Veronica2025 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 A friend of mine was recently set up by a mutual acquaintance of ours. The acquaintance is in her forties, gives us great advice on dating, and keeping our goals in check. My friend really, really wants to be married and has a hard time getting dates so our friend or aquaintance sent a picture of her to a guy she knew who was also looking for someone. He loved her picture and said "Make it happen." So their numbers were exchanged and they began talking on the phone. During this time ( about a week) my friend hadn't seen one picture of him. However, she said that they shared common interests and etc. So finally he sends her a picture. He's at least in his late forties( she's 29), he's wearing a scowl in the photo, and though I think he's okay, she states that he's unattractive. She's done with getting to know him citing other reasons. Well, the reason I'm bringing this up is because it's broken up a friendship already because the matchmaker no longer wants to speak to my friend and I'm divided with siding with both. I really have to say that I was disappointed with my friend after hearing all these great things about the guy but then I also think that he essentially judged her the way she judged him but with different results. It made me think of experiences with men dating online who claim they receive no attention, that women only go after super attractive men yet they are probably aiming for the same ideal themselves ( but with different results ). This is simply a conversation starter.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Well, the reason I'm bringing this up is because it's broken up a friendship already because the matchmaker no longer wants to speak to my friend and I'm divided with siding with both. I really have to say that I was disappointed with my friend after hearing all these great things about the guy but then I also think that he essentially judged her the way she judged him but with different results. Show me someone who is NOT like that (complete dealbreaker if looks aren't there) and you have got a rare person. A 1%er. A gold digger maybe. A prostitute perhaps. The fact that you even bring it up as to be disappointing puts you in very rare company.
KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I honestly don't know why this has broken up a friendship. She didn't find him attractive, big deal. She's entitled to have a certain type, or to find someone unattractive that was introduced to her. That doesn't make her a bad person at all. All parties in this situation need to get over it. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Whenever my friends have tried to hook me up in the past (not often), they always show me pics of the woman and tell me their intentions, but they will never show the woman a pic of me or hint they are trying to matchmake. They'll create a ruse to make it appear like it's just a friendly get together, but then push me to 'make it happen'. I guess they know that showing a pic of me would be an automatic dealbreaker. So, to make it 'fair' I just started saying to them, "I don't need to see a picture. I don't care what she looks like."
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Your friend set this girl up that's 29 years old with a guy in his late 40's and then she doesn't find the guy attractive on top of it and yet she's the one getting the blame? What a ridiculous match in the first place, is your girlfriend that ugly and desperate that she would be setup with a guy that much her senior? and why in the world would she have not have seen a picture of him beforehand, that's got to be rule #1. I am collectively calling everyone in this group incompetent in this situation and overreacting, just let the chips fall where they may now...dumb decisions made as a whole. I've been in this situation and the first thing I ask for is a picture, that should be obvious...at least to me. There are people who I've spoken to online that I never seen their picture or didn't see it till much later...then again it wasn't the plan to date them...if it works out it works out, but personality or whatever you want to say doesn't build a bridge that crosses all waters. A lot of guys don't receive attention online because many women can shoot for the stars and get the pick of the litter...even an average looking woman gets bombarded with messages (at least initially) and everything else that's flirtatious on the dating website of your choosing and then they start feeling like they're entitled to these "hot guys". It's just another thing to have them match up in other ways. Men would do the same thing if they had the options (aka most desirable men)...of course not everyone does this but OLD is a meat market and looks account for more when merely starring at pictures and a profile. 5
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) OP, I think it's commendable that you think your friend should have given him a chance if she thought he was a great guy before seeing a pic. I would be disappointed if a friend of mine did that too. But of course, I think most all of them would. Man, this place reminds me all of my dating shortcomings. Why do I come here? BTW, OP. I'm curious as to what you think of their looks pairing? Do you think they are roughly in the same league? Disregard age for now. Edited June 9, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember 1
