and naive. I think about it like this: Love is the best you've ever felt. I have never felt happier than I do with Boyfriend. So I feel like I'm in love with him, because as far as I know right now this is as good as it gets. Others might say it's just puppy love of the old fashioned Donny Osmond kind, but it doesn't matter how others interpret your feelings because that is always biased by their own experiences. Therefore, I'm in love according to me. Who knows, it could transpire that we break up (knock wood!), and I get a better boyfriend (not likely!). Then what happens is just a reassessment of what "the best" equates to, ie better than before, therefore better love. Also that's why you hear of primary school kids who reckon they're in love. I used to love a boy in my class, since all the time I spent with him felt so special. And then when I discovered something/someone better I'd look back and think "Nah, that ain't love... this is love!" And this happens over and over again until you find the best feeling (best love) you'll ever find. Just keep moving forward. I am not sure about that. I felt SO happy when I was in my ex idiots presence. Literally, I would grin like an idiot merely just walking next to him. He would also tell me that "there was no place he would rather me" often, when he was hugging me in bed at night. I felt that he felt that way too. Point is? We are not together anymore. I wonder if being blissfully happy in their presence is even enough to constitute as "love".
Roadkill007 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Sadly, katzee, this seems to be a common occurrence in so-called 'platonic' relationships. And as far as I can see, for the most part, it's always the guy who's hoping for more. Women are perfectly capable of existing quite happily in such a relationship. Men are not mentally equipped to see a boy/girl relationship as just a friendship. For them, there has to be something more. Isn't this because socially men are pressured to be the approacher when romantically inclined, and thus, are more often approaching with the intent of being more than friends, while women are a bit pressured not to "approach" romantic interests socially, but have no such stigma for approaching possible "friends"? Basically, as men historically have done the "chasing", there's a higher percentage of men who are approaching with the intent of romancing, versus women, who historically have been "receiving", who may more often approach platonic possibilities rather than romantic possibilities. Anyways, just a little theory since we're apparently getting into men/women generalities again and Leigh, it's very possible to fall out of love, so to say, so if one person falls out of love while the other one still has those butterfly feelings upon seeing the other.... Seems pretty possible to have "unmutual" love. And also, "With love, I reallllly do not think that it will ALWAYS occur, when a guy hangs around a woman who they are sexually attracted to, and who is also a really awesome woman" this is true for me quite often... I've known many amazing women who I've been fond of who I did not fall for in the slightest, unfortunately. "Point is? We are not together anymore. I wonder if being blissfully happy in their presence is even enough to constitute as "love"."' I think it was love. But love doesn't always mean you'll have a good relationship. (sorry, too lazy to multiquote... already single quoted before realizing my want to multiquote.)
Queenie42 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Point is? We are not together anymore. I wonder if being blissfully happy in their presence is even enough to constitute as "love". Even if you don't think of it as proper "love," "blissfully happy" is still a pretty good starting point. That's not to say I don't believe in love at first sight, rather that your perception of love evolves as you go along. It's like always trying to beat your personal best feeling of happiness. For instance, as I said, I feel like I'm in love now because I just don't know any better. And as the relationship progresses it just feels better and better until eventually we'll become that creepy nonagenarian couple who still make out even though their dentures keep falling out. That's the ideal for me, anyway, but I should stress again I'm young and naive. Regardless of what you think of him now, you felt great while you were together, so Ex Idiot set a benchmark. Your mission now is to try and find that feeling again (hopefully with someone new, I think he's had his chance, don't you?) and beat it. Start with "blissfully happy" again and don't stop going until you've levelled up to "love!"
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