Seriously broken hearted

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Hi folks..

 

I've been browsing on the site for a month and now felt it's time for my story.

 

I had been with my ex partner for 12 years and have a 7 year old boy with her. We seperated 3 months ago. Prior to the break up we had moved to an area literally next door to her mother's and approximately 100 miles from our original home, last August.

 

We had agreed that I should wait until after christmas before getting a transfer from work to the area and we seemed ok with that arrangement which meant I was away from home during the week and home for the weekends.

 

Unfortunately, at the end of January this year, I had the dreaded conversation from her that she wanted to split from me, as she has fallen out of of love with me. Naturally I was heartbroken and wanted to save the relationship. However, I knew that there was something else going on and eventually after checking her phone received cofirmation on Valentines night that she had received messages from another man. I confronted her and she confirmed that she had joined an online dating agency and had met and slept with another man on at least 3 occaisions.

 

Naturally I was devastated and was hurt really bad, but for the sakes for my son I wanted to give it one final try. Unfortunately, my ex did not have the heart to carry on, so after one final rejection, from her I decided to leave.

 

I had the worst 3 months of my life dealing with the split, crying almost every day, mainly about missing my son and her betrayal. She has no remorse about what she did and that she had broke up the family. I can confirm that I have never experience such pain in my life and each day has felt like a challenge just to survive. At least I see my son every other weekend.

 

Today, I have received a text from my ex that not only has she met another partner, but he has met my son today... I am devastated from this news and am so hurting from it.

I am going to speak to her tomorrow, but this really feels like the final nail in the coffin.

 

I don't understand that after 12 years I am struggling to come to terms with the end of our relationship but she is now on her 2nd boyfriend. Also, as for him meeting my son, I am so not happy about it

 

 

Has anyone have any hints on how to deal with this situation?

 

Many thanks in advance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

100

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Hello again.

 

Just spoken to my son who told me he was playing football with mummys new friend in the garden. As you could imagine I was a little choked about this.

 

Spoke to my ex briefly, she met him on a online dating site a month ago. Last night was the first time he had stayed over.

 

I'd asked her how can she move on so quickly, she replied that she was over me a long time before we broke up...

 

Ouch!!!!

 

I guess this is my cue to move on. I'm worried that I'm slowly losing my son though. I hope I'm just being paranoid.

[aloneinaz]

You're NOT losing your son. It's natural to have those feelings about another man being around him. You need to continue to be a HUGE part of his life with daily calls and making the most of the time you spend w/him. As a product of divorce myself, my Mom dated many men before she got remarried. I never ONCE thought of these nice guys as anything other than Moms b-friend. You're son will think the same.

 

As far as your ex is concerned, people fall out of love all the time. I've learned recently that before they end the relationship, they were usually over it a long time before actually telling their partner. She cheated on you. You need to be greatful that she's out of your life in that aspect and focus on your and finding someone else. She's moving on and you need to as well. Even casually dating can help you feel better about yourself and reinforce there are TONS of quality women who want a solid, long term relationship.

[TaraMaiden]

You go Limited Contact.

You have a son, and he is YOUR son, your son, your SON.

 

You can never lose him - but you have to nurture that feeling, that connection.

Limited Contact means that when you call, you call - to speak to him.

When you call, you call to make arrangements to see - him.

To take him out, to spend time with him to connect, and to stay connected, to him.

 

Her?

Let her go.

Frankly, as a woman, I am in agreement with you. Her behaviour has been despicable and callous. My jaw actually dropped when i read this:

 

I confronted her and she confirmed that she had joined an online dating agency and had met and slept with another man on at least 3 occaisions.

 

That's just beneath contempt.

 

I'm sorry matters turned in such a drastic, hurtful and frankly heartless manner. Cruelty doesn't cover it.

 

Now? Now focus entirely on your son.

 

He's what matters.

Go get some with your boy.

Her?

Kick her to the kerb.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Many thanks for aloneinaz and Tara Maiden for your replie

 

My son has always been and always will be my main concern on this planet and I will always love him and he will know it.

 

I know my life will be better without my ex in it. I will never forgive her for betraying me and how she did it via the dating agency.

 

I will move on and will start dating soon, although I'm not in a hurry. I like to think I'm a better person for this experience.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Final update.

 

Spoke to my ex initially to arrange seeing my son this weekend. I then mentioned about the new partner and said there are certain lines he cannot cross, which she agreed to.

 

I then stupidly asked her if she is now happy, naturally she said yes. I then finished the conversation by saying that it is all I wanted to her to be. I wish I was not so nice sometimes!!!!

 

Only afterwards I realised that she never asked how I was, but as you may have read already my ex is an extremely selfish woman. I know my life will be so much better without her in it. But, perversely, i still miss her despite all the hurt and anger she has caused me.

 

 

Onwards and upwards to the future. I may even join a dating agency!!!

[TaraMaiden]

Final update.

 

Spoke to my ex initially to arrange seeing my son this weekend. I then mentioned about the new partner and said there are certain lines he cannot cross, which she agreed to.

 

I then stupidly asked her if she is now happy, naturally she said yes. I then finished the conversation by saying that it is all I wanted to her to be. I wish I was not so nice sometimes!!!!

 

Glad you got some ground rules laid.

 

You have to understand, it's not a question of being 'nice'.

You have to develop a certain layer, an emotional armour, if you like, that you 'wear' around her.

A certain steely coldness.

 

You have to fake it, but you need to label this armour, my "I don't care" suit.

 

You have to be indifferent to her.

Your priority now, is your son.

You know that already - but to develop this armour, never forget what she did, and how.

 

She had no qualms about running a spear through your heart.

Quit being so open to her continually twisting it.

 

Onwards and upwards to the future. I may even join a dating agency!!!

 

Good 'fighting talk'! Date casually for a while, and give yourself permission to have a break.

All you need to focus on now, is your boy.

That's the thing.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Once again TaraMaiden, thank you for your words.

 

Unfortunately, part of my problem is that I can't forget what she did. That really hurts going to the dating agency. I thought after 12 years I'd deserve better than that.

 

I thought I was progressing slowly with the split until this episode. I realise that have a long way to go. But I promise myself I will be better and stronger from this experience.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Second final update...

 

Tonight I collected my son as I have him for this weekend. When he saw me he ran, jumped up on me and gave the longest, most awesome hug ever. I struggled to fight back the tears...

 

After the events of the previous weekend, it was just the reassurance I needed.

 

God I love this little man...