hurtandbroken Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 * this was copy and pasted from my post on the GIGS thread and edit with some questions at the end. My story is that I have been dating my gf since 2006 she was 15 I was 18 (we are now 22 and 25 respectively). We have been dating for the last 7.5 years. To further complicate things, we went to different colleges that were significant distances away from each other. However, we love each other very much and hardly ever fought. We would visit each other as much as we could, but would spend the majority of the time we would hang out during our summer and winter vacations and it was perfect. We talked everyday on the phone and on skype. This year she moved home to start law school on the other side of the country with the plan that I would follow after i graduated law school (this past year she was a 1L i was a 3L at different schools). We had talked about marriage and being together when i got home. I turned down a significantly higher paying job in DC to move home to be with her. 5 days after i moved home she started showing the symptoms of GIGS. She said she needed space and when i asked her why she said its "just something telling her." She asked for space and i tried to give it to her. I didn't call her that often or text and we hung out a lot less than we normally do. This past week she was acting so distant. She was constantly texting when I was with her and i tried my best to be upbeat and positive. However Last night, I just had to know what the heck was going on. I'll probably get flamed for this, but i checked her phone and she had been texting a friend about wanting to break up with me and hanging out with boys from her law school. To make matters worst, I am studying for the bar exam which is stressful in and of itself. I am devastated. I could not sleep and i feel so betrayed and hurt. I was especially irritated because there wasn't anything that could help me until i found this. I know i have problems with being insecure and with trust. She hides a lot of things from me that i find out about later. But i know neither of us is perfect. She said that she believes that we are supposed to be together and that this isn't forever but she needs to do it to find herself. I know everyone is just going to say she getting with another guy and that I need to move on. I know you are right, but my heart is telling me to fight because I love her. After she told me we taking a break, i told her that i respected her decision that I would not contact her and that I would miss her and love her everyday. I am fighting every ounce of my being to go through the NC rule and this thread has been so helpful. I wanted to thank everyone for their insight and words. I know the slim possibility of success with the NC rule, but I am willing to risk it. I have always thought that I had a high threshold for pain, but this is something else. I have never been more hurt or abandoned in my life. *edit: Do I apologize for sneaking and looking at her phone? I mean i know thats one of the reasons she is feeling the way she is feeling.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) It sucks man but it's not because of you looking at her phone, & I would think you have every right too, and look what you found...good thing you did. I'm going through the same thing in about the same amount of time (7 years), and NC won't help you get her back, it will help you get over her slowly, but in reality with what you found, it's pretty much done for now. NC it and see what happens , trust me man I know it hurts, I'm 25 about to be 26 and was with the same girl since I was 19 and she was 17... Same sorta situation Except we lived together AND work together, i actually just bagged up all the rest of her **** tonight after she said she needed space and she wasnt feeling the same way, she has been staying at her dads and left half her **** here thinking I was just gonna be her storage unit while she decided if she wanted to be with me or not, that was about 3 weeks ago, 3 weeks in limbo. You don't want that, end it, NC it and revisit how YOU feel in a month or so. (Also some advice too, don't tell her you love her or that you'll always be there, all that does is reassure her she can keep you as a backup plan) Edited June 9, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan
316 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Unfortunately this story is a classic example of why the vast majority of serious relationships that start at young ages are bound to eventually fail. No matter how good/long lasting the relationship is, one (or sometimes even both) of the parties is bound to eventually begin developing GIGS since they never got the chance to go out and "sow their wild oats" before they settled down into a serious relationship. Maybe you two may end up getting back together sometime in the future but for now I think you should just try to focus on your career and being single. Here comes those magical two words... No Contact!
Author hurtandbroken Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 It's a good thing that I came on here to read those replys as I was close to breaking the NC rule. Lifegoesoneman: sorry for your situation as well and thank you for the timely advice (I was thinking of texting her just that). What have you personally done to deal with the hurt? I already exercise 3-4 times a week, and i should be studying for the barexam, but my mind just wonders back to how F'ed up my insides are. I read up on the "coping" section today, but what i didn't find was anything about that time when you are in bed with no distraction. I find myself dreading alone time or down time.
Author hurtandbroken Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Update: She teted me last night feeling awful and then she called me. I had to pick up. She said she needs 2 weeks of space, but she wants me to call her when I want and that she'll call me as well. I told her that I will not be contacting her at all. All signs and previous threads have indicated that this is breadcrumbs and that this should be over. I feel like an idiot for breaking NC after 24 hours. The thing about NC is that you know it is going to be awful yet you can't imagine how much more pain you could possibly feel. I know the advice that will be given, I just need something for the pain. I wrote a journal and I am trying to accept the fact that she is done and that makes her happy. In my heart i am okay with that. I am comfortable with that outcome, I am just not comfortable with the ensuing torture. The days are fine, my last few nights including this night are just wrecking my soul. Any ideas to ease the night time pains?
R.C Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 1. YOU can never influence another person or convince them of your relationships worth, only SHE can decide it for herself. Therefore... > Man up! The sole reason she is attracted to those other guys is because they are new, and you are old. Stop whining,stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop showing her any emotion at all. >Focus on your studies >Go to the gym >Buy a couple of new outfits >Find new hobbies >Go **** other girls if you have to >If she pushes you away like she clearly did, push her away harder! 2. This will result in 1 of 2 things. YOU will get over HER. Yes, as hard as that may seem, it WILL eventually happen! 2. You guys get back together. Therefore follow the guide above you win either way! You are young as ****, don't let someone determine your self worth! 3. If she doesn't want you, **** her. Show her what she lost! Be successful, work on your game, find and get a group of girls hotter than her. Use your pain as a source of drive! Life is short, don't waste it on a girl that seems bloody emotionally unstable! She will do this to the next guy along the line, you need to now, prepare for that. Don't be angry at her, act as indifferent as possible, be cool, calm and collected! Live your life. With or without her. Regards R.C
Recommended Posts