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Got a question for people who have done NC for quite some time.

shadow15

By shadow15
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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shadow15 Established Member

shadow15

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Alright for some odd reason my ex gf has been on my mind all day; it's been 9 months of being broke up and I never really think about her anymore. We went our seperate ways and we don't talk. However lately weird things have been happening lately; she refollows me on twitter, texts me, once I replied, texts again afer our first conversation but i didn't reply, and even her best friend I never speak too likes some of my stuff. It's just consequences, but its odd.

 

I even look at our old stuff today, old pictures, videos, and junk; and felt nothing. I just smiled and remembered the moments like I can't believe that's how we used to be. So I'm home alone, I just had the urge to just txt her and see what's up, maybe even see if she's up for some fun, play some beer pong or something and just chill. I ended up not texting, and I know I'm glad I did, but part of me wonders if I would have what would happen. Actually I think that's the main reason I wanted to text her, just to see what she would say. I was the dumpee, so I know I shouldn't make contact, but after so long does it really matter. Does it still really make me out to be the ex bf who still wants her and come off as pathetic?

 

I don't forgive her on what she did to me and what she's been doing now, but its the past right, we shouldn't be looking at the time of life. I don't know I'm just confused tonight, maybe somebody could give me a better clarification about the past is the past meaning and what we should look into in the past and what we shouldn't. We are always learning aren't we?

 

I mean I feel like I've grown so much in 9 months that's its crazy, but those little breadcrumbs just make you think. And why would she txt me again after we had one conversation that was just crazy tense. What is there to gain? The fact the I replied? Why do you wanna talk to me for, you found out the stuff you wanted the first time we talked; so what else do you want. These are the questions going through my head, and I wanna know why. Guess we won't know if we don't try right, that's even how relationships of strangers begin.

crazy1234 Established Member

crazy1234

Posted
Posted
Alright for some odd reason my ex gf has been on my mind all day; it's been 9 months of being broke up and I never really think about her anymore. We went our seperate ways and we don't talk. However lately weird things have been happening lately; she refollows me on twitter, texts me, once I replied, texts again afer our first conversation but i didn't reply, and even her best friend I never speak too likes some of my stuff. It's just consequences, but its odd.

 

I even look at our old stuff today, old pictures, videos, and junk; and felt nothing. I just smiled and remembered the moments like I can't believe that's how we used to be. So I'm home alone, I just had the urge to just txt her and see what's up, maybe even see if she's up for some fun, play some beer pong or something and just chill. I ended up not texting, and I know I'm glad I did, but part of me wonders if I would have what would happen. Actually I think that's the main reason I wanted to text her, just to see what she would say. I was the dumpee, so I know I shouldn't make contact, but after so long does it really matter. Does it still really make me out to be the ex bf who still wants her and come off as pathetic?

 

I don't forgive her on what she did to me and what she's been doing now, but its the past right, we shouldn't be looking at the time of life. I don't know I'm just confused tonight, maybe somebody could give me a better clarification about the past is the past meaning and what we should look into in the past and what we shouldn't. We are always learning aren't we?

 

I mean I feel like I've grown so much in 9 months that's its crazy, but those little breadcrumbs just make you think. And why would she txt me again after we had one conversation that was just crazy tense. What is there to gain? The fact the I replied? Why do you wanna talk to me for, you found out the stuff you wanted the first time we talked; so what else do you want. These are the questions going through my head, and I wanna know why. Guess we won't know if we don't try right, that's even how relationships of strangers begin.

maintain nc if.What if you'r still into her and u cant just see it right now?don't take that risk dude.I would never.

SharkTooth Established Member

SharkTooth

Posted
Posted

Shadow, You were around when I first joined LS but I can't remember your circumstances. After some time of NC, for me anyway, I knew if I did or didn't have feelings that could potentially put me at risk to fall again. I would have never met them if I wasn't sure! Like I have said in the past on LS, everyone of my ex's, dumpers and dumpee's, came back and I was happy to meet with them. Not one of them brought back the incredible feelings I had for them when we were together, but it still was very nice to see them again. As a matter of fact, one ex dumper is coming in to my town next month and we're getting together. She dumped me like 10 years ago and we chat once every couple of years. If I'm in a relationship, I tell her, if not, we chat, get together, and then go on our way. I don't think about falling in love or any dumb sh$# like that, I just want to have fun! If my most recent ex contacted me to get together, I wouldn't do it right now. It's been 7 months and I don't have that confidence that I wouldn't think about another shot. It'll happen one day, I'm certain of it. And one day I'll be happy to see her again.

