Veronica2025 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 When dating, do you consider a guy's friends? Because I have a slight interest in someone. I want to reach out to him. He ,alone, is great but what bothers me is his closeness to a certain guy who is very feminine. The way the best friend talks, walks, bends his wrist, crosses his legs, and flings his hair out of his eyes is just like a woman. The guy I like has dated a few girls since I've known him and was rumoured to be engaged but I know in this day and age it means very little. He has other straight, male friends he's close to but his best friend... IDK. I'm afraid he may also be gay.
gaius Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) If he is then so what? Whenever I see a woman with a male best friend I always wonder what's really going on there. Edited June 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Maleficent Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I Wouldn't worry about this. For all you know, they've been friends since childhood.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 If his best friend is gay so what? What does that mean to you? My two best friends are Hispanic and Indian. But I don't like cricket and the only Spanish I know is "coloque la barra" (which I remember from reading curtain directions that were only in Spanish for some reason). So I'd hate for details about my best friends to have any deep meaning as to what kind of person I was.
Vervain Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 We really can't tell you someone's orientation by the company they keep.
Author Veronica2025 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 If his best friend is gay so what? What does that mean to you? My two best friends are Hispanic and Indian. But I don't like cricket and the only Spanish I know is "coloque la barra" (which I remember from reading curtain directions that were only in Spanish for some reason). So I'd hate for details about my best friends to have any deep meaning as to what kind of person I was. I have diverse friends with interests I don't have too. So I understand. It's just usually ( from my experience ) sexual orientation is different. IDK. I just notice that these two are ALWAYS hanging out. Events, spending time at each others homes...IDK. I shall figure it out soon.
HonestNeurotic Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 When dating, do you consider a guy's friends? Because I have a slight interest in someone. I want to reach out to him. He ,alone, is great but what bothers me is his closeness to a certain guy who is very feminine. The way the best friend talks, walks, bends his wrist, crosses his legs, and flings his hair out of his eyes is just like a woman. The guy I like has dated a few girls since I've known him and was rumoured to be engaged but I know in this day and age it means very little. He has other straight, male friends he's close to but his best friend... IDK. I'm afraid he may also be gay. My "best" girlfriend is a lesbian. No one thinks that I am a lesbian. Now, you say that you are not homophobic, yet read what you wrote. Like - guilt by association. Like - gay people can't be best friends with straight people. It doesn't matter if you are or are not homophobic. You need to check him off your list as potential dating material. You'd always be jealous of anytime that he spent with his gay friend.
todreaminblue Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 When dating, do you consider a guy's friends? Because I have a slight interest in someone. I want to reach out to him. He ,alone, is great but what bothers me is his closeness to a certain guy who is very feminine. The way the best friend talks, walks, bends his wrist, crosses his legs, and flings his hair out of his eyes is just like a woman. The guy I like has dated a few girls since I've known him and was rumoured to be engaged but I know in this day and age it means very little. He has other straight, male friends he's close to but his best friend... IDK. I'm afraid he may also be gay. what you fear can be simply fixed by asking this guy of yours directly on a date........if he accepts then chances are...he isnt gay......deb 1
tbf Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Veronica, why not engage this guy in conversation and flatter him a bit with the "I'm sure your girlfriend finds you irresistible". 1
tbf Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 You are so contradictory it is not even funny. Why would you think he wanted his friend ? Answer that. It is simple. Because you are homophobic and you do not know what true friendship entails. I am not everyone, I have my own opinion and evidently if someone calls you out, they are foul. Bratty behavior.I wouldn't say she's homophobic. She's trying to decide whether or not this guy is gay. If he's gay, she won't bother engaging him. I don't think Veronica deserves to be bullied and beaten up over this misconstruing of her perspective and intent. 3
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 You didn't read anything. I don't care if his friend is gay or not. I want him. I want to make sure he wants me and not his friend. Do you GET this? I HAVE gay friends.I love gay people. If I hated them and was turned off by them I wouldn't even like this guy. This is why people's responses turned me off. Because he's a good guy, he's a good man, and they twisted what I felt to make me appear cruel. And everyone jumped on the bandwagon instead of reading my clarifications. And you did use foul language Go away. Then what was the point? We don't know whether he wants you or not. The idea that he may be gay because he friend is possibly gay is a ridiculous assumption. Only you could do anything about this situation, and that's ask him out.
