desertsessions Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) I'm sure you guys could back-trace my story on here if you cared enough. I am just kind of confused about some stuff, maybe you guys could enlighten me a bit here. My ex and I had a nasty breakup, we didn't talk for 3 years. Recently, she added me back to facebook and said she'd like to talk (She currently has a bf). I thought what the heck, a talk can't hurt, so we set up a time to talk on facebook. she missed it, but sent me a message later that night, saying she's really sorry she missed our time to talk... but she had to go try to get her boyfriend back after he called it quits. I'm guessing they had some fight. I was fine with that, since i understand how that goes from previous relationships haha. She takes forever to respond, and we've kind of just randomly been chatting through message for the last month. Not a lot or anything, but It's actually been mostly her sending messages to me asking stuff. She told me she'd love to be friends and she was sorry for the way things turned out (She dumped me) but to be fare, i wasn't a very good boyfriend at the time. I also noticed that she blocked me from seeing her status updates on facebook.. which leads me to believe she doesn't want me commenting or liking one of her statues. Probably due to the boyfriend seeing. Is she just talking to me because, her and her current boyfriend aren't doing so well, and she wants someone to talk to? I would never ask her something like that, because that's private, but she said even after 3 years, she still cares about me. I honestly still care about her too, she was an amazing girlfriend. I'm just kind of scared to become friends with her because i feel like I'll fall back in love with her. I've had a little thing in my heart for her that lasted, but didn't with other ex-girlfriends as silly as that sounds. I always had some weird feeling we'd start talking again at some point in time. I'm not one to try and break people up, or sliver in between her and her current boyfriend, so I kind of want to be a bit distant to avoid that at all costs. She's 100% not the cheating type either, she's very devoted to the relationships shes in. I'm just confused by the current interest in wanting to speak with me. It went about a month of no speaking, and i get a message last week from her, asking how often i come to her part of town? I sent a short reply back the next day and haven't heard from her in over a week. What do you guys make of all this? Edited June 8, 2013 by desertsessions
TaraMaiden Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Ooooh dear. Mr back-burner Guy. Mr Option-not-priority. Mr 'soft-place-to-fall' dude..... That's you. Things with current BF? Not so good. Possible space-filler (That's you)? Available. With a little persuasion, he might be a good interim option, until - yet again - she decides to move on.... Honey you are soooo setting yourself up for yet another mighty fall, here. 1
Author desertsessions Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) Trust me, I wouldn't let myself get too involved if we hung out for that exact reason. I know basically what all these things are signs of, and secondly she has a boyfriend... so I'm not even thinking like that. But given we do hang out eventually, do feelings usually come back? I'm just asking because I've never really wanted to hang out with any of my other ex's, and haven't ever. So I don't know how easy it is for feelings to come back, or if they even do? I obviously still have a little bit of feelings for her, but there isn't enough there to do anything about it, which puts me in the safe zone. I'm just curious to here from some people. Is it weird hanging out with an old ex? Does it usually go well? Did you guys become friends out of it? Edited June 8, 2013 by desertsessions
CharlotteX Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I know it's so easy for people to say oh she's just leading you on or feeding you bread crumbs but I can honestly say I have been "her" before in a previous relationship I stayed in contact with an ex throughout. I loved my currant partner a lot but I still had ifs and buts from my previous relationship I would turn to my ex whenever me and the partner were rowing or even on breaks I would go see him. I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt anyone I was guineally so confused I still loved my ex deArly but also loved my bf. me and this ex are still mates now several years on but I no longer feel like that about him. I don't think she's trying to hurt you if anything I think she's wondering about your old relationship x
Jono85 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I know it's so easy for people to say oh she's just leading you on or feeding you bread crumbs but I can honestly say I have been "her" before in a previous relationship I stayed in contact with an ex throughout. I loved my currant partner a lot but I still had ifs and buts from my previous relationship I would turn to my ex whenever me and the partner were rowing or even on breaks I would go see him. I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt anyone I was guineally so confused I still loved my ex deArly but also loved my bf. me and this ex are still mates now several years on but I no longer feel like that about him. I don't think she's trying to hurt you if anything I think she's wondering about your old relationship x ok but relating your situation which could have been TOTALLY different to his, isn't really beneficial. it sounds more like the OP had his ex reconnect out of nowhere after a long period of NC?? your last relationship it sounds like you never fully got over your ex so you continued talking to him throughout your next relationship. these don't seem like the same at all. OP, i think you're trying to be honest with yourself, but you may not be in reality. your title asks is it possible to rekindle after 3 years, yet you later say you're not even thinking about that...sounds like denial. IMO, the fact that she's not really putting much (any?) effort into making you a part of her life, would suggest she's obviously going through some sh*t with the new BF, and it's hurting her ego. she reached out to get a boost (afterall, you still seem open to seeing her and wanting her even though she dumped you years ago). So she IS getting a nice little ego boost from this and knows she's still desirable and has you hooked. Again, i know you're probably thinking you're playing everything cool and safe, but I guarantee you she sees right through that. i feel that girls have an easy way of knowing when they are in power/control. IMO you need to stop with this, and stop making the effort completely. if she messages you, and you don't want to play games (ie. wait 2 weeks to msg her back with something brief) then just tell her you don't think it's a good idea to be friends with her while she's in a relationship. honestly, why go see her?? if you were her boyfriend, would you like your gf meeting up with her ex "as friends". no, you wouldn't. just stay away man. nothing good's going to come of this. if she really still cares about you and has feelings, she'll reach out with some more effort, and most likely after this relationship is over (if that happens). until then, just continue on, and don't pursue this as an option.
Author desertsessions Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Well, like i said Jono, i still care about the girl and I think she still cares about me, she told me she did. I'm a little confused because it seems like her and her current boyfriend are in good terms. I think maybe she has her doubts about her new relationship, and is getting worried. If I had to be honest with myself, I would want her back if I could get her back, but I'm definitely not giving her a whole lot of attention. I respond back a week later mostly. I have not messaged her once since she added me back on facebook. All contact has been brought on by her... I'm just being cordial with her. I too, think women have some kind of sixth sense to know when you're still into them, and for that exact reason. I haven't veered off much into conversation, basically just answering her questions. I don't think she'd hang out with me while dating anyways, she has to much respect for the people she's dating to do that. If she ended up breaking up with her current boyfriend at some point, I think that's the only time I'd hang out with her... because I'd feel like I'm going behind the current boyfriends back or something. I know for a fact, i wouldn't like my girlfriend, going and hanging out with an ex-boyfriend!
Author desertsessions Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) So a little update, i checked in somewhere on facebook randomly. I get a message an hour later from my ex saying she's in the area and she'd like to say hi if I'm up for it. I ended up seeing her at the club, and we talked for a few minutes. It was weird, because for the first time in ages it was just a refreshing talk. It's like none of us even wanted to think about the past or what happened. Just purely happy to see one another, it was nice. I didn't want to chat too long, so i left with a light hug. I still miss her, so I won't be contacting her at all... but who knows, maybe in the future this opens up some doors when/if she ever breaks up with her current boyfriend. I guess I just came back to tell some of you people that are hurting still. I've noticed a lot of negativity on this forum through out the years with people saying cut them out of your life completely. This is true if you're still fresh and can't handle it... But once you get to a stage of being able to accept everything, I say go for it. What's the worst that could happen? I'm not feeling like I got set back or anything. I feel quite good that we put the grudges that we had behind us. Edited July 23, 2013 by desertsessions
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