How do I get my ex back?

[youcanever]

Hey pals,

 

I've been dating this girl for 5 months. We had an on and off relationship. I'm crazy about her, but she is not that crazy about me. Even before we broke up she told me, she sees me as a friend more than a bf. And I asked her then why she is with me, and she said she is with me because I support her. That killed me.

 

And then we broke up. Actually she broke up. And there was nothing I could do.

 

I know there is billions of women etc, but I'm still crazy about her. I want her.

 

Relationship ended 2 weeks ago, and I haven't talked to her for 10 days.

 

I'm at rock bottom now. I'm crying all the time, don't enjoy anything. I lost 6 kg, I stopped socializing. I even spent my last 2 days in bad, watching movies and crying.

 

The only good thing happened to me in this last 2 weeks is that I got a new job and it is my dream job. But still I can't focus on it fully and my efficieny is not so good. I'm still thinking about her all the time. I'm creeping on her. Checking her whatsapp status, count of her twitter tweets, her facebook profile picture.

 

Damn, this is just too hard.

 

I'm sure some of you experienced what I'm experiencing now.

 

What should I do? How can I get her back?

 

Thank you.

[RangerJeremiah]

You're not gonna get her back. It's done. Be a man and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Change your attitude, and you will change your life.

[youcanever]

How do you know I can't get her back?

 

There has to be a way.

 

Awful feelings.

[DavidSoBased]

She just doesn't feel the same about you. You have to accept that and move on. Your story is the norm for this site.

[RangerJeremiah]

How do I know?

It's a law of nature. Like gravity. How do I know that if I let go of something I'm holding, it will drop to the ground? I know this because everytime I let go of it, it drops to the ground.

How do I know your girlfriend isn't coming back? Because she's already gone. She's not going to come back unless you change your attitude. Once you completely move on, and completely stop caring, only then will you even have chance. And by then, you will be balls deep in some other girl who you like much better, so that you won't even give a **** that she's come back. That's the beauty of it.

[Ale khun]

I'm very sorry that u feel that way , it hurts like hell when someone makes the decision of breaking up . And all that sadness and crying its normal we've all been there . Lets say its part of the process but .. I don't think there's a way to go back with her . Why ??? Well she was honest with you , she doesn't sees u as a boyfriend , why would you be with someone who has you in the "friend zone " ? With this I'm not saying that you have no chance , I hope I'm wrong but let's face it , the best think you can do now its kill all hope of going back with her it's a long painful process but if you really want to stop feeling sad all day you need to start doing your life and moving on , she is perfectly fine without you I'm sorry I don't want to be cruel but you need to realize that maybe she doesn't want you back it hurts I know but you need to think in you now .

[Giha]

There does not "have to be a way". If she doesn't feel the same, then you can't force it.

Stop stalking her. Block all of her social media profiles\whatever. Don't try to find out about anything in her life. Get out of bed and keep yourself busy with whatever it is you like to do. Pick up a new hobby.

 

Move on, mate.

[youcanever]

Thank you for all your support.

 

Just one thing bothering my mind.

 

We all know success is dedication, and running after what you truly want.

 

I truly want her, I want her to be my gf again, I want her to love me as before.

 

But if I block her away from my life and go to No Contact, and not even try harder. Isn't it giving up?

 

And I know it is a cliche and maybe ı'm talking nonsense, I don't know but, winners doesn't give up.

 

That's why I always blow my brains out to find a way to get her back. I don't want to give up on what I really want.

 

This idea killing me.

[RangerJeremiah]

You don't understand that no amount of obsessing/fixating/pursuing someone is going to attract them to you. As a matter of fact, it will do quite the opposite.

 

You need to go out and meet with some more girls. Nothing helps to heal a broken heart like some good strange.

[youcanever]

You know I have a very weird vibe.

 

My first gf married with the guy she dated after me.

 

My second gf is now engaged with the guy she dated after me.

 

I'm just 23, and my ex gfs are at same age, except this last one. She is 19.

 

I wonder if I'm going to give her a good luck charm as I gave to others and I wonder if she will find her soulmate after me in future.

 

That sucks.

 

I give goodluck charm whomever I have relationship with, but I'm all alone here.Depressing and obsessing.

 

I'm a very very kind, naive guy. Maybe I should change my character and become an *******. I'm not sure if that is possible, but it seem the only way to prevent heartbreak.

 

I really hate relationships now. I don't hate woman, but I have relationships, I hate love, I hate feelings.

