LilGirlandOW Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? (2) Do you say "I Love You"? (3) Would you want a sole relationship? (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? I'm struggling with these questions and I've been asking them myself alot lately, so I'm wondering if others are like mine, thanks in advance to all who provide any insight Open to all feedback
Author LilGirlandOW Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Oh my answers to these: (1) 8 months (2) Yes and daily, he tells me he's in love with me, loves me and calls me his love, blah b;lah blah (3) I dont know.... I'm struggling with this one... really struggling here (4) I dont know how she doesnt know??!! There are red flags flying all over, and to add to this shes a freakin cop! (5) Yes he does expect me to be faithful which i'm ok with as I'm not into dating multi men (6) I've seen them together in person, and they seem as friends, never holding hands or "lovey" although maybe he is purposely acting like this so to not push me away, we see eachother a lot, he will be with the wife, myself alone, and I'm a young fit attractive "single to the outside world" woman so men will appraoch me and i can see him watching standing near his wife but watching to make sure another man doesnt get to close or too friendly, then when we're alone he'll ask me about what we were talking about, or laughing about, sometimes if I'm feeling spiteful of his marraige I'll play up to another man talking to me infront of him, just to let him know "hey, I'm sought after" lol i dunno
Goodbye Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 1. My R was one year of PA and a year of EA prior. We were a couple long ago, before both of our marriages (I'm divorced). 2. Yes, we said I love you all the time. We spoke very specifically about having a life together...marriage and children. I still love him. I always will. 3. I would have, yes. But, it is over. 4. The wife doesn't know because the MM is a masterful liar. 5. Yes, he did claim to be sexually faithful to me (who knows now) and I was to him...it was an expectation 6. I haven't seen them together in person or in a photo. In fact, I looked at their FB's and they are never pictured together. I did notice on his laptop he had a folder of pages of her with their son. Seeing them together would sting, no doubt. It all hurts.
SweetiePie12 Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 13 months. (2) Do you say "I Love You"? All the time. (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? She's not giving up on her long coveted prize (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? Nope.
bellasue Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? (2) Do you say "I Love You"? (3) Would you want a sole relationship? (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? I'm struggling with these questions and I've been asking them myself alot lately, so I'm wondering if others are like mine, thanks in advance to all who provide any insight Open to all feedback 1) We had an EA for years. PA was four months 2) We consistently and regularly said I love you 3) Yes, I would have considered giving up my current life to be with him. 4) She knows. Dday about 2 months ago 5) We are both married, but I believe he expected to be the only OM. 6) I know his wife and I regularly saw them together. He would hold her hand and kiss her when we were all out as a group. Very hard to deal with.
HonestNeurotic Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 9 months (2) Do you say "I Love You"? A lot! (3) Would you want a sole relationship? No. Though I admit at times it sounds like a nice alternative, it's unrealistic (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? Does not know. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? I am married as well, but he doesn't want me to have another. (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Never in person. I was very careful to choose someone that is six degrees of separation from my "real" life. But I've seen photos. It's kinda weird, cuz he ALWAYS stands away from her, very different with his kids. Curiosity got the best of me and I had to know what she looked like. I don't think that I could keep a good poker face if I ran into them somewhere. That would be awful. He always notes the other men watching me when I walk when we are out. Which I find HILARIOUS. I think he's nuts, but I am glad he finds me beautiful. I admit to liking the admiration a bit. /QUOTE]
C00kie Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 1 year and a half (2) Do you say "I Love You"? A lot (3) Would you want a sole relationship? More than anything... (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? I think she may suspect but turns a blind eye, honestly. Either that or she's plain idiot (I know you'll say I don't know what it's like between them or what he's telling her between four walls, but his behaviour - constant, prolongued absences - would make any normal person suspicious) (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? Yes, he does, but sometimes will tell me that it's unfair on me. (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? I've seen pics on facebook (not his, but friends of her). It's a kick in the stomach.
cocorico Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? (2) Do you say "I Love You"? (3) Would you want a sole relationship? (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? (1) probably 9 or 10 years (2) all the time (3) we have one (4) she was invested in believing no woman would ever look at him. Putting him down made her feel better about herself. When he left her, she did not believe or accept it. (5) expect it, no; value and cherish it, yes. (6) I have only seen them together in really old photos. They are never close to each other, there is never any evidence of closeness. Even when there is no one else in the photo they are looking away from each other, standing or seated way apart, in their own worlds. It makes me feel sad that for so long he thought that that was what a M was.