Author Veronica2025 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Your friend set this girl up that's 29 years old with a guy in his late 40's and then she doesn't find the guy attractive on top of it and yet she's the one getting the blame? What a ridiculous match in the first place, is your girlfriend that ugly and desperate that she would be setup with a guy that much her senior? and why in the world would she have not have seen a picture of him beforehand, that's got to be rule #1. I am collectively calling everyone in this group incompetent in this situation and overreacting, just let the chips fall where they may now...dumb decisions made as a whole. I've been in this situation and the first thing I ask for is a picture, that should be obvious...at least to me. There are people who I've spoken to online that I never seen their picture or didn't see it till much later...then again it wasn't the plan to date them...if it works out it works out, but personality or whatever you want to say doesn't build a bridge that crosses all waters. A lot of guys don't receive attention online because many women can shoot for the stars and get the pick of the litter...even an average looking woman gets bombarded with messages (at least initially) and everything else that's flirtatious on the dating website of your choosing and then they start feeling like they're entitled to these "hot guys". It's just another thing to have them match up in other ways. Men would do the same thing if they had the options (aka most desirable men)...of course not everyone does this but OLD is a meat market and looks account for more when merely starring at pictures and a profile. My friend is very pretty but she is also very desperate. She wanted to be married with kids by now and it's also a cultural thing for her.
spiderowl Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 There is a large age gap and she hadn't seen his picture. What did your matchmaking friends expect? If you aren't attracted to someone, you just aren't. No amount of nice personality is going to make up for that. Personal chemistry can be unpredictable though and the most unlikely looking people can be physically attracted to each other. If they aren't from the start though, then it's certainly much tougher to build a relationship and it's not likely to even get a chance. 3
Author Veronica2025 Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 OP, I think it's commendable that you think your friend should have given him a chance if she thought he was a great guy before seeing a pic. I would be disappointed if a friend of mine did that too. But of course, I think most all of them would. Man, this place reminds me all of my dating shortcomings. Why do I come here? BTW, OP. I'm curious as to what you think of their looks pairing? Do you think they are roughly in the same league? Disregard age for now. Uh, yes but she would hate me for saying that. The men she likes never pay her any attention. She goes for 10's. Suit and tie type men. She's pretty but she's also foreign, not a great job... But this guy was really excited over her, was very sweet, and most of what she asked for. She didn't want to work as hard as she does. Well, he was willing to care for a his wife. JUST physically, they were in the same league for me. A man like that could have someone like her. It was solely the picture for her.
spiderowl Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I think not finding someone attractive is one thing, but feeling repelled is another. If a woman doesn't find a guy attractive, but likes his personality, then it's worth her meeting him to see if things pan out in person. However, if she is repelled by his picture, it's just not going to go well. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 so sounds like a case of kill the messenger or the matchmaker.....veronica...that not really fair when what was done was done with all good intentions .......bit sad......i hope things work out fro the both of them...and they both find what they are looking for....without resenting you for what wasnt to be or causing breaks in friendships.....best wishes...deb
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Uh, yes but she would hate me for saying that. The men she likes never pay her any attention. She goes for 10's. Suit and tie type men. She's pretty but she's also foreign, not a great job... But this guy was really excited over her, was very sweet, and most of what she asked for. She didn't want to work as hard as she does. Well, he was willing to care for a his wife. JUST physically, they were in the same league for me. A man like that could have someone like her. It was solely the picture for her. So basically, she is entitled, lazy, makes little money, and wants to be taken care of. And she's just as attractive as he is. Sounds like he dodged a bullet.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Giving advice should not be synonymous with playing match-maker. One thing, the acquaintance is now in a sticky situation because the guy could've been a close friend, and for your girl-friend to just break off contact shines a bad light for the acquaintance. Second, for a 29 year old, your friend does come across as shallow. She never bothered to give the guy a chance despite her own personal praises for his character and virtues. She was too stuck on a picture. Has she looked at other pictures? Sometimes people actually look better in person.
