InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Kind of in a conundrum here. I've been out of the game a while and am relatively busy myself, so I took to an online dating website. I found someone who matched us like 94% or some bull****. I sent her a message and we spoke there a bit and I got her number. First day we texted a decent amount, good conversation, sharing more interests etc. Said we have most things in common and find eachother attractive.. She ends the night of texting asking if I would be willing to meet her, which I said definitely. Next day we talk a decent amount again, send some pictures back n forth, she called me freaking adorable...mentioned that we never figured out if we'd meet up sometime <insert sadface>..I said definitely we'll figure something out, im down for it...ended the night sending her 2 texts w/o a response, figured she went to bed. Next day I texted her later in the afternoon...complained for her to save me from work, she said aww dont worry sweet cheeks...I ask how her days been around 3pm..no response. Sent one more around 5:30..no response. Line has been silent since. I'm definitely over-thinking this at 2:30am here but I'm just curious on some other peoples thoughts.. Could she just be busy as hell or something? Very possible. I'm the kind of person who can't fathom not having 5 seconds available to text someone back though, particularly if I was showing a lot of interest in...leaving me slightly confused Anyways, herein lies the issue. I don't want to seem like some overeager cockbag but...I've sent the last 2 texts to her. Should I just keep the line silent until she contacts me back first...or should I initiate and try scheduling a meet-up day with her? Moving forward with that..what if she doesn't contact me at all tomorrow...do I still wait a little longer or do I try initiating the meet up scheduling? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 My general "rule" is that every piece of correspondence I send is "fire-and-forget," unless I have something I actually need to ask or say. If she doesn't respond, the message is clear that she's either busy or she's not interested. Either way, it warrants no further action from me. I think a lot of grief would be avoided if more people took this route when it comes to texting/messaging/calling. But just my opinion. Also, you should have initiated and arranged the meetup immediately after she mentioned meeting up. Or sooner. But you dawdled. Don't dawdle, and don't spend days texting sweet sweet nothings back and forth. You can do the chit chat in person. Ask her out sooner rather than later, and by phone rather than text. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Also, you should have initiated and arranged the meetup immediately after she mentioned meeting up. I hear ya. I agree with the entire post, but here I am. What advice do you have for my current situation and not what I should have done? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Well with some I have learned in the texting game that they feel they are god's gift to the world and demand immediate answers. This may surprise but we all have other things going on other than texting. Shoot a few here and there then let it slide. If she's interested she will come around. If not then you have your answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 She asked you twice, pretty directly, about meeting up. She doesn't want a pen pal by text, but that's how you're treating her. Next time you text, it needs to be with a date, time, and place, to meet. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Well with some I have learned in the texting game that they feel they are god's gift to the world and demand immediate answers. This may surprise but we all have other things going on other than texting. Shoot a few here and there then let it slide. If she's interested she will come around. If not then you have your answers. I understand, just have a hard time fathoming people not being able to save 15 seconds of their life to respond to a text asking how your day was, especially if you were interested in them >_> Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I hear ya. I agree with the entire post, but here I am. What advice do you have for my current situation and not what I should have done? Call her on the phone and use the words coming out of your mouth to ask her mouth. Stop p*ssyfooting around with texts. If it goes to voicemail, leave a short message asking her to call you back. If she doesn't call back, then you're done with her. Forever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I understand, just have a hard time fathoming people not being able to save 15 seconds of their life to respond to a text asking how your day was, especially if you were interested in them >_> Why are you spending all this time talking about your day, asking her to save you from work, etc., etc., when you haven't met, and she's asked you twice to meet up? After the second time, where you didn't make a plan, and just continued texting her without purpose, if I were her, I'd just stop responding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Girls will ALWAYS make the time to text a guy they are truly interested in, regardless of how "busy" she is. even if she is absolutely swamped with work, she can still spare two minutes to respond to a text. when a girl takes hours to respond to a text it tells you that you are not a priority to her, no matter what she says. even if she responds with "sorry, been busy" it is a lie, because I know that if a girl is TRULY really into a guy SHE WILL MAKE TIME FOR HIM, regardless of how "busy with work" she is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Agree with Star Gazer. She wanted you to ask her out. She told you so quite directly twice. Why didn't you? My advice would be to ask her out already! Call her or send her a text saying something like: Are you free this weekend? I would love to take you out to dinner. Her response will be your answer. Since you met online she has probably received a lot of messages from other men as well, some of which might have asked her out already. So she might no longer be interested, but I think this is your best chance. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
