Mother Earth Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I am going through a very hard time and could use some advise. I am a late in life lesbian. I am 37 and met my girlfriend last July. I asked her out which was probably one of the riskiest things I've ever done. Well everything was good til October when I realized how serious we were and I was still processing being gay. I became depressed and had a hard time coping with my new identity. I didn't come out to everyone and those who I did half understood the other did not. My girlfriend buckled under my stress and we broke up at least three times, she dumping me. She would call me a few days later and we were fine. This time a friend of 23 years told me she could not be my friend anymore because of her religious beliefs. I was heartbroken. I canceled a date I planned with my girlfriend and she said it was over this is my path and she took me as far as she was supposed to. I really want her in my life. I just started therapy for dealing with this. I am just devastated. Since we broke up (last Friday) she said she "wanted me" and was crying. She also said we could eventually be friends and that she loved me very much. She also said it would be her biggest regret if I came into my own and was a strong, confident lesbian...and it was too late. Everything had me hopeful. She also said she wished she had went with me to therapy, "but hindsight is 20/20". I already broke NC by texting her I missed her. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday. Do I have any chance of getting her back eventually? She's dumped me so many times I feel like we could never get started like we did in the beginning, sex started to dwindle with every breakup. All I know is we both cried and said we love each other. I am a mess.:bunny:
swimswithjeans Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I think that you are very brave. Congratulations on really trying to be the best person you can be; that is the impression that I get from you. The only advice I can offer you is to take care of yourself right now- so cliche, I know, especially when you really effin' miss this girl. I appreciate how you must be feeling. But I think it would be inconsiderate to both of you to go back to her at this point in time. The only advice I can give you is to wait a month- no contact. Continue with your therapy, really get to know and appreciate yourself, and then check in with her, share what you've learned. Best of luck and so much love to you.
Author Mother Earth Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Thank you for the reply. Well I lost it Sat and text her. No reply. Sunday again, no reply. I am starting to feel like she doesn't love me. I'm just feeling very devalued right now. Do I have any chance if I just cold turkey stop? She was entertaining my texts until I got her key back. No thanks, no nothing. In the past she's blocked my number. She isn't this time. I guess I just need to move on and maybe she will come back.
swimswithjeans Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I'm gonna be chewed out... But I think there is always a chance. HOWEVER... I think your BEST chance is if you both start with one another anew. You need to try to move on as much as you possibly can. If it doesn't happen with her- this isn't your last shot at love. I promise. You are loveable and owe it to yourself to find the best version of yourself you can be.
scorpio1978 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 I really should practice what I preach, but honestly, I think that you need to take a step back and do the no contact thing. Oh, my goodness, it is HARD, but you are only allowing yourself to be devalued by continuing to contact her and her not responding to you. The one who cares less in the situation always has the upper hand in many relationships because it's the one whose heart is breaking that throws caution to the wind, calls, texts, and ends up waiting by the phone. Don't do this any longer. She already has it in her head that she can break up with you, ignore you, and not treat you well and you will want her back. That's a nice little cushion she has there isn't it? There is no incentive for her to change and be a better GF to you if you tolerate bad behavior. You're not showing her your worth by continuing to want and need her when she doesn't deserve you.
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