hedyo Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 So, I had a first date with this guy I had been talking to online this week. I thought we had a pretty good time, and he said he wanted to see me again. He texted me straight after the date, so that I'd have his number, and said "see you soon". However, three days have passed, and I haven't heard anything. I'm worried about seeming too desperate if I text him to ask for a second date, but on the other hand, he seems like a fairly cautious artistic type with limited organizational skills... Since he was the last to text me, might he think that the ball is in my court?
KatZee Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Instead of jumping the gun and asking him out, why don't you try talking to him first? Just send a casual message. 1
BluEyeL Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 No, if he wants to see you, he'll ask you out. You'll just waste your time. 1
crude Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 If you want to see him again you'll ask him out. If he has to repeatedly be the one to ask, then he'd be desperate and probably wasting his time with a stuck-up cold fish. Artistic types are very liberal and don't believe in sexual stereotypes like BluEyeL does. The ball is in your court.
Drseussgrrl Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 If a guy wants to see you again, he will ask you. Too often we women make up excuses for these dudes. "He's shy" or "he's really busy right now". Dude, if a man wants to see you again he'll make it happen. Don't listen to the guys like Crude who haven't had any relationship experience and think women should just fall into his lap with no effort. After all - you want a MAN, don't you? The kind who will go after what he wants and make sh*t happen in his life? I know I do. 2
crude Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 What if a man wants a WOMAN, someone who is willing to go after what SHE wants and does her share? If there's only one active person in the relationship, then there's no relationship, and that's why guys like me are interested in only one thing. I swear there used to be something called the feminist movement, but that's lost on many of the women in here. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 What if a man wants a WOMAN, someone who is willing to go after what SHE wants and does her share? If there's only one active person in the relationship, then there's no relationship, and that's why guys like me are interested in only one thing. I swear there used to be something called the feminist movement, but that's lost on many of the women in here. The feminist movement gave us equal pay in the work force, maternity leave, and the right to vote. If you want a dominant woman who will chase after you, then great. But I think it has more to do with your lack of success in dating and laziness than it does your support of the brand of feminism you subscribe to. I pay my own way in life, successfully, but I sure as sh*t am not going to go calling and texting men such as yourself who can't be bothered to indicate interest.
Casablanca Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 If a guy wants to see you again, he will ask you. Too often we women make up excuses for these dudes. "He's shy" or "he's really busy right now". Dude, if a man wants to see you again he'll make it happen. Don't listen to the guys like Crude who haven't had any relationship experience and think women should just fall into his lap with no effort. After all - you want a MAN, don't you? The kind who will go after what he wants and make sh*t happen in his life? I know I do. What if the man wants to see if the woman is actually interested? There are no rules, OP, just ask him out if you want to see him again
Drseussgrrl Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Sure - go ahead and ask him out. But you'll never really know if he was interested enough in the first place. Also, be prepared to do most of the heavy lifting if this relationship goes anywhere. There are no "rules" but a few hundred years hasn't eradicated the biology of female energy (receptive) and male energy (aggressive). You'll get lots of different responses here, OP, but I'm just telling you what my experience has been in addition to the experiences of all of my real life friends who are in happy, healthy relationships. The dude made no bones about picking up the phone for a lady he really liked. 3
KatZee Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 This is why I suggested just messaging him. I would not ask him on a date at all. In the beginning, he should pursue. It will allow you to gauge his interest level. If you ACCEPT then he can see YOUR interest level. I would just toss out a really short and sweet text. Something cute. It opens the door and it now gives him the chance to either respond and ask you out again, or just ignore your contact. This way you'll know where you stand with this guy without leaping right out of the gate and controlling the relationship.
juicygirl Posted June 8, 2013 Posted June 8, 2013 Did anyone else not pick up on the fact that she said it's been three DAYS, not three weeks, three days. Honey, let the man breathe, it would sound desperate if you start texting demanding another date. If a week passes by and you hear nothing, you've got your answer and his not interested. I'm old school too sorry, I'm into never chase the guy. 2
Casablanca Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Did anyone else not pick up on the fact that she said it's been three DAYS, not three weeks, three days. Honey, let the man breathe, it would sound desperate if you start texting demanding another date. If a week passes by and you hear nothing, you've got your answer and his not interested. I'm old school too sorry, I'm into never chase the guy. So if he called the day after asking for a second date that would make him seem desperate?
BluEyeL Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 I've asked guys and I've messaged guys first before. It DOESN'T work!! If he likes you HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. If he doesn't make it happen, he just doesn't like you enough. He might sleep with you, that is, if you insist If you really want to, knock yourself out, and ask him. In the end, you'll have to go through all the experiences, the time wasted, and the disappointments, to learn for yourself. Don't take it from us.
FitChick Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Give it a week, even ten days. If he is really interested, he will worry that you might be grabbed by some other guy, so will contact you. When he does, be very happy and receptive and do NOT say something like "What took you so long?" If the second date goes well, mention upcoming events and activities that interest you. He might make a mental note or even ask you to go with him before the second date is over.
juicygirl Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 So if he called the day after asking for a second date that would make him seem desperate? No it means he likes her and doesn't want some other guy getting the girl. Don't hate on me, I don't make the rules. If she calls him for the second date she is now the aggressor and men don't like this. He might feel flattered at first coz he got a little ego rub, he might even say yes to the date, but don't be surprised if the day before he starts coming up with excuses about why he can't go and then he slowly disappears from her life. 1
starrynightz45 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 Don't ask him out. But you could send a casual text. Hey, how's it going, how are you, etc. He'll get the hint that you too had a good time. THEN, if he's interested, he will eventually set up another date. But don't ask him. Times have changed yadddddaaa yaddddaa but honestly, don't ask him out on a 2nd date. Save that for much, much later. This early on, let him do it. 1
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