 

What I've learnt in my 3 relationships is that, all feelings are fake. They come and go for women. And when they break up, they break up for good and nothings comes back from it.

 

Damn. I'm so bad.

[Giha]

Thank you for all your support.

 

Just one thing bothering my mind.

 

We all know success is dedication, and running after what you truly want.

 

I truly want her, I want her to be my gf again, I want her to love me as before.

 

But if I block her away from my life and go to No Contact, and not even try harder. Isn't it giving up?

 

And I know it is a cliche and maybe ı'm talking nonsense, I don't know but, winners doesn't give up.

 

That's why I always blow my brains out to find a way to get her back. I don't want to give up on what I really want.

 

This idea killing me.

Yeah...when I tried that with my first relationship (before discovering this forum) it blew up in my face. It just hurt 100 times more and I gained nothing.

 

It doesn't work that way. Place yourself in her shoes. If there was a girl you didn't love but she loved you, and you dumped her, is there anything she could do that would make you love her? would chasing and begging change your mind?

 

I know you want her back, but she has made her choice. What you can fight for and chase is a new relationship, a better one, with someone who loves you.

[BC1980]

Thank you for all your support.

 

Just one thing bothering my mind.

 

We all know success is dedication, and running after what you truly want.

 

I truly want her, I want her to be my gf again, I want her to love me as before.

 

But if I block her away from my life and go to No Contact, and not even try harder. Isn't it giving up?

 

And I know it is a cliche and maybe ı'm talking nonsense, I don't know but, winners doesn't give up.

 

That's why I always blow my brains out to find a way to get her back. I don't want to give up on what I really want.

 

This idea killing me.

 

But the thing is this. She doesn't want you back. You are not working together to improve the relationship. You are treating this relationship like it's a race or a test you are studying for. If she sees you as a friends after 5 months, here is the really harsh truth. . . . she probably doesn't love you romantically or feel that intangible love that you just feel in your gut. She's not crazy about you.

 

Also, like some others have said, in relationships, chasing after someone usually pushes them further away. That being said, you really don't have a chance at getting her back. This relationship sounds really uneven, meaning that you are crazy about her, and it's not reciprocated. Nah. No gonna work. You have no choice but to accept it and move on.

[Hockeyguy19]

Thank you for all your support.

 

Just one thing bothering my mind.

 

We all know success is dedication, and running after what you truly want.

 

I truly want her, I want her to be my gf again, I want her to love me as before.

 

But if I block her away from my life and go to No Contact, and not even try harder. Isn't it giving up?

 

And I know it is a cliche and maybe ı'm talking nonsense, I don't know but, winners doesn't give up.

 

That's why I always blow my brains out to find a way to get her back. I don't want to give up on what I really want.

 

This idea killing me.

 

You want that, that's the problem. She doesn't. Trying harder to get her back just pushes her further and further away, trust us on this. You come off as weak and pathetic. Your not giving up by going no contact and letting her go. Your actually winning because your giving her time and space, as well as healing yourself. You need to let go, and if she wants you back, she will find you. That's the only way your going to have any chance at all. If you keep pushing and pushing, your only digging yourself deeper and deeper, believe me on this one

[RangerJeremiah]

"Emotions" are chemicals released by your brain to help facilitate certain biological functions. Reproduction is one of those functions. By releasing certain chemicals, your brain makes you "feel" like you are in "love." Just like if you did some cocaine, your mind would make your body feel high.

Love is just a drug. Unfortunately it's one of the harder drugs to kick/manage effectively.

[youcanever]

I know it will happen, and maybe even it happened but how do I be okay that she will love someone else and she will sleep with him and be very happy with him?

 

This idea make me stop eating, stop socializing, start crying.

 

The idea that she will have sex with another guy is just killing me.

 

Everything is killing me.

 

I know I should accept it and move on. She slept with someone before our relationship, and she will do in future too.

 

It's a terrible idea but it is going to happen.

 

Damn.

 

Thank you for all your support.

 

I'll do my best to do No Contact, and start moving on.

 

She already blocked me on whatsapp and facebook. Should I block her back in whatsapp or just erase her number and not check it?

 

I will do my best to not creep on her. I promise all of you.

 

As you said, if I have a chance, it is only if I move on and change my attitude.

 

I will force myself to do that. I'm not feeling to do it right now. But I'll do it.

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you for all your support.

 

Just one thing bothering my mind.

 

We all know success is dedication, and running after what you truly want.

 

I truly want her, I want her to be my gf again, I want her to love me as before.

 

You don't get it, do you?

She never loved you before. She told you that.