 

You, and only you, know if you can handle it. My opinion, if you're seeking advice here, you're not ready. Just saying.

Bozena Member

Bozena

Posted
Posted

Well I am a girl and I don't have any problem being friend with my exes. In fact in some cases I was really sad because I lost them as my friends, because in the end I have only friendly feelings for them.

well in my opinion if you had get over her for good you wouldn't have any doubts. Since you have I guess a small part of you might start fall for her back so at the time being keep on the NC

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted
Well I am a girl and I don't have any problem being friend with my exes. In fact in some cases I was really sad because I lost them as my friends, because in the end I have only friendly feelings for them.

well in my opinion if you had get over her for good you wouldn't have any doubts. Since you have I guess a small part of you might start fall for her back so at the time being keep on the NC

 

Not trying to be disrespectful, but it sounds like you were the dumper in those instances. And there's nothing wrong with that, if it isn't there, then it isn't there. But, when you're ready to dump someone, the only thing you have left to feel is FRIENDLY feelings and not much else.

 

Also, sounds like the cases where Ex's didn't want to be friends is where they pretty much applied the NC program.

 

But, I like the rest of your advice about if he even has ONE shread of romantic feelings for her, he should remain in NC. Very solid!

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Bozena Member

Bozena

Posted
Posted
Not trying to be disrespectful, but it sounds like you were the dumper in those instances. And there's nothing wrong with that, if it isn't there, then it isn't there. But, when you're ready to dump someone, the only thing you have left to feel is FRIENDLY feelings and not much else.

 

Also, sounds like the cases where Ex's didn't want to be friends is where they pretty much applied the NC program.

 

But, I like the rest of your advice about if he even has ONE shread of romantic feelings for her, he should remain in NC. Very solid!

 

Nope! In fact it is the opposite, but I admit that I am a strange case. Both of my 2 long years relationship broke up with me, but maybe I would have done it later cause it is true that I only had friendly feelings for them. With the one we are very good friends and we never went no contact. The second one, although we stayed on friendly terms in the beginning, he stopped contacting me as soon as he found a girlfriend. I understood his position and I respected his decision.

but in general I don't hold grudges and I always keep contact with my exes otherwise I consider it as a lost of time. I mean if you spend some time with the other and in the end you don't talk at him, it is a lost of time. I never went no contact on my behalf (except some cases that the other was psycho lol) and to me it doesn't actually matter if I am in contact or not. I can move on even in contact stage. But I recognize that it is difficult for most people.

landshark Member

landshark

Posted
Posted
Alright for some odd reason my ex gf has been on my mind all day; it's been 9 months of being broke up and I never really think about her anymore. We went our seperate ways and we don't talk. However lately weird things have been happening lately; she refollows me on twitter, texts me, once I replied, texts again afer our first conversation but i didn't reply, and even her best friend I never speak too likes some of my stuff. It's just consequences, but its odd.

 

I even look at our old stuff today, old pictures, videos, and junk; and felt nothing. I just smiled and remembered the moments like I can't believe that's how we used to be. So I'm home alone, I just had the urge to just txt her and see what's up, maybe even see if she's up for some fun, play some beer pong or something and just chill. I ended up not texting, and I know I'm glad I did, but part of me wonders if I would have what would happen. Actually I think that's the main reason I wanted to text her, just to see what she would say. I was the dumpee, so I know I shouldn't make contact, but after so long does it really matter. Does it still really make me out to be the ex bf who still wants her and come off as pathetic?

 

I don't forgive her on what she did to me and what she's been doing now, but its the past right, we shouldn't be looking at the time of life. I don't know I'm just confused tonight, maybe somebody could give me a better clarification about the past is the past meaning and what we should look into in the past and what we shouldn't. We are always learning aren't we?

 

I mean I feel like I've grown so much in 9 months that's its crazy, but those little breadcrumbs just make you think. And why would she txt me again after we had one conversation that was just crazy tense. What is there to gain? The fact the I replied? Why do you wanna talk to me for, you found out the stuff you wanted the first time we talked; so what else do you want. These are the questions going through my head, and I wanna know why. Guess we won't know if we don't try right, that's even how relationships of strangers begin.

 

If for only the fact that you haven't forgiven her, do not see this girl! To not come across as "crazy tense" again, leave it alone. Forgiveness is a big step but necessary. Why do you want to hang out with her?? I'm in the same spot as you five months broken up six weeks of NC, painful to the point of pure hell but the only way to go...your thoughts?

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