Babolat Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? (2) Do you say "I Love You"? (3) Would you want a sole relationship? (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? I'm struggling with these questions and I've been asking them myself alot lately, so I'm wondering if others are like mine, thanks in advance to all who provide any insight Open to all feedback I am not being rude or judgemental at all. More curious. I recently went out with a girl who announced to me on the 2nd date she had a bf. She did not say much more so I continued to see her. 4-5 dates in, no romance, just some touching, I told her I cannot be the other man. I could not date someone knowing there was a man in her life that I was disrespecting. I reminded her she was not single. She took a couple of days, came back to talk to me and agreed and said it was best we not see each other anymore. She said she has been trying to break up with her bf since before we hung out, he was not taking it well and that she needed to stay with him. She earned a lot of points for saying that. Though she did text me recently saying when she was with me all she could think about was having sex with me. So why do people do this? The other person is simply not available? They are not single?
bentleychic Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 12 months (the romantic part) (2) Do you say "I Love You"? Yes (3) Would you want a sole relationship? Absolutely (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? Only she can answer that question. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? Yes (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Yes, but saw them in person years before we were involved. Pics rarely now. How it makes me feel depends on the day (sometimes even the hour! LOL)
fanine Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 18 months (2) Do you say "I Love You"? Yes, but more so when alcohol is involved... (3) Would you want a sole relationship? I did, but ending it now. I do not believe we will ever get that. He shows no signs of offering it, even though he tells me I am the only thing that keeps him going in this life, that I am his best friend and he wouldn't know what he would do if he didn't have me... I have also wondered the past few months as well, I wonder would I really trust him if there was a 'fairy tale' ending. He seems to have a history of being unfaithful to his wife, I have found out. I would not want to get paranoid, and I did fear I could just end up playing the role of his current wife.... (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? She definitely knew/knows. Seems to totally turn a blind eye. He stays away from the house 2-3 nights a week, I mean what wife would not think there was something happening if her husband is away so many nights? Plus usually a whole day together a week plus other evenings when he will get home at midnightish...I don't know what really goes on in their house, but they seem to have quite a strange relationship. The do really seem to be just 'staying together for the kids.' (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? Has shown signs of extreme jealousy, nervousness about other men. Says he never thought he would meet a woman like me, and so many other men must see in me what he sees in me. During one of our last chats, when i said the hardest thing for me was not being able to build on the relationship, share a home, have a family he said well I should start dating again, it was not fair on me that he had put me in this situation (too right mate as he had said he was single when we met) ....I said really? You would like that? If you called me and I said actually I'm busy tonight with 'Dave' would you like that? Well he didn't really like that idea at all once I pointed out the reality. I told him I would only date again if I finished with him, as there again it was not fair on any guys I met if I was still involved with him, as they would think I was single. I would not have time for him as I would be putting in 100 percent with a new person to make it work....and also I cannot date 2 men at the same time anyway I told him..I did not want that. I wanted to be with one man that I could love and build a future with... (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Bumped into her once by chance. He had a shop and we were there, this woman walked in. I didn't realise who she was at first. He was quite cold and blunt with her. She obviously seemed suspicious of me, i suddenly realised who she was...I felt so awful....there are no joint photos of either of them on their facebook pages. They post pictures of their kids, but always like 'my son' not 'our son' etc etc...
Owl Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 13 months. All the time. She's not giving up on her long coveted prize Nope. I thought you'd dumped him??? 4
Speakingofwhich Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 1. 2 or 3 years first time, 4 mos. this second time 2. We do say ILY, I miss you, etc. 3. Yes 4. Had d day the first time. I left though as the nature of d day was pretty upsetting for me. He would have continued on. This time we have been more cautious. 5. We haven't discussed this but I have no interest in dating two men at the same time. I doubt he would forbid it but it would be a source of jealousy, I believe, so would make things more complicated. 6. No to photograph or in person. Think it would be quite a jolt. Feedback: As soon as we spoke with each other on the phone there was a powerful and instant connection. We talked several times before he told me he was married. But, he did tell me he was married before we met in person. We spend a lot of time daily in small talk and discussing our work (bounce ideas off each other, etc.), current events, concepts and philosophies, religious views, etc. We have recently gone LC so that he can deal with his M. We have discussed it is what needs to happen but I didn't think it would happen this soon.