todreaminblue Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I second tbfs post........i went otu with a guy who failed to tell me he was bi ....luckily.....it didnt go further than dancing...he didnt end up telling me....i foudn out from a reliable friend who i trusted....... she has a fear .....why be beaten up about it.......it might be a misplaced fear...but to veronica...it is valid.....deb 2
Author Veronica2025 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I second tbfs post........i went otu with a guy who failed to tell me he was bi ....luckily.....it didnt go further than dancing...he didnt end up telling me....i foudn out from a reliable friend who i trusted....... she has a fear .....why be beaten up about it.......it might be a misplaced fear...but to veronica...it is valid.....deb Thank you. Back home, one of my friends, was still in the closet about being gay. He couldn't openly express it but it was one of those cases where everyone knew anyway. He wore lip liner and gloss sometimes but wouldn't verbally tell anyone but us. We would watch football practice during band. He named at least 5 football players who had girlfriends but were also sleeping with him or other guys. It really boils down to sparing my feelings if I can. 1
Author Veronica2025 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 This guy you like has a best friend who you ASSUME is gay solely by his mannerisms, instead of by anything he or any other reliable source has said. And because this guy you like has a best friend who you ASSUME is gay, you are worried that he is gay as well. Because this guy you like hangs out with this best friend doing all the things typical best friends do, you are worried he is gay and he's crushing on his friend or they have a thing going. That does clearly come off as a closed mindset and stereotyping if absolutely nothing else, regardless of how many gay friends you say you have and how much you say you love gay people. Period. You're just fishing for something. Gay has no bad connotations for me. Based on your post, maybe it does for you. Most women would like to know beforehand whether a man is intimate with other males. For some it won't matter but for me it would. 1
sillyanswer Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 How do you know this guy that you like? Are there some social situations where you can talk to him? Maybe he'll flirt with you, or respond to you flirting with him, which might give you clues about whether he might be interested in you. Or just ask him on a date! Good luck, too. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Thank you. Back home, one of my friends, was still in the closet about being gay. He couldn't openly express it but it was one of those cases where everyone knew anyway. He wore lip liner and gloss sometimes but wouldn't verbally tell anyone but us. We would watch football practice during band. He named at least 5 football players who had girlfriends but were also sleeping with him or other guys. It really boils down to sparing my feelings if I can. the guy who was bi ....was six four and built like a brick outhouse...he had no mannerisms that were feminine exactly the opposite.............and hung around bouncers.....it is not a good guide to go by mannerisms or friends.....i understand you dont want to feel for someone who isnt attracted to women......in particular would not feel attracted to you....you dont want to face that scenario......which is your right to not want to deal with it i hope things work out for you.......asking for a date might give you a firm idea......deb
shexy Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 If you like the guy, why do you care if his friend is gay or straight, or black or white, or tall or short? I could see concern if his friend is a murderer. Or drug dealer. 1
Robert Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I have cleaned this thread up from the insults and mudslinging. If you post to insult a poster then take the infraction that will come without complaint
gaius Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 My "best" girlfriend is a lesbian. No one thinks that I am a lesbian. Maybe they just don't say anything to your face. The responses in this thread are ridiculous, that she's somehow out of line wondering if the guy might be gay because he's hanging around with a gay dude all the time. If a guy and a girl are hanging around all the time of course you start wondering if they're involved on some level. You would be a gullible moron if you didn't. 2
Feelin Frisky Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 All I can say is it is possible to have a very effeminate male friend without being gay or bi yourself. In college I befriended a dude who was very androgynous. He looked every bit the part but never spoke of anything but girls. Maybe some classmates thought I was w/e for being seen with this guy but w/e, I know there was nothing going on in the way of sexual attraction--at least on my side.
crude Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Because I have a slight interest in someone. I want to reach out to him. If you only have a slight interest in him, don't do him any favors and just leave him alone.
RogerWallace111 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 The responses in this thread are ridiculous, that she's somehow out of line wondering if the guy might be gay because he's hanging around with a gay dude all the time. If a guy and a girl are hanging around all the time of course you start wondering if they're involved on some level. You would be a gullible moron if you didn't. My thoughts exactly.
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