How can you hope to rekindle emotions and feelings - that actually never even existed in the first place?

 

It's like trying to restore a now-green front door, to its original real oak wood - when it was never real oak to begin with!!

 

But if I block her away from my life and go to No Contact, and not even try harder. Isn't it giving up?

Giving what up? Flogging a dead horse? beating your head against the wall? There's nothing to 'give up', there was never anything there to begin with!

 

And I know it is a cliche and maybe ı'm talking nonsense, I don't know but, winners doesn't give up.

Trust me, a winning marathon runner reaching the edge of a precipice - gives up.

 

 

That's why I always blow my brains out to find a way to get her back. I don't want to give up on what I really want.

Yeah.

Sadly, I'm afraid you're going to have to.

See, it's not what She wants.

You can 'want' all you like.

 

If she won't play ball, you'll find playing table tennis on your own is a pretty short-lived game....

[RangerJeremiah]

Do you think she worries about you sleeping with girls in the future? Didn't think so.

 

You really gotta work on loving yourself and getting a little self-confidence. Otherwise all your future relationships will be doomed to the same fate.

[youcanever]

You don't get it, do you?

She never loved you before. She told you that.

How can you hope to rekindle emotions and feelings - that actually never even existed in the first place?

 

It's like trying to restore a now-green front door, to its original real oak wood - when it was never real oak to begin with!!

 

 

Giving what up? Flogging a dead horse? beating your head against the wall? There's nothing to 'give up', there was never anything there to begin with!

 

 

Trust me, a winning marathon runner reaching the edge of a precipice - gives up.

 

 

 

Yeah.

Sadly, I'm afraid you're going to have to.

See, it's not what She wants.

You can 'want' all you like.

 

If she won't play ball, you'll find playing table tennis on your own is a pretty short-lived game....

 

That was harsh but true.

[youcanever]

Do you think she worries about you sleeping with girls in the future? Didn't think so.

 

You really gotta work on loving yourself and getting a little self-confidence. Otherwise all your future relationships will be doomed to the same fate.

 

Actually it does.

 

When we broke up she said "let's break up but let's not date anyone. The idea that you will do the same things with a girl that you have done with me is just hurtfull. You will take her to the places you took me, you will have sex with her. It is very bad feeling. Let's not see anyone after we broke up."

 

That's what she told me.

 

What is that mean? I couldn't understand it.

 

Oh and one more thing.

 

She told me that she love me so much, but she just doesn't feel too much excitement as before.

[Giha]

Actually it does.

 

When we broke up she said "let's break up but let's not date anyone. The idea that you will do the same things with a girl that you have done with me is just hurtfull. You will take her to the places you took me, you will have sex with her. It is very bad feeling. Let's not see anyone after we broke up."

 

That's what she told me.

 

What is that mean? I couldn't understand it.

It means nothing. Do you really believe she won't date anyone? The moment she finds someone new she will date him and sleep with him and she won't stop for a second to think "Maybe I shouldn't, that would hurt my ex. Yeah, I won't do it". No. You owe each other nothing.

Don't fall for this stuff...

[TaraMaiden]

Aw, ignore it.

That's just egotistical and selfish.

See, she strung you along.

She loved the attention, sucked up your adoration.

She knew all along she didn't feel the same way about you, that you felt for her.

But she liked the attention, and let you hang on for a good long while.

 

But it's possible that now she's had her eye caught by another guy... or realises that with you around she can't think of dating anyone else....

so she's 'broken up with you'.

 

However, if she doesn't find someone else, she will probably want to come back for some more flattery, validation and puppy adoration from you.

And of course, if you're dating someone else, she can't have that, can she??

 

Ignore it.

 

Do your own thing and date whoever you want.

 

She doesn't OWN you.

 

Don't give her an inch and let her dictate to you what you can and can't do - ONCE YOU'RE BROKEN UP!!

[youcanever]

It means nothing. Do you really believe she won't date anyone? The moment she finds someone new she will date him and sleep with him and she won't stop for a second to think "Maybe I shouldn't, that would hurt my ex. Yeah, I won't do it". No. You owe each other nothing.

Don't fall for this stuff...

 

You are right. My second ex told me this too but as I found out, she already started seeing someone 2 days before she broke up with me.

 

Awesome huh?

[youcanever]

Aw, ignore it.

That's just egotistical and selfish.

See, she strung you along.

She loved the attention, sucked up your adoration.

She knew all along she didn't feel the same way about you, that you felt for her.

But she liked the attention, and let you hang on for a good long while.