TaintedLuv Posted August 8, 2013 Posted August 8, 2013 (edited) So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 5.5 years (2) Do you say "I Love You"? Yes- both of us. (3) Would you want a sole relationship? Absolutely. (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? All she's concerned with is having a baby...now she's finally getting one. They're both indifferent towards each other or so I'm told. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? Basically- but he says he understands why now I've started to pursue other men. He gets crazy jealous. (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Yup- horrible. Being the single AP, I have alot of time to over think this situation and I drive myself crazy. Wondering how someone can tell me how much they love me then go home and do the same with another person. The entire situation makes me feel so worthless these days and those are now numbered anyway. The only reason I stuck around was because he's the love of my life. Unfortunately, I took a gamble and lost big. Edited August 8, 2013 by TaintedLuv
whycan'tI Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? A year or so (2) Do you say "I Love You"? Nope I don't love him (3) Would you want a sole relationship? Lol no he is a cheater (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? No clue we are careful. I say blind eye on her part but I am chill about things. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? No that's ridiculous he is married. (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? nope. There are no pics of them on social media.
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Oh my answers to these: (6) I've seen them together in person, and they seem as friends, never holding hands or "lovey" although maybe he is purposely acting like this so to not push me away, we see eachother a lot, he will be with the wife, myself alone, and I'm a young fit attractive "single to the outside world" woman so men will appraoch me and i can see him watching standing near his wife but watching to make sure another man doesnt get to close or too friendly, then when we're alone he'll ask me about what we were talking about, or laughing about, sometimes if I'm feeling spiteful of his marraige I'll play up to another man talking to me infront of him, just to let him know "hey, I'm sought after" lol i dunno When I was asked/ or it was assumed that I'd be "faithful" (He used the word 'exclusive' since he told me he wasn't having sex with his wife.) I laughed in his face. I was having none of it. We've been in the A for 16 months and I refused to be exclusive with him. Told him if he wanted exclusivity with me, he'd have to leave his wife (this is two weeks after we met) or he could find someone else. He refused to leave his wife of course, but he hung around. I've been on dates. He got pissed, wondered why, pouted, even cried, etc. I still went out on my dates, and and told him before I had them. D-day happened 2 weeks ago. I asked him "what would have happened if we were 'exclusive' and I was faithful to you? You're not going to leave your wife, so where would that have left me?" I got crickets from him. I hope you don't struggle with that issue too much longer. It's not about you being sought after, it's about you being single. I don't know... that's just my opinion. I never slept with anyone since I've been with him, because we set rules. If I ended up on my way to a relationship I'd tell him if I was going to have sex. And that time has come because I'm spending a weekend with another man. He's someone who's been pursuing me for 2 years, and recently moved a bit closer to where I was. I didn't want to date him because he was over 10 hours away, now he's 2 hours away. And it is not a moment too soon!
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? I've seen pics on facebook (not his, but friends of her). It's a kick in the stomach. I have a question for C00kie and the others who may be FB friends with MM. How does that work? Did you become FB friends before or after the A? Do you comment on posts? Write on his wall? Wow! I find that really fascinating!
bentleychic Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I have a question for C00kie and the others who may be FB friends with MM. How does that work? Did you become FB friends before or after the A? Do you comment on posts? Write on his wall? Wow! I find that really fascinating! We became fb friends shortly before the actual A started (less than a month). I do comment on posts, like posts and wrote on his wall for his bday, but not anything romantic or lovey dovey. Nothing that I don't post on other friends walls (and actually a lot less than I post on some of them). He rarely posts on mine, but does once in a great while. 1
BlissfullyWhich Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (1) (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Yes, but saw them in person years before we were involved. Pics rarely now. How it makes me feel depends on the day (sometimes even the hour! LOL) Do you snoop around her page at all? I've never dated someone who I'm FB friends with. All my exes are FB friends LOL However, I am going to see a guy whom I may begin a relationship with. We're on FB and the prospect of us dating and on FB makes me crazy
bentleychic Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Do you snoop around her page at all? I've never dated someone who I'm FB friends with. All my exes are FB friends LOL However, I am going to see a guy whom I may begin a relationship with. We're on FB and the prospect of us dating and on FB makes me crazy Due to her job, she has her page pretty locked down. All I can see is her profile picture, her cover picture and any posts or pics that she's tagged him in. I have mine pretty locked down, too. Anything that I post that is viewable by the public is intentional (I do volunteer work in a certain capacity that requires major word of mouth so those posts are always open for anyone to see.)