starrynightz45 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I agree that it's annoyign when people don't respond to texts for hours and hours, but that's just how some people work. Also, please guys, if you're going to mention meeting up, TAKE THE ADDITIONAL STEP AND MAKE SOLID TIME/DATE/LOCATION plans. Otherwise we're unsure, annoyed, and lose patience. We don't want to become your text buddy. So MAKE PLANS. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Girls will ALWAYS make the time to text a guy they are truly interested in, regardless of how "busy" she is. even if she is absolutely swamped with work, she can still spare two minutes to respond to a text. when a girl takes hours to respond to a text it tells you that you are not a priority to her, no matter what she says. even if she responds with "sorry, been busy" it is a lie, because I know that if a girl is TRULY really into a guy SHE WILL MAKE TIME FOR HIM, regardless of how "busy with work" she is. I tend to disagree with a few things that have been said here. I am not an avid texter, in fact I have been known to not even look at my phone for up to 2 days if I mistakenly leave it on silent (due to work). In fact, my current man text me on a Sunday morning (we met for the first time in the afternoon the day before) and I didn't even see it until later on Monday night. My delayed response certainly didn't mean that I wasn't interested in him, it meant that I didn't see his message. Also, in my line of work we can get stuck "fighting fires", having emergency meetings etc that do not allow me to respond to his texts in a timely manner. Even if I see a message on my phone there have been many times that I cannot answer until my jobs allows me to, often hrs and hrs later. My advice is don't put so much emphasis on her phone habits, rather you should be getting together in person to see if there is true chemistry there. You cannot tell via dating profiles, pics and texts if attraction truly exists. Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks for all the posts. I'm going to wait until mid afternoon or so and see if she gets back to me. If not I'm going to call her and see what happens. She's 21, don't know if that matters btw. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 She asked you twice, pretty directly, about meeting up. She doesn't want a pen pal by text, but that's how you're treating her. Next time you text, it needs to be with a date, time, and place, to meet. I agree! Your next text should read, "Hey! Are you free on Wednesday night for dinner at --------? I'd love to finally meet you." (Don't forget to give her a few days notice.) Too much texting before 1st date is annoying; save those conversations for the date so you have more to talk about! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 I agree! Your next text should read, "Hey! Are you free on Wednesday night for dinner at --------? I'd love to finally meet you." (Don't forget to give her a few days notice.) Too much texting before 1st date is annoying; save those conversations for the date so you have more to talk about! I agree, so I specifically sent her a text this morning (assumed she was at work) and stated id like to set up a time and date for sometime this week. She responded with a smiley asking when a good day for me was. I gave her two days I had off from work, wed and thur, and then asked whens good for her? Been about 4 hours now with no response. Is she just a slow texter? Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 You cannot expect people who work for a living to respond to social text messages at the drop of a hat while they are being paid to be working and focused on their job. Text her at 3:30 pm, she'll get back to you that evening, OK? At 5:30, she hasn't seen it yet. Also, texts are for short messages. If you want to have a live, back-and-forth conversation, dial her number and talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 You cannot expect people who work for a living to respond to social text messages at the drop of a hat while they are being paid to be working and focused on their job. Text her at 3:30 pm, she'll get back to you that evening, OK? At 5:30, she hasn't seen it yet. Also, texts are for short messages. If you want to have a live, back-and-forth conversation, dial her number and talk. Thanks. Im just our of a LDR of 3 years and wed just text constantly so perhaps im used to that kind of interaction. If she doesnt respond to my text by tonight im not going to txt her again as I feel like im pestering her or something. Ill give her a ring tonight if still no text response. