sign Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 I met a guy 2 months ago through OLD. We have only been on 4 dates, all of which I planned myself and initiated myself. Our last "date" was 3 weeks ago, and we've only texted 1-2 times a week since-very brief texts. I guess the reason we aren't meeting since date number 4 is because, shock horror, I haven't initiated/planned it/asked him out. I am hung uo on this problem lately because I believed I was good enough for him...but now think that there must be something wrong with me? The 4 dates we went on weren't exactly dates also. as in the first date was coffee(he didn't pay) and the park, second was just the park, third was his house (sex), and fourth was...his house again (sex). It all sounds pretty hopeless as I write this all down but I really would like more from this guy. He has initiated texts a couple of times the past few weeks, so that's something at least? He is a genuinely nice guy it seems, which actually really gets me down. And therefore has me thinking that he's just not into me. What do you think of all this? By the way he works part time so he isn't a very busy person. I'm waiting on HIM to ask me to meet him. I have told myself not to make further plans with him myself (too desperate). Am I wasting my time caring?
foreverpink Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Have we been seeing the same guy? Seriously, our situations are similar... from what people told me... it's not looking good hun. For either of us 1
It's Just Me Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Am I wasting my time caring? Yes. You sound like a very smart gal. Move on, and find someone who is GENUINELY interested in you! 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 So he slept with you a few times and doesn't show any further interest other than a few texts here and there...were they thank you's for sharing the vagina?....what exactly do you need to see or hear to realize that this guy isn't that into you? Because he's a nice guy who met you for coffee (didn't pay), took you to the park (to walk you), then ushered you into his house for some easy and convenient sex...and you're like impressed by what exactly here? Not that he needs to take you on extravagant dates or anything but you're not exactly setting the bar high here, you sound a bit desperate, easy and definitely insecure...what do you think exactly happens here? What effort do you even see? that he just magically starts showing you all this interest and he's like just what...smitten with you? he obviously isn't...so what are you waiting for next? you gonna try to pull him and get his attention to see if he "accepts" you so that you can feel "good enough" because of your insecurity? What's more important to you? feeling "good enough" or having some kind of self-respect? I realize you may have "connected" and think he has "potential" because he puts on the nice guy hat the times he is around you...but what the hell do you expect? you do the work, make all the contact, is that supposed you reap you some kind of reward? It's a man not a dog (although arguably quite close relatives), you don't just simply feed it and love it and he loves you back....sorry...doesn't work that way...that starts with a healthy self-esteem and knowing your own worth...or guess what happens? you just get used. You seem like someone who is desperate, needy and settling for bread crumbs here from the sound of it...I hope you take more from this experience than "I guess he just wasn't the right guy for me...oh well" and actually learn something from this experience. Oh no, but you'll sit by the phone waiting for that random pathetic text message, all in the name of love or something like that 8
KatZee Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Yikes... uhh well. You're not going to get what you want from this guy. He's flat out not interested in you. Sorry. He barely talks to you, he doesn't even ask you out. The only reason he does accept your "dates" is because you put out easy. He gets free sex whenever you feel like offering it. It was kind of clear he wasn't into you from the get go, not sure why you continued on, and not sure why you had sex. He's a genuine, nice guy? I mean... maybe? But I don't get that vibe here. He's not being genuine, OR nice to you. He's using you as a free ride. Not everyone you're into, is going to like you back. You shouldn't take it personally. Move on. 5
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Please re-read ninjainpyjamas post! Have we been seeing the same guy? Seriously, our situations are similar... from what people told me... it's not looking good hun. For either of us I just wrote a long response in her thread. Read that too. This guy has never even bothered to ask you on a date. He's not going to start now because you've had sex a couple of times. Most guys won't turn down sex when it's offered on a platter. It doesn't mean he's interested in dating you. Don't bother waiting for that date request. It's not coming. I'm glad you recognized how hopeless the situation was as you wrote your post. Insight is the first step to preventing a repeat. Move on and focus on a guy who actually wants to date you. 2
ascendotum Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (edited) Forget it honey. You made it easy for him (not that you should make it hard), but it sounds like he just went along for the ride. Like you say he didn't take you out on any dates, he just showed up, and in the case of date 3 & 4, you home delivered. I know you want him to fall in love with you now that you had sex, and to subsequently want to treat you special but it does not seem to be happening. A couple of txts a week is a pretty weak measure of his enthusiasm for wanting to become more in your life, especially when it seems like he is throwing out a few bread crumbs to keep you pecking, because you initiate the date plans. He could well be a nice guy, but he is just not into you. Its not a case of something is wrong with you (except maybe self esteem). You can wait for him to make plans (likely for a get together at his place, which he might as the days roll by and he thinks he might miss out on another visit) but I think you are going to find better enthusiasm from another of your many options in your inbox. Edited June 9, 2013 by ascendotum 2
Feelin Frisky Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Walk away. If you don't see him chase, you know the deal. I advise trying not to internalize this as a rejection. It just is what it is or was. You balled him because you wanted to so it's not like he got over on you. It's time to see if he'll chase. Be resolute and don't have any meltdowns. It's a game. It always is. 1
Author sign Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice on this. Youve really made me see that he 100% isn't in to me. I won't initiate texts anymore. However if he ever texts me again do you think I should reply? (They are usually typical "hey how are you?") Or just ignore it. That seems cold to me
StanMusial Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice on this. Youve really made me see that he 100% isn't in to me. I won't initiate texts anymore. However if he ever texts me again do you think I should reply? (They are usually typical "hey how are you?") Or just ignore it. That seems cold to me Not even close to 100%. Maybe in the low 20's? Best case 30%. Do you have any options outside of OLD for meeting guys? 1
KatZee Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice on this. Youve really made me see that he 100% isn't in to me. I won't initiate texts anymore. However if he ever texts me again do you think I should reply? (They are usually typical "hey how are you?") Or just ignore it. That seems cold to me I just wouldn't reply at all. With how easily he was able to fool you, I feel like you're the person to fall for more sweet talk and put out. Learn the lesson and move on to the next. 1
It's Just Me Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice on this. Youve really made me see that he 100% isn't in to me. I won't initiate texts anymore. However if he ever texts me again do you think I should reply? (They are usually typical "hey how are you?") Or just ignore it. That seems cold to me And he's not being cold? I would not waste another minute even thinking or typing about this guy. 3
Author sign Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Not even close to 100%. Maybe in the low 20's? Best case 30%. Do you have any options outside of OLD for meeting guys? I think I could try giving another chance to pubs and clubs. I haven't been in a long time. And I've focused on just this guy, noone else, for 2 months. So I'll try going out more
Author sign Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 I just wouldn't reply at all. With how easily he was able to fool you, I feel like you're the person to fall for more sweet talk and put out. Learn the lesson and move on to the next. And he's not being cold? I would not waste another minute even thinking or typing about this guy. Thanks so much. I just wont reply at all. Forgetting about his existence is what I'll do asap
happykat Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Thanks so much. I just wont reply at all. Forgetting about his existence is what I'll do asap Good luck.. I recently "let go" of someone exactly like this (and good riddance, for sure!).. Make sure you delete his contact info from your phone and if he does text, delete the text right away - I find that helps to move on, if only just a little. 1
Author sign Posted June 9, 2013 Author Posted June 9, 2013 Good luck.. I recently "let go" of someone exactly like this (and good riddance, for sure!).. Make sure you delete his contact info from your phone and if he does text, delete the text right away - I find that helps to move on, if only just a little. Thanks happykat Just deleted his number a minute ago. And like I promised myself, I won't respond to further texts from him (if he ever has the bother to text me again anyway) 1
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