Got it Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? The affair was a year, give or take a week or two. The relationship is many years now. (2) Do you say "I Love You"? Yes we did starting a few months into the affair (3) Would you want a sole relationship? Yes I did and made it clear in the beginning. He felt the same way. We are married now. (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? While we evidently had a dday, we went far longer than I expected with how open he was. I do believe that they had very separate lives that outside of coparenting there wasn't a major notice to what the other was doing. So while I don't think it was a blind eye, I do think there was major disconnect in the their relationship. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? That is what he would have liked, though I made it clear that while was married, I was not necessarily only committed to him. It was in my best interest to keep my options open until he followed through with his game plan. (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Umm, you know I am not sure. I don't think I did in the affair. I met her once in passing and I guess there were "together" but not really. Hard to explain. Once they separated/divorced, in visiting his mom I saw old pictures of him. You know thinking about it, I don't think even then if there was one with the two of them. There was ones of her, ones of him, and ones of him and their oldest. But not together. Weird. I'm struggling with these questions and I've been asking them myself alot lately, so I'm wondering if others are like mine, thanks in advance to all who provide any insight Open to all feedback Please see above for my answers.
missy268 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? We had an EA for 18 months, and then a PA for 8 months. (2) Do you say "I Love You"? We said it once, he said "I'm sure i love you or something and i said "i'm sure i do as well" I told him again after i had a miscarraige but he didn't say it back (3) Would you want a sole relationship? Nope not known i've seen how much of a player he is (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? Either because she loved him or she honestly didn't know (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? I think he did at the time yes (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? It took my breath away every single time, it was like somebody was kicking me when i saw the photos etc xx
canuckprincess Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 So, I'm still in my current relationship as a MM OW, and things have been evolving as relationships do, aside from that I have some Q&A for other OW, maybe provide insight for us all (1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 7.5 years!! (2) Do you say "I Love You"? Yes, all the time. (3) Would you want a sole relationship? Yes, I would (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? She turns a blinks eye in my opinion because she loves him too. They have built a pretty good life together. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? I am faithful, I have gone on a few dates and he doesn't like it but he still does stuff with his wife so why shouldn't I be able to go out to dinner or a movie. (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? I have seen many photos and have met her once, intact we even shared a little giggle. I've seen them together dozens of times and I guess it doesn't bother me because they aren't all over each other like some couples are. I'm struggling with these questions and I've been asking them myself alot lately, so I'm wondering if others are like mine, thanks in advance to all who provide any insight Open to all feedback I've been struggling for years.
Whatever1128 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 1. 15 months 2. NEVER (basically for self preservation) 3. Sole Relationship- yes and no- i mean we are both cheaters! 4. His wife DEFINATELY knows! She is giving him a 3rd chance! 5. We don't discuss our outside the hotel room/car/restaurant lives 6. Yes i have seen pictureS and we are TOTAL opposites. I knew her many years ago. We know ALOT of the same people unfortunately. I look at the pictures and wonder how he is so good at looking REALLY happy if he truly is! 1
oliviah Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 1) Current length of relationahip with MM? 1 year, 2 months sexual. (2) Do you say "I Love You"? No but we mutually decided this is what we want. (3) Would you want a sole relationship? The best I ever hae1 (4) Why do you think the wifey either doesnt know about you or turns a blind eye? SHE knows. (5) Does he expect you to be absolutly faithful and date only him? no (6) Have you ever seen your MM & wife together in person or in a photograph? and how does that make you feel? Yes I have and feel guity, and angrey
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