 

But it's possible that now she's had her eye caught by another guy... or realises that with you around she can't think of dating anyone else....

so she's 'broken up with you'.

 

However, if she doesn't find someone else, she will probably want to come back for some more flattery, validation and puppy adoration from you.

And of course, if you're dating someone else, she can't have that, can she??

 

Ignore it.

 

Do your own thing and date whoever you want.

 

She doesn't OWN you.

 

Don't give her an inch and let her dictate to you what you can and can't do - ONCE YOU'RE BROKEN UP!!

 

When you wrote this, I realised I told some stuff absent.

 

At our last meeting, she told me all these that she see me as a friend, doesn't feel too much excitement and stuff. And I told her let's break up then. She said no and she said no let's not break up 5-6 times, she hugged me a lot, she kissed me. But even we were splitting up, she said let's not break up, maybe we can do it. And I said no. You see me as a friend. This kills me. You don't love me.

 

That night I saw her in my dream and in morning I wrote her that let's try things out. And she said, she doesn't want. She said "you are right, I saw you in my dream too, and I spent my night reading forums. My feeligns are over for you I guess. I told you that I see you as a friend. That is bad. I doN't want a relationship. Maybe in future but not now."

 

And after that I begged her. She said "never ever write me or call me." and she never answered my texts or calls. And I've been doing 10 days NC now.

 

Maybe it was my fault and I shouldn't give up on her when she told me she see me as a friend.

 

But on the other hand she treated me so bad last 2-3 weeks.

 

She always responded my texts late. She was replying my friend's text in quick timeline but not mine. She couldn't find time to meet me even I work harder than her and I find time for her.

 

And one week before our break up she started to act so weird and always found nonsense stuff to argue with me.

 

After I got my dream job, she told me she wants to meet more, I should quit my job and stuff. But I said I can find time for you every night if you want. She was okay meeting me once a week before. And changed when I got my new job.

 

She even told me she is so selfish and you can never make her do things that she doesn't want to do. But I did lots of stuff for her I didn't want or even I was so tired.

 

Anyway, this is my story.

 

I've done some wrong stuff too. I accept it. And I don't blame her for anything. I forgive her. I still love her. I want her to be happy. Just I still want her but I won't run after her anymore.

 

As you pals say, it is time to move on.

 

Hopefully.

Edited June 8, 2013 by youcanever

[scorpio1978]

I don't want to say this in a condescending manner, but I feel like saying "you poor, sweet boy". Seriously, I felt the anguish reading your posts, but here is the thing...she blocked you. Who does that?? She blocked you so you cannot interact with her. That's pretty rotten. The writing is on the wall, love. The best you can do is move on. Living well is the best revenge. I KNOW it's hard. I am nursing my own broken heart, but you HAVE to. You have no choice. I am not saying this is done forever. Stranger things have happened, but you have to give her space. Give her space and do not initiate contact. Make her wonder what you are doing and wonder why you haven't been in touch with her. That's the only way. Ignore to get attention, get it?

[Antares]

Hey man,

 

I know it's rough. Right now you're trying to analyze her actions and words and it's all so confusing. But there's only one thing to understand in this situation as it currently stands and that is that she's done. After just 5 months she realized that she never really saw you in a romantic sense. I know that sucks.

 

I was just seeing a girl for a few months and she broke up with me 30 some odd days ago. Been NC since that very phone call. She admitted that she had feelings for me and was attracted to me and yet it still didn't work for her. She knew that we both couldn't be just friends.

 

Sounds confusing, right? Nope.

 

Breakups always seem so hard to understand - but they're really not. If someone is pulling/running away from you they're letting you know in the most basic sense that they don't want to be with you. And most people - the dumper and the dumpee - end up covering up that simple thing with lots of excuses, fancy words or reasons, explanations, lies, or hope.

 

In your case, there's no real use fighting for this one. And I understand. I'm a fighter too. I like to fix things. I give it my all. But you can't fight for someone who's backing away; all you end up doing is swinging at yourself. Spend your time fighting for those who want to be with you, not away from you.

 

If you fight for her now, it'll upset her, push her further away and stall your own healing. From her point of view, this relationship is dead. Right now you're trying to drag it along, keep it going, but it's dead and it's beginning to stink up the place. It's now a ghost and it's gonna start haunting you both. Let it rest.

 

Accept her decision - even if it hurts - and go NC.

 

I'm doing the same thing myself. Today was my ex's bday. A small part of me so wanted to say something. But I didn't. Because I know better.