Zio Corda Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 My friend is very pretty but she is also very desperate. She wanted to be married with kids by now and it's also a cultural thing for her. If she's willing to turn guys down (and solely on looks no less) then she's not desperate. When I was single and feeling 'desperate' my mama would always say: "You're not desperate if you won't go out with so and so" (citing the ugliest woman she could think of) I had to admit she was right. There's a big difference between really wanting to get married, and being desperate.
hppr Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Sounds to me like the matchmaker set em up for obvious, well-intentioned reasons but the age gap was just too much. Big deal. As far as being pissed off, well, she is probably tired of Ms. 29-years-old-and-no-man whining to her about being single, and now whining about being setup with grandpa lol. Besides she doesn't sound like that great of a catch anyways so even if she does get married and have kids her husband will go bald and get ulcers from all the stress of being married to her.
RedRobin Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) The guy was old enough to be her dad, for chrissakes... She was probably shocked, and then annoyed for anyone thinking they would actually be a 'match'... Maybe she should have gotten him to pay for a bunch of dates with her? Expensive ones?? Anyway, not sure why this older woman is pimping out her same age man-friend to relative little girls. He must not be all that wonderful. Getting guys this man's age is like shooting fish in a barrel for a reasonably attractive 29 year old. Dime a dozen. If she's going to settle for someone that much older, she's got her pick, really. No need for her to settle for some old guy who is also unattractive. Edited June 9, 2013 by RedRobin 1
Zio Corda Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Getting guys this man's age is like shooting fish in a barrel for a reasonably attractive 29 year old. Dime a dozen. If she's going to settle for someone that much older, she's got her pick, really. No need for her to settle for some old guy who is also unattractive. Unfortunately for her, women like her... over-the-hill for marrying standards, shallow, and having no ambition beyond getting some guy to take care of her so she can quit her dead-end job, are also a dime a dozen. Her chances might not be quite as good as you think. 1
Sith Apprentice Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 [quote=Veronica2025;4955254 The men she likes never pay her any attention. She goes for 10's. Suit and tie type men. She's pretty but she's also foreign, not a great job... Analysis- women who price themselves out of the market. These are women who think that just because a hot guy talks to them or ****es them they can get them interested in dating them seriously and they hold out hope. she refuses to look in the mirror and better her SMV. She's not ugly at all but i mean, Those 10's have ****ing options. you are what he does when his options are pissy. The Story of Carey- Carey is dating this guy named Brad. Brad is pretty decent. Carey is pretty decent as well but she's not like smoking hot or anything. she's cute, attractive but not unique or special if you get what i mean. she's pleasant but i mean, doesn't really bring anything to the table. So brad is being a pretty good BF and carey after talking to her friends and watching season 4 of sex in the city decides that brad is not tall enough so she determines that brad is not LTR material. she wants a man like Mr big. mind you, there aren't any Mr Big prospects eying cary, but that's what she wants and that's what she feels she deserves so dammit that is what it is, brad has to go. so she dumps brad and once in a while a MR big type guy will lay the pipe to her and she thinks that she can parlay that into a relationship and it takes her 10 years to realize they are just ****ing her lol. BRAD wanted to marry her. These MR Big guys are out of her league and now it's too late. Brad found someone and is married and happy.
CryForNoOne Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Uh, yes but she would hate me for saying that. The men she likes never pay her any attention. She goes for 10's. Suit and tie type men. She's pretty but she's also foreign, not a great job... But this guy was really excited over her, was very sweet, and most of what she asked for. She didn't want to work as hard as she does. Well, he was willing to care for a his wife. JUST physically, they were in the same league for me. A man like that could have someone like her. It was solely the picture for her. Sounds like your friend is delusional and is going to learn the hard way what real desperation is when she's in her 30's and her looks are fading and her biological clock is ticking. She wants the suit and tie '10' but does she realize that those types rarely want to settle down before 35? Why would they? If they do, it's with another '10' i.e. not just looks but a great career and someone who isn't looking for someone to "take care of them". She's obviously not that type if she's very pretty but having a hard time getting dates. But why on earth this is threatening friendships is beyond me. I guess no good deed goes unpunished...
Recommended Posts