MercuryMorrison1 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I was pondering about dating and the how's and why's it works the way it does, and I couldn't honestly think of a reason for dating to be the way it is. Generally speaking, it seems that dating has to be played almost like a game of chess, When two people meet each other and one (or both) of them have an attraction of one form or another to each other, it seems as if they engage in an a game of pulling power while systematically shutting the other one down, examples include playing hard to get or waiting four days to call after getting a phone number...Things of that nature. I just wonder how much (if any) easier things would be if we could just cut the bull$hit out of dating. My question is, why does it have to be so complicated...Maybe it's just the way I think, I don't like beating around the bush and I don't like mind games, I try to think as logically as possible and in most instance's that hasn't steered me wrong, but I find that applying logic to the dating world almost never works. And perhaps its my age that brings to this question...I'm young, so to speak at twenty five years old. But I do have some dating and long term relationship experience. Anyway, I'm just bored and trying to spark some conversation here...If anyone has any input feel free to take the reigns. 2
ltjg45 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 To be honest, if these dating "games" wasn't being played, I would try to date right now. However, due to it, I rather make sure I'm fully prepared before I date because the last time I need right now is to be checkmated while my guard is down.
Brunettie Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 It is really annoying. My boyfriend and I never played games, even in the very beginning. He texted me the moment he got my number. He texted as soon as he got back from our first date. We've always been open about our feelings. I think that's the way it should be. It made things so much easier and flowed so much better. I think one of my first threads on here was asking a very similar question. I'm not sure the answer still, maybe it's a 'power' thing? 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Some people dance to a different tune. One man's music is another man's noise. Everybody plays games, even the ones who say they don't. You'll find the game you want to play . A straight shooter? They got those about too. 1
ltjg45 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Speaking of games, I just finally got a new Pokemon game for my 3DS XL. So that will be one "game" I will be glad to play. As for women? I just don't play games when it comes to them. After all, they are human beings, not a piece of electric equipment.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I was pondering about dating and the how's and why's it works the way it does, and I couldn't honestly think of a reason for dating to be the way it is. It's not complicated actually. If two people are physically attracted to each other, then they WILL hook up. The problems arises because people DO NOT want to get rejected. So, they'll feign lack of interest until they are sure the other person has it. Also, because people are very picky about looks. If every man looked like Brad Pitt and every woman looked like Angie Jolie, it would cut the game playing down about 80%. We'd all just want to hump each other and we'd play the game based on personality. 1
MomsSpaghetti Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 There are two people, Jon and Jane, who like each other and want to go out with each other. Jane has smiled at Jon and given him other signals of affirmation. Jon, however, has had instances in the past where it seemed like he was getting good signals but it turned out that the girl was one of those attention [mongers] who is flirtatious to every guy and always has 100 male orbiters thinking they have a chance with her. So Jon doesn't know whether Jane is actually interested in him. Further, Jane and Jon have some mutual friends, which makes Jon afraid not only about getting rejected but about the fact getting through the grapevine to his friends. And further, Jon knows that ignoring girls and pretending not be interested in them is sometimes the best way to interest them; otherwise he comes across as desperate and then she's no longer interested in him. Jane decides to put her best foot forward by going to a party Jon is at while wearing her sexiest outfit and talking to Jon while acting more drunk than she actually is. She doesn't realize that Jon is a clueless virgin who won't make a move on her. She goes home disappointed, although he did get her number --- a big development in Jon's eventless dating life. Jon decides he'll text Jane the next morning to ask how she's feeling, whether she's hungover or not. Jane purposely takes over 1 hour to respond, so that she seems busy. Her answer is a 1-word answer. Of course he'll be a little put off, but she knows this will be a test to see if he is going to pursue her. Jon spends the rest of his day depressed because he thinks Jane isn't interested. Girls are always right next to their phone, so she would've enthusiastically and immediately responded if she liked him, he thinks. Etcetera.
c57dood Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 People don't want to appear weak. In our modern culture anything that hints of a need or dependency for someone else is considered pathetic. We're all supposed to be strong and independent, right? It's the same with someone asking you "How are you?" and you automatically respond with "Good!", when the reality is far from good.
shexy Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I really don't like dating, and I don't think I"m good at the "game". BUT, it's a necessary part of life I guess.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I loved dating. Course I just went with the flow. Over thinking and over analyzing everything is exhausting. I fully believe that if it's meant to be it will be. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 We are animals and dating is partly about sexual procurement. So all the dynamics are at play whether one likes them or not. If you don't play the game, you don't get to win any. Simple fact. We have to adjust our game to deal with who it is that we meet. Sometimes you have to resist initiating with someone else because it's their nature to reject advance. But this comes out after you probe a bit and wisely look for patterns. If for instance your "quarry" seems to like to initiate, you have to play the game that way so that she'll keep coming for ya. If you plod with one game always the same, you'll let 'em get away.
KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 LOL I TOTALLY get you OP. I've just started seeing someone new and these "games" are KILLING me. It's started to level out a bit, and I'm getting more comfortable with him but in the very beginning I was like: "Can I text him?" "Do I contact him now?" "If I do is he going to think I'm needy/clingy?" "OMG he hasn't responded back to me, is he even into me anymore?" "It's been a couple days why hasn't he reached out?!" "Oh OK he just messaged me... should I respond now, or in a few hours?" I was about ready to rip all the hairs out of my head doing the "dating dance." This is precisely the reason I have never dated in my life. I'm not cut out for it, I can't handle the stress. I really don't get how some people go out and date many guys at once, and ENJOY it. For my whole life I've been pretty lucky with guys. They kind of just come out of no where, so I've never really "dated around." If all goes well with this guy, it'll be another guy to come out of no where and another instance where I didn't date, just met, got to know each other and then got together. 1
KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 My boyfriend and I never played games, even in the very beginning. He texted me the moment he got my number. He texted as soon as he got back from our first date. We've always been open about our feelings. I think that's the way it should be. It made things so much easier and flowed so much better. Oh I'm so glad my guy seems to be following in the footsteps of your boyfriend. He texted me about 40 minutes after getting my number and he asked me out. He's followed up on every single date as soon as he dropped me off, and after our 2nd date he flat out asked me if I was interested in him. Maybe these "games" are all in my head and I'm over thinking everything.
ltjg45 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 It's the same with someone asking you "How are you?" and you automatically respond with "Good!", when the reality is far from good. That's basically my life in a nutshell. I can walk down the street with my head down looking sad and when someone asks me "How are you?", I literally respond like a robot saying "I'm fine." or "I'm doing OK." even though it is clearly not going OK for me. I got these responses so drilled in, I can do it without thinking about it now.
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I stopped following any game rules, well I have a couple rules, but they are just good rules to follow to keep from coming off clingy. If I had a good first date, I text them when I get home letting them know I had a good time and hope to do it againThe next day (or 2 days later at the most) I will call for a second dateI never text or call if I haven't gotten a response (though certain circumstances may allow for it) Some people play games, I don't and don't waste my time with people who do. I figured if a woman likes me, she isn't going to be put off by the fact that I called her the next day for a second date...if she is, she probably isn't that interested anyway 1
Ok Good Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 LOL I TOTALLY get you OP. I've just started seeing someone new and these "games" are KILLING me. It's started to level out a bit, and I'm getting more comfortable with him but in the very beginning I was like: "Can I text him?" "Do I contact him now?" "If I do is he going to think I'm needy/clingy?" "OMG he hasn't responded back to me, is he even into me anymore?" "It's been a couple days why hasn't he reached out?!" "Oh OK he just messaged me... should I respond now, or in a few hours?" I was about ready to rip all the hairs out of my head doing the "dating dance." This is precisely the reason I have never dated in my life. I'm not cut out for it, I can't handle the stress. I really don't get how some people go out and date many guys at once, and ENJOY it. For my whole life I've been pretty lucky with guys. They kind of just come out of no where, so I've never really "dated around." If all goes well with this guy, it'll be another guy to come out of no where and another instance where I didn't date, just met, got to know each other and then got together. I totally agree with you! This has normally been my pattern too. Now I'm trying to "date around" but I would prefer just to get to know one person at a time... I'm back in the dating pool after a long rest (couple of yrs) and couldn't understand why people said they "hated dating" NOW I get it! It's not mtg the interesting people that's the problem its all the wondering & worrying about strategy that is so troublesome. THAT is very very stressful! 1
Ok Good Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 But to respond to OP query...I've been reading alot of dating books and online forums to understand this whole dating process and I agree with someone else's post that dating is sorta of like a dance. There are specific moves that are expected which seems to quiet people's fears about the other. There also are basically two camps 1) just wants to fool around and is not interested in attachment; 2) Wants to be loved and accepted. Either way we are all really vulnerable & the "rules" of dating appear to provide some protection by creating a standard to compare to. Like if he hasn't called me in 3 days he probably is not "into me" etc. I appreciate that there's some type of standard I just wish it was more universal! Not everyone seems to follow the same guidelines so the playbook gets messed up really easily or people make things so much more complicated than it has to be (probably due to just being really scared) which again sorta screws up the 'dance' rules...but even I guess that is information about a person which is helpful to know.
sillyanswer Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I disagree with the premise in the topic. Dating does not have to be a game. I'm happy to walk away from those who think otherwise, and stick to dating the grown-ups.
El Brujo Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I don't think of it as a game, because 1. I'm not very competitive by nature, and 2. TBH, some of the so-called prizes aren't worth winning.
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