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks. Im just our of a LDR of 3 years and wed just text constantly so perhaps im used to that kind of interaction. If she doesnt respond to my text by tonight im not going to txt her again as I feel like im pestering her or something. Ill give her a ring tonight if still no text response. OP, you need to chill on the texting stuff. If she is busy driving, eating, sleeping, talking to her best friend about you, she needs her space and does NOT need to be on a texting clock. Jeez. The best things in life are worth waiting for, and love is certainly not instant. Just chill... really. If a guy got upset with me for not instantly responding to a text it would completely turn me off big time. We dont all have a phone pressed into our hands all day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) OP, you need to chill on the texting stuff. If she is busy driving, eating, sleeping, talking to her best friend about you, she needs her space and does NOT need to be on a texting clock. Jeez. The best things in life are worth waiting for, and love is certainly not instant. Just chill... really. If a guy got upset with me for not instantly responding to a text it would completely turn me off big time. We dont all have a phone pressed into our hands all day. Yeah I understand, then theres the other side of the coin where people like to play 'games' Surely if 12 hours have passed you can afford to text one message...right? Edited June 9, 2013 by InsaneTrombone Link to post Share on other sites
starrynightz45 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Yeah I understand, then theres the other side of the coin where people like to play 'games' Surely if 12 hours have passed you can afford to text one message...right? This is just my opinion. 3 hours = annoying if you're the type of person who responds quickly, but understandable. She could be at work, sleeping, grocery shopping, out with a friend, etc etc etc. It's reasonable to not respond in that amount of time, though frustrating. 12 hours = playing games. NOBODY is so busy that they can't respond to a text in 12 hours. They got it, read it, and are choosing not to respond to it at that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 This is just my opinion. 3 hours = annoying if you're the type of person who responds quickly, but understandable. She could be at work, sleeping, grocery shopping, out with a friend, etc etc etc. It's reasonable to not respond in that amount of time, though frustrating. 12 hours = playing games. NOBODY is so busy that they can't respond to a text in 12 hours. They got it, read it, and are choosing not to respond to it at that point. So I'm not the only person who responds relatively quickly to texts and gets annoyed by the downtime of responses? lol good to know. I've set a day to meet up, still unsure on how to approach it though. Do I go full on date like dinner and stuff...do we just meet up and wing it? Maybe something casual / fun if weather permits, like a zoo? It's a pretty public place so no worries of getting kidnapped on first internet date . She told me a few of her favorite songs I thought it'd be cool to put them on my ipod and casually have them come on the radio in the car..good idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Jon Tenzo Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I typically respond to e-mails more rapidly than text while at work. Maybe you should get her personal email address or AIM chat. E-mail is supposedly a step less personal than text but my GF and I mostly e-mail while at work. I tend to text more so when on the go or away from a computer. Ditch the her favorite song idea, instead put on YOUR favorite song. Believe it or not you need to show that you care about your enjoyment as much as you do hers. It will make you appear more manly and less clingy. Also make sure you check the weather and have a sudden rain back-up or Plan B. Link to post Share on other sites
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Why don't you actually CALL her and TALK to her to see what she would like to do on a date???? Why is so hard to actually SPEAK to the girl? I get that texting is quick and easy and all that, and believe me, I'm not anti text. But you can't get to know someone through texting alone. TALK to the girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author InsaneTrombone Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) Why don't you actually CALL her and TALK to her to see what she would like to do on a date???? Why is so hard to actually SPEAK to the girl? I get that texting is quick and easy and all that, and believe me, I'm not anti text. But you can't get to know someone through texting alone. TALK to the girl I did call and speak with her a bit tonight. I've been avoiding a phone call because I typically get to know them better and that's something I could be doing while on the date but no matter. We've got something planned for Wednesday and if Wednesday is a rain day Thursday is fine as a backup. Zoo + Mini Golf + ice cream. She sounded a bit surprised that I was planning stuff. Dunno if she just expected we'd just meet up and figure what to do from there or she's just surprised I've put a little thought into it. Thanks Jon, I won't add her music to my playlist, figured I was overthinking some stuff. Been a while since I've been on a first date with a new person...fresh out of a 4 year relationship. Kind of nervous and excited at the same time. Edited June 10, 2013 by InsaneTrombone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jon Tenzo Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Thursday is fine as a backup. Depending on how aggressively you want to move in on this I think you need to come up with a same day backup. As it is this woman seems elusive, you don't want to give her an excuse to keep stringing you along because of mother nature. Link to post Share on other sites
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