Why did he take me out on dates if he didn't want a relationship nor sex?

[prettypeach20]

Hey, so I was seeing this guy that I work with for the past 2 1/2 months. He asked me if I wanted to hangout after having 3 conversations with me at work. He initiated dates 1-4, and then went on vacation for a week. I initiated date 5 as soon as he came back and he enthusiastically agreed and planned the entire date (during the date he discussed future hangouts with me). After date 5 he would text me and talk to me at work (if he couldn't talk to me at work he'd text me apologizing) but didn't end up asking me to do anything the following week...so I ended up asking him. He told me he was super busy doing wedding stuff that week (his brother is getting married - he is the best man, MC and planning a bachelor party) but suggested that we do something the following week and then messaged me to set up a dinner date (date 6). Right after this date he didn't initiate any texts but would reply if I texted him..and keep the convo going. He would also talk to me at work about how stressed out he is (1 week before the wedding). I knew he was super stressed out but I asked if he would be down to grab coffee sometime during the week to which he enthusiastically agreed to (date 7). At the end of our 7th date he was randomly like: "I need to talk to you about something...I don't want a relationship right now. I am at a place in my life where I want to focus on my career, and move out of my parents' place etc." I didn't even ask/mention a relationship to him at all but he just decided to tell me that...

 

I guess I am confused about his behaviour. We went out 7 times. He paid for every date (I offered), drove an hour to see me, took things VERY slowly (didn't kiss me until the 3rd date, and didn't even attempt to have sex with me - all we did was makeout). He was usually tired during our dates and kept telling me how stressful his life is the entire time...yet, we kept seeing each other.

 

Why did he do all this if he didn't want a relationship (nor sex)? Could it be that he just wanted to take things REALLY slowly and start off as friends first?

(He has had 1 LT relationship in the past and he was friends with the girl for 1 year before dating her)

 

Him and I did agree to be friends and hangout (I like him as a person and enjoy spending time with him which is what i told him). We are on good terms. Do you guys think he might want something more in the future if we continue being friends? (*no I will not put my life on hold for him...just curious)

[Zio Corda]

My wife says: "What happened at his brother's wedding that turned him off relationships?"

 

As a guy, I'll quote the movie: "He's Just Not That Into You". Sorry to say it but it looks like he started loosing interest after date #5 and by #7 he decided to try to let you down easy.

[CarrieT]

This is what dating is all about - going out several times in order to determine if someone is compatible or not.

 

Too many people make the decision after one or two dates. This guy did it after seven.

 

He just didn't see in you what he might want for a long-term relationship, that is all. Nothing to get upset about.

[spiderowl]

My feeling is that he liked you, wanted to see you and enjoys seeing you but isn't sure of you as a partner. It may be that he might have been feeling you were getting a bit intense and keen - that panics some guys as they like to feel it's going to their pace. It could be that he got to know you better and the attraction reduced. Hard to tell really. Might be best to just let him contact you in future and then you can guage his interest in you. If he really does like you and you back off, he'll soon try to close the gap again. However, don't assume that his enjoying talking to you means he wants a romantic relationship - maybe you are a good listener. Many relationships have developed from caring friendships though so who knows?

[prettypeach20]

My wife says: "What happened at his brother's wedding that turned him off relationships?"

 

As a guy, I'll quote the movie: "He's Just Not That Into You". Sorry to say it but it looks like he started loosing interest after date #5 and by #7 he decided to try to let you down easy.

 

I guess I am confused that he started to back off after date 5 which was our best/longest date (over 10 hrs). It was during this date where he held my hand in public, talked a lot about future dates, kept telling me he was having fun and madeout with me for the first time (he initiated) even though I was getting over a nasty cold :/

[BluEyeL]

We don't know why, but he lost interest for some reason....I'm sorry...sucks when it happens after such a long time.

[Leigh 87]

It is really annoying, but guys can actually act like they really like you (Kissing, holding hands, going on 10 hour dates) without actually feeling the spark with you.....

 

I read A LOT on here about girls who say " we have an amazing connection, we had long dates, we made out and the chemistry was hot he talked about how much he liked me"

 

.....Only for the guy to lose interest.

 

Look, some men can really act like that, yet still not feeling the "it" factor with you.

 

Just chalk it up to experience. Remember not to get too invested in a guy, until his actions show that he is into you and he is serious about wanting to take things further. Regular phone calls, wanting to spend at least one day per weekend with you, and continuing things at a consistent pace, with no suspicious behaviour.

[boaaaar]

Some ppl try to see if something builds up with time and act upon the optimistic assumption that it will, if it doesn't cost too much. Sometimes it doesn't work that well so they they just drop it.