iouaname Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I am a little drunk right now so excuse the typos. I have embarrassed myself beyond belief with my ex. Even though he says differently - he doesn't care about me anymore, he doesn't want to deal with me anymore, he doesn't want to be friends. He said he wants us to become friends again naturally whatever the **** that means. Tonight I just gave up on it all. After months of trying so hard, to the point where I completely lost all of my dignity, I am done caring what he thinks about me. I am done trying to stay in his life. I am done trying to force this friendship to happen. If he wanted me in his life he would have made that clear. I have ignored all of the good advice I was given. I tried for a little while to be no contact and I ignored it. I'm an idiot. I thought I knew better. The fact of the matter is that I know nothing. I have been suicidal for months now, but I've held on because I thought there was a chance that he would want to be friends with me. He doesn't want to be friends with me. He wants us to both move on separately with our lives, but doesn't say that because he knows that I might hurt myself. And how pathetic is that of me that I might hurt myself? It's not just over him. But still. And how pathetic is it that I care so much about having him in my life? I don't even like him as a person. So why does what he thinks of me matter so much to me? Why do I need that validation? What is wrong with me? I should have listened to all the advice that I got in the beginning - but I didn't, and now it's too late. Now I'm in too deep with myself and I just want it to all be over. I hate the emotional mess that I've become and I don't have the energy or the strength to put the effort in to pull myself out of it. thanks for listening to my drunken rant. goodnight.
Leigh 87 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 You poor thing. I am really sorry you're so upset. I am sure you have a lot to offer, and if you just pull yourself together, you will have a great life and eventually, a wonderful man will enter the picture of you work on yourself and once you're happy alone. I don't know your story with your ex, but I went through as very painful break up, with a dude I had a life with for almost 3 years. We had 4 dogs, new puppies, and we were in our own little world out living in the bush. Always together. It hurts more than anything to lose someone, especially when your life is not all together in other areas. Is that what you're alluding to? Do you have depression? I am not suicidal at all yet I am extremely upset about losing a man I am ain love with. Are you seeing a therapist? I know I know. You probably don't want to sit there and hear that you need professional help. You just want to rang and have people to complain to, that are also going through a crappy time too. Well we all feel your pain! A lot of us women on here have also been broken up with, with a dude we are still in love with. It is good that he does not want to be friends, as you obviously cannot handle it... you would not have been able to handle him dating new women. AND you would not be able to move on yourself, from him, had you remained in contact as his "friend". He should have cut contact ages ago with you when he knew for certain, that he did not want to be with you. Guys do not mean to be jerks, a lot of the time. They just have attached to us even when they do not want to be WITH us, if that makes sense. It can be easier for them to still be around us, because they miss having us in their lives at first. This only leads us down a very painful path, though, as they will either; move on and date other people right in front of us, or; there is a 2% chance they will want us back. It is good you have learnt your lesson. I am sorry you had to reach absolute rock bottom. My ex wanted to hang out with me to see if we could get back together. It has taken me weeks to finally decide on No Contact, because hey, what if he changed his mind? I can't handle him moving on right in front of me. Which is what he would eventually have done, since there is only a TINY chance he would realise that I am the love of his life and want to be with me again! I hope I can remain No Contact and avoid hitting rock bottom. Maybe your post will save me and others from the same fate.
Debbie2508 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I'm so sorry you're feeling so low,and unfortunately I have no words of wisdom. Just wanted you to know yore not alone.Practically every word you wrote applies to me too. Our self worth is totally wrapped up in what they think of us. We know that's wrong,people keep saying we should love ourselves more.....but how?! I don't know about you, but I hate myself and I'm sick of spending every hour of every day with someone I hate.. Like you,I've hit rock bottom and have no strength, energy or even desire to try to claw my way back up. Wouldn't it be great if we could wake up tomorrow and magically love ourselves and completely forget our ex's?! Sorry again to have no words of wisdom for you,but hope it helps a bit to know that others understand how devastated you feel,and feel the same way. Take care x
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I know it's hard. I know it hurts. I know it is confusing and extremely painful. But, it will get better. I saw someone else on here recommend a book called "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life". This has opened my eyes as to how I have developed low self worth, especially in RS's. I never really knew what was going on with me from early childhood years, but this does explain a lot. Check it out. May help you understand and maybe even feel better... Good luck
J_L_C Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I am a little drunk right now so excuse the typos. I have embarrassed myself beyond belief with my ex. Even though he says differently - he doesn't care about me anymore, he doesn't want to deal with me anymore, he doesn't want to be friends. He said he wants us to become friends again naturally whatever the **** that means. Tonight I just gave up on it all. After months of trying so hard, to the point where I completely lost all of my dignity, I am done caring what he thinks about me. I am done trying to stay in his life. I am done trying to force this friendship to happen. If he wanted me in his life he would have made that clear. I have ignored all of the good advice I was given. I tried for a little while to be no contact and I ignored it. I'm an idiot. I thought I knew better. The fact of the matter is that I know nothing. I have been suicidal for months now, but I've held on because I thought there was a chance that he would want to be friends with me. He doesn't want to be friends with me. He wants us to both move on separately with our lives, but doesn't say that because he knows that I might hurt myself. And how pathetic is that of me that I might hurt myself? It's not just over him. But still. And how pathetic is it that I care so much about having him in my life? I don't even like him as a person. So why does what he thinks of me matter so much to me? Why do I need that validation? What is wrong with me? I should have listened to all the advice that I got in the beginning - but I didn't, and now it's too late. Now I'm in too deep with myself and I just want it to all be over. I hate the emotional mess that I've become and I don't have the energy or the strength to put the effort in to pull myself out of it. thanks for listening to my drunken rant. goodnight. Hey there. I am in the exact same position as you. It's been about 10.5 months since my ex broke my heart, did some despicable things and hurt me in more ways than I can explain. Yet, I still pine for him and miss him more than anything. I would rather take my life than live without him, knowing he is now in love with someone else and really couldn't care less if I lived or died. I was diagnosed with a pretty serious health condition and I reached out to him to see if he wanted to grab a coffee (this was after 2 months of NC). That's when he decided to throw at me that he'll "think about it" and that he is going to Venezuela to see this girl he met on vacation and fell in love with. We live in Canada by the way. I just can't believe that after spending only 10 days with this girl, he thinks he's in love and that it's going to work. He was so callous in the way he threw this hurt bomb at me. All the while, no mention whatsoever of my health condition I told him about. He cares so little for me that it doesn't matter if I were dead or alive.
Author iouaname Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Thank you for the support, everyone. I fought really hard for this guy. I accepted the relationship was over, but I still fought really hard to be his friend. I even convinced myself that I was fine with him dating other people, just so that I could still be his friend. I chased someone to be in my life who just... didn't care to be. Things have been rough. It's been six months since the breakup and I'm still having a tough time. I'm just mentally exhausted and I want to cave.
Recommended Posts